To be beautiful?

[Mindgoneblanko]

Aibu to want to be beautiful and to wonder what it must be like to be beautiful and know you’re beautiful? How does it feel, if you are?
Have you been aware of having more opportunities in life, people being nicer to you etc, based on your looks, or has it been detrimental in any way?
For the record, I’m not hideous, ok I’d say or was when younger, but definitely not highly attractive/very pretty/beautiful

I wonder what life is like for Angelina Jolie, being so beautiful. I have seen interviews that she has given, where she said that she doesn't socialise much, and doesn't have any female friends.

From my experience of knowing male models & some that are ridiculously handsome the bullshit that women aren't visual is just that, bullshit. Honestly the attention some got was unreal & they have no problem with pushing you over & standing up top of you to talk to him, one reason I never dated one!

My friend dated a footballer in the 90s and he seemed really nice but we went out as a group to Chinawhite (I feel old!) & it was mental. Other women just trying to strip off, lap dance the footballers etc. After another date my friend sacked it off as she couldn't take it.

Samantha Brick used to be my boss This was before the days when she went on about how awesomely beautiful she was, I remember her being pretty confident but no more so than anyone else at the company. I'm sure much of it was done with an eye for publicity.

On the looks front, I think a lot of people who are thought of as beautiful photograph very well and look striking but don't necessarily have mass appeal. I did some modelling when I was younger and I would say my looks stood out, but I longed to be one of those bouncy girl next door types who all the boys seemed to fancy. I tended to be more love/hate - some people used to stop me in the street to compliment me but others used to shout insults at me and call me anorexic (I wasn't, which made this rather frustrating). Now that I'm older I look less unusual and it is kind of a relief I have to say. That said, I think I'm still more conscious of my looks - and other people's - than I should be and I wish I didn't place quite so much reliance on it, especially since I realise it's all downhill from here

I thought Brad hated some of Angelina's female friends but who knows what goes on behind closed doors.

It's interesting how people's perception of beauty differs - several posters have mentioned Angelina Jolie but I've personally never thought of her as especially beautiful. Not idea why, I just don't see it.

Relationship-wise, I'm not sure that beauty is always the bonus it's made out to be. One of my friends (45) is a former model. She was in a controlling marriage (her ex didn't trust her not to cheat) and her current long term partner is superficial and not a patch on my DH, nor those of our other mutual friends, tbh. I'm not sure that her partners really appreciate her as a person.

One of DD's friends (16) is also noticeably beautiful and has an awful bf that her Mum's quite concerned about. He's controlling and tries to prevent her from doing anything without him.

I know those are only two RL examples, but it's made me appreciate being reasonably attractive, as opposed to beautiful. I've never been treated like someone's trophy and it's certainly too late for that to happen now.

How would you separate pretty from beautiful? I'm intrigued.

I've aged now but when younger ( mid 20s) fights used to break out when I went on nights out because men would look at me and their girlfriends would be mean to me and I was just perplexed and confused by it. I got denied jobs ( as a nurse) when interviewed by women and offered jobs mainly by men. Now I have grey hair and life is more straightforward- everyone ignores me and I can get along untroubled.

I'm interested that so many people say women were awful to them. When I changed my looks and became not beautiful, but certainly a lot better looking than I had been, I found women were nicer to me. They'd never been horrible as a class (the odd one, of course) but it all became more positive when I got "prettier". I've also got so many experiences of us all getting each other dressed up, lending clothes, doing hair, truly making each other look as pretty as possible. I like it.

Then again, I am a girls' girl and always have been. I sometimes get envious of prettier women but no more so than I'd be envious of a better house or more money. And it isn't really even a negative emotion. More a kind of "you lucky cow!" feeling.

I remeber reading an article in which angelina said she was bullied at school.

Different subject, but I googled 50 yr old women in bikinis the other day (as i am near 50 and wanted some inspiration) and I was so happy to see how gorgeous women can still look, naturally, over 50. Not for men. Just for themselves.

But ultimately OP definitely who you are matters most.

I have had a fair bit of attention in my time- men asking to take my picture when out for dinner, I once had a man stop me and give me his card, enquiring if I’d be interested in being in porn, when I worked in a bar my image was (unknowingly) used for a large fizzy juice marketing leaflet..same bar would also send me and my twin 🙄 around to sell shots as we would rake in a fair bit (even mentioned at an annual board meeting) as well as many other experiences.

I work in the public sector (teacher) and after I got my first job, I started to receive texts from the man who gave me the job to see if I would go out for drinks. This does diminish a sense of achievement and makes me question my ability. I then heard from a colleague that she ‘knew it needed to be a man to employ me’. I had had some discussion about my work clothes because of the attention I might get (I always wore professional clothes).

I’ve also unfortunately been on the receiving end of pupils (male) saying very inappropriate things to me when I first started. Lots of other things too but it makes me anxious about the way I present myself so that people don’t see it as my fault.
But I still quite like it..but also receive a bit less attention as I get older. But it does mean that I’m more sure people are listening to me, for my ideas etc
Although, definitely not on same par as angelina Jolie - also had lots of issues with girls at school

I think a pp said before that pretty can fade but beautiful lasts. I think most women can be pretty, but beautiful tends to connote elegance or something out of the ordinary.

I'm a big believer in “There are no ugly women, only lazy ones".

I'm unconventionally attractive - think a Lady Gaga, Maria Callas, Barbara Streisand type. It was actually hell for the first 21 years of my life. I just wanted to look like one of the girls on the OC, WHY did I have to be striking and not conventionally pretty. Then suddenly, I grew into my looks and I've never looked back.

Now I'd much rather be a bit quirky looking than conventionally hot - if anything I feel like I'm improving with age (I'm 34) and really growing into my face. Those awkward early years also forced me to develop a sense of humour and a personality. I find that men are either completely baffled or would crawl over broken glass to get to me .

