Ex says he has stress induced heart problem and therefore I must book children's activities for his contact time

[SeriouslyAreYouSerious]

Ex wants me to make bookings for him at local leisure centre because he says he can't work their website. I don't want to because:

A) the activity is quite expensive and ex is slow and unreliable about sending money

B) I have all the dc full time (ex has once a month supervised contact court ordered) and it's quite full on, I just don't need another thing to be responsible for and spend time on

C) I don't want to be responsible for getting the right booking - it tends to book up fast and I would have to have much contact with ex over arranging it, possibly live while booking it, and I try to minimise contact with him as much as possible (he is neither nice nor reasonable)

I have therefore said no, I am sure the leisure centre people can help him with whatever issues he has with the website.

He has sent an email telling me he has a heart condition which is caused by stress and heart break, and that smoking doesn't help and he smokes more when he is stressed, therefore I must do the booking for him 'for the children'. AIBU to completely ignore this and think it is emotional manipulation? He has smoked, eaten huge amounts of sat fat and red meat, not taken any meaningful exercise for decades (since long before we even met), none of which is my responsibility and all of which will have caused his heart condition - not me or his 'broken heart'?

So glad you stayed firm on this!

Not rtft but mind is boggling at the Vue website contributing to his heart condition. What a prize specimen he is. Stand your ground.

What a pathetic, manipulative creature he is! You need to make it clear to him that you know how full of bullshit he is and that you will not be responding to any of his laughable, needy manipulation. Websites contributing to his 'heart condition' indeed. I've never heard anything so ridiculous in my life!

My goodness, if he can’t cope with simple websites, it must be a real struggle for him to get through each day!

He is probably only taking them to the cinema and swimming because contact is supervised anyway.

He sounds so lazy that he would be parking them in front of a screen otherwise.

If he can't make activity bookings then he'll just have to have a quiet time at home with his lovely children. Maybe he could manage some peaceful colouring in, or embroidery.

To me it just sounds like he wants you to book and pay for activities he does with your joint children.

Id be more inclined to organise his life insurance... for the children.

He just wants you to pay. What a useless arse. DP’s ex wife does this sort of thing. She is always asking him to do things to make her life easier/ cheaper under the guise of it being for the kids.

He gets to see the kids in his contact time and can organise whatever is suitable that he likes (and can cope with)

Nothing to do with you

If they don't get to go swimming and are disappointed then you take them (in fact I'd book this for the week after anyway, if they went with him , great, if not , hero Mum)

Say no. I know others have said it above. But. Please. Respect yourself.

Serious, he is trying the old control game. Tell him to fuck right off. Stay strong. XXX

I'd probably do it for the kids but would tell him you'll book when he's paid but not otherwise.

I have 3 different heart problems. I have never heard of one made worse by websites 😂.

Please ask him for the name of his ‘conditions’.

If it’s angina stop smoking lose weight and use the spray. If his angina is so bad even slightly raised activity triggers it he needs stents, immediately if not a CABG.

If it’s this www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/309547#treatment

then a website or kids causing it is laughable. The emotional stress part is like a really traumatic event, like witnessing a horrific accident/death of a loved one etc and it doesn’t come on off on off.

Another email a little earlier which I didn't see til just now saying he's spent an hour trying to use the website and feels like he's going mad, can I just help him out 'for the children'.
Obv I didn't reply to that one and there's a second email 30 mins after that one saying he's finally made it to the right bit of the website... hope that's the end of it.

@SeriouslyAreYouSerious

Another email a little earlier which I didn't see til just now saying he's spent an hour trying to use the website and feels like he's going mad, can I just help him out 'for the children'. Obv I didn't reply to that one and there's a second email 30 mins after that one saying he's finally made it to the right bit of the website... hope that's the end of it.

Oh good does that mean he's managed to sort out his own arrangements "for the children"?

What a tit.

Running commentary on his use of the website?

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

There is hope for him yet lol

I wish I'd seen this this morning!

I don't know you but I feel immensely proud that you haven't let this idiot continue to walk all over you.

He's using your kids as emotional blackmail - keep him at bay and don't give in.

This is no longer your responsibility x

Aw, thanks. That actually makes me feel quite happy 😊

Ahhhh so He managed, miracle of miracles.

Well done OP, you're maintaining good solid boundaries.

Lots of people would have just given in, I admire your boundaries. Nice one!

I wouldn't want a man who needed supervision to be any where me and my kids at a leisure activity
Surely he should be in contact centre?

Off the back of this thread, I tried to book swimming for me and my children this week. It is adults only until May

@nitsandwormsdodger there is no social engineering about who is allowed in a public place. Needing supervision doesn't mean they are a sex offender, just that they are being assessed as to whether they can adequately care for their children. Often due to addiction but sometimes domestic abuse. They aren't a danger to you.

A social worker friend of mine used to do Saturday contacts, she said she started getting odd looks from the staff in McDonald's when she turned up for the third and fourth time that day with a different fellow and a different set of kids. That was a while back when there was only one McDonald's in the whole town.