He has met someone else hasn't he?

[walkigonsuncc]

2 months ago (after a awful relationship) I started speaking to a man on tinder.
We exchanged numbers and straight away started speaking a lot.
Before work,during work after work etc.
He added me to Instagram and sometimes we would be chatting at the same time on both.

We had our first date 3 weeks ago after a month of chatting.
It went really well and we never stopped talking and laughing.

Straight after the date he rang me and he we spoke on the phone for a hour and he asked me out Again.
We arranged this Friday,so I booked the table and paid £20 deposit (outdoor drinks ,put they need deposits to secure table )
He was excited and talked about what drinks he fancied.
He was tagging me in posts about the place etc.

He would ring me most days after work for a hour,sometimes twice in one night.
He spoke about how his nephews were going to love me,told me he wanted to come with me whilst I pick a car (as I'm too nice and they will try and rip me off )
He is offered to pick me up from work as my car broke down.
Set an alarm every morning at 4am to text me good morning before my job started.

Last Thursday he text and asked if I wanted to grab a coffee (I said no as I was so busy that day)
He said no problem and was excited for Friday.
I was also so excited.
I thought at last I had met a nice guy.

Then Saturday I felt a change.
He wasn't chatting,no texts,no phone calls.
I tried texting but he would read and not reply for a few hours (I could just tell )
Sunday I spoke about our next date and how we would freeze in the beer garden..he replied ha.
He also was posting topless pics on his insta story (as though he was trying to impress someone )
Then he tagged a girl in his story of a song.

Monday he text "hi sorry I'm not ready to date after my ex broke my heart ,hopefully you understand,can you please delete my number"
I was shocked and text asking what I had done.
He said "it's me not you"
Then I said "you've done a 360 overnight"
He said he hadn't and had been thinking about it for a few days.
Then he blocked me on everything just like that gone.

My gut instinct told me check tinder ..there he was,with new pics (pics he sent me two weeks earlier )
Later in the day his profile was gone.

So my gut says,he started talking to someone new who he obviously preferred..I'm assuming the girl he tagged.
She was tanned,huge boobs,posing on a bed with legs spread etc (so clearly caught his eye )
How intense with me (over 2000 texts in two months ) will be what she's getting.

I'm upset (I know it was only 1 date) but everything was so intense.
Now he's gone just like that.

Aibu to think that's what's happened ?

[walkigonsuncc]

I'm honestly not sitting stewing on it or anything.
I have a date with someone on Friday.
I'm just responding to others who are must reading this thread for the first time.

Like I've said I know after 1 meet he "owed" me nothing.
Its just frustrating as I invested 2 months into him for him just to blow me off without even bothering with a second date.

[Happycat1212]

So don’t invest 2 months in future with someone you’ve never met

[MazekeenSmith]

@walkigonsuncc

I don't know how he can just disappear like that without giving me even a second thought.
I know it was only 2 months but it was pretty intense.

You're not reading or taking on board what people are saying at all
He can do that because he has an abnormal psychological profile and this is easy and normal to him

[cupoftea2021]

Nothing wrong with making a fool of him not yourself - the not ready to date and by text, well that's easy to do when he is lovebombing you
I think if you are new to dating or not you will still be subjected to these players.
Tinder enables these men to have many
Women on the go or lined up.
They can be or pretend to be anyone or anything.
Now you have experienced it you begin to learn and see patterns of behaviour so you quickly learn the players to the not so.
Distract and delete him you are not available to men like him I would hope

[crackofdoom]

That's why I asked if there were websites/platforms for those who just want to get their rocks off with like minded people!

Yes there are, and I’m on one, as I’m looking for sex. And I’m afraid to reveal that the men on there do this kind of thing as much as, if not more than, on conventional dating apps. So it’s not about getting a quick shag, because I’m down with that, it’s about the ego boost of getting female attention. It doesn’t make me sad or upset, it just pisses me off that these people manage to waste my precious time.

But OP, I do not feel that you need to beat yourself up about having been taken in by this bloke. It is completely normal and healthy to believe what someone says - it his him and his ilk who are twisted, fucked up and cruel.

In addition, we are conditioned from a young age to believe in the phenomenon of crazy instant true love- the coup de foudre. It’s the plot of pretty much every fairy tale and every Hollywood romance, after all. So, it’s not really odd that when you encounter it for the first time you think that that’s what it is.

[3orangekissesfromkazan]

Havent read all the posts, but Tinder is a hook- ups site.

I'd say the wrong dating platform if you are looking for something a bit more meaningful and long term.

[MazekeenSmith]

@3orangekissesfromkazan

Havent read all the posts, but Tinder is a hook- ups site.

I'd say the wrong dating platform if you are looking for something a bit more meaningful and long term.

No it isn't
It's no more or less a hook up site than any other dating site
Are you even single or OLD??

[walkigonsuncc]

How do I approach this date on Friday?
It's a meal and drinks
Do I treat it like he is a player and expect him to disappear too?
Or do I try and enjoy myself

[Happycat1212]

Tbf I think lots of men do see tinder as a hook up site, I’ve read that men see it as a hook up site then don’t understand why women using it get upset when they don’t want a relationship 😏

[3orangekissesfromkazan]

@MazekeenSmith what has my dating status got to do with it?

It was known as a hook up site, if things have changed then whatever.. from what OP has written this bloke treated it exactly thus.

