When do we get to meet the new boyfriend?

[Alijane46]

Not really an AIBU but more a general question, when is it reasonable to meet your daughters new man?

DD is nearly 21 and I’m so happy that after a really shit 18 months (for many different reason ) she has happily fallen for a guy she works with and they have been dating for just over a month.

The relationship has taken off really quickly, she seems so happy with him and it sounds as though he is with her. She stays over at his each weekend (I know it’s against covid before anyone says anything, both work in hospital, both had covid and both double vaccinated) and it looks as though they have gotten serious very quickly even though they were just going to take things real slow.

This isn’t her first serious relationship but it’s definitely the one she seems happiest with and I can see her falling head over heels in love with him. This appears to be very different to her previous relationships.

He is 7 years older than her which isn’t a problem for her or me, he sounds lovely and they seem very well suited.

When can I expect to meet him? What’s the normal timescale for meet the parents? I’ve said we’d like to meet him soon as they seem to be getting along so well. I think she’s keen for us to meet him but is really scared of jinxing something that is going really well.

I’d just like to meet the man who appears to have stollen my daughters heart!

My friend suggested when they’ve been dating four or five months 🤷🏻‍♀️But that seems like too long to wait!

My daughter and I have a very close relationship and I’m just keen to see if new man measures up!

Any views or timescale of when you introduced your parents to your new significant other?

I didn't introduce my now DH to my mum for about 6-7 months, and my dad it was about a year.

I actually agree this seems intense from both parties. OP you definitely need to back off and calm down! You sound worse the more you post.

The daughter is 20, and had other serious relationships- young in my opinion, but that’s just me. He’s 7 years older - at 20 that’s quite a difference. She’s had a very rough 18 months but has ploughed into this head strong by the sounds of it - let’s hope she’s actually in a good place to be this intense in a relationship. They work together in a hospital - let’s hope it’s not nurse/doctor/surgeon and just another ‘notch on the bed post’.

And this is all before her mum ‘measures him up’ to see if he’s suitable, gets her claws into meeting him and acting all weird!

Honestly OP, I genuinely hope your dd remains happy and content with man, I really hope it work out for her .... but bloody hell back off and get on with your own life.

My parents met DH after I told them I was pregnant. They hadn't known he existed until then (had been in an abusive relationship previously and my ex had isolated me from everyone). They were just so happy the baby wasn't my ex's that they didn't mind the subterfuge. My sister introduced her girlfriend within a couple of weeks - she still lives at home and her girlfriend was staying over half of every week. It is so variable that there is no standard.

If I were your daughter and 21, I'd be looking for a flat share. You seem far too invested in her relationships.

Thank you @breadbinbaby!

Yes lots of unhappy sour faced people on mumsnet!

Supposed to be a bit light hearted.

Yes I’m enjoying the fact that after 18 months of shit she’s happy!

Yes believe it or not I do have a very close relationship with her but I also realise she’ll be different when she’s with her bloke!

Yes I am a fully functioning normal adult and I’m not a controlling bitch.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3625360-AIBU-to-be-cross-with-my-DD

Not the first time you've been a bit over-invested. I don't really know what a fuckboy is but the 6 month relationship described here doesn't really sound so dismissive.

I introduced my now DH to my parents within about a week or two. Then met his within about a month - they live in a different city.

We were just really keen to meet each other’s families ASAP as we were so happy together and we both spend quite a lot of time with our families.

Never met the previous couple of fuckboys she dated

Bit grim

Does she live near/with you? I haven’t lived near or with my parents since I was 18 so that has naturally delayed things, I would say usually after 6 months or so or when they’ve visited me. If she lives with you I can understand that might accelerate things.

As an aside I do actually think 21 and 28 is quite a big age gap. I’m 30 and my friends would not have much in common with a 23 year old gf.

I'm really close to my mum and wouldn't let her meet any new boyfriend for months, at least 5/6. You're being a bit too intense and should back off, the more you push the less likely she is to want to introduce you. I'd you were my mum I'd be worried you'd put him off by planning our wedding at the first dinner 🤣🤣🤣

I should say, a big age gap at the age they are.

Weren’t you thinking of having a BBQ soon, OP?

Wow having seen the other thread it’s clear you are absolutely obsessed with your daughter’s love life. You need to cut it out before she cuts you out. Seriously. She’s not enjoying your level of interest or interference in her relationships

@UhtredRagnarson

How do you feel about your DD being referred to as a fuckgirl?

