Friend wants a whole weekend away

[Usernamqwerty]

My friend has the huff because I can't go away for a whole weekend because it would mean I'd have to have the kids myself for a whole weekend some other time.

DH and I both work full-time and usually spilt the weekend up between us so we alternate who has the kids / time off to relax. Kids are 2 and 4 years old so need constant looking after. No family nearby to help and getting a babysitter would be too expensive.

My friend brought up the idea of a city trip (90 minutes on the train from London, but 3 hours door to door). I said fine and I could come down Saturday evening and go back late afternoon Sunday. However, she's got the huff and said it would be a waste of time just meeting up for a few hours (partially because she doesn't get up until midday, which is another issue...)

I tried explaining a whole weekend away would have to wait until the kids are older and she got huffy. She doesn't have kids herself.

I have a mini break booked for my birthday in October, in return I have the kids one weekend when DH is off on a leisure thing, but I end up on my knees with exhaustion if I have them all weekend with no break so this is a one-off!

I can't take any annual leave to extend the weekend and my friend works full-time too.

AIBU or should my friend just suck it up?

[Everyday21]

This is so weird. I love weekends just me and my kids. The ones where dh is around are cool to though 😂 he shoots in the winter so is gone every saturday nov-feb. Dont get me wrong if i wanted to have some me time I'd take it but I dont keep a tally or score. Is there something else going on as to why you dont enjoy the kids?

[ElderMillennial]

I also think it's weird that you can't look after your own kids for a whole weekend

YABU

[Chickenlickeninthepot]

I'd be fine with it but I like my kids so it's not really a problem to spend time with them. It does sound like an odd set up - is all your relationship transactional? Do you do family time or is it a one on, one off policy only at the weekend?

[Therealjudgejudy]

You cant cope with parenting your children alone for a weekend...? What now??

[Neonprint]

I think having your children for a whole weekend isn't a huge issue. Unless there are disabilities, SEN or health issues here.

[Booksandwine80]

Waiting for the back story.......

[MrsXx4]

Whatttttt??? Your poor friend! That’s a shit reason and I’d think you were a shit mate if you did that to me!! Your set up is weird!!

[Ilikeviognier]

Yes it’s tiring looking after small kids. But the on my knees with exhaustion thing I can relate to - but only when I had a newborn who woke every two hours plus a 16 month old to contend with and my husband was away.

I’d definitely not be turning down the weekend away in case I had to return the favour at a later date if they were older.

[arethereanyleftatall]

It is entirely up to you, but, goodness, it's strange! Most parents love to get away with friends for an entire weekend. And most dont find their own dc so extremely difficult that they can't look after them for two days. So, don't go if you don't want to; but do understand that this will seem very weird to your friend.

[MoreWater]

You'll need your friend when the kids are older too. If you bail, you might not have her.

Just say, I'd rather not spend more than a night away from the kids. Just own it.

Oh and the tit for tat childcare thing is passive aggressive and not normal.

[Bayleaf25]

Yup agree with other posters, this set up is a little odd. When the kids were small we would share childcare duties but from time to time we would have reasons to be away for a couple of days either because of work, a stag or hen do, a girls weekend etc. and the other one would happily look after the kids so the other could have a weekend doing something for ourselves.

Sounds like you just don't really want to go away? I can understand not wanting to have to look after the kids every weekend, but surely it is worth it once in a while if you also get time away with your friends?

[KoalaOok]

It seems odd to do strict 50/50 childcare when you are married. But YANBU to not go the whole weekend if you'll miss your children. But just be honest.

[dobidobidooo]

Seriously OP? My dh works away for 3 weeks at a time! I have my kids by myself in that time...and I work...oh and I study!! The tit for tat set up you have with your dh is quite odd!!It's one weekend! I wouldn't hesitate!

[TheMatryoshka]

Sorry OP I'm with everyone else, this is weird! Unless there is some big drip feed coming about the children how hard is it to look after your own kids for a weekend?

[JennyBond]

YABU. Sounds like you could both use some parenting lessons if you find it that hard.

[Invisimamma]

You can't be alone with your own children for 2 days? Thats madness.

Your set up with your dh sounds very strange too, splitting time for relaxing and having the kids. Do you ever spend time as a family together?

[Veryverycalmnow]

Me and DH sometimes split the weekend and have some time to ourselves to do work or even just a bit of time to ourselves, so I get the splitting time thing. But sometimes we're all together and other times one of us is ill/ working/ busy so one of us will be looking after him the whole weekend and I can't say it's ever been a problem and my 4 yr old is very full- on! I wonder if there are other reasons you don't want to go?

[Heartofstrings]

I have some understanding here. Me and dh often split time with the kids so we get maximum alone time. The 4 year old is very intense and needs a lot of supervision. We also work around them too so one of us is always working evenings. Husband also works alternate weekends.

I would be chomping at the bit to get away though

[OverTheRainbow88]

I look forward to the weekends as my OH is not working and it’s so much easier having him around with the 2&4 year old.

If I went away for the weekend; my OH would also at some point, but I would think the weekend away would be worth it so would be picky about where I went and who with.

My OH works away 3 nights a week and can go away for a week abroad often so I feel exhausted at the end of the week so an extra weekend alone with kids would be hard.

[MissMarks]

Really weird set up. I would love the chance of a whole weekend in London.

[RachelRavenRoth]

This is so weird. Everything about it is so weird.

If you dont want to go, just say so. But saying you can’t go because youd have to look after your own children for two days is ridiculous.

[Usernamqwerty]

So no-one else finds small children exhausting then... 🤔

[Justmuddlingalong]

Your post makes it sound like you and your DH throw the kids at each other like hot potatoes. I know MN is supposed to be a helpful, supportive parenting site, but your family setup is like nothing I've ever heard.

[UserTwice]

My children were bad sleepers at that age and it was exhausting.

But ... I'd have jumped at a weekend away - you'll be able to get properly relaxed in a way you can't when you're at home with them around. That would more than makeup for having to pick up the slack another time.

[JennyBond]

Although I should add that when I go away for a weekend I always try and make it home for Sunday tea time. That’s more because I want to see the kids but it also gives OH an opportunity to go for a run. He would never demand it though.