He has met someone else hasn't he?

[walkigonsuncc]

2 months ago (after a awful relationship) I started speaking to a man on tinder.
We exchanged numbers and straight away started speaking a lot.
Before work,during work after work etc.
He added me to Instagram and sometimes we would be chatting at the same time on both.

We had our first date 3 weeks ago after a month of chatting.
It went really well and we never stopped talking and laughing.

Straight after the date he rang me and he we spoke on the phone for a hour and he asked me out Again.
We arranged this Friday,so I booked the table and paid £20 deposit (outdoor drinks ,put they need deposits to secure table )
He was excited and talked about what drinks he fancied.
He was tagging me in posts about the place etc.

He would ring me most days after work for a hour,sometimes twice in one night.
He spoke about how his nephews were going to love me,told me he wanted to come with me whilst I pick a car (as I'm too nice and they will try and rip me off )
He is offered to pick me up from work as my car broke down.
Set an alarm every morning at 4am to text me good morning before my job started.

Last Thursday he text and asked if I wanted to grab a coffee (I said no as I was so busy that day)
He said no problem and was excited for Friday.
I was also so excited.
I thought at last I had met a nice guy.

Then Saturday I felt a change.
He wasn't chatting,no texts,no phone calls.
I tried texting but he would read and not reply for a few hours (I could just tell )
Sunday I spoke about our next date and how we would freeze in the beer garden..he replied ha.
He also was posting topless pics on his insta story (as though he was trying to impress someone )
Then he tagged a girl in his story of a song.

Monday he text "hi sorry I'm not ready to date after my ex broke my heart ,hopefully you understand,can you please delete my number"
I was shocked and text asking what I had done.
He said "it's me not you"
Then I said "you've done a 360 overnight"
He said he hadn't and had been thinking about it for a few days.
Then he blocked me on everything just like that gone.

My gut instinct told me check tinder ..there he was,with new pics (pics he sent me two weeks earlier )
Later in the day his profile was gone.

So my gut says,he started talking to someone new who he obviously preferred..I'm assuming the girl he tagged.
She was tanned,huge boobs,posing on a bed with legs spread etc (so clearly caught his eye )
How intense with me (over 2000 texts in two months ) will be what she's getting.

I'm upset (I know it was only 1 date) but everything was so intense.
Now he's gone just like that.

Aibu to think that's what's happened ?

@Gothichouse40 it's horrible isn't it.
I got my hopes up,it's not nice to play with a persons feelings.

You need to let it go. You weren’t even dating properly. It sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape. Please don’t contact him again.

I won't text him again.
I've got no intention of that.
Now I'm just thinking his going to think I'm nuts for going on the way I did ..when he asked me to delete his number.
I was just dumb founded as it was so random.

@walkigonsuncc

I won't text him again. I've got no intention of that. Now I'm just thinking his going to think I'm nuts for going on the way I did ..when he asked me to delete his number. I was just dumb founded as it was so random.

No I don't think you did anything wrong. I think sometimes, as a newbie to this board, because the conversation is still ongoing on here people make the mistaken assumption that you're still interested in this loser when all you are doing is questioning around what happened.

He has behaved like an arse, and women seem conditioned to let it go and not respond for fear of being labelled a bunny boiler or a stalker or a weirdo or all sort of other pejorative labels. I did the same, I called out the guy who sent a friend to the door to say he didn't live there, but I never followed it up. It was enough to me for him to know that I was on to him and didn't believe his rubbish. They show you who they are by their behaviour.

You might have had only one date, but you had been in conversation for so long and built up a level of trust. You have every right to put your view across. I hope at least he felt a fool.

I did the same, and I wasn't even in a dating situation or on a dating platform. It was a work-based thing that HE turned into a potential romantic 'thing' and I have no idea why he did it.

Did he think 'oh here is an airhead, I will have a bit of fun with her'? It does make you cross that someone sees you in that light.

Another observation is that it seems women are expected to treat OLD and chat as a 'bit of fun'. To go into it with no expectations other than blokes will mess them around. What an advertisement!

Sandra15 that’s very true I asked about old on the relationships board and was told to treat it like a bit of fun, I didn’t even know what that meant 😕 I’m looking for a relationship not a “bit of fun”

@Happycat1212

Sandra15 that’s very true I asked about old on the relationships board and was told to treat it like a bit of fun, I didn’t even know what that meant 😕 I’m looking for a relationship not a “bit of fun”

The 'bit of fun' being a chat on social media and not meeting is utterly pointless. I feel blokes who do this, waste hours and hours without any intention of meeting a woman truly have a screw loose.

@Sandra15 it's just horrible isn't it.
I didn't go into it thinking he was the love of my life but I thought we had a mutual level of interest.
Two months chatting every day ,phone calls etc was a lot to me.
We found out a lot about each other.
I'm just hurt as I think if we had of went on the second date we would have had a good time.
He didn't even give me the chance.
After that level of communication I didn't think I was out of order asking for a explanation either.
It's horrible when people assume your crazy /stalker just for wanting a bit of a reason.
If I was good enough to text for 2 months at least be straight with me.

