He has met someone else hasn't he?

[walkigonsuncc]

2 months ago (after a awful relationship) I started speaking to a man on tinder.
We exchanged numbers and straight away started speaking a lot.
Before work,during work after work etc.
He added me to Instagram and sometimes we would be chatting at the same time on both.

We had our first date 3 weeks ago after a month of chatting.
It went really well and we never stopped talking and laughing.

Straight after the date he rang me and he we spoke on the phone for a hour and he asked me out Again.
We arranged this Friday,so I booked the table and paid £20 deposit (outdoor drinks ,put they need deposits to secure table )
He was excited and talked about what drinks he fancied.
He was tagging me in posts about the place etc.

He would ring me most days after work for a hour,sometimes twice in one night.
He spoke about how his nephews were going to love me,told me he wanted to come with me whilst I pick a car (as I'm too nice and they will try and rip me off )
He is offered to pick me up from work as my car broke down.
Set an alarm every morning at 4am to text me good morning before my job started.

Last Thursday he text and asked if I wanted to grab a coffee (I said no as I was so busy that day)
He said no problem and was excited for Friday.
I was also so excited.
I thought at last I had met a nice guy.

Then Saturday I felt a change.
He wasn't chatting,no texts,no phone calls.
I tried texting but he would read and not reply for a few hours (I could just tell )
Sunday I spoke about our next date and how we would freeze in the beer garden..he replied ha.
He also was posting topless pics on his insta story (as though he was trying to impress someone )
Then he tagged a girl in his story of a song.

Monday he text "hi sorry I'm not ready to date after my ex broke my heart ,hopefully you understand,can you please delete my number"
I was shocked and text asking what I had done.
He said "it's me not you"
Then I said "you've done a 360 overnight"
He said he hadn't and had been thinking about it for a few days.
Then he blocked me on everything just like that gone.

My gut instinct told me check tinder ..there he was,with new pics (pics he sent me two weeks earlier )
Later in the day his profile was gone.

So my gut says,he started talking to someone new who he obviously preferred..I'm assuming the girl he tagged.
She was tanned,huge boobs,posing on a bed with legs spread etc (so clearly caught his eye )
How intense with me (over 2000 texts in two months ) will be what she's getting.

I'm upset (I know it was only 1 date) but everything was so intense.
Now he's gone just like that.

Aibu to think that's what's happened ?

@walkigonsuncc

To ditch me that fast he must not of actually liked me must he? Maybe it's for the best if he is that fickle.

Nothing to do with that. He's just a player, and you're probably one of many.

I'd check he doesn't turn up for the table you booked, though!

[quote walkigonsuncc]@HuntingoftheSnark that's it isn't it that total confusion.
He would ring me and we would chat like we had known each other years.
So easy,like all the people in his phone book he rang me to chat.
Then out the blue ..delete my number
Just cruel really.
[/quote]
Yes. People like that, are.

At least it was over quickly.
A decent bloke would nit expect you to freeze to look good for a meal outside in this chilly weather, better to be wrapped up in a jumper, coat and a bobble hat and enjoy yourself in comfort.

Red flags everywhere in your first post sorry OP.

LUCKY ESCAPE

@dieblauenStrumpfhosen

I think you've had a lucky escape. He was love bombing you. Better to find out now than get drawn into a relationship with someone who heaps praise on you when they don't actually know you well enough to fairly make comments like that.

I know it can be very exciting and it does break your heart a little when you realise. But these men are often volatile, emotionally unstable, and even dangerous.

But these men are often volatile, emotionally unstable, and even dangerous.

This ^^

I don't understand other posters being nasty to the other woman calling her 'big boobs' it's not her fault I used to get called nasty things like that and it made me hate myself please stop and think. This woman doesn't know what he's done! Picking on a woman because she has body parts she can't help is not on

Op none of this is a reflection on you. You did nothing wrong. There's nothing you could have done differently. I've been in a similar position and I wished I knew this at the time because it hurts. When you build someone up in your head and you expect something to come of it and then it doesn't, it can make you feel as though it's your fault. But it's not you, it's him and his issues. Trust me.

@walkigonsuncc

No I'm deffo not gonna message him again. The only reason I messaged about his tinder profile was so he knew I knew.

After he responded I didn't reply and have zero intention of ever messaging him again.
I didn't actually have "feelings" for him,I just liked him and liked the prospect of seeing where things went.

Don't let people on here make you feel bad about texting him women are always made to put up and shut up and if you don't your a stalker or weird don't listen you have every right to be mad. Never let any man walk all over you! Speak up.

I’m not sure if there is anything wrong mentally with this man but who knows! But not all bad behaviour is because of that.

But I do believe this is the way some men treat women in the date site era. I’ve had similar experiences (as have some friends) as this post and then the guy disappears and is dating (properly) someone else a week later. It’s just choice but a poor way of saying it.

I think men just don't have the guts to say to women that it isn’t working and just disappear off the face of the earth instead.

I guess that's the thing with online dating...we are disposable fast.
There so much choice.

Do not be surprised if he makes contact again at some point. Insisting he was 'freaked' out by the intensity of his feelings and it scared him. Do not be fooled.

@walkigonsuncc

I know I've been very silly. I took the texts /calls /plans as him liking me and thinking it colour develop into something good. I didn't react well,and probably acted a bit crazy but it was like he built me up and then just said ok bye out of the blue. I was really excited for our date but I knew he was backing away and I knew the reason why. Nobody likes feeling like someone has found something better. I couldn't understand how he had THAT much interest to then having none.