I've got a friend who is straight up textbook gorgeous, and it's def a blessing and a curse. She's really bright and ambitious, but the she gets chased by really laddish guys who are confused when she starts quoting Gilbert and Sullivan at them.

@DrSbaitso

I'm interested that so many people say women were awful to them. When I changed my looks and became not beautiful, but certainly a lot better looking than I had been, I found women were nicer to me. They'd never been horrible as a class (the odd one, of course) but it all became more positive when I got "prettier". I've also got so many experiences of us all getting each other dressed up, lending clothes, doing hair, truly making each other look as pretty as possible. I like it.

Then again, I am a girls' girl and always have been. I sometimes get envious of prettier women but no more so than I'd be envious of a better house or more money. And it isn't really even a negative emotion. More a kind of "you lucky cow!" feeling.

I think I got severe bullying when I was younger, not just because I was pretty, but because I was pretty and FOREIGN.

We moved country a few times when I was young. So I got hate from the racists aswell. If there is anything that young women hate, it is a foreign woman that is better looking than them.

For example in my school in Ireland, there was a beautiful Irish girl, and she was treated fine, and there was a beautiful Russian girl, and she was bullied really severely. She was treated with real utter hatred.

What I find interesting is when people look better as they get older!

I genuinely know a couple of people who look better in their 40's than they did in their 20's, probably because they know what suits them, have taken care of their skin and hair, etc. They were nice-looking at 25 but turn heads at 45. It's not really the same as beauty, I suppose it's confidence that makes them stand out now.

Both my first ever serious boyfriend (age 16) and my husband (got together age 35) remarked to me that they didn’t go out with me/marry me for my looks. I’m still unsure whether to take it as a compliment. They both said it was meant as one

@Outofthisword

How would you separate pretty from beautiful? I'm intrigued.

So take the Victoria’s Secret models. The majority of them are beautiful women. They aren’t the type of women you’d see wandering down the high street.

Pretty is pleasant to look at, but not perfect looking. So take Fearn Cotton as done I’ve that’s popped in to my head.

That’s my take on it

It's very hard to say that I'm beautiful. But it is true that a lot of people have said that to me. A very honest young guy said to me a few months ago that although I don't have the most perfect features, the combination of my features and my energy is incredibly charming and moreish and I am very attractive. So I guess that is a kind of beauty.

I know women who know and think they're beautiful, and are very arrogant. Personally I don't like that. I always felt like an ugly duckling. But seem to get a reaction.

Beauty honestly totally really is about your energy. And for example loving to spend time with and on your body each day. I touch my body with love. I treasure it. I smooth on creams and I love my hair and I make up my face like a picture and I marvel really at myself. We have to. And I try only to have pure, kind, good, positive energy flowing through me.

Daily strong exercise - swimming and walking, in my case - super important. And smiling. Being kind to people. To anyone. No judgement ever.

I guess just being a nice person.

The only person who's ever told me I was beautiful is my DH and he needs glasses. I know I am not but I'm quite satisfied with being quite average looking.
If I could change anything about myself I'd far sooner be normal height and thinner than prettier.(I'm really short, and I think that has way more drawbacks than not being pretty/beautiful!)

It's all probably a curse ( is what I tell myself) !
Most people are average looking
A few are really pretty / handsome whatevs
1 percent are stunningly beautiful
These are my observations ( based on nothing much to be honest)
Looks are subjective though , a bit like art.
( apart from those Victoria secret girls who are from another planet completely and I do envy those !)

We can definitely still be beautiful as we get older.

Jlo is 50! She looks great. Reese witherspoon is 45 - she looks amazing

allfurcoatnoknickers
I'm a big believer in “There are no ugly women, only lazy ones".

Good to hear some feminist power.

What about the " I don't give a fuck" ones?

I honestly don't give a shit if random people think I am beautiful or pretty.

I wasn’t a beautiful child but am told I am beautiful now and started being told so when I was about 18 and stopped wearing glasses (I think I was the inspiration for all those shitty teen makeover movies where she then gets the guy because she got contacts and brushed her hair).

@Cameleongirl

What I find interesting is when people look better as they get older! I genuinely know a couple of people who look better in their 40's than they did in their 20's, probably because they know what suits them, have taken care of their skin and hair, etc. They were nice-looking at 25 but turn heads at 45. It's not really the same as beauty, I suppose it's confidence that makes them stand out now.

I’ll tell you who I think looks better as they’ve aged- Nicole Kidman!

She looked so plan when she was younger now she’s gorgeous at 50+

Apologies if this sounds conceited, it’s not meant to, but it’s difficult to explain otherwise. I’m in my 60’s now but I was classed as ‘beautiful’ when I was younger.
As a child I received huge amounts of attention from adults - people stopping my DM to admire me - particularly my hair. From a young age I knew that I received more attention than my peers - I was always the one picked to do the ‘special/treat’ things at school and received lots of positive attention.
During adolescence/20’s the attention from boys/men increased noticeably.
When I was about 14 I was shopping with DM in an indoor market when a group of young men stopped working, gathered together and sang ‘Mrs Brown you’ve got a lovely daughter’ - DM was so embarrassed. I’ve had remarks and attention about my looks from male teachers, male colleagues, male bosses, even during a job interview from one of the male interviewers (in front of the other interviewers, very embarrassing) - so many stories.
At work I know I had an easier ride than others. I’m absolutely not suggesting I ever got promoted because of my looks but I did experience more leniency than others might have.

Overall, I think my looks have given me a much easier life and were a positive thing. However - I don’t know whether it was due to all the attention I received but I was always incredibly shy and although I’m over that I’m still an introvert.