He has met someone else hasn't he?

[walkigonsuncc]

2 months ago (after a awful relationship) I started speaking to a man on tinder.
We exchanged numbers and straight away started speaking a lot.
Before work,during work after work etc.
He added me to Instagram and sometimes we would be chatting at the same time on both.

We had our first date 3 weeks ago after a month of chatting.
It went really well and we never stopped talking and laughing.

Straight after the date he rang me and he we spoke on the phone for a hour and he asked me out Again.
We arranged this Friday,so I booked the table and paid £20 deposit (outdoor drinks ,put they need deposits to secure table )
He was excited and talked about what drinks he fancied.
He was tagging me in posts about the place etc.

He would ring me most days after work for a hour,sometimes twice in one night.
He spoke about how his nephews were going to love me,told me he wanted to come with me whilst I pick a car (as I'm too nice and they will try and rip me off )
He is offered to pick me up from work as my car broke down.
Set an alarm every morning at 4am to text me good morning before my job started.

Last Thursday he text and asked if I wanted to grab a coffee (I said no as I was so busy that day)
He said no problem and was excited for Friday.
I was also so excited.
I thought at last I had met a nice guy.

Then Saturday I felt a change.
He wasn't chatting,no texts,no phone calls.
I tried texting but he would read and not reply for a few hours (I could just tell )
Sunday I spoke about our next date and how we would freeze in the beer garden..he replied ha.
He also was posting topless pics on his insta story (as though he was trying to impress someone )
Then he tagged a girl in his story of a song.

Monday he text "hi sorry I'm not ready to date after my ex broke my heart ,hopefully you understand,can you please delete my number"
I was shocked and text asking what I had done.
He said "it's me not you"
Then I said "you've done a 360 overnight"
He said he hadn't and had been thinking about it for a few days.
Then he blocked me on everything just like that gone.

My gut instinct told me check tinder ..there he was,with new pics (pics he sent me two weeks earlier )
Later in the day his profile was gone.

So my gut says,he started talking to someone new who he obviously preferred..I'm assuming the girl he tagged.
She was tanned,huge boobs,posing on a bed with legs spread etc (so clearly caught his eye )
How intense with me (over 2000 texts in two months ) will be what she's getting.

I'm upset (I know it was only 1 date) but everything was so intense.
Now he's gone just like that.

Aibu to think that's what's happened ?

The bloke I was chatting with posted on his Facebook bio that "I'm a great guy with a fulfilled life." Even that seems peculiar.

I'm 35 as well so should have known better than this.
Like others have pointed out,he didn't know me so how could he judge a future.
I just wish I hadn't of enjoyed talking to him as much as I did.
He clearly doesn't even miss chatting with me.
It's shit to be that disposable

Ugh. He moved far too fast. His nephews would love you?????!!! Wtf?

Definitely a lucky escape.

I'm a year older than you and I was taken in. I too wish I hadn't have felt happy with the chats. Trying to remember they're a fake rather than blame shortcomings in yourself is the way ahead even though it's tough. It's them with the personality issue not you me or all the other women who encounter these samples.

Age is irrelevant when knowing better! Believe me. I’ve made numerous mistakes and still continue to and I’m nearly 40.

You were emotionally invested in this man. He’s been an arsehole and that hurts - regardless of it’ being 1 date. You had all that phone/text contact and that can be very intense and its nice as it’s going along. Like I say, I’ve been here. It’ really is shite afterwards.xx

@walkigonsuncc

I guess that's the thing with online dating...we are disposable fast. There so much choice.

This is absolutely the case

It’s honestly not personal, don’t take it at all personally

And 35? Sweetheart, I had NO idea how to navigate any crap like this! Took me a disaster with my ds dad (who I met about age 32) and the slow recovery from 10 years with this arse, to work through the OLD stuff

It’s hard

I personally wouldn’t recommend the OLD thread, FAR too much really bad self image and self doubting crap, far better to stick to your own threads and get replies from people who’ve been through it and come out the other side.

There is nothing wrong with you love, this is all on him

What an awful lot of emotional investment into a man you don't know. It just sounds crazy, the whole thing. There's no need for all this full on nonsense at all.

