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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DH has bought me a gift...

319 replies

Sunshinesandice · 15/04/2021 12:58

My husband was acting a little strange around me yesterday - shrugged it off and let it go..

This morning he presented me with a gift , a pair of thigh high bondage lace up platform pole dancing boots. He gets off on the way they look and wants me to wear them in the bedroom.

I am bit speechless if I’m honest. I’m not sure how to even react.. it’s so not me at all , if anything I’m cringing so badly. But he is my husband and I understand he’s trying to make more of an effort with us in that department...

How do I let him down nicely ..

OP posts:
Devlesko · 15/04/2021 17:20

Aw, buy him something similar. At least he wants to look at you wearing them and not some porn star.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 15/04/2021 17:22

@Devlesko

Aw, buy him something similar. At least he wants to look at you wearing them and not some porn star.
So blow more money on stuff that doesn't even turn you on? Hmm Gees, what a compliment, as least he wants you to dress like a sex worker and perform for him, OP, rather than watch more porn.
harknesswitch · 15/04/2021 17:26

Do they come in his size? If he likes them so much tell him to wear them

viccytwiffy · 15/04/2021 17:26

he's your husband!! put them on and have fun!!!

osbertthesyrianhamster · 15/04/2021 17:29

@viccytwiffy

he's your husband!! put them on and have fun!!!
So we should all do whatever the other wants even if it makes you uncomfortable or you outright hate it? Hmm
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 15/04/2021 17:33

Does he spend much time in pole-dancing clubs then, OP? Yuck!

If you haven't expressed an interest in this sort of thing then what is he thinking?

GladAllOver · 15/04/2021 17:34

If there is a problem with your sex life you need to resolve it before the wedding you have planned

osbertthesyrianhamster · 15/04/2021 17:34

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Does he spend much time in pole-dancing clubs then, OP? Yuck!

If you haven't expressed an interest in this sort of thing then what is he thinking?

And tons of people appear to have £140+ to throw out on utter crap.
1boo1 · 15/04/2021 17:40

I'd just wear them and go with it 🤷🏼‍♀️ no harm done? I'd try anything once and if it makes him feel good it will likely make you feel good too?

Quite shocked at the harsh responses of people saying they would tell him to F off.. He's trying to be open with you and like you say making effort in that department

osbertthesyrianhamster · 15/04/2021 17:44

@1boo1

I'd just wear them and go with it 🤷🏼‍♀️ no harm done? I'd try anything once and if it makes him feel good it will likely make you feel good too?

Quite shocked at the harsh responses of people saying they would tell him to F off.. He's trying to be open with you and like you say making effort in that department

Yeah, like blowing £140 on something she doesn't like or want, but hey, all about making Him feel good. If he was trying to be open with her he'd have bloody talked to her before presenting her with an extremely expensive piece of crap.
Osirus · 15/04/2021 17:46

I think you should tell your boyfriend the truth OP. You’re not keen (but maybe willing to try them on, and it you still hate them, definitely no?).

Relationships, especially sexual ones, are about give and take and sometimes we do things we may not find particularly arousing FOR them. You’ll get the same in return, hopefully.

If not, and your boyfriend is no good in bed, I probably wouldn’t want to be stuck with him for life!

Devlesko · 15/04/2021 17:47

@1boo1

I'd just wear them and go with it 🤷🏼‍♀️ no harm done? I'd try anything once and if it makes him feel good it will likely make you feel good too?

Quite shocked at the harsh responses of people saying they would tell him to F off.. He's trying to be open with you and like you say making effort in that department

It answers the age old question of why men have affairs. Not the OP, but some of the responses, what prudes Grin
Trytrytryasimight · 15/04/2021 17:49

It's either a turn on for you or it isn't. That simple really - if it is, go for it if you don't think it would turn you on but say no thank you, give him a polite no thank you but what could we get that would turn us both on.

