When you’ve accepted an invitation, of course it’s rude to just not turn up. That would be the case if everyone was paying for themselves and even more so, when the host is paying for the guest.
Of course things happen that mean people have to drop out, but they should say so. Most people will do that.
However, things happen that mean people forget and although it is extremely rude, it’s a reality. Feeling so hurt and furious about it, to never speak to someone again seems a massive over-reaction to me. Unless you are doing ‘Rent a crowd’ for your wedding and asking people you barely know, these are your friends or family. If they are your friends or family, you have history with them and even if annoyed, you should be able to get over this, unless you lack the self esteem or perspective to be able to cope with what is some rudeness. It happens and no doubt, we have all been rude at some point and would hope not to be cast into the abyss as a result.
Where people have not turned up, and I’m not justifying it at all, is it usually people who are not good friends....just casual acquaintances or colleagues from work? Have they been invited with a partner and perhaps won’t know anyone much? I’m not justifying it....they shouldn’t accept if they don’t want to come and they should certainly let you know if something means they can’t attend on the day, but I think loose acquaintances are often less invested in weddings, and especially if they are the invited partner and do t know the person. This is where people who have been invited to an evening do,, of someone who isn’t a close friend, perhaps some distance away feel less invested and do t attend. Again I’m not justifying it.
And I then find the fury and bearing a grudge even more odd. Because these are loose acquaintances, not good friends. Why would you invest the mental energy in hating them? I can see why it is really hurtful if it’s a good friend who lets you down...but I would expect there to be a reason and cut people slack, and even if they have simply been very crap....if they were a friend, I would push myself to move on from it unless it one of a frequent chain of sumilar events.
Those having their wedding sometimes forget that although this is their big day, it doesn’t hold the same importance for the guests, especially those who are evening guests who are loose acquaintances and certainly not for their +1 on the invite if they have never met you. Some of this bearing a grudge is investing ones own wedding and themselves with too much self importance and then being too offended beyond the proportion of the crime.
Absolutely it’s rude. Do all rude actions require a grudge to be borne forever or people to be cut off. No.