Teenagers and food waste, I am losing my mind.

[JensonsAcolyte]

I don’t know if I’m being really fucking petty about this but I lost my shit yesterday after they went through a box of cereal in six hours.

Kids are 17 and 18. We also have a 9 year old. I buy nice treat food like a mug every week and the older kids just go through it like it’s going out of fashion. I’ve told them not to, obviously, begged and pleaded and shouted and sworn and nothing sinks in.

I’m at the point of thinking about locking the larder.

So on Sunday I bought a box of (overpriced junk) Krave because youngest DS loves it. He usually has a few pieces mixed in with his weetabix or porridge.

By yesterday morning it was gone. DS had got up at gone midnight and had half a box over two bowls, DD then had two bowls for breakfast, before I got up.

This is an ongoing battle. Also taking huge portions of food and not eating it. Dinner last night, DD took a huge pile and then picked out half of it (the aubergine she didn’t like) and left it on the side of her plate.

There’s a large Tupperware full of home made egg fried rice that one of them made on Saturday night while I was out and didn’t eat. I’ll be binning that in a minute.

They both like to cook but cook stupid things like a batch of thirty cheese straws. Or a huge macaroni cheese for one person. I’m constantly running out of milk, cereal, flour, eggs, pasta.

They are supposed to ask for food, which I hate making them do but have to, but then as soon as I’m out or in a meeting or even just in the fucking shower they are like locusts.

Any ideas? Is this par for the course with young adults? They are both skinny fuckers as well which is actually infuriating considering all the shit they eat.

Gosh, I would have never dared eat food when I lived at home without asking or checking first but my mum has always been quite controlling of her own and other people's food intake. I had to sneak a packed of low fat crisps without her hearing if i wanted some, otherwise I would get "what are you eating"?

I'm not as strict with my own dc 913 and 15) but they don't get free reign over the food in the house while I pay for it and shop for it. They ask if they can have something and it's usually a yes, unless it's too much crap or I need it for something specific. I would go ballistic if they just helped themselves to all the food! At 17 and 18 they are old enough to be contributing to or buying their own food, surplus to their 3 meals a day and reasonable snacks.

Just read your using it as punishment. Thats a bad idea in itself!

I have a 15 year old and a 14 year old and they eat far more than me or manual worker DH. They are slim and athletic and are ravenous. We are a meal planning household which helps with waste and they know what's for dinner but other than that it's all fair game. They have helped themselves to snacks since they started primary (5 ish) and this has taught them how to self regulate as nothing has ever been off limits therefore no binging.

100g of cereal is fuck all! Mine would inhale that in seconds.

I have 16 and 18yo boys and they eat unbelievably large amounts. Particularly the 16yo. He plays football and cycles and walks miles every day, is slim and healthy-looking, but I despair of his diet. After all those years of lovingly home-cooked meals and carefully balanced packed lunches, his average daily intake is something like this:

Breakfast (anywhere between 10am and 3pm): a wrap filled with fried bacon, hash browns, cheese and hot sauce, then fried

Lunch: sometimes a pasty, smothered in cheese and microwaved, followed by foragings from the snack box (crisps, tortilla chips, Snickers, Kit Kats etc - there are packets of unsalted nuts and healthier muesli bars etc, but he ignores those)

Dinner - if he's here, then whatever I cook, slathered in hot sauce and followed up with cake/cookies/ice cream. If he's not here (more usual), he'll go to Maccies or Greggs, or buy a disgusting kebab on his way home, then eat whatever we've saved from dinner, then forage for more crap if he's hungry.

He's CONSTANTLY hungry. He's also fussy and won't touch brown bread, or salad, or anything he thinks is an attempt by me to get him to eat better. He doesn't have an ounce of fat on him and never stops moving.

Why not give them a budget to spend on their own food each week and then wash your hands of it? TBH it strikes me as very very odd that you're involved with the food of two almost-adult/adult children and punishing them, it's a very strange dynamic to have. They sound more like small children.

I wouldn't be cooking for any adult who turns their nose up at what they're presented with - it's extraordinarily rude and that'd be the total end of any catering!