JustSleepAlready · 15/04/2021 17:50

Apparently suggesting you wear them is a crime! Talk to him. You’re not on the same wavelength at all. You can’t marry a man who is going to bury his desires all his life to please you. And you will always question if your sex life is too vanilla for him. If you guys can’t have a conversation about this, why the hell are you getting married?

Original poster
Sunshinesandice · 15/04/2021 17:50

Ok sorry guys been super busy today with DS. So to not drip feed;

  • there is no backstory to this thread
  • we have a great regular sex life
  • we are sexually compatible
  • he has since told me it is a sexual fantasy of his which he was a bit embarrassed to tell me ... and he was worried about asking me so just bought the boots anyway to see my reaction ( his own money not the joint account ) he wants to see what I look like in them..

I have gave it some thought, the idea still isn’t particularly appealing to me , but I’m going to go as far as trying them on.. this will happen later when DS is in bed.

OP posts:
randomer · 15/04/2021 17:50

Gosh Op , you must be very bored today.

Original poster
Sunshinesandice · 15/04/2021 17:52

@randomer

Gosh Op , you must be very bored today.
Pardon? 🤣🤣
OP posts:
toocold54 · 15/04/2021 18:00

he has since told me it is a sexual fantasy of his which he was a bit embarrassed to tell me ... and he was worried about asking me so just bought the boots anyway to see my reaction ( his own money not the joint account ) he wants to see what I look like in them..

I’m glad it’s started a convo about it. In future hopefully he’ll be more honest and open so he can tell you before he buys them so he doesn’t waste his money if it’s not your thing.
I would definitely take this opportunity to do something you’ve been wanting to try too.

Mrsmadevans · 15/04/2021 18:07
Grin
Deathgrip · 15/04/2021 18:12

@Sunshinesandice

Ok sorry guys been super busy today with DS. So to not drip feed;
  • there is no backstory to this thread
  • we have a great regular sex life
  • we are sexually compatible
  • he has since told me it is a sexual fantasy of his which he was a bit embarrassed to tell me ... and he was worried about asking me so just bought the boots anyway to see my reaction ( his own money not the joint account ) he wants to see what I look like in them..

I have gave it some thought, the idea still isn’t particularly appealing to me , but I’m going to go as far as trying them on.. this will happen later when DS is in bed.

Too embarrassed to tell you, but not too embarrassed to buy them, frame them as a gift to you and coerce you into wearing them when you still don’t really want to...

Good luck, OP.

rwalker · 15/04/2021 18:27

Can't get over the level of aggression in some of theses replies .You'd think he'd marched in with a lubed up dildo the size of a traffic cone.

Be honest give them a go if you feel comfortable if not don't.

GreyhoundG1rl · 15/04/2021 18:29

Too embarrassed to tell you, but not too embarrassed to buy them, frame them as a gift to you and coerce you into wearing them when you still don’t really want to...
Indeed.

somuchpainouch · 15/04/2021 18:37

@KVIIIlyne

Your name is not Bree? Grin
Grin
toocold54 · 15/04/2021 18:42

Can't get over the level of aggression in some of theses replies .You'd think he'd marched in with a lubed up dildo the size of a traffic cone.

Be honest give them a go if you feel comfortable if not don't.

I completely agree! I’m surprised no one has said to LTB yet!

They are shoes - he’s not brought the next door neighbour around for a threesome! If you don’t like something just say so, it’s no big deal. You are meant to be able to communicate with your partner.

I don’t know anyone even the most prudish of people who haven’t brought their other half something to wear in the bedroom.

Blue4YOU · 15/04/2021 18:51

Why is it sordid (to pp)?
I’m the one in our relationship that prefers the “weird” stuff - it helps me dissociate a bit which can help with stressful times and I’d be up for that a few times a year.
On the other hand my OH is lazy, unimaginative (was fantastic when we met), a prick in general, and into anal (giving and receiving) which is so fucking YAWN I’d die from happiness if he bought me boots rather than something he might sneakily shove up his arse!
Sorry TMI.
But OP you probably need to either say no to spontaneous purchases of this kind and have the conversation... or, don’t marry!
Kinks/fetishes don’t go away!