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He has met someone else hasn't he?

301 replies

walkigonsuncc · 15/04/2021 08:04

2 months ago (after a awful relationship) I started speaking to a man on tinder.
We exchanged numbers and straight away started speaking a lot.
Before work,during work after work etc.
He added me to Instagram and sometimes we would be chatting at the same time on both.

We had our first date 3 weeks ago after a month of chatting.
It went really well and we never stopped talking and laughing.

Straight after the date he rang me and he we spoke on the phone for a hour and he asked me out Again.
We arranged this Friday,so I booked the table and paid £20 deposit (outdoor drinks ,put they need deposits to secure table )
He was excited and talked about what drinks he fancied.
He was tagging me in posts about the place etc.

He would ring me most days after work for a hour,sometimes twice in one night.
He spoke about how his nephews were going to love me,told me he wanted to come with me whilst I pick a car (as I'm too nice and they will try and rip me off )
He is offered to pick me up from work as my car broke down.
Set an alarm every morning at 4am to text me good morning before my job started.

Last Thursday he text and asked if I wanted to grab a coffee (I said no as I was so busy that day)
He said no problem and was excited for Friday.
I was also so excited.
I thought at last I had met a nice guy.

Then Saturday I felt a change.
He wasn't chatting,no texts,no phone calls.
I tried texting but he would read and not reply for a few hours (I could just tell )
Sunday I spoke about our next date and how we would freeze in the beer garden..he replied ha.
He also was posting topless pics on his insta story (as though he was trying to impress someone )
Then he tagged a girl in his story of a song.

Monday he text "hi sorry I'm not ready to date after my ex broke my heart ,hopefully you understand,can you please delete my number"
I was shocked and text asking what I had done.
He said "it's me not you"
Then I said "you've done a 360 overnight"
He said he hadn't and had been thinking about it for a few days.
Then he blocked me on everything just like that gone.

My gut instinct told me check tinder ..there he was,with new pics (pics he sent me two weeks earlier )
Later in the day his profile was gone.

So my gut says,he started talking to someone new who he obviously preferred..I'm assuming the girl he tagged.
She was tanned,huge boobs,posing on a bed with legs spread etc (so clearly caught his eye )
How intense with me (over 2000 texts in two months ) will be what she's getting.

I'm upset (I know it was only 1 date) but everything was so intense.
Now he's gone just like that.

Aibu to think that's what's happened ?

OP posts:
Iworry2021 · 15/04/2021 08:32

Any guy who posts shirtless pictures of himself is a bit of a prick and must be avoided at all costs.

LBXXX · 15/04/2021 08:35

You need to drop it now OP

It’s crap I’ve been there but what he’s next going to say is that your a stalker and your obsessed

Honestly leave it and forget about him, sounds more to me like he got back with his ex flame than someone new

Iworry2021 · 15/04/2021 08:35

To be honest any men worth their salt probably wouldn't have made you pay the deposit for the table.

Gin4thewin4 · 15/04/2021 08:35

Can't help but think that one day he will unblock you and try get in touch again when his fling fails with big boobs, OP.
If (when) that day comes you can hold your head high as a genuine, nice person and kindly tell him where to go.

You have the upper hand here. You have escaped a man who clearly knows what to say to get what he wants. Imagine you had of had numerous dates with this guy and THEN he did that to you... you would feel even worse!!!
He has led you on, and as soon as someone else came along he changed his tune..... he will do that to her too.

Learn from this that some men are very good liars. They will invest a lot of time and effort to get what they want.... but once someone or something else comes along that takes their fancy, its game over.

Would you really want to be with someone like that?
Count yourself lucky it happened now and not further down the line.

He is an ignorant dick head too OP. Does not matter what he has said to you over the months.... if he has done that he is just a rotten big fart. Well rid.

KatherineJaneway · 15/04/2021 08:35

He told his friends and mum about me so I assumed he liked me.

He told you he did, he didn't necessarily actually mention you to them.

walkigonsuncc · 15/04/2021 08:38

Oh I'm deffo going to drop it now.
I only sent him the screenshot of his tinder profile because he thought I was stupid to believe his "not ready for date" speech.

I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

OP posts:
Umbivalent · 15/04/2021 08:38

I realise that this is upsetting OP, but you're well out of it.

He's obviously a player, he'll be lovebombing someone else now until another woman catches his eye...

user1493413286 · 15/04/2021 08:38

Possibly but to be honest his love bombing is a red flag and something to be aware of. I’m not really sure why guys do it but it then often leads to suddenly going cold

MazekeenSmith · 15/04/2021 08:40

All that intensity is ALWAYS fake and should never be trusted. All that talk about the future from a guy you don't actually know is fake. You need to develop a better radar for bullshitters.

ED81 · 15/04/2021 08:40

That is so unfair of him.
I understand why you are upset. As women we can emotionally invest in a man very quickly even when it’s phone calls and text messages. I’ve been there in this sort of situation. It s*ite.

Just be kind to yourself.
Maybe take a wee dating break and then get back out there.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 15/04/2021 08:43

OP, I am sorry this happened, but honestly , having come out of a horrible relationship your boundaries are skewed and your vulnerability high.

NO ONE can know in April, after one date, that Christmas presents are likely. It was WAY too soon to even think of introducing you to his nephew. Please consider to what extent your previous relationship led to you wanting affection and attention and falling for his showy love-bombing.