[Susannahmoody]

Never spend 20 quid on a man you haven't even met.

[CirclesWithinCircles]

@Happycat1212

Tbf I think lots of men do see tinder as a hook up site, I’ve read that men see it as a hook up site then don’t understand why women using it get upset when they don’t want a relationship 😏

Probably because thees no such rule as Tinder being purely a hook up site, and a large number of people on there put on their profiles that they are looking for relationships?

[walkigonsuncc]

I don't think this guy was looking for just a hook up.
I honestly think he wanted a relationship but someone else came along so he ditched me.
He never asked for any rude pics /or texts so I do think it was a relationship he wanted

[Happycat1212]

Of course men saying they are looking for a relationship 😂 they know women wouldn’t be interested if they didn’t.
Men treat it as a hook up site.

[MazekeenSmith]

[quote 3orangekissesfromkazan]@MazekeenSmith what has my dating status got to do with it?

It was known as a hook up site, if things have changed then whatever.. from what OP has written this bloke treated it exactly thus.[/quote]
Because the only people who trot out that line are people who have nothing to do with online dating!
Tinder hasn't been a hook up site since its inception.

[MazekeenSmith]

@Happycat1212

Of course men saying they are looking for a relationship 😂 they know women wouldn’t be interested if they didn’t.
Men treat it as a hook up site.

Men treat every site as a hook up site if they are looking for hook ups

[CirclesWithinCircles]

@Happycat1212

Of course men saying they are looking for a relationship 😂 they know women wouldn’t be interested if they didn’t.
Men treat it as a hook up site.

I think it's important to remember that the men who behave like this are a breed on their own. It takes a certain type of personality and lack of conscience, not to mention a lot of time investment, to carry on like this. Yes its more prevalent in men in dating sites and in older single men, but these men also spread themselves thinly and contact many women. There are many, many men who don't behave like this and who are perfectly decent. However they tend not to love bomb or over invest in strangers they've never met.

Suggesting that Tinder is only a hook up site and that women should adjust their expectations accordingly is playing into an idiotic male fantasy that women are "up for it" and doing all the decent people out there a huge dis-service.

I still wouldn't online date however!

[TedMullins]

@walkigonsuncc

How do I approach this date on Friday?
It's a meal and drinks
Do I treat it like he is a player and expect him to disappear too?
Or do I try and enjoy myself

Stop thinking about what he might do or what he wants. What do YOU want? You’re allowed to have boundaries and criteria that you won’t compromise on. I’m bored of dating and happily single but when I was dating I would make it clear on the first date that I don’t want kids, not interested in marriage, but would like to date someone with a view to it becoming serious. Similarly if I only wanted something casual, I’d let them know that. Ask what he’s looking for. If he doesn’t meet your criteria move on.

[Sandra15]

One of my best friends met her husband on Tinder. None of us knew until he mentioned it in his wedding speech and she was fuming! But they're perfectly suited, both perfectly normal too!

[pearl19]

@walkigonsuncc try and enjoy yourself and don’t go with the impression he’s a “player”. If you loved your life like that you’d never be happy. But at the same time, prepare yourself that it might not work out. Don’t let a few horrible guys put you off!

[Lovelydiscusfish]

@Happycat1212

Of course men saying they are looking for a relationship 😂 they know women wouldn’t be interested if they didn’t.
Men treat it as a hook up site.

I met my partner on Tinder. Though that may be a bad example as we initially both wanted something casual, then we fell for each other..... But I know several people who found LTRs on Tinder. It isn’t just a hook up sight by any stretch.

He was the only one I met in person but I chatted to loads of men on there for a short while, and lots of them were very honest and open about just wanting a hook up, or FWB type situation. Others said they wanted “proper” relationships and yeah, maybe some of them were lying but I have no reason to assume they all were.....

People (male and female) who just want hook-ups use many strategies to get them. Not just OLD.

Nothing wrong with just wanting a hook up either. You just shouldn’t lie about it.

[Lovelydiscusfish]

[quote pearl19]@walkigonsuncc try and enjoy yourself and don’t go with the impression he’s a “player”. If you loved your life like that you’d never be happy. But at the same time, prepare yourself that it might not work out. Don’t let a few horrible guys put you off![/quote]
This. Keep something in reserve, but have fun and be yourself. Just take it for what it is at the moment - a (hopefully) fun date - try not to overthink the future as that’s just impossible. Life will always throw curve-balls. People who considered themselves happily married for 20 years can find out their partner is cheating - anything. Arm yourself against the unexpected, but still try to enjoy life along the way.....

[pearl19]

Not responding to any comment in particular but just felt I had to share this with you all. It will cheer you all up.

Literally been speaking to this guy for 2 days and today he messaged me and I replied saying sorry I’ve been busy at work (which I have) and look at his response😂😂😂 this just proves some men have serious mental problems. Then he makes a dig about my weight by saying “Chins”. I’m not overweight or big at all, so the comment didn’t bother me but just can’t believe people can be so strange. Also, he’s only judging by the photos on my profile (there are a few full body ones which show I’m not big either LOL) Think it’s time for a break form OLD for a while

[Sandra15]

@pearl19 you have found out what he is like before it went any further. Weird!

[Happycat1212]

Wow people are crazy! Sounds like a lucky escape