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Original poster

11 year old - inappropriate chat on what app group

131 replies

Mustgoon · 13/04/2021 23:33

Wondering if anyone can give any advice as I am new to this stage of parenting!
My 11 year old DC is in Y7
She is in the form what’s app group and it is often useful for remembering to bring things to school / change of time table / general goings on in the form.
My DD does not have her phone at night and it’s downstairs charging. I do check from time to time the messages as in general my DD is fairly sensible and does talk to me about anything she is worried about.
However, recently there has been a few of the same girls very active on the chat at night. Sometimes just silly chat but recently I have seen messages that I am not really happy with. - mainly talking about threesoms and thinking about ‘f*ing two men at a time’ (celebrities) discussing drugs and how they have been drunk.
Just wondered if this is normal chat for y7 (age 11 and 12) If you have a y7 child would this be all par for the course at this age?

OP posts:
fourandnomore · 13/04/2021 23:36

My daughter is in year 6 and if within a year her chat has escalated to that I would be horrified. That’s really sad. They’re so young - or perhaps I’m very naive.

1stTimeMama · 13/04/2021 23:37

I have never encountered this, but
I have an 11yr old daughter and I would be livid if I found this on her phone! She doesn't have one, and if this turns out to be a thing based on any other replies you get, she won't be having one for a long while yet!

SirVixofVixHall · 13/04/2021 23:39

Blimey that is not normal , no ! My dd is 13, year 9, and her chats are nothing like that.
I would be really worried about such a young girl having stuff like that sent to her.

Smokeahontas · 13/04/2021 23:40

That is absolutely not normal for that age group. It’s actually quite disturbing.

Poorlykitten · 13/04/2021 23:40

No! That’s definitely not normal. I’d be horrified!

EmeraldShamrock · 13/04/2021 23:40

No it isn't normal at all at 11.
I often check DD's discord messages some of the boys have sent pictures of ladies in bras lots of hehe but nothing like you described that is very full on.

MrPickles73 · 13/04/2021 23:41

My yr 6 doesn't have a phone and this is an example of why. I would contact the parents concerned.

EmeraldShamrock · 13/04/2021 23:41

DD is 12.5

Original poster
Mustgoon · 13/04/2021 23:42

The thing is I can’t be livid because it’s not my DD who has sent any messages. She never really messages on there- it’s other girls. Just really sad for her. I know they grow up in secondary but I didn’t think she would be hearing about crack and threesomes at age 11 😭

OP posts:
angelikacpickles · 13/04/2021 23:43

Surely you can't possibly think that it is normal for 11 year olds to be talking like this?

TimeForTeaAndG · 13/04/2021 23:43

Screen grab and flag it to the school.

oohmyback · 13/04/2021 23:44

I'll probably get told I'm wrong but as a secondary teacher as well as a parent of a year 7 I would class this as a safeguarding concern and refer it to the head of year with screenshots.

If you know their parents I'd address it with them first.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/04/2021 23:44

This is awful and very serious. Your job is to protect her, even from herself if necessary. Her has got to go or at least be very, very heavily monitored. What's app needs to be deleted.

Original poster
Mustgoon · 13/04/2021 23:44

@MrPickles73

My yr 6 doesn't have a phone and this is an example of why. I would contact the parents concerned.
They all have phones in year 7. Literally every single child. If you don’t have a phone you are a social outcast and that’s not really what you want for your child starting a new school either. Esp this year when so much has been at home and phone calls are the only way to make any friends!
OP posts:
WaltzingToWalsingham · 13/04/2021 23:48

Not normal for my DD, who is now Year 8. Her form chat was mostly kids swapping homework tips and explaining that they would be absent from school because a family member had covid symptoms.

Since all the activities you mention above are illegal for 11-year-olds and they suggest that some girls have been exposed to inappropriate materials, I would be inclined to screenshot the messages and let the school know. I think such messages are a safeguarding concern, and their Head of Year would probably want to talk to the girls involved to find out more about their drinking, and experience of drug use and pornography. It might also merit some PSHE lessons relating to these topics, and what subjects are/are not suitable for group chat.

Original poster
Mustgoon · 13/04/2021 23:48

@oohmyback

I'll probably get told I'm wrong but as a secondary teacher as well as a parent of a year 7 I would class this as a safeguarding concern and refer it to the head of year with screenshots.

If you know their parents I'd address it with them first.

