Friend wants a whole weekend away

[Usernamqwerty]

My friend has the huff because I can't go away for a whole weekend because it would mean I'd have to have the kids myself for a whole weekend some other time.

DH and I both work full-time and usually spilt the weekend up between us so we alternate who has the kids / time off to relax. Kids are 2 and 4 years old so need constant looking after. No family nearby to help and getting a babysitter would be too expensive.

My friend brought up the idea of a city trip (90 minutes on the train from London, but 3 hours door to door). I said fine and I could come down Saturday evening and go back late afternoon Sunday. However, she's got the huff and said it would be a waste of time just meeting up for a few hours (partially because she doesn't get up until midday, which is another issue...)

I tried explaining a whole weekend away would have to wait until the kids are older and she got huffy. She doesn't have kids herself.

I have a mini break booked for my birthday in October, in return I have the kids one weekend when DH is off on a leisure thing, but I end up on my knees with exhaustion if I have them all weekend with no break so this is a one-off!

I can't take any annual leave to extend the weekend and my friend works full-time too.

AIBU or should my friend just suck it up?

[JennyBond]

@Usernamqwerty

So no-one else finds small children exhausting then... 🤔

Yes of course plenty of people do. But not the point that they would deny their partner a weekend away over it. If you genuinely find it that bad that indicates you need some help. Is it sleep related?

[TheRogueApostrophe]

Sorry op, I agree with the majority here. Your reasons for not wanting a weekend away sound bizarre. Children of that age are tiring, sure, but the good thing is they're usually in bed relatively early. The trade offs with your DH sound bizarre. You should both be capable of looking after your children on your own for a weekend (or more!). What if one of you were to fall ill? I would feel a bit annoyed if if were your friend too.

[Dunnesstores]

Are there extra issues going on when both you and your husband don't parent together at weekends and need time off?

[PandaLorry]

We split the weekends between us quite often so I totally get that! Not weird at all in my book 🤷‍♀️ Ours are 4 and 1 so similar ages and I also find them exhausting (but lovely, of course).

I would probably still go away for a weekend with a friend though, even if it meant having the kids on my own another weekend. But I do get where you're coming from and I don't think your set up with your DH is weird!

[shouldistop]

Actually maybe the reason you find the children so tiring is that when you're looking after them it is always alone? If you and dh spent the weekends with the kids together you wouldn't find them nearly so tiring.

[TheWaif]

What do you do in school holidays? How do you survive?

[Patapouf]

This is one of the weirdest things I've heard of on MN, and I've been around a while 🤔

Why aren't you spending time en famille on the weekends?

[GoToSleepBabyPlease]

I wouldn't want to go because I wouldn't want to be away from my small DC for a whole weekend. Not wanting to be with them for a whole weekend is a tad... strange to my way of thinking, but then I don't know your DC. Are they absolute nightmares?

[Namechangegardens]

What do you think single parents do with their kids at the weekend?!

[Heyahun]

Lolz seriously lame excuse

[HoboSexualOnslow]

So you've had 2 children but you can't stand to look after them? What?

[BoredOfCbeebies]

I'm one of the few it seems who sympathises with the OP. My two are a similar age, and I find them exhausting too. I can and do have them for the odd weekend on my own. But I am pretty shattered by the end of it. I would be very choosy about my weekend away, as I would also expect DH to have a weekend away too in exchange, so would want to make it worth my while! Seems quite sensible with small children to take it in turns to have a weekend off, so it's fair.
Completely get the point about lone parents having to do this every weekend. All I can say is that I'd clearly be rubbish at parenting on my own! But presumably/hopefully would learn to cope out of necessity.

[22Giraffes]

The whole set up sounds so sad, like parenting is a painstaking chore that needs to get done. Yes ideally both parents should pull their weight but to keep track of it so closely is extreme and surely leaves little room for family time or spontaneity?

[grandfromagerie]

Completely get where you are coming from - I split weekends with partner but I Also don't want to spend 2 nights away from my children as well if it's only for a local trip

[Justmuddlingalong]

Are the kids "spirited"?

[IceCreamAndCandyfloss]

I’d be going to the doctor worried something was wrong if I couldn’t parent for a weekend with exhaustion.

[Saltyslug]

I would probably go Friday and come back Saturday

[denverRegina]

On your knees with exhaustion after a weekend with your own kids?

Ok

[Tinydinosaur]

Your childcare agreement is weird but what's weirder is that you can't possibly look after two children for two days.

[OverTheRainbow88]

Oh come on, it’s hard work looking after a 2&4 year old alone, especially if you’re not used to doing it alone and have had a busy week of work.

I’m Exhausted all the time!!!

[MrsKoala]

Depends on how they sleep. When mine were 4 and 2 I also had a baby and when H worked away I slept for 45mins at a time about 4 times a night. 2-3 nights away would leave me a exhausted for a week. No weekend away would be worth that and I’d not inflict it on H unless it was essential for work. However, if they sleep fine and it’s just the days then I’d think the excuse was a bit lame and that you just didn’t want to see me.

[Illstartexercisingtomorrow]

So no-one else finds small children exhausting then

Yes of course we all do.

But most of us are capable of doing it on a regular basis.

And it seems most don’t go for a tit for tat approach with their DH.


Your excuse is a bit crap. If you were my friend I’d be really pissed off at you acting like you ‘can’t’. You’re much better off just saying your family set up means you have to be with the kids for half the weekend, and you don’t want to change it at the moment.

[MrsJBaptiste]

Wow OP totally unreasonable and a bit odd to be honest.

You can't make a weekend away with your friends because you won't be able to cope of your DH does the same? 😂

[Imnotbent]

So you can’t have a weekend away without owing your DH the same and you can’t look after your 2 DCs on your own? Weird, is this a reverse or is there another reason you don’t want to go for a whole weekend?