Y3 top performing child doing at leat an hour extra work set my parent after school Aibu to be surprised/pissed off?

[Starzinhereyes]

Dd has a nice little friend who by all accounts is away ahead of her classmates. This child is always chosen for play parts, was constantly praised on zoom 😬& is just known as the classes naturally talented kids.... However the child does numerous workbooks, twinkl worksheets & parents extend every bit of learning... The mum (V wealthy sahm) freely talks about extending the child... Aibu to think there is no need for the mother to spend an extra hour a day giving the child extension work?

Poor kid. But not something for you to stress over. Focus on giving your kids a nice time after school.

Oh and dd 2 has tutors because she needs them...

Not your child, not your business.

The great thing about parenting is that, to a large degree, we all get to decide what sort of parents we want to be and how involved we want to be in our children's education. Yes, we can't all be SAHMs but we can help our children in the evenings and at weekends if we think this is a good use of our time.

There is a trade-off between being involved and encouraging independence and resilience, but the right balance will be different for different parents and children. What works for one family may not work for another.

I voted YABU. You should ask yourself why you feel this way. Is it that you don’t have the time or inclination to provide your own DC with additional work? Or is it that the other child is doing better than yours?
Everyone does parenting differently and in the end you have to do what is best for your child, and don’t compare them with others. The most important thing is to ensure that they are happy at home and at school and with their own achievements.

My DD is extremely bright. She doesn’t do ‘extra’ work but will happily spend her time doing 1000 piece jigsaws, puzzles, playing online scrabble and chess. She also reads for at least an hour before going to sleep. DS does none of these things. Some children need/want the extra stimulation.

Jealous much? The NC is a narrow one size fits all and was NOT created to encourage a love of learning, I think it's great this woman is encouraging her child to stretch/expand their learning.

Oh and I’m not at SAHM. I’m a full time teacher and my children go to wraparound from 7.30-5.30 so I don’t make them ‘work’ when they come home.

I've always done a lot of 'extension' with mine, but rarely sit-down worksheets and the like, more lots and lots of reading, museums , fun experiments, conversations about all sorts of phenomena. I would have thought a lot of parents do, with varying emphases. I think there is a bit of an unnecessary workbook-wielding parental culture in some circles, but as long as it doesn't become extreme, it's just one of those emphases parents choose.

I couldn't get exercised about this. I suspect it'll all come out in the wash. There's clearly something about this parent's situation and actions that is pushing your buttons, and maybe that needs looking it.

So you are annoyed you think the child is ahead because she is hot housed, not because of natural talent?
You maybe right, or you maybe wrong. But as long as the child is happy to do the extra work, there's nothing wrong.
If you are annoyed by her being ahead with extra work, why don't you set the work for your dc so she can have the level playing field? Otherwise, it's definitely none of your concern.

When I was that age, extra maths would have been my idea of heaven. What exactly do you think the issue is?

If your child loves to do something why not encourage it?

DD loves history. Loves history books. Loves NT and EH sites, and museums. So we help her!

It is this mentality in Britain that bright people are only bright by design and absolutely cannot and will not study more than others. Everything has to be effortless. I hate to break it to you it is not how it works. At some point in school students that succeed and are very bright by all accounts are ALSO THE ONES who work really hard. You can't get A at A level by doing nothing*

So true, I read this book when my DC1 was in year 2, also working with the children of first generation immirgrants changed my mindset completely. If she wants her daughter to suceed she is doing the right thing.

What's wrong with nurturing a curious mind?
What's wrong with facilitating a child to reach their full potential?
Similarly what's wrong with noting the mother is a wealthy SAHM?

Sounds as though the child will go far due to a combination of her natural talent and nurturing at home.

It’s absolutely none of your business how this mother parents her child unless she is abusing her. She isn’t though, and there’s a very real possibility that this little girl likes doing the extra work. It’s not something I would do with mine but I’ve made plenty of parenting decisions other people are probably at so meh.

I do accept the world has changed massively in those 10 years, but I thought about all the global economy and how hard the 7 year olds in Singapore were working......

@KeyboardWorriers

Some very bright children genuinely love being extended. I did lots of workbooks and extra tuition as a child because I enjoyed it. My son is the same. He does some extra maths classes for the sheer pleasure of it.

I was the same for English and Biology...Couldn't get enough! Some kids just love learning if a subject interests them.

A very financially hard up family I know {6 kids} had all of them get scholarships to top academic schools just because they loved learning.
It was just naturally in them.

They were hard up because of the father's profession, but it was a lovely Edwardian house they lived in, with stables, smack bang next to Richmond Park. Poor, but had a lovely life {I was so jealous of them as a child } :)

There is a definite belief that intelligence and academic competence is natural and not the result of hard work. We spend so long teaching children how they learn in order to try to break through this.

Of course it's absolutely fine that this parent is doing more with her child. It's the legal responsibility of the parent to ensure their child is educated and sending them to school for the National Curriculum is only part of fulfilling this duty. Personally, I don't think I'd want to focus on additional worksheets and would instead opt for visits, educational discussions and challenges, life skills, etc. but it's normal to be doing something.

Tbh you just sound jealous of the mum and the dd rather than have any concern for the dd.

So what? My child has always been bright and I used to give her stuff at home because she loved it. Also if there is a natural gift, why not encourage it?

I'm sorry. Your post comes over as very bitchy.

I've had people make snide comments to me over doing daily reading in the school holidays - like it's cheating! DS loves learning. It's an easy activity for him to do while I'm making dinner or doing the cleaning. Hard work is an important skill IMO. Everyone I know from school who was successful had a combination of being naturally bright (but maybe not the brightest), working hard and having parents who took their schooling seriously. Sadly lots of my very bright peers weren't pushed by the school and have very few opportunities now in life.

Why do you care?

When I was about 8, my dad sat me down and did maths with me every night. I had no interest in school work until then. After few weeks of doing this, I suddenly clicked and found joy in learning. I asked them to buy books and workbooks. Suddenly everything about school become interesting and learning at school became so much fun.
That was best thing that my parents did for me.

@battleaxe2000

It is this mentality in Britain that bright people are only bright by design and absolutely cannot and will not study more than others. Everything has to be effortless. I hate to break it to you it is not how it works. At some point in school students that succeed and are very bright by all accounts are ALSO THE ONES who work really hard. You can't get A at A level by doing nothing*

So true, I read this book when my DC1 was in year 2, also working with the children of first generation immirgrants changed my mindset completely. If she wants her daughter to suceed she is doing the right thing.

Very true. All those who do well at school HAVE to put the work in.

At College there was a 'Mature' student. He bombed his GCSE's.

However, he re-took them and did four 'A' Levels....and grit four grade A's {The highest grade in those non modular days}
He was very modest, a lovely person, and I asked him how he could have 'Bombed' his GCSE's and then got all those lovely 'A' Grades.

He simply said ''At school I wasn't interested''.

So he clearly had the innate potential but he hadn't activated it as a schoolchild.
It was later, in his early Twenties he turned himself around.

He's probably a plant science specialist now. Good for him.

Good for them! Brilliant the mum has the time, motivation and ability to offer these extension activities.

Some kids love doing extra work and just want to learn more - other kids don't. None of your business, really...