Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

11 year old - inappropriate chat on what app group

131 replies

Mustgoon · 13/04/2021 23:33

Wondering if anyone can give any advice as I am new to this stage of parenting!
My 11 year old DC is in Y7
She is in the form what’s app group and it is often useful for remembering to bring things to school / change of time table / general goings on in the form.
My DD does not have her phone at night and it’s downstairs charging. I do check from time to time the messages as in general my DD is fairly sensible and does talk to me about anything she is worried about.
However, recently there has been a few of the same girls very active on the chat at night. Sometimes just silly chat but recently I have seen messages that I am not really happy with. - mainly talking about threesoms and thinking about ‘f*ing two men at a time’ (celebrities) discussing drugs and how they have been drunk.
Just wondered if this is normal chat for y7 (age 11 and 12) If you have a y7 child would this be all par for the course at this age?

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 14/04/2021 00:04

Just wondered if this is normal chat for y7 (age 11 and 12) If you have a y7 child would this be all par for the course at this age?
Of course it's not normal Hmm

toiletbrushholder · 14/04/2021 00:04

Wry worrying, not at all normal, please let the school know, safeguarding issues need to be flagged.

babbaloushka · 14/04/2021 00:04

I think you should get in touch with the school and gently raise concerns. I doubt they understand what they're saying, probably are parroting things they've seen on social media to seem grown up, I know tiktok is full of that kind of thing.

Because of the internet, they have much more access to older kids and the kind of things they're posting- it wouldn't be unusual for 17 year old to have those conversations, but when I was her age, we had no means to mix with older kids, except for the 'cool' few who had older siblings, so it was very much trickle down rather than direct exposure. Now, these 17 year olds might make a funny tiktok about it, which younger kids see and interact with, adopting it into their own circles, if that makes sense. Probably just status elevation, but worth speaking to the school about still.

SaturdayRocks · 14/04/2021 00:06

Wow.

DS is in year 8, and he and his (best) friends have Nokias. No group chats, no apps.

There is - obviously - no chat along these lines.

I would be getting in touch with the year 7 tutor, or whoever is responsible for this year group - and ask that all students be reminded that:

  1. Everything they put on the internet is viewable and searchable for all eternity, no matter how secure they may think the privacy settings are.
  1. Many parents check the Whatsapp group to see if there’s anything they need to be aware of, and can see exactly what’s being discussed - and by whom.
  1. Due to some concerning recent content on the group whatsapp, the students can all be assured that this will now be regularly monitored.

If they are aware that their, um, ‘chat’ - complete with their name attached - is regularly being seen by a whole heap of adults, they might be shamed into stopping.

Of course, they can always set up another group chat. Which is why point 1 is so important to hammer home.

Ineedaneasteregg · 14/04/2021 00:06

My dd is year 8, her group chats can sometimes stray over too mean but they don't have anything like that.

I'd let the school know if I came across anything like that.

I know another chat group was calling some of the kids gay as an insult and the school got involved straight away and put a stop to it.

Take screenshots and report to the head of year.

NicEv · 14/04/2021 00:07

This is surely a wind up - no parent could possibly think this is a normal thing for 11 year old girls to send in a group wattsapp ? I think this is fake

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/04/2021 00:08

Yes. Fgs don't start sharing stories, guys 🤮

iamaclumsytwat · 14/04/2021 00:09

No OP this isn't right. I have 5 DDs, including a 12 year old, and this would really worry me. Mainly that this girl shouldn't even know about such things at her age. I know my girls wouldn't! Definitely need to flag this up with the school as this is a major safeguarding concern. She definitely shouldn't know what a threesome is at that age. So sad, and I truly hope it's sorted Thanks

oohmyback · 14/04/2021 00:09

I literally just said I'm a secondary school teacher (for 17 years....) so why are you asking if it's the right thing to do at secondary school. Yes you should share it with the school Confused

helpmemakeit · 14/04/2021 00:10

My daughter is 12 in year 8. I would go mental if I read anything like this. Obviously it's not your daughter saying this stuff but mine would remove herself from the chat if it turned like that. I would absolutely be discussing this with my daughter - you don't know what else she has been exposed to.

I would report to the school to be honest. Sounds like they need some serious pshe lessons. And deffo not normal. I'm not a prude and I'm sure she knows about more than she lets on but 11 year olds talking about fucking, Christ I think i must live a sheltered life.

SmellsLikeTeenBedroom · 14/04/2021 00:11

The reason why it's a SG issue is because 11 is quite young to be aware that 3somes are a thing, and somewhere this child has got the idea that sex with 2 people at once is normal and fun. The worry is where the chilf got this idea from: possibly exposure to pornograhy. Generally speaking, 11 is quite young to be expressing strong desire for sex (as opposed to general boyfriends/kissing) so it's an issue

MrsJacksonAvery · 14/04/2021 00:11

I'm a yr6 parent and secondary teacher. Definitely let the safeguarding team at the school know. I'd be flagging this even if it were yr11 - our job is to protect them.

theuncles · 14/04/2021 00:15

I work at a secondary school and I would 1000% report asap as a massive safeguarding concern! As PPs have said, screenshot everything and do it asap. Hopefully the girls are showing off and haven't actually done anything - but they and their parents need immediate and quick action - the school (and outside agencies) are experienced in handling this sort of thing effectively.