Unless it was impacting my finances I wouldn’t really get worked up about it.
I would hide a box of Crave for my youngest though

Are people really missing the point about the fucking 100g thing?

I made them each a box with the remaining sugary cereal from Sunday’s shop, I measured it out to be petty. DD came downstairs and I explained the concept, that this is what they have for the week but there’s plenty of other cereal, bread etc. and her first reaction was to eat the entire portion.

Have you said to their face that wasting food or eating someone else’s is basically saying FUCK YOU to you, or to their brother? That opening his cereal and eating it all is like saying “fuck you, I want this so I’m taking it” right to his face. Ask them if they’d say that to him. Would they like it if someone did it to them? Make it very very clear that when they are selfish about food they are saying that the other people in the house don’t matter. I’ve held up a box of cereal and pointed out I had to work for however many minutes to pay for it, by scoffing it all in seconds it’s like saying that work doesn’t matter. There’s plenty of cheap things they could eat that would fill them up - I’m sure you don’t begrudge them copious slices of toast, digestives, bananas and so on.

100g of cereal to last a whole week is clearly ridiculous. My teen son will get through at least a box a week, possibly closer to two.

I have 2 teens, DD eats fairly normally - the odd snack, yes, but not excessively.

DS (15) is a tall, skinny bottomless pit. He eats and eats and is still skinny, so he clearly has much higher calorie needs than the rest of us. So I buy him the food he needs to ensure he meets his calorie requirements. In the school holidays, I stock up on extra supernoodles, sausage rolls, bread, cheese and ham slices, apples, biscuits, milk etc, and tell him what there is for him to help himself to. He knows he can have noodles or toast or sandwiches, fruit etc without having to ask. He can help himself to the biscuits in the biscuit tin (although he'd ask before refilling with a new packet). He won't eat meal ingredients (and is too lazy to make something like egg fried rice or mac & cheese, but I'd be happy for him to do so if he wanted to).

If your teens are hungry and they are not overweight, then you need to buy them more food, which they like and they can have free access to. Not a kiddy "snack pack" of 100g cereal and 7 penguins! Frankly its infantalising to pack them up a box, rather than just telling them what they can and cannot help themselves to.

They are too old to police and the only thing I would flip over is using the younger child’s cereal. I would make sure they know that is unacceptable.

Otherwise you need to start going to aldi or Lidl. Stock up there and let them at it. They will either come to healthy eating or not but you have done all you can.

I'd buy more bread/cheese/eggs/pasta & loads of fruit & veg. No junk. If they complain I'd tell them to buy junk with their own money. Walk away from shouting. STAY STRONG!!

@GravityFalls

Have you said to their face that wasting food or eating someone else’s is basically saying FUCK YOU to you, or to their brother? That opening his cereal and eating it all is like saying “fuck you, I want this so I’m taking it” right to his face. Ask them if they’d say that to him. Would they like it if someone did it to them? Make it very very clear that when they are selfish about food they are saying that the other people in the house don’t matter. I’ve held up a box of cereal and pointed out I had to work for however many minutes to pay for it, by scoffing it all in seconds it’s like saying that work doesn’t matter. There’s plenty of cheap things they could eat that would fill them up - I’m sure you don’t begrudge them copious slices of toast, digestives, bananas and so on.

Funnily enough that is exactly what I said! I’ve also used that when they leave dirty plates around, or abandon their pants in the bathroom. It’s a fuck you.

Could they help with meal planning, or even do the online shop for you if you give them a budget? It’ll help them in the long run for when they move out. I let my DS pick 2 meals a week and he is allowed to add things to the family shopping list. He’s allowed to help himself to food but knows that once the treats are gone, they won’t be replaced until the following week. I do sometimes hide stuff, but more things like 6 packs of crisps and packs of Twix etc, so that there’s enough to last a week of packed lunches.

Ps “own brand” Krave is quite nice - we sometimes buy it and it’s less than half the price.

@Ohpulltheotherone

No experience of teenagers yet but I would probably

Increase my buying of cheaper variations of things like pasta / noodles / cheese / porridge / biscuits - get the supermarket basics - so if you’d normally buy 2 packs of pasta a week buy 4 but the cheaper ones. I’d give them free reign on this but I would still kick off about food waste - if they make it they eat it. Failure to eat what they make would mean next time they wouldn’t get the biscuits or treats.

