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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think calling in sick for no sleep is a good enough reason?

518 replies

Rachelinaa · 11/04/2021 03:16

I work in an office that's been open through most of lockdown due to admin we do being essential.
Recently one of my workmates has been calling in sick a lot because he hasn't been sleeping well as he's got a baby at home that won't sleep. I was shocked to hear other people at work saying they thought it was a ridiculous reason not to come to work and we've all had to come to work tired. But I thought they'd be able to see the difference between being tired and not sleeping at all. His baby has colic and the mum also works.
I've called in sick before for being too tired when my baby was a newborn and didn't sleep. I wondered what everyone else's thoughts on this was? I personally don't want someone driving to work if they're too tired to focus and I can't think that the boss would want someone in more likely to make mistakes.

OP posts:
butwhatcanwedo · 11/04/2021 17:32

I did once take half a day at short notice because I’d had one hour’s sleep - third baby aged about 7 months and two other small ones so was a mad time. I took it as annual leave.

Another time in the same phase I did get to the office after another one hour sleep night but it was a mistake. I was so tired I couldn’t walk or sit straight and was physically sick. I used to have to get up at 5am and had a 1.5 hr commute and it was exhausting. I think that second time my boss sent me home.

butwhatcanwedo · 11/04/2021 17:33

Sorry - conclusion is that it was a hard patch in my life but I’m still there 2 years on - employer was wonderfully supportive and hopefully now glad they have built some goodwill and kept a good employee.

Darkstar4855 · 11/04/2021 17:36

When I was in that situation I would sometimes go in to work a couple of hours late after I’d had a bit of sleep and then make the hours back another time. I don’t think it should be sick leave.

JackieTheFart · 11/04/2021 17:42

@ThrowingAShellstrop

Your situation isn’t the same as what the OP is talking about though is it, so my comment isn’t talking about you Confused

I don’t believe I made any comment about you or even my situation so I don’t really understand how you think I’m judging you?!

JackieTheFart · 11/04/2021 17:43

(I mean, you said your toddler had been up ‘a couple of times’ in the night not anything about a baby with colic which is what I was referring to)

GreyhoundLurcher · 11/04/2021 17:44

Grow a spine....

IJustLikeBiscuitsOK · 11/04/2021 17:44

I had to do this before, but I lied and said I had a migraine. In reality I had done a 13 hour night shift, got home, could not sleep AT ALL, somehow powered through and did another night shift. Got home, felt sick to my stomach, STILL couldn't sleep as I was so overtired and got so over emotional I didn't know how to cope. So after nearly 50+ hours awake I rang work and said I wouldn't be in that night I had a bad "migraine". I felt rotten and like it wasn't a real excuse but there's no way I could have worked that night. I slept for 19 hours when I eventually did drop off at about 8:30pm that night

ThrowingAShellstrop · 11/04/2021 18:02

@JackieTheFart

(I mean, you said your toddler had been up ‘a couple of times’ in the night not anything about a baby with colic which is what I was referring to)
The man in question, that the OP is talking about, has a baby with colic and that is why he has felt like he needs to call in. I understand that as I have also had a baby with colic. I was fortunate enough to be on maternity leave then but the person OP is referring to obviously doesn’t.

You’re judging the person OP is talking about in her OP. I don’t agree that you get to judge that the reason for his sickness is inadequate.

Does that make it clearer?

IEat · 11/04/2021 18:06

I’d lie and say I was throwing up not that I wasn’t sleeping well

InFiveMins · 11/04/2021 18:09

I voted YANBU. Lack of sleep can cause all sorts of health issues - I've never phoned in because of lack of sleep myself, but know if I can have a restless night I can feel sick the next day, have a headache etc. If he's had no sleep at all it's not unreasonable for him to ring in sick, he probably feels like shit thanks to no sleep. His health comes before his job.

Heronwatcher · 11/04/2021 18:19

As a one off, fine. Regularly not fine at all unless they are doing absolutely everything else, i.e eating at 7 going to bed at 8, sharing night wakings, taking annual leave or unpaid parental leave once a week to catch up on sleep, catching up on sleep over the weekends etc. And also taking sensible steps to get the baby into a routine. If they are not doing this these things then they only have themselves to blame really. I have never once known someone to call in sick for this reason once, let alone regularly, and I work in an organisation which is awash with new parents!