And your pursuit of him in follow up messages betrays that you really are not yet robust enough for the shark pond of bloody Tinder.

Time to look after yourself first and foremost.

If your previous relationship was abusive, take time to do the Freedom Programme online.

He’s right, it IS him, because he is a callow opportunistic show off who thinks ks the world of himself.

But next time you change super being cold and uncomfortable to ‘look good’ think twice about what you are doing.

Take care, OP, and good luck. But luck is unreliable. If you look after yourself, you can rely in yourself Flowers

ED81 · 15/04/2021 08:43

Ps. I quite like that you sent him the screenshots. Haha.

Fireflygal · 15/04/2021 08:44

Use this as a dating lesson, it will make you wiser. Have you researched love bombing/future faking?

Once you learn the red flags you won't be as easily fooled.

walkigonsuncc · 15/04/2021 08:45

I'm sure I've made a fool of myself now with him.
He will deffo think he made the correct choice.
I guess that doesn't matter as he is a prick anyway.
I told him I had been hurt previously and had a shit year.
It's my own fault for thinking two months of chatting meant something.
Normally if a guy doesn't like you they won't speak that much,I was very foolish and had no clue about love bombing.
Someone else will be getting the nice guy act now.

His loss I guess.

OP posts:
Palavah · 15/04/2021 08:45

Echo PPs, this was far too full-on given you'd only been on one date.

Out of interest why 3 weeks between date 1 and 2?

My OLD advice - don't get invested before you have actually been on date 1, don't go more than a week after that without meeting up. Gushing the way he did was a MASSIVE red flag. No, he didn't know you and you didn't know him. Where was he going to go once he actually knew you?

GiveMeTulipsfromAmsterdam · 15/04/2021 08:47

He is a twat.

He loved bombed you, it happened to me once. Sucks you in, makes you feel good, a connection, talks of the future .... then suddenly something minor or nothing at all znx backs up and 360 turn. Maybe the girl came along.

He is shallow and really not ready for any meaningful relationship. He needs to develop his own self first being immature.

You dodged a bullet, he would always be fickle ....try to forget the images he created they aren't real, a future with him wasn't real.

Block his number because if books woman doesn't go for it he will get bored and lonely and try you again until something else comes up. Don't let him. Take control.

Good luck in finding a much better man

RedHelenB · 15/04/2021 08:47


I did something a bit crazy yesterday.
I screenshot his profile (with updated pics )
And text on his phone (only place I wasn't blocked)

Loving your tinder pics,nice to see the pics you sent me came in handy for all your "not ready to date tinder profile"
Take care with a smiling /laughing/rolling eyes face.
He replied .."what you going on about "

I ignored him.

Oh dear. Not a good move. Being ib a couple isn't the be all and end all. I wish they'd stress this on schools.

You had one date, treat it as a bit of fun and move on.
walkigonsuncc · 15/04/2021 08:47

@Palavah due to both of us working different shifts and weekends.
Plus we booked the drinks as a "proper date"
I assumed from there how dates would be more frequent as I was returning back to normal 9-5 and not ridiculous hours.

OP posts:
GiveMeTulipsfromAmsterdam · 15/04/2021 08:48

Boobs not books woman

denverRegina · 15/04/2021 08:48

Step away, block him and delete his number.

He sounds a right prick to be honest and do not ever freeze for a man. What's that all about?!

However, he's perfectly entitled to say he's not into it and not ready for proper "dating" if he wants. You had one date.

That text you sent is a bit much, he didn't owe you anything and he didn't string you along nor did he ghost you. He told you he wasn't up for dating or chatting any longer. Surely that's ok at that stage?

picknmix1984 · 15/04/2021 08:48

Yes Mm don't text him again op! It will just make you look crazy and the guy is a total arsehole!

walkigonsuncc · 15/04/2021 08:50

@denverRegina I was annoyed because it came out of the blue almost overnight of constant communication/talking of future
Plus he allowed me to book a table and pay £20
Then boom delete my number
Maybe it was ott for me but how communication had been ott so I thought I deserved a explanation

OP posts:
Zealois · 15/04/2021 08:51

Hi OP. When I was on the online dating scene, I went through a number of these guys before realising there was nothing wrong with me and it was just a pattern that SO many men follow to the letter. For ages I thought "why do I always screw things up without knowing I'm doing anything bad". When I realised this, it became so obvious to spot and dating became a LOT easier as I could just dismiss these men straight off, and then I met my now partner.

Don't waste any time thinking about whether he actually liked you or not. It doesn't matter, he was just a man who briefly came into your life, didn't treat you very nicely, and is now off to do the same to other women. It's really, really common.

walkigonsuncc · 15/04/2021 08:51

Also I do think he strung me along.
If he wasn't "feeling it" don't ring me every day and text me constantly excited about a future date and future plans
It's a bit shitty

OP posts:
JingleAndTonic · 15/04/2021 08:52

I don't think you've made a fool of yourself to send the screenshots but definitely don't message him again, it just gives him the confirmation that you liked him and can't let go and it will just boost his ego.

Block his number and move on, he's done you a massive favour because the lovebombing never ends well. If he unblocks you in a few months time to try and weasel his way back in absolutely don't let him and just block him straight away even though it's hard.

But also try not to let it get you down because it's a reflection on him not you!

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