Ex says he has stress induced heart problem and therefore I must book children's activities for his contact time

[SeriouslyAreYouSerious]

Ex wants me to make bookings for him at local leisure centre because he says he can't work their website. I don't want to because:

A) the activity is quite expensive and ex is slow and unreliable about sending money

B) I have all the dc full time (ex has once a month supervised contact court ordered) and it's quite full on, I just don't need another thing to be responsible for and spend time on

C) I don't want to be responsible for getting the right booking - it tends to book up fast and I would have to have much contact with ex over arranging it, possibly live while booking it, and I try to minimise contact with him as much as possible (he is neither nice nor reasonable)

I have therefore said no, I am sure the leisure centre people can help him with whatever issues he has with the website.

He has sent an email telling me he has a heart condition which is caused by stress and heart break, and that smoking doesn't help and he smokes more when he is stressed, therefore I must do the booking for him 'for the children'. AIBU to completely ignore this and think it is emotional manipulation? He has smoked, eaten huge amounts of sat fat and red meat, not taken any meaningful exercise for decades (since long before we even met), none of which is my responsibility and all of which will have caused his heart condition - not me or his 'broken heart'?

Sorry OP I meant the ones I had met recently. Of course there are many people who do this all by themselves. It’s a victim mentality that everything is someone else’s responsibility and if you don’t help you are actually the cause of the problem etc. It’s a strange outlook on life but many people seem to have it.

Also, does he not have friends or siblings who would be more appropriate to ask for help with tech support. I’d be doing everything I could to show the other parent how capable I was and hiding this kind of nonsense- he must realise how this looks to you and the solicitors. Is it sabotage do you think? So he eventually doesn’t have contact and can blame you rather than admitting he just doesn’t want it?

Well he can swivel on it then can't he?

Don’t do it... a slippery manipulative slope. A clear response along the lines of “I am sorry to hear of your health concerns but while I care for your welfare it is not my responsibility to facilitate it or to facilitate your activities during contact time. You need to take responsibility for these things”.
Stand your ground, don’t cave and if the activities don’t go ahead then do something nice for children when you have them.

@Sittingonabench

Don’t do it... a slippery manipulative slope. A clear response along the lines of “I am sorry to hear of your health concerns but while I care for your welfare it is not my responsibility to facilitate it or to facilitate your activities during contact time. You need to take responsibility for these things”. Stand your ground, don’t cave and if the activities don’t go ahead then do something nice for children when you have them.

This 100%.

Christ, he must have really worn you down during the relationship for you to even need to ask if YABU.

Well done for leaving him. I would completely ignore these kinds of emails. Nobody has time for that shit. He needs to get his head out of his arse.

What a load of old shit!

I'd be suggesting that if the stress of phoning a leisure centre is likely to kill him then the children are not safe alone with him in case he has a heart attack and tell him that you respect his honesty in admitting he can't cope with such a small task but don't worry, you'll deal with the court admin to get his contact changed to a contact centre.

He what now?! He lost your IT support skills when you divorced!

But if a website stresses him out is he going to cope if an emergency happens?

Sounds as if he’d benefit from availing himself of the leisure centre facilities on a wider level. Twat.

The only way I would book anything for him would be after he sent the money upfront in advance.

But in reality I would just ignore and not even reply to his messages.

@SeriouslyAreYouSerious

Just had another email - saying he can't call them for help because they won't be open at 1 minute past midnight when the bookings open. But he has been trying to get me to do this booking for weeks, and each time I have replied that he should call them to sort it. He should have got the issues with the website sorted long before this evening when he says they will open bookings. I have said no again.

He says it is 'about the children'. But it's really not is it - or he would have pulled his finger out to sort it long before now. He has left it thinking I will cave at the last minute because I know the children will be disappointed.

So he expects you to book it at midnight?

I'd be so tempted to send the kids on a real sugar high next time he sees them - and see if his heart can withstand it.
Or to reply, 'You're an ex for a reason. All the same to me if you're alive or dead.'

Ignore ignore ignore! He’s a lazy chancer who is full of bullshit. Already he doesn’t do he fair share with the children. I can see why you aren’t together anymore

Amazing how some people seem utterly incapable of adulting. Say no op - or you'll be responsible forever.

So all that effort he put into trying to manipulate you, and he can’t work an online booking system?

Yeah right.

Just ignore EVERYTHING

You know damned well you’d never see any money for the activities.

What a total prick

I suppose I’d not be able to resist a “oh what a shame you’re not able to work out how to book something’for the children’ on the couple of days a month you have them, still I suppose eventually they’ll grow so bored of doing FA that they won’t bother coming at all, so can’t think it’ll be a problem for you for long...”

"If you cannot cope with making arrangements for this activity during your contact time, please just arrange something that you are able to facilitate for the children. I'm sure they will be fine with that. It sounds like supervising children in a pool may be dangerous in your condition, anyway". Keep it brief and keep a record of everything for the solicitor.

Its nice to know that my multiple heart conditions and multiple heart surgeries plus ongoing lifetime heart medications now give me an out from being responsible for doing anything I cant be bothered to do ever again. Oh thats right, life carries on

Suggest if he has a heart condition he visits a cardiologist and takes a daily magnesium supplement (also loosing weight via exercise and a healthy veg forward diet would be helpful) ...but he wont because he is performance ill, not actually ill. Didums

Ha! I can well believe that he does actually have heart problems - but I just don't buy it being due to heart-break and website induced stress, it will be the decades of smoking etc and also the fairly regular cocaine usage won't have helped (forgot that when I was typing earlier).

Sorry to hear about your health problems ski

He has sent an email telling me he has a heart condition which is caused by stress and heart break, and that smoking doesn't help and he smokes more when he is stressed, therefore I must do the booking for him

I'm surprised he hasn't invited you over to wank him off because it feels better when you do it 🤣

He knows it’s a ridiculous request. He’s setting you up to be the bad guy to the kids “we can’t go swimming as mummy wouldn’t book it”

'You're an ex for a reason. All the same to me if you're alive or dead.'

Can we just take a minute to appreciate this?

Wow, fuck that shit.
Screen shot all of this as evidence for why he needs supervised/reduced access if even making a booking makes him ill, that’s gold for your legal team.

Of course he wants you to pay and you’ll have to do it all.

And again. Tell him to pick up the phone and book.