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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When do we get to meet the new boyfriend?

162 replies

Alijane46 · 12/04/2021 09:18

Not really an AIBU but more a general question, when is it reasonable to meet your daughters new man?

DD is nearly 21 and I’m so happy that after a really shit 18 months (for many different reason ) she has happily fallen for a guy she works with and they have been dating for just over a month.

The relationship has taken off really quickly, she seems so happy with him and it sounds as though he is with her. She stays over at his each weekend (I know it’s against covid before anyone says anything, both work in hospital, both had covid and both double vaccinated) and it looks as though they have gotten serious very quickly even though they were just going to take things real slow.

This isn’t her first serious relationship but it’s definitely the one she seems happiest with and I can see her falling head over heels in love with him. This appears to be very different to her previous relationships.

He is 7 years older than her which isn’t a problem for her or me, he sounds lovely and they seem very well suited.

When can I expect to meet him? What’s the normal timescale for meet the parents? I’ve said we’d like to meet him soon as they seem to be getting along so well. I think she’s keen for us to meet him but is really scared of jinxing something that is going really well.

I’d just like to meet the man who appears to have stollen my daughters heart!

My friend suggested when they’ve been dating four or five months 🤷🏻‍♀️But that seems like too long to wait!

My daughter and I have a very close relationship and I’m just keen to see if new man measures up!

Any views or timescale of when you introduced your parents to your new significant other?

OP posts:
littlepattilou · 12/04/2021 14:55

@NotMeekNotObedient

At least 6 months. Maybe more.
Hmmm, whilst I do think the OP is being a bit obsessive, not meeting her DD's new boyfriend for more than 6 months would be a bit weird, unless he lives on a different continent!
WeekendCEO · 12/04/2021 15:02

My daughter and I have a very close relationship and I’m just keen to see if new man measures up!

😬When do you get to meet him? Maybe never🤣

imalmostthere · 12/04/2021 15:11

After reading this and your previous thread all concerning your DDs relationships - you absolutely need to back off. Far off. You cannot continue to get this involved with her love life, it's really overbearing.

mumto2teenagers · 12/04/2021 15:55

DD1 met her BF at uni, were friends in year 1, starting dating October 2019, we met him in March 2020 because they went away together from an airport local to where we live and stayed at ours the night before.

DD2 met her BF at college, we met him about 6 months after she started seeing him.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 12/04/2021 15:56

The moment every mother dreams of... ‘Mother, I want you to meet the man who has stolen my heart’.

‘Oh darling, I’m so happy for you. I had this dreadful feeling he was going to be just another fuckboy’.

moochingtothepub · 12/04/2021 15:58

I met my DD's ex boyfriend the day of their first date because he walked her home and it started raining heavily - she wanted me to drop him home! She was 20 at the time. She met my dp on my third date - when you share a house it's tricky not to meet boyfriends!

StillCoughingandLaughing · 12/04/2021 15:59

@Blindstupid

The OP’s daughter is 20 .... not 21.
What is your weird obsession with this about? It’s not like it’s the difference with her being above or below the age of consent, or being a legal adult or not.

21, nearly 21, 20; who the fuck cares?

moochingtothepub · 12/04/2021 16:01

Ps my dp introduced me to his mother after 8 weeks, it's really not that weird a question to those saying a year! He met mine sooner but that was due to circumstances, had a planned family gathering so it was a case of do I or don't I, just as well I took the plunge because then covid hit

katy1213 · 12/04/2021 16:05

Are you for real? They've only been dating for four weeks! You'll frighten him off. If your daughter realises you're being so over the top, you'll be lucky if you get to meet him by Christmas - assuming he's still on the scene.
Have you bought your wedding hat yet?

ShrinkingViolet9 · 12/04/2021 16:06

@StillCoughingandLaughing

The moment every mother dreams of... ‘Mother, I want you to meet the man who has stolen my heart’.

‘Oh darling, I’m so happy for you. I had this dreadful feeling he was going to be just another fuckboy’.

Grin
katy1213 · 12/04/2021 16:08

And if I'd known my mother was posting about me online - with a chance of being plastered all over MailOnline - you wouldn't be meeting me again, let alone the boyfriend.

Phrenologist · 12/04/2021 16:09

Oh, I remember you -- you were the mother who was outraged with her teenage daughter who had decided to end things with a smothering boyfriend, but was sensitive enough to postpone till after some important gig he was playing, and were terribly concerned about him getting hurt.

KoalaOok · 12/04/2021 16:10

I really hope this isn't in daily mail

mooonstone · 12/04/2021 16:15

They’ve been together for a month? At 21 and 28? That’s nothing

You sound overly invested in your daughter’s private life. Leave her alone

daryldixonsdreamgirl · 12/04/2021 16:21

My partner met my mum after around 6-7 months I think. Totally by accident I met his mum after a month. Nearly 5 years on and living together our parents haven't yet met each other. They live an hour apart and we aren't a couple that hosts a lot. We're renting together but looking to buy a house this year, I'm sure they'll all meet at a little house warming.

Flowerlane · 12/04/2021 16:39

2 and half years it took for me to introduce a ex to my parents Grin

Sounds ridiculous but there was just never a right time. We both worked in the same sector so saw each other at work. We both worked very very long hours at the time on shifts. So when we were able to get time off together we spent it together going places. My parents also have a busy life and were either working or out socially.
They did finally meet him 2 and half years in when I was 3 months pregnant Grin

Woodlandbelle · 12/04/2021 16:42

You are way too involved

Blindstupid · 12/04/2021 16:56

stillcoughing .. weird obsession?? Confused ... no, just stating facts 🤷🏼‍♀️

SofiaMichelle · 12/04/2021 16:57

I did like the "He is 7 years older than her which isn’t a problem for her or me" bit, OP.

It's such a relief to know it's not a problem for you. Grin

Just relax and leave her to it.

DisgruntledPelican · 12/04/2021 17:00

Not for several months, if that. Possibly different in normal times if there was a big events (family wedding/birthday/etc) but not a given even then!

StillCoughingandLaughing · 12/04/2021 17:37

@Blindstupid

stillcoughing .. weird obsession?? Confused ... no, just stating facts 🤷🏼‍♀️
But you keep on about it. ‘Why do people say nearly 21 when they mean 20? She’s 20!’ What’s the difference?
MaverickDanger · 12/04/2021 17:53

I met DH when I was 20, he is 6 years older & my parents didn’t meet him for 9 months.

Fast forward 11 years & we’re married - I don’t think my parents particularly expected my second relationship to turn into marriage but they adore him.

hellcatspangle · 12/04/2021 18:31

Well my dd has been seeing someone (obviously not properly due to lockdown) for a year or so and we still haven't even seen a bloody photo!

SpeakingFranglais · 12/04/2021 18:44

Different times OP.

DD has had a couple of BFs that we have met within a couple of months, same with DS. This one is different and that’s because of Covid. Started seeing him September in her Uni city, which is where she works but came home after uni and commutes.

They are eight months in and neither parent has met the partner, but DD is a front line HCP and we have been in lockdown.

We have provisionally booked a weekend in the next city for the end of May to all get together and get to know each other.

We send him little presents for like Easter and Christmas and his parents do the same.

It’s just not been possible before now.

Ragwort · 12/04/2021 18:52

I agree it's different times these days - I started dating over 40 years & as I lived at home it was perfectly normal for my boyfriends to come to the house to pick me up 'for a date' and be introduced to my parents .... that all sounds very old fashioned now Grin.
When I left hone to go to Uni and had a more exciting love life my DPs no longer met my BFs - apart from one who I invited to stay one summer.