The problem is we haven't actually got any control over our emotions. I'm a year into my relationship with dp, and I'm still worried that I may cool off (even if he doesn't!) Still, as far as you're concerned, surely it's better now than several months down the line?

@Singlenotsingle oh yeah deffo but with him I know it was because he started getting attention from someone else.
It was the way he did it.
He could have easily went on our date that I paid for considering he had banged on about it for a month..rather than blowing me out as soon as someone popped up.

This is why l don't waste my time re online dating, most of the men are like a bunch of kids in a sweet shop.
I would just draw a line under it,.let some other poor bugger have the joys.

He did a 360 on me

He did a 180. A 360 is a circle.

Well whichever the degree it was ...he certainly did it.

Op next time I think you need to be aware of the red flags. The intense texting and volume of messages both of you engaged in. That really was not normal. I went through something similar when I was much younger. I didn't recognize it then but in hindsight it wasn't healthy or normal. And it went downhill from there.

He didn’t tell his mother about you

He doesn’t dote on his nephews - he sends video footage of children to random strangers in an attempt to get him to seem like he loves kids - because a lot of women fall for that shit.

He probably sees his nephews once a year & doesn’t even know their ages

You sound very naive & too trusting.

You still seem to be under the delusion he told his mum about you - he didn’t!

People who future fake are heartbroken & trying to use any woman as a puzzle piece to fit in with their grand delusion of love. They play out these delusions & only peopel who are insecure or emotionally deficient in some way will fall for it

For others being text at 4am & having someone pressure them to be present for a major life purchase would weird them out.

It reeks of desperation - both you & him.

That you felt he made you feel worth something again is what you need to explore here.

You don’t sound ready to date

I agree with others he has not exactly betrayed you & you need to toughen up

I agree with the post above, if your going to continue with online dating you need to grow a back bone and learn to distance yourself at the beginning. Most men on these apps are playing a game, most tell you what you want to hear, usually so they can get you into bed, once they have achieved that or someone better comes along then they don’t want to know. I have been dating for years and no longer go to a date thinking “this could be the one”, I go with my eyes open, I don’t believe a word they say especially when they say all the right things, I don’t get involved with their personal lives (don’t need to know about their ex, their kids, their mother etc...), I just look at it as going for a coffee with a stranger because that exactly what it is. It takes a loooooong time to get to know someone well enough to be in a relationship and to trust what comes out of their mouth. Be more careful in the future and stop saying he screwed you over, you only met him a couple times, he owed you nothing.

In the kindest way OP- if you’re going to OLD, you need a thicker skin. He absolutely shouldn’t have been such a twat in the way he just dropped you but you had one date, you didn’t know one another and certainly didn’t owe each other anything.

Consider it a lucky escape, chalk it up to experience, and move on.

I know I need to develop a thicker skin.
Maybe I liked the idea of him than actually am (as you say,how well did I actually know him)
I'm not silly I know he wasn't the love of my life but I assumed he must have liked me..
That's where I went wrong

*him not am

@walkigonsuncc of course he liked you. Think of a child in a sweet or toy shop, picking up a new one and giving it rapturous interest for a few minutes, before spotting another toy that appears newer and shinier than the one in its hand.

That's a good way to think about it.
I guess there's that much choice.
It's annoying as we got on so well and really had good conversations.
Oh well

You've been suckered in well and truly, don't blame you, these super intense guys know how to play it, bet you felt like you'd known him for years. This kind of behaviour is a massive red flag 🚩, if you come across it again, you'll know to avoid it.

I do feel like I've been played a bit.
Made me feel like we had known each other years.
How do you go from all that contact just overnight saying delete my number
Obviously was someone else

Anybody would be upset and disappointed. You’d invested a lot of time in him. He’s obviously a knob tho so you have had a lucky escape.

I do think the setting his alarm at 4am thing is a bit - alarming? (See what I did). That’s very very full on, that is....

When I did OLD and met my guy I tried to keep something (emotional) in reserve for ages. In fact, I kept saying to my friends, oh, he’s lovely but he’ll probably ghost me tomorrow. They thought I was weird for thinking this. But I just wanted to be prepared for the worst.

In fact even after 9 months I still try to keep a little bit of a mental guard up. This is new for me - previously I have always ripped out my heart and flung it at the feet of my men to trample upon (which, of course, they have....)

Get back on the horse, OP. There are lovely men on OLD too......

You have absolutely been played. OLD is full of men who do just that. Treat it as a learning experience and be wary that it could happen again. I agree with other posters that someone texting so much and so early in the morning is bad news as its so outwith normal social boundaries. I also agree with the poster who said some men do this as a hobby - goodness knows how they have time to hold down a job, as it must involve so much time on their part!