To be annoyed by awkward visitors & guests

[ali444]

I'm a single mum, work part time and don't have a lot of spare cash for luxuries or anything beyond the basics for my DC and myself. We live well but I'm very careful with money.
Dreading the end of lockdown as friends and family will be visiting more often and expecting to be fed (not a problem in itself, as long as they are happy to eat the kind of foods and ingredients I keep in the house).
I keep my food very plain and simple, no fancy ingredients or condiments etc. Don't like mayo (neither do DC so I don't even have it in the house). A friend came once and I made a simple but perfectly find cheese sandwich and she like "have you got any lettuce, cherry tomatoes and mayo to put on it".. No! Someone else asked me for "skimmed milk" (don't buy it, ever!), another one asked for "brown sugar" in their coffee (as opposed to standard white sugar), someone else has asked for "pink rock salt" once when helping me make a salad for a party... The list goes on.
AIBU to find it rude and inconsiderate to be in someone's house and, instead of just gracefully accepting what is offered, start asking for stupid, random and sometimes completely obscure things that they probably knew from the outset I was unlikely to have.
If I'm in somone's house, I never make a nuisance of myself but asking if they've got any this or that... it puts pressure on the host and I find it rude tbh. Anyone else feel the same?

Am I the only one getting ads for Tetley on this thread now?

Surely most people go to a person's house, fulfil the purpose of why they're there, and then leave at the time they want to leave and give very little thought about what happens in between? No? Just me?

I’ve never visited a friend’s house or had anyone come to visit me without drinks and refreshments being offered! It just seems the normal, hospitable thing to do.

Especially if they’ve travelled to see you and might be hot/cold/tired from the bus, train or driving. Kids AND adults get cranky when they’re hungry or thirsty.

As a host I always offer drinks/nibbles on arrival. That might be tea, coffee or a chilled can of coke for the adults... and juice or milk for the kids. Along with whatever biscuits or cake I have in the cupboard. If they’ve dropped in at short notice I share whatever I have in (and if they ask for skimmed and I only have semi or full fat, no problem I just say so. Why make a big deal of it?)

There are a few things I’d be embarrassed to run out of altogether like milk, tea, sugar, coffee, a kid-friendly drink like juice or milkshake (regardless of whether or not we drink them it’s a sort of social taboo not to offer guests a drink the way they like it). Sweeteners no, if someone’s on a diet they normally carry sweeteners in their bag or choose not to have sugar.

If you’ve invited someone for lunch isn’t it normal to ask what they like eating rather than assume they like what you like?

I haven't got one single friend who drink instant coffee or have any in their home.. Instead of insulting me, you should educate yourself and get out more. Some people have taste

I’ve only had one guest who turned her nose up at instant coffee!

Ironically when I went to her house she couldn’t wait to tell me her enormous coffee machine cost 2k. Unfortunately it took 15 mins just to warm itself up ready to function, another 15 mins to grind the beans and by the time my (rather bitter) espresso was ready I was nearly ready to leave! In the time it took her to operate the fancy coffee machine we could have had a nice chat. Nowadays I just ask for tea 😂

Oh dear. Look at certain posters showing off because their friends are here. Yawn.

I have had people refuse to drink instant coffee in my house because it was a certain brand.

The coffee inside the container was a different brand but I used the container because it was a distinctive height and just worked for me.

One of these so called friends criticized the type of cheese I offered, criticized the meal I cooked despite me having asked if there was anything they didn't like. I offered to cook something else and they said it was too complicated - it wasn't.

Another, if any food was visible they would ask if they could eat it.

I've been invited round to people's houses for lunch and they've had no food in.

I actually had a couple of awkward guests, uninvited, who try to make ridiculous requests but they make me laugh

Normal conversation would go like that: Would you like a drink? We have ..... (long boring list of what we actually have).

Can I have.. something like squash, or other random items which no, I don't have, didn't have last time, won't have next time you come and wasn't on the list of what I offered you. If you dislike the soft drinks, including the half dozen different kind of fresh fruit juice in the fridge that haven't been drunk by the kids and their friends yet, you can have tap water.

Some people are funny. I stand by my point, they ARE rude, but no one is offended.

I am even more amused as all the brits on here who consider tea bags as a staple, and live to their stereotypes! We should start a thread about the acceptable colour of said tea!