I'd spend time alone to work on your boundaries and honestly, if a man is setting an alarm to text you good morning at 4am, this isn't something to be encouraged. It's not romantic - it's creepy

Just move on, don't pester him or try and send smart comments - gather yourself together and take it a lot slower next time around. Nobody needs to be talking over two different social platforms at once for starters

The thing that's annoying me is if he was unsure if we had a "connection" wait till after the organised date.
Don't blow me out after two months chatting 3 days before our date.
It's annoyed me.

He sounds fake and not very bright.

I think for a while you will miss the highs involved in all the contact you had, but that will get better.

The person you can’t really miss as you didn’t know him IMO. Plus he sounds horrible so why would you miss him.

I went on some dates with someone a year ago and was equally invested. He also future faked a bit. He then moved on and for a while it hurt a lot. But that didn’t last more than a few weeks - the hurt.

I still follow him on Instagram and don’t know why I was so invested in someone I didn’t know and who I would not now get together with. I think it was more about the fantasy I was turning him into.

@CherryPieEyes

What an awful lot of emotional investment into a man you don't know. It just sounds crazy, the whole thing. There's no need for all this full on nonsense at all.

I'd spend time alone to work on your boundaries and honestly, if a man is setting an alarm to text you good morning at 4am, this isn't something to be encouraged. It's not romantic - it's creepy

Just move on, don't pester him or try and send smart comments - gather yourself together and take it a lot slower next time around. Nobody needs to be talking over two different social platforms at once for starters

Cherry I think the OP realises that, and now so do I. I had this sort of experience but I wasn't doing online dating. This was a man who I connected with for research, and he did all this "good morning beautiful" "hitting the sack sweetheart" stuff on a daily basis. A bit later than 4am, though! Not being aware of this site, nor OLD 'mores' as I wasn't 'dating', I thought he was really into me and I was delighted. I imagined I was the first thing he thought of in the morning and I thought it was cute.

But I am disturbed that so many guys seem to do this. Is it some sort of code? Do they all decide it in advance? How do they know to do this to reel women in? It's a weird phenomenon, that seems to be a 'thing', and I don't get it!

I guess it's just one of them things.
I can't make any better of it now

@walkigonsuncc he’ll regret it. Chin up you’ll meet someone way better

Sandra15 Cherry I think the OP realises that, and now so do I. I had this sort of experience but I wasn't doing online dating. This was a man who I connected with for research, and he did all this "good morning beautiful" "hitting the sack sweetheart" stuff on a daily basis. A bit later than 4am, though! Not being aware of this site, nor OLD 'mores' as I wasn't 'dating', I thought he was really into me and I was delighted. I imagined I was the first thing he thought of in the morning and I thought it was cute.

But I am disturbed that so many guys seem to do this. Is it some sort of code? Do they all decide it in advance? How do they know to do this to reel women in? It's a weird phenomenon, that seems to be a 'thing', and I don't get it!

I've had a few guys try it with me as well. I just thought they were nutters! I'm honestly surprised that anyone can be bothered with the constant texting. There was one last summer who was pretty full on. I knew him from years ago and for some reason he decided to add me on FB and then on WhatsApp and it was these compliments about my looks (very fake) and he wanted me to exchange photos (to which I said no, as he already knew what I looked like). Thank goodness I didn't - I got the impression he wanted nudes.

He was very good looking but I honestly found him pretty annoying but sort of played along to give him a chance. We had one date for coffee and then there were some excuses so I just didn't bother any more and deleted him.

I did online dating briefly and it was full of rampant texters too. How do these men ever find time to work? It just feels so contrived to have some man you've never met sending you dumb messages asking how you've slept and how your day was.

I don't generally think that any of these men who behave like this are any good as partners usually and I'm honestly a bit surprised that so many women fall for it. Actions count for more than words.

@CirclesWithinCircles I think he got fed up with me when he asked for pictures and I sent him just that - pictures. Of me with my friends, with my cats, etc. He complimented me on them but he did ask me to find bikini shots and to take one in the shower. I ignored that and returned the conversation to general, interesting stuff.

One night I got a photograph of his bare legs. Then it was whipped away very quickly. He also sent the morning beautiful/gorgeous/hot lips whatever message twice with a variation. One said morning gorgeous, another good morning cutie pie. One of those was deleted too.

I think he was doing this with more than one person.

This freaks me out even more, because it was nothing to do with a dating platform. So what was he playing at I wonder???

