11 year old - inappropriate chat on what app group

[Mustgoon]

Wondering if anyone can give any advice as I am new to this stage of parenting!
My 11 year old DC is in Y7
She is in the form what’s app group and it is often useful for remembering to bring things to school / change of time table / general goings on in the form.
My DD does not have her phone at night and it’s downstairs charging. I do check from time to time the messages as in general my DD is fairly sensible and does talk to me about anything she is worried about.
However, recently there has been a few of the same girls very active on the chat at night. Sometimes just silly chat but recently I have seen messages that I am not really happy with. - mainly talking about threesoms and thinking about ‘f*ing two men at a time’ (celebrities) discussing drugs and how they have been drunk.
Just wondered if this is normal chat for y7 (age 11 and 12) If you have a y7 child would this be all par for the course at this age?

For context, I'm also a science teacher and teach reproduction topics to KS3. Normal questions among this age group might be things like "What is a wet dream?" or "What is a condom?" and might extend to things like "What is anal sex?"- talking about detailed sexual fantasies is not normal, and suggests exposure to something age inappropriate.

It is normal for 11yos to have tried alcohol (although many won't have) but not been drunk. And it's not normal for them to be exposed to drugs.

(FWIW, this sort of thing does happen even in schools in leafy rural towns like mine- even on twitter, kids can get exposed to very graffic porn in the form of GIFs, videos and "art").

I would also report to school. It may form part of a bigger picture for them. It may not, but as you don’t know either way, err on the side of safety. That’s with my teacher hat on.

As a parent, my DD is Year 7 and they don’t chat about this sort of stuff at all. I don’t hover over her but I do check regularly, but without warning. Never found anything to worry me. I can also hear her as she talks to her friends through FaceTime and I’ve never heard anything to concern me.

I view the whole phone/internet thing the same way as I do crossing the street. It is something she will come into contact with. If I don’t give her a phone, she will simply use her friends phones at their place, or at school. I can’t shield her from it. So, my job is to teach her to use it safely and know what dangers to be aware of, same as I do when she learnt to cross the road. We do have rules but she understands why they are in place and I have been fairly frank with her about the reasons why I have those rules.

I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing, but she seems to be fairly sensible about what she watches and what she says.

I still remember the girl from my year 7 (mid-80s) who talked like this. Not in this league, but certainly shocking to me at the time.

I found her intimidating, and always gave her a wide berth. She was clearly trying to seem worldly, and it was her way of impressing people.

But I look back with adult understanding and feel pity. I wonder what was going on to make her want to say those things, and what became of her.

Another secondary teacher and would definitely flag up as a safeguarding concern. I definitely wouldnt think of contact ing thr parents but screen shot abs send to the school pastoral team. It may be nothing and just girls being immature /naive however it may add something to a picture of the girls life. It's often stressed that even though one piece of information may seem small it may be part of a bigger picture and really important. I think it's worrying for a year 7 to be talking about that sort of thing, especially in a very public forum and think it may signpost exposure to sex/porn

Wow this is not normal at all I would be telling that girls parents

Might be an older sibling has accessed her phone, might be showing off, might be something very seriously amiss. It's not your job to decide, the schools safeguarding team are trained on what to do next.

The school website will have the contact details and staff will address it even if they are on holiday.

What I wouldn't do is delete DD from the app. That will be spotted and you'd probably prefer to keep her arms length from this. Just quiet the app for now and exit after the school have dealt with the matter.