Really? Do you think so? The girl mentioned thinking about a 3 some with 2 celebrities and how awesome it would be ‘f*g me at the same time. She didn’t mention that is had happened, just her thoughts. I am wondering if she has unrestricted access to the internet / social media etc and that’s where the ideas are coming from? I don’t know if you report anything to the school in secondary? In primary I definitely would have, but are secondary school teachers wanting to know about group what’s apps out of school?
OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 13/04/2021 23:50

My DD doesn't have a phone she has lots of tech a computer system but no watsapp Instagram or phone.
She'll get one September changing schools.
Please speak to the school it's very concerning.

HoldontoOneMoreDay · 13/04/2021 23:52

Almost every S1 (which is our equivalent in Scotland) child I know has been in, or seen, some sort of bother with the year group WhatsApp chat. It's ranged from bullying to sexually inappropriate 'send nudes' to stuff like this which I would probably class as young people trying to look cool and not really understanding what they're talking about.

I think it's basically the freedom of the first phone with trying desperately to look cool in front of a wider peer group.

Step one is to take your child out of the group. I would also take screen shots and flag to school. I do think it's probably showing off rather than safeguarding, but that isn't your decision to make. What is your decision is how you role model to your children what they need to do in a group situation where people are saying things they don't like.

EmeraldShamrock · 13/04/2021 23:53

Really? Do you think so? The girl mentioned thinking about a 3 some with 2 celebrities and how awesome it would be ‘f*g me at the same time. Really I can't understand why you don't think it's an issue even if fantasy for an 11 y.o.
As a parent doesn't it concern you why she thinks it's appropriate.
This can't be real?

IdblowJonSnow · 13/04/2021 23:56

No. This isn't typical. It's great your DD isnt active in these chats but not should she be exposed to this shit.
Please take some action!

Original poster
Mustgoon · 13/04/2021 23:56

@HoldontoOneMoreDay

Almost every S1 (which is our equivalent in Scotland) child I know has been in, or seen, some sort of bother with the year group WhatsApp chat. It's ranged from bullying to sexually inappropriate 'send nudes' to stuff like this which I would probably class as young people trying to look cool and not really understanding what they're talking about.

I think it's basically the freedom of the first phone with trying desperately to look cool in front of a wider peer group.

Step one is to take your child out of the group. I would also take screen shots and flag to school. I do think it's probably showing off rather than safeguarding, but that isn't your decision to make. What is your decision is how you role model to your children what they need to do in a group situation where people are saying things they don't like.

Thank you. This is so true and yes it is very probably as you say, showing off about mature topics. It’s so difficult because the group chat is often really helpful for other reminders and keeping up with what’s going on. I think at the moment with covid they are only in their forms all day sticking together rather than perhaps going into different sets etc. Thank you for your advice
OP posts:
Lizzie523 · 13/04/2021 23:56

Not very normal, no. I was at school in the early 2000s and sex wasn't a discussion point.

Apart from once - this one girl would go on and on about sex and ask everyone if they had done it. I dread to think if we had all been on whatsapp and she could've continued after school hours!

ZeusandClio · 13/04/2021 23:58

As these are school friends you should definitely let the Safeguarding team at school know. It is a massive red flag that 11/12 year olds are speaking in such a sexual way - and do you want your daughter to think this kind of talk is normal?

Original poster
Mustgoon · 13/04/2021 23:59

@EmeraldShamrock

Really? Do you think so? The girl mentioned thinking about a 3 some with 2 celebrities and how awesome it would be ‘f*g me at the same time. Really I can't understand why you don't think it's an issue even if fantasy for an 11 y.o. As a parent doesn't it concern you why she thinks it's appropriate. This can't be real?
It does concern me yes but honestly I don’t know what 11 and 12 year olds chat about. A few of the class as replying so presumably they know about what’s being said. It does seem to be mainly one girl saying the worst of it but then it will swap to something pretty innocent. The kids messaging at midnight in my view haven’t got any parental controls on their phones. They are allowed phones all night and are viewing what?! It’s no wonder they are coming up with this stuff if they are allowed freedom on you tube and across the internet?
OP posts:
thedishonthecoffeetable · 14/04/2021 00:02

As someone who works in a school in a very minor role, lunchtime supervisor, if I came across this I would report to the safeguarding lead at the school. It may just be young girls bragging and trying to be cool, but on the other hand it could be young girls being groomed, county lines, or anything really.

I wouldn't stop my DD from having a phone though. I honestly don't understand people who say their kids wont have a phone, it's what it is now. Technology is here to stay folks, it's only going to evolve, tbh I'm 65 and just hope I can keep up with it, I lived very rural as a child and would have loved to have been able to keep in touch with friends out of school.