Even if you do know the parents involved - I'm sorry but you should report it. The parents won't know it came from you - but they are also not qualified to deal with this.

DS is Yr 8 and mostly he and his mates are only interested in gaming and stupid videos. But occasionally more adult messages come through, they are starting to think about girls and use rude emojis etc. But actual sex/threesomes, drugs and drink - that's a whole new level of trying to be adult - and of course also totally inappropriate on a whole class chat......

Yaya26 · 14/04/2021 00:16

OMG that is shocking! I’d be really really worried about any 11 year old girl who knows stuff/ sends messages like that. My daughter would be leaving the group sharpish - never to return in order to protect her. Very sad.

user1473878824 · 14/04/2021 00:19

Of course 11 year olds don’t talk about threesomes and “fucking” people! Take screenshots and show them to the head of year. While it shouldn’t be a school issue and I hate making teachers do anything out of their remit if you don’t know their parents they will.

Chickmad · 14/04/2021 00:20

Sadly some children are not innocents for long these days.
I don't see much point in approaching the parents of the children yourself. You may get very short shrift.
But the school definitely needs to know. Has this group been set up by school or by the students independently?
In secondary school the cohorts are much larger and from a much broader spectrum of society and it can be a huge culture shock, now more than ever with the advent of social media and the Internet.

user1473878824 · 14/04/2021 00:20

also I think you need to take your daughter out of that chat and explain that you checked her phone and some other girls were being hugely inappropriate and I am sure she is going to do a Kevin it isn’t FAAAAAAIR such is life.

Yaya26 · 14/04/2021 00:21

BTW I am a teacher teaching secondary age children and I’m hard to shock. Poor little girl. Scary to think what has she been exposed to.

EmeraldShamrock · 14/04/2021 00:22

I don’t know what 11 and 12 year olds chat about. A few of the class as replying so presumably they know about what’s being said. It does seem to be mainly one girl saying the worst of it but then it will swap to something pretty innocent.
The poor girl she watching porn or something more sinister as a parent I'd want to know if my DC said this.

Original poster
Mustgoon · 14/04/2021 00:27

@Chickmad

Sadly some children are not innocents for long these days. I don't see much point in approaching the parents of the children yourself. You may get very short shrift. But the school definitely needs to know. Has this group been set up by school or by the students independently? In secondary school the cohorts are much larger and from a much broader spectrum of society and it can be a huge culture shock, now more than ever with the advent of social media and the Internet.
This is it. Some of the kids seemed to come into year 7 knowing most of what there is to know? It’s really shocking. When I was at school I started to hear all this sort of stuff around year 10 (so age 15 ish I guess) so year 7 is so sad and young. Feel like her innocence has just been ripped away by others. It’s tic tok and unrestricted internet access I’m pretty sure but I’m glad I’m not over reacting here. Some posters on MN get torn to shreds for being prudish and unrealistic
OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 14/04/2021 00:36

Some posters on MN get torn to shreds for being prudish and unrealistic
You really can't have expected that reaction, op, I simply don't believe you 🙄

FelicityCentre · 14/04/2021 00:38

I have a Y7 boy. Hes had a phone for over a year and no, no chat of this kind at all. another boy once swore on the group chat ("shit") and he was grassed up by one of the boys within 5 minutes.

Bagamoyo1 · 14/04/2021 00:42

I have 2 boys age 11 and 15, and this is definitely not normal in my experience. At that age, talk is mostly about football and Xbox games, and general banter.

It’s possible that some kids talk like this, but they certainly don’t communicate with my DS.

Are these kids your DD’s friends, or is it a whole class WhatsApp?

Original poster
Mustgoon · 14/04/2021 00:45

@Bagamoyo1

I have 2 boys age 11 and 15, and this is definitely not normal in my experience. At that age, talk is mostly about football and Xbox games, and general banter. It’s possible that some kids talk like this, but they certainly don’t communicate with my DS. Are these kids your DD’s friends, or is it a whole class WhatsApp?
It’s a whole class what’s app. My DD steers clear of this girl when in class but on the whole class chat what she is saying gets through. That’s the problem. When I was in school, the kids I considered ‘bad news’ I would just stay away from and that was that. It’s all so different now, particularly as so much of this year has been communicating online only!
OP posts:
Original poster
Mustgoon · 14/04/2021 00:46

@FelicityCentre

I have a Y7 boy. Hes had a phone for over a year and no, no chat of this kind at all. another boy once swore on the group chat ("shit") and he was grassed up by one of the boys within 5 minutes.
Oh gosh. Really? A few of them are swearing on there all the time, every other message. Fing shit, bitch etc
OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread