Friend wants a whole weekend away

[Usernamqwerty]

My friend has the huff because I can't go away for a whole weekend because it would mean I'd have to have the kids myself for a whole weekend some other time.

DH and I both work full-time and usually spilt the weekend up between us so we alternate who has the kids / time off to relax. Kids are 2 and 4 years old so need constant looking after. No family nearby to help and getting a babysitter would be too expensive.

My friend brought up the idea of a city trip (90 minutes on the train from London, but 3 hours door to door). I said fine and I could come down Saturday evening and go back late afternoon Sunday. However, she's got the huff and said it would be a waste of time just meeting up for a few hours (partially because she doesn't get up until midday, which is another issue...)

I tried explaining a whole weekend away would have to wait until the kids are older and she got huffy. She doesn't have kids herself.

I have a mini break booked for my birthday in October, in return I have the kids one weekend when DH is off on a leisure thing, but I end up on my knees with exhaustion if I have them all weekend with no break so this is a one-off!

I can't take any annual leave to extend the weekend and my friend works full-time too.

AIBU or should my friend just suck it up?

As others have said if you don’t want to go then don’t but I do find it odd when a parent can’t manage to parent their children! Heaven forbid something should happen to either of you it sounds like you need to work on some coping strategies.

Just say you don’t want to.

Looking after DC that age shouldn’t be so much of a challenge that you can’t cope.

You don't have to go away for a whole weekend if you don't want to but I find it a bit laughable that you can't deal with your children for a whole weekend. Most people manage it.

What would happen if anything ever happened to either of you? Illness, operation, hospital stay etc?

Most 4 year olds don't need constant supervision.

You’re exhausted having your own kids for a whole weekend? Are you serious? I hope you’re not planning a 3rd!! I don’t understand this. They’re easy at that age. Stick on the Netflix and duvets on the floor. Floor picnic. Cuddly toys. You don’t have to do anything. Just let them roam. Stick them in the bath for an hour. Keep topping up the bubbles while you sit on your phone and browse. Stick Peppa pig on iPads and sit them in bed next to you while you nap. They don’t even have to get dressed.

I can see it from both sides OP.

I’m a mum with no help at all so I can relate. However you do have options here so you could make the effort it is only one weekend.

Yabu have a proper weekend

Waiting for the massive drip feed- where there is a reason for either the weird set up or OPS exhaustion.

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

keeping account of the time you each spend away from your children does sound bizarre - but in your friends position, I wouldn't expect a parent of young children to want an entire weekend away from them.

Isn’t it the opposite? She doesn’t want to go because she’ll have to spend a whole weekend with them at a different time.

I’m not sure what to say to the OP. Has your husband never been ill leaving you to do more than your usual agreed number of hours caring for your children by yourself? Haven’t you and he’s had to step up?

You have two young children, not newborn triplets.

What exactly do you find so taxing and exhausting?

If you don’t want to go with her for a full weekend that’s fine, don’t go. But your excuse isn’t like anything I’ve ever heard before. What a way to live.

Fair enough if you don’t want to go, but I’d come up with a less shit excuse tbh. Why do feel you end up on my knees with exhaustion if I have them all weekend with no break? This alternating thing with your DH is very odd, as is seeing time with your kids as such hard work/something you can’t do alone for more than a few hours and something you need ‘time off to relax’ from!? I hope they don’t pick up on that!

What?!

OP, how do you think other parents cope with their own children all weekend?

I don’t get this at all . Lots of people have partners who have to work away . How do you think they manage ?

If I was your friend I would be a bit annoyed as well .

I've never heard of couples doing tit for tat time away from the kids.

The weekend with your friend obviously isn't good enough to then have to have a weekend with your own kids.

Poor friend, poor kids.

What did you have them for?

Jeez.....

Reverse

Haha this has got to be a reverse!

What the fuck?! It's no wonder she's gone a bit funny. Sounds like the poorest excuse going! which it is

If you find it exhausting having your kids for the weekend, I don’t see why your DH can’t do a bit more.
Surely you don’t both find it impossible?

@DrinkFeckArseGirls

What?!

It’s bonkers.

If you don't want to go for a weekend, fine, but your reasoning is a bit weird so I can understand your friend thinking it odd.

It does sound like a bit of a crap excuse to me. I would think a full weekend away would be worth the trade off!
Is there anything in particular they do that puts you on your knees with exhaustion?

How do you think single parents cope?

Why can’t you just say “I don’t want to”. That’s why your friend is pissed because she knows you don’t want to but you’re feeding her a load of crap and expecting her to be understanding of a non excuse.

I don’t get the whole taking it in turns to be miserable with the kids! Are there really that bad?

If you wait until the children are older you may find friends have moved on and the invites dry up!

Your arrangement with your husband is so weird. I presumed you have broken up. Why would you keep tabs on each other like that? I would jump at the chance to go away for the weekend, there must obviously be another reason. I would be annoyed if I was your friend.