Page 9 | My DH has bought me a gift...

Sunshinesandice · 2021-04-15T11:58:55+00:00

My husband was acting a little strange around me yesterday - shrugged it off and let it go.. This morning he presented me with a gift , a pair of thigh high bondage lace up platform pole dancing boots. He gets off on the way they look and wants me to wear them in the bedroom. I am bit speechless if I’m honest. I’m not sure how to even react.. it’s so not me at all , if anything I’m cringing so badly. But he is my husband and I understand he’s trying to make more of an effort with us in that department... How do I let him down nicely ..

Cccc1111 · 15/04/2021 18:56

Wear them for him once, he won’t ever want you to wear them again. He’ll soon learn reality isn’t like in porn films and arty pics when people wear them. Reality is they’ll rub and stick to his skin, and rip against it, and hurt him. Loads of stuff will be really awkward because you won’t be able to bend your legs properly, and he’ll have to do most of the work. And he’ll probably get a few injuries from the heels.

Deathgrip · 15/04/2021 18:57

@rwalker

Can't get over the level of aggression in some of theses replies .You'd think he'd marched in with a lubed up dildo the size of a traffic cone.

Be honest give them a go if you feel comfortable if not don't.

To me there’s not really any difference.

If he wanted her to use something like that when she’d never expressed any interest in it, I would expect him to discuss it before buying it with the expectation of using it on her.

I don’t really see this differently, clearly they’re not just shoes or she could wear any shoes, and he wouldn’t be “too embarrassed” to have asked before buying them.

For some people, a pair of thigh high boots might be inconsequential. Others wouldn’t want to do it. He would know which side she fell if he’d bothered to ask.

The idea that you must be prudish if you wouldn’t appreciate your partner buying something and expecting you to wear it without at least floating the idea first is downright odd.

RampantIvy · 15/04/2021 18:58

I think I would probably say "You trying to fulfill your fantasies and objectify me is a massive turn off for me. This isn't going to achieve what you want"

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 15/04/2021 18:59

Are they any good for gardening?

RampantIvy · 15/04/2021 18:59

And "pull my nightie down when you have finished"

goldielockdown2 · 15/04/2021 19:03

Yes, devlesko, men have affairs because some women won't give in to sex they really don't want especially if it's objectifying and are assertive enough to say so. Of course.

Blue you sound repulsed by your OH, you don't have to be with him you know.

Blueuggboots · 15/04/2021 19:05

You're not married and you're "having to work on things" in the bedroom.....I'd be considering where I went with that...

Original poster

Sunshinesandice · 15/04/2021 19:09

@Blueuggboots

You're not married and you're "having to work on things" in the bedroom.....I'd be considering where I went with that...

I didn’t say we were working on things ? I just said it seemed DH might be trying to make more of an effort , hence me being shocked as we have a good regular sex life .

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osbertthesyrianhamster · 15/04/2021 19:12

He spent £140 on them and it's not your thing! Once he knew that, wouldn't 'I'll send them back' be appropriate? I wouldn't want my husband to even 'try them on' if he didn't want to, and no, he doesn't need to try something 'to see if he likes it', he's an adult human being who can make up his own mind as to what he likes without doing something he's not comfortable with.

EveningOverRooftops · 15/04/2021 19:21

I think you might need a proper convo about his fantasy.

Is it JUST the heels or are the heels the start?

If it’s the heels getting them out every now an again isn’t a terrible thing and could be negotiated if you’re comfortable.

If it’s the tip of the iceberg and hes fantasies about latex and other toys etc then you need to really address this as they don’t go away and he’ll either never mention it to you again and seek it other ways or keep pressuring you and your relationship will be on the line.

Talking from experience here.

Devlesko · 15/04/2021 19:27

[quote goldielockdown2 ]Yes, devlesko, men have affairs because some women won't give in to sex they really don't want especially if it's objectifying and are assertive enough to say so. Of course.

Blue you sound repulsed by your OH, you don't have to be with him you know.
[/quote]
Yes, and some men have affairs because their partners won't meet them half way.
We enjoy stuff like this, but never sat down and had a convo about it, you just evolve, try new things, broaden your horizons.
Oh, and I buy stuff for him, too.
Everything women don't like isn't always the fault of a man.
Me and dh didn't set out to do half the things we have, sometimes it's good to consider the others pov, from both sides.

S111n20 · 15/04/2021 19:28

@cutebutscary

He will get the message if you treat yourself to a sturdy 9" strap on that YOU have been wanting to try for a while on him 😉 that should shut him up 😜

Omg that’s brilliant 😂😂😂 @cutebutscary

spongedog · 15/04/2021 19:39

I would be asking where he had seen these- that "He gets off on the way they look". You've had some good advice above but deal with the marriage and finances first partic as you have DC, then this stuff later.