Continue to buy nice treats for yourself and DS and the slightly nicer versions of basics for family meals but I would lock these away and they would be told. These are NOT for eating without expressed permission.

Basically give them free reign on the cheaper basics and treats and hide away the youngest treats and nicer bits.
Tell them both WHY you are doing this - that it is both expensive and morally wrong to waste food.
Then tell then that if they can’t respect this approach then you won’t be buying anything more than porridge or plain pasta for them in the future!

As Above - especially this bit!

I’d give them free reign on this but I would still kick off about food waste - if they make it they eat it. Failure to eat what they make would mean next time they wouldn’t get the biscuits or treats.

it is both expensive and morally wrong to waste food

But I'd add this - that if they make enough egg fried rice (or anything else) to feed a regiment then they eat that for breakfast etc (is nice heated up wit a bit of soy sauce) until it is gone. If it ends up going in the bin because they refuse/"forget", then their pocket money is docked to the (approx) value of whatever you've had to dump - even if it's 50p, make sure it's their 50p.

And eating their little brother's treats is just unkind. Every time they do this, make the pay for it, too. They may be skinny, but they are obviously consuming a lot of "cr*p" - most treats tend to be high in sugar and preservatives, which is why they are treats, and not dinners.

Have apples etc that they can help themselves to (no I wouldn't want an apple instead of a kit-at either - but that is when you find out whether they are hungry or just greedy). Tell then that they DO NOT use the last of anything like milk or bread without asking, because that can leave you stuffed for a proper lunch/breakfast! Eating the last custard cream is one thing, drinking the last pint of milk is quite another.

Keep a running tally of what they have scoffed/wasted, deduct the value from their pocket money, and they can lump it.

Home some nice stuff for you and your youngest.

I wouldn't be too bothered about pasta etc as long as they didn't eat the last of it without saying or didn't end up eating it so it was wasted. But eating all of the 'nice' food that your youngest also enjoys is really selfish. It is pathetic but I would look away some stuff for youngest if they can't control themselves.

I spent more on snack and treat foods than I did on six bottles of wine which smacks down their (rude) argument about me wasting money on that.

Tell them to stop being so bloody stupid! It's your money that pays for everything, not theirs. Hence, you can "waste" your money on whatever you like. When they pay the bills, they can allocate the food spending.

Does pocket money have to be earned through chores in your house? If so, it might be time to give them some extra chores so they can earn money from you to "buy" more treats and food.

@mrsm43s

100g of cereal to last a whole week is clearly ridiculous. My teen son will get through at least a box a week, possibly closer to two.

I have 2 teens, DD eats fairly normally - the odd snack, yes, but not excessively.

DS (15) is a tall, skinny bottomless pit. He eats and eats and is still skinny, so he clearly has much higher calorie needs than the rest of us. So I buy him the food he needs to ensure he meets his calorie requirements. In the school holidays, I stock up on extra supernoodles, sausage rolls, bread, cheese and ham slices, apples, biscuits, milk etc, and tell him what there is for him to help himself to. He knows he can have noodles or toast or sandwiches, fruit etc without having to ask. He can help himself to the biscuits in the biscuit tin (although he'd ask before refilling with a new packet). He won't eat meal ingredients (and is too lazy to make something like egg fried rice or mac & cheese, but I'd be happy for him to do so if he wanted to).

If your teens are hungry and they are not overweight, then you need to buy them more food, which they like and they can have free access to. Not a kiddy "snack pack" of 100g cereal and 7 penguins! Frankly its infantalising to pack them up a box, rather than just telling them what they can and cannot help themselves to.

I’m not trying to be rude but either my writing in incomprehensible or people just can’t read.

They can have as much cereal as they like, I have a larder full of weetabix, muesli, porridge, cornflakes etc. They can even cover it with sugar for all I care. But they’ve eaten an entire overpriced box of chocolate pillows that their younger brother enjoys in less than six hours, so I’ve rationed that particular type.

