To be annoyed by awkward visitors & guests

[ali444]

I'm a single mum, work part time and don't have a lot of spare cash for luxuries or anything beyond the basics for my DC and myself. We live well but I'm very careful with money.
Dreading the end of lockdown as friends and family will be visiting more often and expecting to be fed (not a problem in itself, as long as they are happy to eat the kind of foods and ingredients I keep in the house).
I keep my food very plain and simple, no fancy ingredients or condiments etc. Don't like mayo (neither do DC so I don't even have it in the house). A friend came once and I made a simple but perfectly find cheese sandwich and she like "have you got any lettuce, cherry tomatoes and mayo to put on it".. No! Someone else asked me for "skimmed milk" (don't buy it, ever!), another one asked for "brown sugar" in their coffee (as opposed to standard white sugar), someone else has asked for "pink rock salt" once when helping me make a salad for a party... The list goes on.
AIBU to find it rude and inconsiderate to be in someone's house and, instead of just gracefully accepting what is offered, start asking for stupid, random and sometimes completely obscure things that they probably knew from the outset I was unlikely to have.
If I'm in somone's house, I never make a nuisance of myself but asking if they've got any this or that... it puts pressure on the host and I find it rude tbh. Anyone else feel the same?

@LolaSmiles

I love how politely asking if someone has something fairly common has morphed into making demands.

I look forward to informing everyone I know that they're so rude and demanding.

I love how normal it is for people to come uninvited and start asking for sandwiches and all the trimmings

DuchessOfSausage some people don't produce as much saliva as others. Also, it depends on how fresh the bread is and whether butter is used. I could easily eat a cheese sandwich with bread freshly made from our breadmaker the same day and butter on both slices. If the bread is a couple of days old and there is no butter I would struggle.

Some people drink tea, so they imagine that the rest of the world should have tea bags as a staple.

Most adults drink tea. I know adults who dislike it, but they prefer coffee. I know very few adults who eschew hot drinks entirely.

I love how normal it is for people to come uninvited and start asking for sandwiches and all the trimmings

Tbf that would be completely normal in my life with friends and family but that is not what the op has posted. You seem to be reading what you want to read and then making the rest up!

How rude! I’d just eat whatever I was given and be grateful for it! You’re not a cafe. Or just don’t feed people who pop in randomly, I wouldn’t expect it unless I’d actually been invited round to lunch.

Most adults drink tea. I know adults who dislike it, but they prefer coffee. I know very few adults who eschew hot drinks entirely.

I know quite a few people who were looking forward to drink tea in England and got very disappointed when they were served cheap black tea drown in milk

The idea that everybody must buy cheap tea bags and the whole world will be delighted is puzzling. Drink what you want, but expecting to find what you like in other people's pantry and fridge is very odd, and very narrow minded.

Very MN too

Most people drink tea, however those of us who do not often keep a few in for those that do. It's called being a nice person. Some here should probably try it some time.

@Rukaya not sure if you see the list of reasons how I do help people - including supporting women who've experienced sexual abuse - I think it says FAR more about you that you wouldn't consider me a nice person because I don't stock tea for my 3 visitors a year, than it says about me

@KVIIIlyne

Most adults drink tea. I know adults who dislike it, but they prefer coffee. I know very few adults who eschew hot drinks entirely.

I know quite a few people who were looking forward to drink tea in England and got very disappointed when they were served cheap black tea drown in milk

The idea that everybody must buy cheap tea bags and the whole world will be delighted is puzzling. Drink what you want, but expecting to find what you like in other people's pantry and fridge is very odd, and very narrow minded.

Very MN too

This!!