This. Remember however she refers to them, her sexual partners are someone's precious child and you should model respectful language towards them.

Bloody hell. When did this board stop being a chatboard where posters would just take threads at face value and just chat?

OP, you do sound giddy and happy. Nothing wrong with that. You've posted a normal-sounding thread and it's attracted some very sour responses.

I think it was the 'stolen her heart' comment. Some just can't comprehend that these are your words, not your daughter's.

To echo the one or two more measured posters, your daughter will bring him to meet you when she feels the time is right. Just carry on being happy for her happiness.

Here . Ignore the harpies.

@DappledThings

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3625360-AIBU-to-be-cross-with-my-DD

Not the first time you've been a bit over-invested. I don't really know what a fuckboy is but the 6 month relationship described here doesn't really sound so dismissive.

No internet when I was a teenager (50 years ago) but I'd be angry and concerned if my mother had felt the need to post about my relationships and boyfriends on a public forum.

Perhaps you need to find some hobbies?

Not pressurising her at all apart from saying we’d like to meet him if it carries on going well.

This is pressurising her. It may not feel that way to you, but it will to her. Don’t mention it again to her.
From experience, I have two DDs, one 21 like yours, one a couple of years older. I’m very close to both but it’s varied how quickly I’ve met the boyfriend. DD2’s boyfriend, before they started going out. She was so smitten I held an Easter gathering for friends etc two years ago and she asked if he could come, saying they were “just friends”. I think she was gauging my reaction to him as she now says she was desperate for me to like him and worried I wouldn’t (for various reasons I hadn’t heard entirely good things). He’s actually a lovely lad and they both live with us now.

DD1 took much longer, at least 6 months. She didn’t tell me too much. I suspected she was seeing him from what she said but she only officially told me after 3 months, as was her right. I think neither of them wanted to put too much pressure on the relationship. I first met him for a quick hello when he came and collected her. Kept it very low key and didn’t make much of it at all. The result is, three years down the line, she’s gone from highly secretive about the relationship to confiding in me a lot.

Interestingly, the relationship DD2 has, with a boy I initially thought I would disapprove of, is by far the better one and he is really lovely to her. DD1’s boyfriend seemed polite and lovely but three years on she’s not finding he’s treating her so well now and I quietly hope she gets free of it.

You can never tell in these early days what someone is really like so just temper your enthusiasm. Be there for your DD but it’s really important not to get over invested. She needs to be able to turn round and tell you he’s an utter shit, or to for you not to see him for as long as she likes. Don’t mention it again- let it run its course and in due time, if it continues, you’ll meet him.

As a sideline ... why do people say nearly 21 when they’re actually 20?? Is it to make things appear more acceptable in this case?

My dd is 18 next month ... I’d describe her now as 17, because that’s what she is.

Ah. There's a backstory and a different thread. I don't tend to search.

My post was really irrelevant OP, don't pounce on it as support - not if this is how you really feel about your daughter and your involvement in her love life. You need to back right off.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Bloody hell. When did this board stop being a chatboard where posters would just take threads at face value and just chat?

OP, you do sound giddy and happy. Nothing wrong with that. You've posted a normal-sounding thread and it's attracted some very sour responses.

I think it was the 'stolen her heart' comment. Some just can't comprehend that these are your words, not your daughter's.

To echo the one or two more measured posters, your daughter will bring him to meet you when she feels the time is right. Just carry on being happy for her happiness.

Here . Ignore the harpies.

Then it should have been posted in the Chat section.

The OP’s daughter is 20 .... not 21.

My mum lives 300 miles away but managed to meet my current partner before she knew he was my partner - he was just my 'good friend' at that point. We happened to be close by and I didn't want to miss the chance to see her. I needed the time to work out what I wanted from the relationship before I introduced her properly! I actually can't remember the first time they met after that but all the pressure was removed because the first time was so relaxed.

Fatladyslim, not really. At least it's not a bloody royal thread disguised as some sort of question.

As it is, the OP is out of line but even so, the pouncers ought could really cool it a bit.

Bloody hell, find yourself a hobby and stop getting over-invested in your daughter's love life.

She's a young woman and what she does and what she thinks and who she sleeps with, are her business, not yours. It all sounds a bit creepy, the level of knowledge you have about this new relationship.

Good grief, land the helicopter and let her set her own timeframe.