DD came downstairs and I explained the concept, that this is what they have for the week but there’s plenty of other cereal, bread etc. and her first reaction was to eat the entire portion.

That was HER choice. Now let her live with it. It wasn't the choice that you'd make, but it was hers. There's no need to police their food choices, unless there are actually issues with obesity or diabetes.

Having said that, maybe better to just buy less sugary stuff, richer in protein and fat, or slower carbs. It will fill them up more. And if they eat a small portion of sugary treats in the same day, it's up to them.

I’m not trying to be rude but either my writing in incomprehensible or people just can’t read

Oops.

With 3 teenage ds who are constantly hungry, I've just stopped buying 'treats'. They are free to eat as much cereal, eggs, milk, pasta, rice, veg and fruit as they need. They are growing incredibly fast, youngest is 13yrs and has grown over 2inches since Christmas, older two are already over 6ft2in and still growing. Mine often eat a whole box of cereal, but I now only buy cornflakes/weetabix/ branflakes etc so they not eating too much sugar.

I don’t buy sugary cereal nowadays, it actually makes you hungrier. For breakfast in my house I have a big bag of Alpen, which DS can attack to his heart’s content, and he does like it. Plus there’s bread for toast, plus I buy crumpets regularly and we have eggs and bacon for weekends. Sugary cereal is a waste of money though as it just causes an immediate sugar crash and results in more eating.

I would never, ever have eaten food without asking. Not at 17 or 18, not at 20. There were things we were allowed to take or make ourselves eg a sandwich at meals, a biscuit, but it was very clearly understood what constituted a portion, and taking more than that/finishing a whole box was clearly not allowed.

I don't think that's weird at all. You have not bought it yourself you do not help yourself to it, because you aren't managing the food budget and don't know what meals the different ingredients are needed for.

OP - lock away everything snacky. Leave a decent portion of sandwich stuff or simple meal ingredients out but make it clear when it's gone it's gone.

I’m not trying to be rude but either my writing in incomprehensible or people just can’t read.

They can have as much cereal as they like, I have a larder full of weetabix, muesli, porridge, cornflakes etc. They can even cover it with sugar for all I care. But they’ve eaten an entire overpriced box of chocolate pillows that their younger brother enjoys in less than six hours, so I’ve rationed that particular type.

People understand well.
You're shocked you've rationed a treat, and they decided to eat it all in one go.
People are saying that it wasn't a huge amount that a normal teen would only be able to eat over a week. It is not surprising they ate it all in one, and that they prefered to eat it now rather than later.

As the owner of a 17 and 18 year old, the 25 and 26 year old now self-sufficient, this is what I do. I buy a load of shit from lidl, choc cereal, cheap bourbons, crisps, fake twixs etc, carton drinks and the like. At least 2 packs of each, 3 in your case I guess. Then upon getting home they divide it up into 2 carrier bags, if they don't like something they can swap with their sibling. The bag is labelled with their name and they can keep in their room or kitchen. When it's gone it's gone. It's mainly for school lunches as post sport snacking as school prices are ridiculous.

This has stopped the greed to eat their share before the other does. makes it a lot fairer as teens are really challenged to plan, think ahead and ration. Well at least mine are. Actually so am I when it comes to treats.

I do this fortnightly or so.

@JensonsAcolyte

Are people really missing the point about the fucking 100g thing?

I made them each a box with the remaining sugary cereal from Sunday’s shop, I measured it out to be petty. DD came downstairs and I explained the concept, that this is what they have for the week but there’s plenty of other cereal, bread etc. and her first reaction was to eat the entire portion.

No, not missing the point. The problem is that if there is only 100g each left by Tuesday, then not enough cereal was bought! Teens have very high calorie needs. Are you just buying one box for the whole family or something? I'd expect 2 teens to get through a (regular sized) box between them in a couple of days.. So I'd probably buy 3-4 boxes/week for the teens alone to share, plus whatever else is needed for everybody else in the family. 100g of cereal is going to be one breakfast for a hungry teen.

It doesn't sound like you're providing enough high energy foods for them.

They're teens. They don't want extra aubergines. They want cereal and noodles and biscuits etc, and unless they're overweight, they need the calories.