Of the photos of himself he sent me, too, they were in Speedos, or where he was being presented with trophies for cricket or football. One was a photobooth pic from his younger days. Then there were more with his BMW, his flash apartment, etc.

Sandra15 One night I got a photograph of his bare legs. Then it was whipped away very quickly. He also sent the morning beautiful/gorgeous/hot lips whatever message twice with a variation. One said morning gorgeous, another good morning cutie pie. One of those was deleted too.

I was like "No way am I sending semi nude photos of myself over the internet - do you think I'm stupid?" And yy to talking about lips - ugh, just gruesome.

I think he was doing this with more than one person.

Oh, for sure. This one was actually a spin class instructor, so he would meet plenty of women.

This freaks me out even more, because it was nothing to do with a dating platform. So what was he playing at I wonder???

Same. There was a spate of them on FB early winter (I checked I wasn't on that FB dating or anything accidentally) all spouting the usual overly-effusive claptrap. You know you can scare them off quite easily if you use 3-syllable words ? Anyway, I was told that a lot of women avoid OLD now so they are branching out onto mainstream social media to broaden their market!

There really should be a name for them because they all use the same tactics. There must be some website dedicated to this somewhere that they learn their gruesome tactics from.

Anyway, it didn't work with me, I can tell the difference between a genuine man and an idiot. It really was terribly off-putting, I used to think this guy was quite hot when I knew him through a sport I did a few years ago, now I just think he's a rather desperate slimeball.

You dodged a bullet. This is the downside of OD...too much too soon. It's painful but learn from it for next time OP.

He told his mum and friends about you ? How do you know that ? Cos he said so ? Im sorry but to me you are way too trusting .

@walkigonsuncc

He was even talking about future Xmas presents. It's a shame as if he had came on second date he would have enjoyed it,I think I'm fun I had bought a new outfit,I was even prepared to freeze just to look good.

Ok you need to see this for what it is.

He was future faking with you, it wasn’t real.

He didn’t reject you because doesn’t know you - you have met once. He’s just a player.

Don’t get so invested next time. Take your time to get to know someone.

And you are bloody stupid to “ freeze to look good “. Wear clothes that are suitable AND attractive. Would you expect a man to freeze to look good for you?

He sounds classy!
If it's a sunny day, go on your own - enjoy a drink outside - it's an afternoon out, and we've none of us had that for a while. You don't need a man.

Op you had one date! Yes there was texts and talk of the future but it was one date!

Sending him that text of his profile isn't your proudest moment and think you've both had lucky escapes.

Far far too intense.

I really don't understand men who do this. Ive had men tell me they have feelings for me, then the next thing they vanish. (Im now fortunately with a lovely, genuine man). It's very hurtful but better now in the early days than further on down the line. Sadly, big boobs and fake tans seem to be the attraction these days. You deserve better than this guy and I'm sure, one day, you will meet someone who truly appreciates you. Don't waste your tears or your time on this fool.

It's just such grim behavour and you just have to wonder why they do it. I had a bit longer association with some man who appeared madly keen too. He married somebody else on holiday! I was so disappointed and angry. I got on the phone and asked a friend of a friend out - bit embarassing as I only knew where he worked and had forgotten his surname. There were two people there with the same first name. I levelled with the receptionist - not about the other chap getting married holiday of course. She told me the two surnames and I recognised one. He was a bit surprised as he was in the middle of a meeting and had to ask people to talk among themselves for a minute. The receptionist was delighted when we got married.

Of course what he did is a bit shit OP but you have to accept it really isn't you-I feel confident in saying there will be a long line of women who he has done the same thing to. To him, looks, personality, etc are irrelevant, its the thrill of the chase and manipulating people into believing they are falling in love/ are in love. People who do this are skilled at moulding themselves around the target person to make them seem more compatible. Whatever story he told you will not be the same as the previous or next woman. You haven't seen the real him, it is just an act.

When you think about it, its a little bit sad and pathetic the only way he feels he can date is by lying, projecting and love bombing instead of being himself. You are well rid, just feel sorry for the next person

@AppleDolphin like I said I'm well aware it was "one " date.
He messed me around and I think I deserved more than just "delete my number"
With no proper explanation
He did a 360 on me
So to say he had a "lucky escape" is a bit mind boggling...considering I did nothing wrong.