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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend is rude, yes or no? AIBU?

308 replies

provencegal · 11/04/2021 17:46

Please help me work out if I am being over sensitive.

Friendship group from children's primary school initially, but now very good friends of four years. We have lots of nights out, coffees and lunches at each other's houses. We have supported each other a lot over the years, and it has been great.

Four weeks ago I invited everyone to my garden for a late lunch at the end of this month - it is a delayed birthday celebration/ good excuse to get together. Everyone accepted and was really excited, it took some time to organise a good day for everyone.

Friend A calls me last night and tells me she can't make it, fine no worries. She then goes on to tell me she has organised a dinner the very same evening for twelve people. She has invited one half of the group (plus a few extras that are not part of our group) but not the others. And she hasn't included me either Shock which was awkward on the phone to say the least! I am not sure what she wanted me to say, I was just quite gobsmacked, so I said no worries, lets reschedule and left it at that.

I have since cancelled my lunch on that date, as it is going to be too awkward with half the group going to the 'after party' at friend A's house, and the other half left uninvited! The others do not know about the evening dinner yet.

I will meet them individually instead now I think.

To think she is a CF? Or is this okay?

OP posts:
Original poster
provencegal · 11/04/2021 19:36

Power play. She’s made it clear to you who’s more popular. I wouldn’t invite those friends again. Or have any more contact with friend A. She’s a Class A bitch actually and you’re betting off cutting her dead and being blunt about it or just ghost her

That was my conclusion too.

OP posts:
Dunnesstores · 11/04/2021 19:38

It's good to take the upper ground sometimes but with the other friends latest response I think I'd say hope you'll be able to make friend A dinner, be a shame to miss out on two events after so long in lock down.

Original poster
provencegal · 11/04/2021 19:38

Thank you for all of your replies. It has been so helpful for me to see lots of different views.

I really will be sure to make sure the friends that are not involved in this, do not lose out and we will still have a lovely time. But i am not involving myself with this drama, would rather shift the date and fade her out completely. I have truly never come across such CF behaviour before, and I am not putting up with it.

OP posts:
me4real · 11/04/2021 19:40

Not ok for her to arrange something on the same day knowing you already had an event planned and it would effect your event.

You say some of them aren't your friends- bin those ones and only keep in touch with the ones that treat you as friends/you like. xx Think of this as a good opportunity to get rid of some disrespectful people. You will feel better for doing so. You deserve to be treated respectfully.

Original poster
provencegal · 11/04/2021 19:40

Years ago I was warned about her, by another friend who said she was the 'town player' and to watch out. I really wish I had listened. I

thought however Friend A was great fun, and took her as she was, and for years it was fine. Clearly some people got the measure of A before me..

OP posts:
Original poster
provencegal · 11/04/2021 19:42

me Two I really like, and have a lot of time for. The other two not so much, they are the type that just follow the best parties, and are not interested in any real friendship. Up to now, it has been okay to socialise on a superficial level.

Friend A comes to me with all of her problems, we speak a few times a week and I am a very good friend to her. I think she will miss our friendship more than me tbh.

OP posts:
2020nymph · 11/04/2021 19:45

@PoutineQueen

I wouldn't have cancelled.

I would offered the group at you're lots of lovely strong cocktails so they'd be shitfaced and annoying by the time they got to hers.

Genius! Wine

Nanny0gg · 11/04/2021 19:47

So why can't the lunch go ahead with you, D and E?

That's why I'm confused.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 11/04/2021 19:47

Your lunch sounds like my nightmare

I think it sounds wonderful!

suspiria777 · 11/04/2021 19:53

@converseandjeans

That's a mean thing to do. I think it's a shame you cancelled. Also it's bad form of the others to accept her invite on top of your invite.
i disagree with the last party -- there's no reason why OP's friends can't make plans for the evening after making lunch/afternoon plans with OP.
Notonthestairs · 11/04/2021 19:58

The two events would over lap so I'm imagine she knew you'd cancel.

It will be interesting to see whether she thinks your friendship will continue regardless.

MichelleScarn · 11/04/2021 19:59

So the people she has invited from your lunch B and C... you say I don't see friend B and C so much. It is friend B and C that have been invited, and I don't see them as great friends.

Why your huff then? They're not really your friends but you are unhappy they may have plans after yours. Why invite them if you don't see them as friends? Do you see yourself in competition with dinner time arrangement 'friend'?

ShellieEllie · 11/04/2021 20:03

I think you've made yourself look really weak and confirmed her view that she is better than you. I wouldn't have cancelled, at least you would seen where allegiances lie and who the true friends are. Maybe she isn't as popular as you seem to think she is? It's sad that those who weren't invited to her dinner are going to miss out on an event they were probably looking forward to. She's played you and won...

WoolieLiberal · 11/04/2021 20:04

Power trip.
It
May be that she’s trying in the nastiest possible
Way to say to you that she doesn’t want to be friends anymore.

Sounds like the friendship may have run it’s course.

I’d stay civil
If contacted but don’t make any further effort to engage this person.

Tistheseason17 · 11/04/2021 20:04

A is gonna miss you more than you will miss her.
GOOD.

WoolieLiberal · 11/04/2021 20:05

Out of interest,
Did she ever say why you weren’t invited to her thing?

Andylion · 11/04/2021 20:12

It's friend A, one of your close friends from the group, who did this?

I8toys · 11/04/2021 20:16

You need to stay out of all this drama - you don't need it so you did the right thing - its not real housewives of cheshire. The kids are older so no need to be in each other's pockets anyway. To be that duplicitous and meeting 12 people anyway - she's a shitpouch.

VenusTiger · 11/04/2021 20:16

Why did you cancel your lunch OP?? that's odd imo - it's not your problem that she's invited some of your guests and not others - that's not how life works...

pictish · 11/04/2021 20:22

I think you’ve got this spot on OP and I would take exactly the same course of action as you.
Friend A is an overbearing, insecure and manipulative individual to do this. She has bullied you and quite openly too. I wouldn’t want to keep in with her either. Nasty.

SeaShoreGalore · 11/04/2021 20:22

It’s all a bit Jilly Cooper isn’t it Confused

PRsecrets · 11/04/2021 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

queenofthenorthwest · 11/04/2021 20:24

She is not your friend. She's a fucking bitch.

If I was doing what you have, my friends would want to contribute ie what shall I bring, not trying to cut my event shorter to compete.

They would host their get together on another day so we could look forward to that also.

It would be a thing to look forward to! None of my friends would think of doing what this women has.

Is she like this in other ways? And she hasn't invited you? Why the fuck not?

She sounds like a bitch on wheels.

hannayeah · 11/04/2021 20:25

@ShellieEllie

I think you've made yourself look really weak and confirmed her view that she is better than you. I wouldn't have cancelled, at least you would seen where allegiances lie and who the true friends are. Maybe she isn't as popular as you seem to think she is? It's sad that those who weren't invited to her dinner are going to miss out on an event they were probably looking forward to. She's played you and won...
Who cares what she thinks?

She’ll soon figure it out anyway, when OP no longer extends invitations to her.

pictish · 11/04/2021 20:30

Who cares about looking weak? The objective is to heed the sign and get fucking rid. No one needs a showdown for that to happen.

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