I do understand how you feel and why. This happened to me, but it wasn't a dating situation or at least not to begin with. The bloke was someone I was discussing some of my research with and then started saying he liked me, had feelings, etc etc. When we arranged to meet, he sent someone else to the door to say he didn't live there and I know it was a big fat lie, as I recognised the bloke at the door as his friend. He'd sent me photos of the two of them together and forgot about it.

What is he, 15??!!??

I don't do on line dating, I had been 'love bombed' before but many years ago and I didn't make the connection. If you are stupid, then so am I. I really believed he liked me from the chat.

But he wouldn't talk on the phone, and that is a red flag. I didn't really get the red flags at first because I'm not a serial dater so wasn't wise to it. I too messaged him, but not in the way you did. It was calling him out: "You could have told me that you were too busy or whatever to catch up with me, or alternatively you could have brought your mate with you - yes, I realised who he was from the photos you sent me, and I know I went to the right place because I recognised it from all your photos and videos, and also you received your birthday card from me there. Not to mention the large brass No 8 on the door. Where’s a shaking my head emoji when you need one?"

He never replied to this, and I haven't heard anything since. I felt stupid, puzzled and confused. I didn't have low self-esteem, need a man or was looking for one, so I am amazed I was 'targeted'.

I don't think you feel he 'owes' you something as one or two posters have said. I understand why you feel like that. I did, too. What everyone 'owes' everyone in these situations is to behave decently, and he didn't because he strung you along until something else (who sounds like a bit of scrag end) came along.

Onwards and upwards. We don't need arseholes.

I’m so sorry to hear this has happened to you, OP. About 6 years ago, the same thing happened to me.

A guy chased me for a year and I eventually gave him a chance (I was only 18 at the time). We would chat for hours on the phone, he’d save pictures of me on his iPad, say that he would want to marry me when once he qualifies as doctor (he was studying abroad to become a doctor) and I fell for him, very hard.

One day, he just changed. Called me insecure, how he isn’t ready to date anyone, really blunt and would go days without messaging me. I was so confused and to this day - I still don’t know what happened (not that I’m bothered anymore) however I suspect he had someone else in the country he was studying with and I was just there to keep him occupied when he was back in the UK.

As others have said, it isn’t your fault he’s changed. It’s his fault and you haven’t done anything wrong. Don’t feel disheartened to date again. Just be thankful he did this before it got too serious and the heartache would have been worse. You will find someone better. I didn’t think I’d ever find anyone as good as him but I have and he’s better in so many ways! Good luck OP.

When guys love bomb like that it's a massive warning sign in my opinion, the new girl will be getting the attention now and the head ages but then he'll ghost her too. It's nothing to do with you he's just a massive player and whilst dating you'll meet then but quickly learn to spot then and stay well clear. I think most women have been fooled by a guy like this, I know I have in the last, chin up and dust yourself dish and get back out there when ready xx

He sounds like a nut job

he strung you along until something else (who sounds like a bit of scrag end) came along

The misogyny towards the woman in this scenario is quite disheartening- so many people have made derogatory comments about her based on very little info and at that, info provided by the op who is hardly objective about her.

I didn't actually have "feelings" for him,I just liked him and liked the prospect of seeing where things went.

OP it's clear this isn't the case. Your posts make it clear you did have feelings, and that's ok.

But for future reference, you need to protect yourself a bit more. When you see examples of over-the-top behaviour, note it & act accordingly.

PPs say you did nothing wrong ... I wouldn't say you did anything 'wrong' but you ignored a whole pile of massive red flags & allowed yourself get sucked in. You do need better boundaries.

@sammylady37

he strung you along until something else (who sounds like a bit of scrag end) came along

The misogyny towards the woman in this scenario is quite disheartening- so many people have made derogatory comments about her based on very little info and at that, info provided by the op who is hardly objective about her.

I agree.

The IG woman is not the issue here.

Be a good idea to look up the “OLD dating thread “ on here ( online dating thread) it’s a good thread with lots of stuff about it.You will see that he’s love bombed you as other posters have said and likely will return at some point.

I will have a look at the OLD thread Thankyou.
Maybe he just didn't fancy me,which is fine.
I would have preferred if he hadn't strung me along if that was the case tho.
Anyway I could keep going over n over it but it's now done.

Does anyone have the link for online dating thread?
I can't find it

You've definitely dodged a bullet there. I should probably take my own advice though. I'm meeting a guy today for a first date who seems overly keen :-/

@tweettweettweettweet good luck with the date,you never know he might be genuine.
Not all are pricks I hope.

You need to read up on toxic men and narcissists. Turn this shit experience into an educational one for you so you can avoid them in the future.
This is classic stuff for them. The love bombing, the constant contact, the sudden dropping, the pictures of the other woman which he may or may not be chatting to. It's a pyschological game which turns normal women into a mess.

He'll probably be back at some point giving you some sob story. Then the whole ungodly mess will start again.
Mind you unless you've been involved with someone like this before, it is an absolute mindfuck.

I agree with @DeclineandFall on all the points above. Another possibility which I have had experience with is BPD or personality disorder. (I can’t be sure as it’s never been properly diagnosed but I’m 90% sure this is what it was as there was severe mood swings of him being so happy and euphoric one minute and then rock bottom the next. Like I mean in a matter of a few hours not days. Also the sudden change in the way he was towards me, we’ve never argued then he was awful to me on the phone. And the fact I’ve had no apology and he’s took no accountability for his actions is another massive sign. Now I’m not making excuses, I still haven’t spoke to said man and don’t plan on it. I’m just letting you know this sudden change in mood could be due to something deeper. Either way you’ll get through it