Honestly, people who measure niceness by what's in their cupboard for potential guests are massive fucking weirdos

How rude! I’d just eat whatever I was given and be grateful for it! You’re not a cafe

It's not rude. If someone offered you coffee but handed it to you black and without sugar, would it be rude to ask if they had milk? No of course not!

ot sure if you see the list of reasons how I do help people - including supporting women who've experienced sexual abuse - I think it says FAR more about you that you wouldn't consider me a nice person because I don't stock tea for my 3 visitors a year, than it says about me

I'm sorry, I must have missed the daily national you up date, whoever you are. I didn't say I wouldn't consider you a nice person for not stocking tea. I said its nice to keep a few tea bags in for those visitors who do.
3 visitors a year? That's sad for you. Perhaps you have forgotten social nicities as you have people in so infrequently?

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

Shame on you. You should stock, at any given time:

still water, sparkly water, coconut water
full fat, semi skimmed, skimmed cow milk
Almond milk, soja milk, cashew milk
Black tea bags, decaf tea bags
earl grey, breakfast, royal blend, queen Anne, smoked...
white granulated sugar, brown sugar, sugar cube, sweeteners,
lemon, lime
fresh mint, fresh camomille, and an assortment of herbal tea
green tea
white tea

and that's just some of the "tea" part, let's not go over the accompanying nibbles that should be staple with a cup of tea, or the coffee selection.

I can't wait for the " I don't know anyone who adds lemon in their tea or drink mint tea" so they cannot possibly exist

I don't like instant coffee but I know some people do so I keep a jar in. I also wouldn't give a guest a pain cheese sandwich unless they had specifically asked for one. I would at least get a bit of salad to go in it if I knew I was having guests. A lettuce and a tomato costs next to nothing. If they turned up unannounced and expected to be fed, that's a different matter and they'd get whatever I had.

I don't eat salad cream but my bf does so I have a bottle in the fridge.

I think if you go to a friend’s house to eat, you get what you’re given. I wouldn’t choose to eat a plain cheese sandwich, but I would eat it and not ask for anything else.

I don’t expect friends and family to have my favourite foods in stock. I’m grateful for anything I’m given.

I like a condiment a little too much; if you came around to mine, I’d offer you quite an array of things that could go atop your cheese sarnie.

@KVIIIlyne

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

Shame on you. You should stock, at any given time:

still water, sparkly water, coconut water
full fat, semi skimmed, skimmed cow milk
Almond milk, soja milk, cashew milk
Black tea bags, decaf tea bags
earl grey, breakfast, royal blend, queen Anne, smoked...
white granulated sugar, brown sugar, sugar cube, sweeteners,
lemon, lime
fresh mint, fresh camomille, and an assortment of herbal tea
green tea
white tea

and that's just some of the "tea" part, let's not go over the accompanying nibbles that should be staple with a cup of tea, or the coffee selection.

I can't wait for the " I don't know anyone who adds lemon in their tea or drink mint tea" so they cannot possibly exist

I drink lemon juice in hot water every morning and love a green and mint tea!

I wouldn't expect anyone else to cater for me though and take my own lemon and mint & green tea bags with me to my bf's!

@Rukaya

How rude! I’d just eat whatever I was given and be grateful for it! You’re not a cafe

It's not rude. If someone offered you coffee but handed it to you black and without sugar, would it be rude to ask if they had milk? No of course not!

ot sure if you see the list of reasons how I do help people - including supporting women who've experienced sexual abuse - I think it says FAR more about you that you wouldn't consider me a nice person because I don't stock tea for my 3 visitors a year, than it says about me

I'm sorry, I must have missed the daily national you up date, whoever you are. I didn't say I wouldn't consider you a nice person for not stocking tea. I said its nice to keep a few tea bags in for those visitors who do.
3 visitors a year? That's sad for you. Perhaps you have forgotten social nicities as you have people in so infrequently?

@Rukaya you said: Most people drink tea, however those of us who do not often keep a few in for those that do. It's called being a nice person. Some here should probably try it some time.

How is that doing anything other than saying I'm not nice because I don't stock tea?

I'm sure with your condescending final paragraph you were attempting to upset me by implying I have no friends - what an absolute cunt move that was...imagine if I had depression, or anxiety or a complex about having no friends and you made me feel worse...would that make you feel good? Would you feel victorious if you'd made me feel like shit?