JackieTheFart · 11/04/2021 18:46

@ThrowingAShellstrop my apologies. I didn’t see where it says colic and scanning through, I still don’t.

Not that it matters, I actually think that when the OP has asked a question I am ‘allowed’ to voice my opinion, or judgement if that suits you better.

tappitytaptap · 11/04/2021 18:50

My 2.5 year old hasn’t yet slept through. Would never occur to me to call in sick, even if I was exhausted! You’re not sick are you?!

Scrunchies · 11/04/2021 19:10

I haven’t read thru the thread and I’ll probably get flamed for this but I have done once. I was heavily pregnant and had insomnia and terrible SPD, I hadn’t slept more than 3 hours a night for months, then the night before literally stayed awake all night without a single minutes sleep. I’m a GP so don’t choose sick days lightly as I know it means 50 odd appointments being cancelled/ rearranged... but I was just hysterical. I couldn’t stop crying and just thought there is no way I can be professional today 🤷‍♀️

Scrunchies · 11/04/2021 19:12

Also surely there is a difference between ‘a child not sleeping thru’ as others are saying, and those horrible nights when you are up for hours and hours and just don’t get any sleep at all?

GeronimoHate · 11/04/2021 19:18

I think there's a difference between a one off and a regular occurrence.

SirenSays · 11/04/2021 19:51

I'm amazed at these responses. I've had insomnia for years and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture! Hallucinations, poor decision making skills and the chance of falling asleep behind the wheel. Why would anyone think it's a good idea for him to be driving?

RedcurrantPuff · 11/04/2021 19:54

@SirenSays

I'm amazed at these responses. I've had insomnia for years and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture! Hallucinations, poor decision making skills and the chance of falling asleep behind the wheel. Why would anyone think it's a good idea for him to be driving?
That is entirely different from someone who has a non sleeping baby. Broken sleep is part and parcel of early parenthood.
sst1234 · 11/04/2021 20:51

@SirenSays

I'm amazed at these responses. I've had insomnia for years and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture! Hallucinations, poor decision making skills and the chance of falling asleep behind the wheel. Why would anyone think it's a good idea for him to be driving?
Did you read the OP. The man in question doesn’t have insomnia? There will always be a peculiar link for everything to something else. In this case, people are clearly taking the piss.
Spidey66 · 11/04/2021 21:05

I am a poor sleeper. If I called in sick every time I had little or no sleep, my Bradford score would be through the roof, and wouldn't have a job to go to. So no, I wouldn't phone in sick for not sleeping, unless there was a medical reason why I hadn't slept (e.g. I'd been puking up all night.) Ive often gone into work with literally no sleep, or, if I'm lucky, an hour or so.

PattyPan · 11/04/2021 21:12

I think it doesn’t matter the reason for the lack of sleep - baby, insomnia or something else - if you are too tired to concentrate then you should not be driving to work and you’re not going to be as productive as if you just took the morning off to catch up on sleep so the sick day isn’t really a loss to the employer. Toughing it out when you’re too tired to drive safely could kill someone.

WineIsMyMainVice · 11/04/2021 21:12

I dragged myself into work plenty of times when I had 2 kids under 2.2! You just have to get on with it. Plenty of coffee helps!! But you just do what you have to do.

alltoomuchrightnow · 11/04/2021 21:15

I have really chronic insomnia linked to thyroid and adrenals and had this on and off (mainly on) for over 25 yrs.
On a bad night I get zero sleep. Not a second. And this can go on for days. And I've always gone in. It's total hell and now my job is very physical, manual and I'm not getting younger
I don't have a choice re insomnia. No sleep is horrible , it really is, but having a baby is a lifestyle choice and everyone knows you are not going to sleep well or at all for the first few years

alltoomuchrightnow · 11/04/2021 21:16

And as said, not sleeping is not a sickness.
It makes you feel like death, sure..but it's not a reason to not go in.

GeronimoHate · 11/04/2021 21:18

@ThrowingAShellstrop

Everybody in a team is off sick at some time meaning that everyone has their turn at covering. The reason someone is off sick is irrelevant. It’s not up to your colleagues to judge what an acceptable reason might be.
So of course if you are tired and haven't slept you shouldn't drive - but you have a job and you have a responsibility to manage your sleep - one off might be forgivable - regular occurrence? Sort your shit out - reduce your hours, come in late and work late - parent yourself!