Ex says he has stress induced heart problem and therefore I must book children's activities for his contact time

[SeriouslyAreYouSerious]

Ex wants me to make bookings for him at local leisure centre because he says he can't work their website. I don't want to because:

A) the activity is quite expensive and ex is slow and unreliable about sending money

B) I have all the dc full time (ex has once a month supervised contact court ordered) and it's quite full on, I just don't need another thing to be responsible for and spend time on

C) I don't want to be responsible for getting the right booking - it tends to book up fast and I would have to have much contact with ex over arranging it, possibly live while booking it, and I try to minimise contact with him as much as possible (he is neither nice nor reasonable)

I have therefore said no, I am sure the leisure centre people can help him with whatever issues he has with the website.

He has sent an email telling me he has a heart condition which is caused by stress and heart break, and that smoking doesn't help and he smokes more when he is stressed, therefore I must do the booking for him 'for the children'. AIBU to completely ignore this and think it is emotional manipulation? He has smoked, eaten huge amounts of sat fat and red meat, not taken any meaningful exercise for decades (since long before we even met), none of which is my responsibility and all of which will have caused his heart condition - not me or his 'broken heart'?

What is it with these men, this is the second thread I've read where they expect their, now ex wives (unsurprisingly ex), to continue to do their life work for them.

Honestly how do they manage to get up, get dressed and breath on their own. He's a grown adult, managed to father children, but can't arrange to take them swimming

He's "made it to the right bit of the website" and it's only taken him an hour and a half.

What a little Trojan he is!

I would make him a badge.

I've been taking statins for the last 5 years. I don't have a heart problem. I do have high cholesterol (or rather don't, since the statins have it under control). The GP said that high cholesterol could lead to heart problems. This could well be where your ex is at, although not necessarily.

Anyway, well done on making a grown man stand on his own two feet. You do everything else for the children, he's only got this one thing and was trying to duck out of even that. You've done him as well as them a favour

This is way too common. I have a friend who’s ex still expects her to organise pretty much everything and she still does. There’s really not much point in them being separated because nothing has changed. She’s just enabling him to carry in being a dick and I don’t have much sympathy really.

@Poorlykitten

This is way too common. I have a friend who’s ex still expects her to organise pretty much everything and she still does. There’s really not much point in them being separated because nothing has changed. She’s just enabling him to carry in being a dick and I don’t have much sympathy really.

Gosh yea of course. lazy arse man. Definitely his ex wife’s fault...

@RachelRavenRoth I didn’t say it was just her fault. Of course it’s the man’s fault but she is also compliant in it. If she stood firm, as the OP has done and set boundaries from the start, then she wouldn’t still be having to do absolutely everything to do with the children four years on. And I mean bloody everything. I am sympathetic to a point but nothing will ever change until she changes it.

Website induced stress 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Well done on standing firm.

I'd be tempted to say I had a stress induced problem caused by interacting with him...

@DrSbaitso

How has he not been eaten yet?

🤣🤣!!

Tell him to phone the leisure centre and book - I'm sure they have to offer it as an alternative for people that do not have online capability.

@SeriouslyAreYouSerious from the BHF website (non stressful access version): “statins are one of the most commonly prescribed drugs in the UK: around 7-8million adults in the Uk take them”.

'That sounds awful. I feel so sorry for you! I definitely couldn't bear to add to your stress by doing the booking - it sounds like you need someone sitting next to you and doing it together, so that you can have peace of mind in knowing that the correct days etc have been booked. What if I got it wrong! Doesn't bear thinking about. Also, a support person would then be there to assist you if you did have an attack brought on by looking at a website and actually having to do something yourself. Hope you can find such an understanding support person. Sending you strength at this most difficult time, Seriously'

@violetbunny

I'd be tempted to say I had a stress induced problem caused by interacting with him...

Yeah or

“I had a stress induced problem once.

I divorced it”

Surprise surprise - an email arrived earlier saying he has spent hours on trying to get a booking through the website and can't call them because he says they aren't open, and I should do it for the children. He 'knows' I will use his inability to get a booking against him with the children. He closes by saying the stress of it all is not good for his heart or his mental health.

Out of interest I went on the website and clicked the booking link and it says that no bookings can be made at this time. It doesn't say anywhere that they are actually open again, so either they're not yet reopening, or they're already fully booked.

In any case - I've replied suggesting he contact them using their online enquiry form, and suggesting ways in which I can help to manage the children's expectations regarding swimming with him. I wouldnt 'use it against him' because I actually care about the children and want them to be happy - not to mention the fact that if they're unhappy and disappointed I am the one who bears the brunt of it regardless

Really - he promised them swimming at the next contact without knowing whether the leisure centre would reopen by then, and knowing how hard it is to get a booking there even at the best of times (it's a very popular all singing all dancing slides and fun activities swimming place - not just the local pool). This was an entirely predictable result, which I didn't want, but it not my responsibility.

Every single email i would send him about things he should do would end ‘for the children’ Can you atop being an incompetent gobshite... for the children?. Etc

He he

I wouldn't even reply. This all seems to be an attempt to keep you engaged and focused on him rather than moving on with your life.

Tell fag ash lil to put down his fags and wise the fuck up. Emotionally stunted twerp.

I would reply that perhaps if he spent almost as long actually trying to sort out his own administration issues as he has spent writing manipulative emails to encourage you to do his administration for him, he may have more success. For the children...

Hours, he says? He must be a very, very slow reader. 🙄 Just start telling the kids an appropriate truthful version of events without “magical” fucking language. That’s going to mess them up a lot in the end, like Spike Milligan’s kids - who believed that there really were fairies in their garden until they went to university.

Why does someone who claims he can't handle the stress of navigating an ordinary website think he could ever properly supervise children without being supervised himself?

Don’t even reply to whiny emails. They are not your responsibility. He is not your responsibility and the sooner he works that out the better. I am assuming he is not a stupid man. I assume he holds down a job where he is expected to be reasonably competent most of the time. Can you imagine if he behaved like this in work? None of this is because he can’t. All of it is because he doesn’t want to and doesn’t think it’s his job - it’s beneath him. He thinks this is the wifework that you should do because you’re the mother of the kids and should do all their day to day admin.

Obviously didn’t RTFT @Wiredforsound... He’s too fragile to work as well.

Has far too much important smoking and eating to do.