Friend wants a whole weekend away

[Usernamqwerty]

My friend has the huff because I can't go away for a whole weekend because it would mean I'd have to have the kids myself for a whole weekend some other time.

DH and I both work full-time and usually spilt the weekend up between us so we alternate who has the kids / time off to relax. Kids are 2 and 4 years old so need constant looking after. No family nearby to help and getting a babysitter would be too expensive.

My friend brought up the idea of a city trip (90 minutes on the train from London, but 3 hours door to door). I said fine and I could come down Saturday evening and go back late afternoon Sunday. However, she's got the huff and said it would be a waste of time just meeting up for a few hours (partially because she doesn't get up until midday, which is another issue...)

I tried explaining a whole weekend away would have to wait until the kids are older and she got huffy. She doesn't have kids herself.

I have a mini break booked for my birthday in October, in return I have the kids one weekend when DH is off on a leisure thing, but I end up on my knees with exhaustion if I have them all weekend with no break so this is a one-off!

I can't take any annual leave to extend the weekend and my friend works full-time too.

AIBU or should my friend just suck it up?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

@Usernamqwerty

So no-one else finds small children exhausting then... 🤔

Of course we do.

But the trade off is a weekend away. I'd put up with lots of exhausting weekends jusg me and the kids in exchange for weekends away child free with friends.

[pictish]

If I were your friend I’d be quite scathing of that excuse too.
Of course you can go away for a weekend.

[Chicchicchicchiclana]

That great thing about Mumsnet = sometimes you get a glimpse into a world that you haven't even considered.

[ThinkYouveHadTooMuch]

I think you need to get a bit of a grip lovely. Assuming your kids are NT, you should be able to look after them alone for a two days! I'd be annoyed if I was your friend too!

[Whoopsies]

My children are tiring, but not more than I can handle. I can certainly do it by myself when DH is away/working long hours. In fact, it's fun because I like my children and like spending time with them.

[Sstrongtn]

Haha I actually think this response from @Vooga is worse!!

Me and DP would use annual leave and go on a weekday in this situation. We have a similar set up to you with splitting the weekend. On a weekday DD would be at nursery so it wouldn't affect the other person nearly so much. DP is going on a golf trip end of the month and he is going Sunday night to wednesday evening, which covers my three work days so I'm not home with DD by myself with nothing to do while he's away.

One child, if what age? That you can’t entertain for one weekend???

I’m now thinking these posters have to be proper full on helicopter parents that are entertaining them all the time to be so tired?

I’m a single parent and have been since they were all under 5 so the whole concept is just so alien!

[edwinbear]

When my DC were that age, DH and I would sometimes go on a solo holiday for a full week. I’d go off scuba diving and he’d go to Alaska to watch bears/climb up ice mountains. We were both more than capable of looking after our own children for a whole week. If you don’t want to go, just be honest and say you don’t want to.

[MissMarks]

Yes small children are hard work but you just get on with it.

[OllietheOwl]

I think having weekends off as a parent is bloody amazing - even if you do have to make up for it! A weekend with the kids is well worth it to have one blissful weekend without them
Me and DH do it all the time. On the weekends where I’m solely in charge I just get some good plans in - go and see grandparents or friends with kids similar age so they can be entertained by others too. Just tire them out as much as possible so it’s a nice early bath time then a movie and glass of wine in front of the sofa. It’s not that hard!

[Pogmaasal]

Unless there are issues, then I find it ridiculous when people say they cannot manage their children alone for a few days! I think a good look at your parenting might be needed if this is the case, maybe some parenting courses or even just a book.

Fair enough if you dont want to use precious dc free time with that particular friend but your excuse is flimsy and she can see right through it

[manchote]

@Usernamqwerty

So no-one else finds small children exhausting then... 🤔

I don't understand? You are the one getting the weekend off?

You have framed this weirdly as "I can't go away because I can't look after my kids for a whole weekend" but surely isn't the issue "I can't go away because my husband refuses to look after the kids for a whole weekend" or "I don't think it's fair to leave my kids with my hubby for a weekend".

If you don't want to go away for a whole weekend that is fine but I think you need to say that. If it's because you don't think it's fair to leave your kids with your husband for a weekend then that's also your prerogative but I can understand why your friend doesn't really understand this reason. It seems a bit flimsy.

