Ex says he has stress induced heart problem and therefore I must book children's activities for his contact time

[SeriouslyAreYouSerious]

Ex wants me to make bookings for him at local leisure centre because he says he can't work their website. I don't want to because:

A) the activity is quite expensive and ex is slow and unreliable about sending money

B) I have all the dc full time (ex has once a month supervised contact court ordered) and it's quite full on, I just don't need another thing to be responsible for and spend time on

C) I don't want to be responsible for getting the right booking - it tends to book up fast and I would have to have much contact with ex over arranging it, possibly live while booking it, and I try to minimise contact with him as much as possible (he is neither nice nor reasonable)

I have therefore said no, I am sure the leisure centre people can help him with whatever issues he has with the website.

He has sent an email telling me he has a heart condition which is caused by stress and heart break, and that smoking doesn't help and he smokes more when he is stressed, therefore I must do the booking for him 'for the children'. AIBU to completely ignore this and think it is emotional manipulation? He has smoked, eaten huge amounts of sat fat and red meat, not taken any meaningful exercise for decades (since long before we even met), none of which is my responsibility and all of which will have caused his heart condition - not me or his 'broken heart'?

I have not read the whole thread, sorry, lazy, but my first thought was that this is so he can say you arranged for them to be doing stuff in his time so he couldn't spend quality time with them.
I read enough to see that wouldn't be uncharacteristic for him.

Definitely ignore the pathetic man!

Personally I'd book it for the kids - but only if he paid upfront in cash. I'd also tell him you can't change it, so once he's paid and you've booked it, then it's done. However, he does seem a twat of the first order.

He has sent an email telling me he has a heart condition which is caused by stress and heart break

His ilk always live until they're about 135.

If you don’t
And he doesn’t
What will he do with them instead?

If he is only able to have supervised access to the children, would he actually be permitted to take them swimming?

So he's still trying to get you to do all the wifework...

It sounds like it's ended up a bit of a standoff, his little power play has backfired and you are not going to be guilted in to it.

I’m a single parent

My ex is a good dad and man but he’s shit at organising things. So I end up doing a load of stuff like this.

Does it take up my time? Yes
Does it piss me off? Yes
Do I do it for my children? 100%

I think you should help him manage his stress. Tell him you won't send the children. He doesn't get to be fun parent over activities but you do all the work.

Ignore the bastard.. End of..
My ex currently has fortnightly supervised contact in a center and I will never do anything to help him as long as I live.

As you are fully aware if you went long with this it would be the thin end of the wedge. You would end up taking on more and more 'wife work' he can't be arsed with.

I agree with the people saying 'don't worry about activities, all the DC want is time with you' and then ignoring.

It's a shame for the D.C. but they have the rest of their lives for activities of various sorts but having childhood time alone with their dad will end pretty quickly.

He has sent an email telling me he has a heart condition which is caused by stress and heart break

He's lying! When ex DH had his heart attack, I read all the NHS leaflets and booklets going and they all said that heart attacks are not caused by stress. No mention was made of heartbreak. Heart conditions are physical, exacerbated by smoking, overweight and loss of exercise. In others there is a strong genetic element. They are definitely not worstened taking your time to book a class on a computer or phone you already own, even on the most un-userfriendly website.

Are you getting carers allowance for this? If not, tell him to get one. If he can't get one because he's a pisstaker its not your fault.

@Pebbledashery

Ignore the bastard.. End of.. My ex currently has fortnightly supervised contact in a center and I will never do anything to help him as long as I live.

Even if your children lose out?

When I do stuff for my ex, I’m not doing it FOR him. I’m doing it for my children

Say you'll do it if you have a letter from his consultant explaining why he can't do it due to his medical condition

@Lassy1945 helping out an ex your have a good relationship with when they occasionally need is help is very different to allowing an ex who is manipulative and controlling to continue their behaviour through contact. That’s not good for anyone in the long run, including the children.

@lassy1945 no. I'm not helping a subhuman who we had to flee from because he punched me in the face, choked and strangled me and also physically and emotionally abused his daughter also. No.

Tell him to sod off, the pathetic idiot!

His health worries (real or imagined) are not your problem to solve.

I would now reply
“I have said no. Stop contacting me about this. I will no longer reply or engage in discussion on this subject”

What an absolute loser.

Your poor kids.

[quote AIMD]@Lassy1945 helping out an ex your have a good relationship with when they occasionally need is help is very different to allowing an ex who is manipulative and controlling to continue their behaviour through contact. That’s not good for anyone in the long run, including the children.[/quote]
I’ve read all the posts

It’s once a month contact
He has been taking them to the park throughout lockdown - so nothing required of OP

Look, it’s pathetic of him. No doubt about that. And he seems like a twat.

But I would do this. The children went to go swimming. It’s once a month. I’d do it

Ignore him hes trying to manipulate you. If he smokes heavily and eats like a little piggy then thats his responsibility. You are under no obligation to do anything for him. You can enjoy activities on your own with your children.

He sounds waaay too fragile to have the dc. Better let a medical expert via court deem him fit. Meanwhile book swimming for you and the dc....

I'd tell him to go swim with a cement kickboard

What manipulative bollocks. Ignore him.

You might want to warn the DC that (useless twat) dad might not be able to take them swimming after all as it might be difficult to get a booking.

I read all the NHS leaflets and booklets going and they all said that heart attacks are not caused by stress. No mention was made of heartbreak. Heart conditions are physical, exacerbated by smoking

I may have misunderstood but I think he’s saying it IS the smoking that is causing his heart problem, but he smokes because of stress. So the stresses of online leisure centre booking systems and the possibility of entertaining the children with no activity booked are forcing him to smoke so much as to exacerbate his heart condition. Which is quite imaginative really when you think of it.