Luckily I don't have any of those things, I have loads of friends and I actually meant 3 visitors who'd expect tea - I have girlfriends over for evenings most weeks, one friend is coming tonight. Girlfriends who have never asked for a cup of tea because we have wine.

But think about your words before you make a snipey little comment so you feel like you can 'win'.

It's a good job I don't care for the opinion of someone who measures niceness on the contents of their cupboards. I live in the real world and measure niceness on people's action and how they try and make others feel. With your last comment, I am only glad I don't know you IRL

@KVIIIlyne

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

Shame on you. You should stock, at any given time:

still water, sparkly water, coconut water
full fat, semi skimmed, skimmed cow milk
Almond milk, soja milk, cashew milk
Black tea bags, decaf tea bags
earl grey, breakfast, royal blend, queen Anne, smoked...
white granulated sugar, brown sugar, sugar cube, sweeteners,
lemon, lime
fresh mint, fresh camomille, and an assortment of herbal tea
green tea
white tea

and that's just some of the "tea" part, let's not go over the accompanying nibbles that should be staple with a cup of tea, or the coffee selection.

I can't wait for the " I don't know anyone who adds lemon in their tea or drink mint tea" so they cannot possibly exist

I know, shame on me, I feel truly sorry for all those people in my life who have to tolerate good support and lots of fun but no tea

I love MN, this thread is batshit.

I wouldn't expect anyone else to cater for me though and take my own lemon and mint & green tea bags with me to my bf's!

according to this thread, your bf and everybody else is a bad guest and rather rude not to have them as they are staple though 😂

*host, not guest

@KVIIIlyne

I wouldn't expect anyone else to cater for me though and take my own lemon and mint & green tea bags with me to my bf's!

according to this thread, your bf and everybody else is a bad guest and rather rude not to have them as they are staple though 😂

And the they're Bad People too.

You could cure cancer but it's all cancelled if you don't cater for your guests 😂

Whether they have the items in question is irrelevant. A simple request for half a cup of milk in your tea because that's how you like it, could force your host into the position of either having to have water on their cornflakes tomorrow morning or having to explain to you just how skint they are

Surely if you’re going to a friend’s house for lunch/coffee you know each other well enough to know if one is in such dire financial straits she cannot afford to give you half a cup of milk in your tea!

And if you knew she was struggling this much you wouldn’t (hopefully) be eating her limited food or asking for a drop of her milk anyway, you’d be inviting her to yours or bringing essentials with you, or better yet say you’re popping into the shops on your way and does she need anything on the way? And why would you host people for drinks etc if milk/sugar is out of your budget?

But I got the impression OP wasn’t unable to afford basics like lettuce, mayo etc she just felt offended to be asked if she had them. She didn’t like them so thought it rude others asked.

The fact she was throwing a party when the friend asked for pink rock salt (whilst making a salad for OP’s party) suggests she’s not so hard up she can’t afford a cup of milk! Pink rock salt is an odd request (and I’ve never heard of it) but it’s equally odd to serve undressed salad at a party. I’d just say ‘never heard of that but if you want to spice it up you could make a lemon/olive oil dressing or chuck some sumac/cayenne/soy sauce & vinegar on it?’ Surely you’d have some sort of salad dressing ingredients if it was for a party?

I have an awkward BIL who makes a point of asking for something different and he also does this in restaurants, requesting exotic choices which aren't on the menu. I think it makes him feel big and important to have people running around after him. For that reason alone I actually feel a little sorry for him because it's pathetic.

It goes without saying that he believes himself to be superior to the rest of the human race. If he knew what I really thought of him he would probably burst into tears.

I don't think it's a big deal to say no to friends. When my husband and I first moved in together we didn't buy milk in the weekly shop as we didn't drink it. IF we invited people over we would buy milk but if people popped in we wouldn't have any. Friends and family knew this so was never an issue ! Infact when I go to stay with my parents who also don't drink milk I take milk for my children as I don't expect them to buy it for them

I love how normal it is for people to come uninvited and start asking for sandwiches and all the trimmings
All the trimmings!
Sometimes it really is another world on here.