[LaganinaBubble]

..end up on my knees with exhaustion if I have them all weekend

If this is actually true it's not normal, you shouldn't be on your knees with exhaustion minding two children for one weekend - how the hell do you think single parents cope?

[Letsrunabath]

How do you think all the parents who’s partners work on calls at weekends manage. The country would grind to a halt if one parent can’t manage on their own. If you find it that exhausting you should consult your go.

[Danidandan]

Seems odd to me that it's so scheduled and regimented with your DH? when I first read it I thought you'd split up and had them on alternate weekends?!

If I was your friend I'd probably find it really odd IMO.

[drugsdontwork]

What if DH went away first so that you have the thought of a nice weekend away to get you through?

I can see why your friend is annoyed, you can go you just don't want to.

Small children are exhausting but personally ages 2 and 4 are the best age! I wouldn't mind if DH went away and left me with the DC for a weekend but I'm not you.

[Invisimamma]

Of course young children are exhausting but they are your children. And you work full time so not like you see much of them during the week either.

If it was the trade off for a weekend away, I'd do lone weekend with my own children, I'd probably even plan some fun things to do with them. Order myself a takeaway and have a bath once they were in bed. My dp works shifts so I do it often.

If it was me I'd leave on Friday straight from work and be back for Sunday tea time. But it sounds like you don't want to go and that's okay too.

[Sstrongtn]

On the actual question @Usernamqwerty asked!!!

Your friend is being a bit unreasonable to be arsey because actually if you don’t want to do it then you don’t and getting moody isn’t very adult.

As an old parenting hand I would probably trade off a lovely exciting full weekend of freedom, with the associated excitement and mental break for a harder weekend that I could preplan with the kids another time. But it is as always your choice.

One question, if you “split” I’m assuming one parent does Sunday one Saturday? When do you as take adults or as a family spend time together? That situation sounds dangerously insular, not good for the relationship or the kids.

[Scottishskifun]

@Usernamqwerty

So no-one else finds small children exhausting then... 🤔

Yep I do and have a similar set up with my DH it's more so we equally get free time/time away.

It's difficult when it's just the family unit with no family support there is zero downtime especially when going from working the week straight into weekend it massively helps to bounce off the other parent and tag team.

I only choose to go away once in a blue moon so that its fair on my DH but also I know I need to reciprocate so I want it to be worth it 😂

[drugsdontwork]

@manchote I think she means at a later date her DH will go away for a weekend since she went away and then she will have to look after the kids that weekend

[DioneTheDiabolist]

YABU OP.

[Merename]

@DarcyLewis

YABU! You seriously can’t look after your own kids for one weekend??? They aren’t even babies

Wow I am always amazed when I see comments like this. You haven’t met my kids clearly. OP, I am with you and me and DH arrangement is the same. A whole weekend off is like gold dust and not even that desirable, knowing you’ll have to do the same. Mine are 2 and 5. I find them really hard work. There you go.

[GinWithOlivesIn]

Your OP reads like you split the weekend when you are all together, so that you have a weekend “on” and a weekend “off.” Even when one of you is not going away anywhere?!

Everyone finds small children hard work. But to split weekends and keep a tit for tat score is weird and actually sounds more exhausting than just being a bit flexible and sharing the load and occasionally putting in a bit more to allow your spouse time and vice versa.

I have a friend who does this and I actually feel sorry for her and her family as it sounds like such a joyless existence. The children will always be terribly hard work as long as you treat them like a “job” someone has to be in charge of.

[WingingItSince1973]

Sorry to sound dense but can someone please explain the term 'reverse'? I do think YABU unless the children require around the clock medical care which would be exhausting. But still would have to just deal with it. Alot of people don't have a choice. Why would your DH want a weekend alone in repayment of your weekend away? I really don't understand sorry. I would love a weekend away with a friend in a hotel when mine were little and if it meant having them to myself for a weekend when my DH went away then its well worth it.

[Kitkat151]

@Usernamqwerty

So no-one else finds small children exhausting then... 🤔

Sounds like you don’t want to go...that’s fine....but don’t use the kids as an excuse...how do you think single parents cope? of course they are exhausting but you chose to have them 🙄

[Merename]

Oh and yes your friend is BU to huff about something like this she doesn’t understand. Ok for her to be disappointed but not to lay on the guilt trip.