I might ask if they have something like mayo/ skimmed milk (if they were things I wanted) because they are common items. Sometimes people have those things but don't get them out for guests unless asked.

I wouldn't ask for fancy/ uncommon things unless I knew it was the kind of thing that person might have. Wouldn't occur to me to ask for brown sugar rather than white, or pink rock salt!

@Beseigedbykillersquirrels

Oh dear. Look at certain posters showing off because their friends are here. Yawn.

😂 😂 😂

I love that! It's bragging to mention you have a friend or a relative in your life.

Classic MN 😂

I've lost count of the number of times you have tediously mentioned this in an irritating, mocking way. Stick to what you like and everyone else will stick to what they like.

KVIIIlyne

Beseigedbykillersquirrels

Oh dear. Look at certain posters showing off because their friends are here. Yawn.

😂 😂 😂

I love that! It's bragging to mention you have a friend or a relative in your life.

Classic MN 😂

You have spectacularly misunderstood. Cringe 😬

what were you trying to say but failed Beseigedbykillersquirrels

@KVIIIlyne - erm, I didn't fail to say anything. You're not quite the hilarious sharp wit you appear to believe you are.

Beseigedbykillersquirrels

you could just reply to the question instead of insulting people... is it so hard?

@KVIIIlyne

Beseigedbykillersquirrels

you could just reply to the question instead of insulting people... is it so hard?

Not sure. You've insulted 'Brits' too many times to count on this thread.

If expecting these guests could you just tell them that you can provide plain sandwiches and if they fancy bring some salad or mayo along that would be just lovely. Then if they don't it's their loss.

I am even more amused as all the brits on here who consider tea bags as a staple, and live to their stereotypes!

It IS a staple, and stereotypes exist because they are based in fact.

Anyone who thinks tea is not a staple in a British home is from another planet.

Shame on me, I forgot tea and tea bags was a very grave and serious subject 😂

@Rukaya

I am even more amused as all the brits on here who consider tea bags as a staple, and live to their stereotypes!

It IS a staple, and stereotypes exist because they are based in fact.

Anyone who thinks tea is not a staple in a British home is from another planet.

It might be a shocking concept, but thankfully Britain is more multi-cultural than you seem to think 🤷

Honestly, people who measure niceness by what's in their cupboard for potential guests are massive fucking weirdos

It is the social norm among my family and friends to offer a hot drink - usually tea (not cheap tea) when you have visitors. And it is the social norm among everyone I know that this happens, not just at home, but (pre covid) in the workplace, business meetings etc. I find your statement rather disingenuous TBH @JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows.

You sound like my friends and family @HikeForward. We don’t turn up on spec at people’s houses anyway, so we are expected, and as soon as we turn up the kettle goes on. It’s an automatic thing.

Some family members do this with me and it drives me bonkers sometimes. Yanbu

@KVIIIlyne,

WTAF is your problem with Brits? You haven't stopped insulting Brits all day on this thread.

[quote ZeroFuchsGiven]@KVIIIlyne,

WTAF is your problem with Brits? You haven't stopped insulting Brits all day on this thread.[/quote]
Hmm. I am also getting that impression.

I am happy to admit that I conform to the British stereotype of enjoying a cup of tea - made with a tea bag and with milk

Nothing wrong with that. Being snobby about tea isn't a very attarctive trait IMO.

ZeroFuchsGiven I have no problem with anyone, I just find the posters who insist that everyone they know and in the whole world must have tea bags for visitors, unless they are (from the thread) weird, anti-social, rude...and stoping the fight for cancer too apparently

The original point was that when people turn up uninvited, they don't have expectations or requests; and frankly even when you are invited, while you can expect some food and refreshment, you don't make specific requests either.

But because some posters believe they hold the standard of what is "normal", anyone remotely different is a bad host.

YANBU not to want to run your home like a restaurant!

I wonder, though, whether all these people are genuinely demanding that you serve them all these specific things (which would be quite rude) or whether at least asking more casually, and you interpret it as a demand? Or whether you have one or two fussy or gourmet-obsessed friends, and you're generalizing from them to everyone?

It's understandable that someone might ask casually if you have brown sugar (though personally I usually don't have it!) But pink rock salt? Blimey!

that should have been 'whether at least some are asking more casually'