People who ask to be fed are rude. When people come to our houses we are under no obligation to feed them. This is where "I've not got things for lunch as I wasn't expecting guests" comes in.

If we choose to offer food then there's no point getting irritated if someone asks if there's some condiments. Just say you don't have any.

Or, better still, if all these friends are so awful and rude and even a polite question about simple things is too much, they might be better off not having people round and meet up somewhere else instead. Why have people round if having people round is so stressful?

@eatsleepread

Bizarre. Some extremely strange posts here. Some people choosing not to have teabags in That's about proving some weird kind of point, rather than trying in any way to be a half-decent host. I'm willing to bet that these people wouldn't go out of their way for others in general. I mean, really, what adults don't keep teabags in case someone comes round?! It's so bloody miserable.

My inlaws heard I drink Earl Grey and don’t drink ‘regular’ tea and very kindly bought in a box of posh Earl Grey tea in little silk bags especially for me. The only problem is, they live far away, I’m the only one who drinks it and the box is now about a decade old. It tastes horrible and I have to sit and smile my way through it.

I try asking for a coffee instead and their faces fall at the thought of not being able to make me a special tea with their specially purchased teabags, so I just go along with it.

@HikeForward

Whether they have the items in question is irrelevant. A simple request for half a cup of milk in your tea because that's how you like it, could force your host into the position of either having to have water on their cornflakes tomorrow morning or having to explain to you just how skint they are

Surely if you’re going to a friend’s house for lunch/coffee you know each other well enough to know if one is in such dire financial straits she cannot afford to give you half a cup of milk in your tea!

And if you knew she was struggling this much you wouldn’t (hopefully) be eating her limited food or asking for a drop of her milk anyway, you’d be inviting her to yours or bringing essentials with you, or better yet say you’re popping into the shops on your way and does she need anything on the way? And why would you host people for drinks etc if milk/sugar is out of your budget?

But I got the impression OP wasn’t unable to afford basics like lettuce, mayo etc she just felt offended to be asked if she had them. She didn’t like them so thought it rude others asked.

The fact she was throwing a party when the friend asked for pink rock salt (whilst making a salad for OP’s party) suggests she’s not so hard up she can’t afford a cup of milk! Pink rock salt is an odd request (and I’ve never heard of it) but it’s equally odd to serve undressed salad at a party. I’d just say ‘never heard of that but if you want to spice it up you could make a lemon/olive oil dressing or chuck some sumac/cayenne/soy sauce & vinegar on it?’ Surely you’d have some sort of salad dressing ingredients if it was for a party?

This. This. The OP had convinced a pal to help prep for HER PARTY and apparently that person is rude for asking about dressing ingredients.

If someone comes round to help feed my guests I'm full of thanks for them not calling them rude for asking a question.

@KVIIIlyne

Most adults drink tea. I know adults who dislike it, but they prefer coffee. I know very few adults who eschew hot drinks entirely.

I know quite a few people who were looking forward to drink tea in England and got very disappointed when they were served cheap black tea drown in milk

The idea that everybody must buy cheap tea bags and the whole world will be delighted is puzzling. Drink what you want, but expecting to find what you like in other people's pantry and fridge is very odd, and very narrow minded.

Very MN too

I don’t think anyone said it leads to universal delight, or that own branded bagged tea is the height of sophistication. But your opinion of ‘cheap tea drowned in milk’ isn’t really relevant here. Whether you like it or not, surely you get that it’s a pretty standard thing to offer causal guests? In 41 years on the planet, I don’t think I’ve ever visited a household where I haven’t been offered tea or coffee.

Expecting someone to have the full range of food I like in their pantry, or even my favourite brand of biscuits or flavour of crisps, would indeed be odd. But the drink you’re most likely to be offered in most homes in the country? Really not that odd.

If I'm at a friend or family member's house, I wouldn't think twice about asking if they have something like mayonnaise or brown sugar..?! If they don't, they can just say so.

(the pink rock salt thing is very specific though!)