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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When do we get to meet the new boyfriend?

162 replies

Alijane46 · 12/04/2021 09:18

Not really an AIBU but more a general question, when is it reasonable to meet your daughters new man?

DD is nearly 21 and I’m so happy that after a really shit 18 months (for many different reason ) she has happily fallen for a guy she works with and they have been dating for just over a month.

The relationship has taken off really quickly, she seems so happy with him and it sounds as though he is with her. She stays over at his each weekend (I know it’s against covid before anyone says anything, both work in hospital, both had covid and both double vaccinated) and it looks as though they have gotten serious very quickly even though they were just going to take things real slow.

This isn’t her first serious relationship but it’s definitely the one she seems happiest with and I can see her falling head over heels in love with him. This appears to be very different to her previous relationships.

He is 7 years older than her which isn’t a problem for her or me, he sounds lovely and they seem very well suited.

When can I expect to meet him? What’s the normal timescale for meet the parents? I’ve said we’d like to meet him soon as they seem to be getting along so well. I think she’s keen for us to meet him but is really scared of jinxing something that is going really well.

I’d just like to meet the man who appears to have stollen my daughters heart!

My friend suggested when they’ve been dating four or five months 🤷🏻‍♀️But that seems like too long to wait!

My daughter and I have a very close relationship and I’m just keen to see if new man measures up!

Any views or timescale of when you introduced your parents to your new significant other?

OP posts:
Ninkanink · 12/04/2021 10:20

It’s easy to get carried away when you’re happy for your child, especially after a rough period where you’ve been sad/worried/concerned for them.

Let it happen at her pace.

Ninkanink · 12/04/2021 10:22

Ugh fuckboys? Parents talk like that about their childrens’ sexual partners??

Confused Hmm

Original poster
Alijane46 · 12/04/2021 10:22

“Fuckboys” her words not mine!

Yep totally agree dating is very different today than it used to be!

Do you always have to “define the relationship” these days then?

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 12/04/2021 10:23

A month and you are pushing to meet him. You need to back off.

Rukaya · 12/04/2021 10:23

*I’m a cynical old bitch.. all I see are red flags.. madly in love after 1 month, met at work (don’t shit where you eat), age gap.. I admire your enthusiasm, I’d be more worried it’ll all end in tears

Yeah you are, since none of them are ref flags or anything like it. Normal age gap, entirely normal to meet at work...what is your problem?

Ninkanink · 12/04/2021 10:23

Just because she uses the term doesn’t mean you need to!

Member984815 · 12/04/2021 10:23

Whenever she's comfortable with it , there is no expected timescale

BurbageBrook · 12/04/2021 10:24

You are putting a lot of pressure on this relationship with the amount of excitement and enthusiasm here. It's nice she's met someone but it's still early days, try to calm down! I would say around 3-4 months is normal meet the parents timescale, but obviously if she lives at home that may come sooner.

UhtredRagnarson · 12/04/2021 10:25

Oh cringe!

notanothertakeaway · 12/04/2021 10:26

You refer to her previous boyfriends as 'fuckboys' ?!

This is a very new relationship. I think you are jumping the gun

KoalaOok · 12/04/2021 10:26

I would just refer to all her boyfriends as boyfriends tbh. Not fuckboys.

Viviennemary · 12/04/2021 10:27

I wouldn't be comfortable with my son being involved with somebody whose family uses such language. Its vile.

ShrinkingViolet9 · 12/04/2021 10:27

"Never met the previous couple of fuckboys she dated, never felt any need or interest in meeting them!"

So why the interest in this one? Is it the age gap that bothers you?

I'm curious to know what would make this one "measure up".

SmidgenofaPigeon · 12/04/2021 10:28

Fuckboys!!! Oh my god.

I’d be mortified of my mum even knew I was having casual sex (mind you we aren’t close) but if she referred to them as ‘fuckboys’ I’d never tell her anything again!

Original poster
Alijane46 · 12/04/2021 10:28

Ffs, I’m asking mumsnet for stories/past experiences!

I’m close enough to my DD to say if all goes well we’d like to meet him, that’s it, no other words spoken about it. I have not put pressure on her!

Yes I am excited for her even if it brings happiness for now.

I know her and know this is a whole new thing in terms of how she’s feeling.

No I’m not looking at wedding hats!

If she says they’re fuckboys then I’ll take her word for it!

OP posts:
peak2021 · 12/04/2021 10:28

I think four or five months seems reasonable. Up to them of course. Mind you, could be messy if it doesn't work out, as they work together.

LemonTT · 12/04/2021 10:29

Is this limerence by proxy?

Sorry can’t believe an actual normal grown up would even ask this.

ShrinkingViolet9 · 12/04/2021 10:30

I was hoping "fuckboys" was a predictive text typo...

UhtredRagnarson · 12/04/2021 10:30

How do you feel about your DD being referred to as a fuckgirl?

Lalanbaba · 12/04/2021 10:30

My timescale was, my dad meeting my partner 6 months after we moved in together. My dad meeting my partner parents 3 years after when I had my little one.
It will happen eventually, they will tell you when.

Cocomarine · 12/04/2021 10:30

The more keen my mother was, the more claustrophobic I’d find it, the longer it would take!

Totally understand your curiosity, but maybe hide it a bit!

InTheNightWeWillWish · 12/04/2021 10:30

I met his mum after about 2 months but that’s because we were at uni, I helped him pack up his accommodation for the summer and his mum picked him up. I wasn’t changing accommodation over summer so he stored some stuff in my room and his mum drove it over to mine. She took us both for a meal before they both drove home.

He met my family about 4 months and it was my whole mum’s side and we attended a family wedding. Personally that was too early for both of us but my family didn’t leave much room for debate Hmm he met my dad’s side about 6 months because it was a big birthday for my grandad, that felt more appropriate.

I don’t think I met his dad until about 9 months (his mum and dad are still married). Our parents didn’t meet until at least a few years in and then it was only his mum and my dad and only because they both happened to be where we live randomly at the same time. My dad, step mum, mum, FIL and MIL weren’t in the same room until the night before we got married which was just short of 6 years. Although his family live in a different country and mine are hours away from where we live so that probably delayed the big meeting of parents.

breadbinbaby · 12/04/2021 10:31

I think you sound lovely OP. There are just a lot of unhappy people right now using the internet to stick the boot into anyone to make them feel better, don’t worry. I’d want to meet him too - I’d ask her to invite him round! My soon to be DH (when I was her age, with a bigger age gap) met my mum and dad after about two or three months, because I’m similarly close to them and it was natural. His family live too far away for a casual meeting, so that was about nine months in.

Lweji · 12/04/2021 10:32

I also know her inside out

Don't kid yourself. You know what she presents to you.

RedGoldAndGreene · 12/04/2021 10:33

Depends on what your family is like. 20 yo ds introduced me to his gf for just over a year recently. He's generally very private and this is the first gf I have met.
I don't find 5-6 months strange at all.

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