Original poster

Sunshinesandice · 15/04/2021 19:40

@spongedog

I would be asking where he had seen these- that "He gets off on the way they look". You've had some good advice above but deal with the marriage and finances first partic as you have DC, then this stuff later.

Porn videos

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Rainallnight · 15/04/2021 19:44

ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY POUNDS?!

iMatter · 15/04/2021 19:47

He sounds fabulous

I bet you can't wait to marry him

badacorn · 15/04/2021 19:51

Men don’t respect women who dress like that. I’d be upset to be asked to wear them

There’s a continuum of sexy clothes, it doesn’t have to go straight to platform stripper boots. Stick to what you are comfortable with

GreyhoundG1rl · 15/04/2021 19:52

Porn videos
Are you happy with this?

Deathgrip · 15/04/2021 19:53

Porn videos

Shocker. Please take care OP - I have no idea what your relationship is like, but my issues with my abusive ex started in a very similar way. Once I was comfortable and sort of tied in, things like this started. It was never a discussion. It was always sprung on me. It started out with things that seem small but it was him testing the waters. I was basically like a frog in a boiling pot. I also got the “too embarrassed” line which was total shite.

So perhaps it will just be the boots - but if you’re describing them as “bondage boots” and he’s got the idea from a certain type of porn, it’s a pretty safe guess that the boots are just the start.

Personally I wouldn’t put them on. I would tell him that, if there are things he wants to try, he should ask you first. If things turn up without a discussion, that feels coercive and you will not respond positively.

I would also want a detailed discussion of his sexual preferences / kinks and use of porn before getting married. I was incredibly naive to all this then and didn’t think porn was a big deal but I had no idea the severity of the stuff he was looking at. I imagined some 80s VHS content - the reality was very different.

It seems some women here don’t understand that some other women don’t want to be objectified by the person they are marrying. Fine if that’s what you like in your own sex life but not enjoying this doesn’t mean someone is prudish. Not everyone wants that sort of sexual relationship and there’s nothing wrong with that.

1boo1 · 15/04/2021 19:55

Ridiculous 😂 as others have said, the aggression and offense on some of these posts is crazy..

And yes what's wrong with doing something to give someone else pleasure? Especially someone you love? It's not anything harmful.. And what's wrong with trying?
I don't particularly LOVE giving blowjobs as I don't get much personal pleasure out of it but doesn't mean I wouldn't do it ffs 😅 what a boring world we would live in if we only did things for others for self satisfaction!!

OP do whatever you feel comfortable with, at least he's been open and honest about a fantasy.. And if you don't feel comfortable can always return them and buy something else together 😊

1boo1 · 15/04/2021 19:57

Above was in reply to @osbertthesyrianhamster

Original poster

Sunshinesandice · 15/04/2021 19:58

Fine with the pork, as this is a thing he did prior to us being together and he has always been open about it , and it doesn’t get in the way of us as a couple or our relationship.

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Original poster

Sunshinesandice · 15/04/2021 19:58

Porn 🤣🤣🤣🤣

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osbertthesyrianhamster · 15/04/2021 20:06

@1boo1

Ridiculous 😂 as others have said, the aggression and offense on some of these posts is crazy..

And yes what's wrong with doing something to give someone else pleasure? Especially someone you love? It's not anything harmful.. And what's wrong with trying?
I don't particularly LOVE giving blowjobs as I don't get much personal pleasure out of it but doesn't mean I wouldn't do it ffs 😅 what a boring world we would live in if we only did things for others for self satisfaction!!

OP do whatever you feel comfortable with, at least he's been open and honest about a fantasy.. And if you don't feel comfortable can always return them and buy something else together 😊

Because wouldn't you, seeing as you love them, speak to them first about it all before springing it on them? I had an ex who was into anal play (on himself). He didn't just show up with a dildo and say, 'Peg me!', he brought it up to see if I was interested first because, his words, 'I don't want to be with anyone who isn't totally comfortable with participating in it'. And also what it was he wanted and 'safe' words when he'd had enough. Not frame it all as a gift to me. Hell, I even had a fling with another guy like that. How hard is it, 'Could you do X?' 'Yeah, sure, do you want . . . ?' or 'How far do you want Y to go? Do you like Z practice?' or 'No, thanks,' and move on.

Nothing prudish about it. 'What do you think about . . . ' isn't that the mature, respectful thing to ask?

osbertthesyrianhamster · 15/04/2021 20:09

Even fling guy offered to do the same on me. You know, spoke to me about it. I'm not into that and he was like, 'Fine, that's all right.' I was fine giving it and he was happy enough to receive it (I also love giving blowjobs).

As for you're a prude or uptight or responsible for infidelity, that's just straight up misogyny.