Losing your ‘mummy’ nurturing hormones in perimenopause

[Kitchendisco21]

I am 48 and find I am much much less patient with my kids and I wondered if it was because perimenopause and into menopause strips you of your nurturing oestrogen & ‘mummy’ hormones. Aibu?

I have a primary aged young child still so was older having my kids and maybe this is one of the negatives of having kids older!! It certainly feels like it!!

Anyone else feel like this? My peri symptoms are bloody shit to be fair and I am exploring HRT at the moment!

I haven’ t noticed this tbh. Life just changes doesn’t it. You don’t need the same level of intensity re parenting as your kids grow up. Maybe our bodies adapt to this.

@MiaowMiaow99

Fabulous thread. So reassuring to see my baffled thoughts written down by others and articulated so well!

I'd recently come to the conclusion I'm becoming far less tolerant at work, but feel HRT is a bit of a leap.

Going to monitor other symptoms first, but so refreshing to hear my feelings are normal.

Thank god you posted in AIBU OP, as I'd have never seen this if in Womans health (shudder).

Why the shudder after ‘women’s health’?

It’s a really useful area of MN.

I'm post menopausal, but still want to nurture the heck out of my cats though. Reckon it applies to pets? They still make me go gooey.

Reading with interest as I've heard this a few times and it's something that worries me a lot tbh.

Not sure. Think I've been in peri for 4 years or so but I feel more doting on ds if anything, I would definitely say I do less active parenting and leave him alone more including overnight, but he's 17, isn't that normal? I think it's easy to leave out the child's part of this interaction.

Does anyone have a link to the Caitlin Moran article please?

@BrizzleGirl

I don't think it's hormones, I think by the time you have teenagers, you've just had enough of parenting.

They irritate you, you irate them, it's Mother Nature's way of getting them to leave and procreate. Otherwise they little shits would never leave home.

I have a 16 and 18 year old and am literally counting down the days until I'm "free".

926 days if you were wondering!!

I'm so sad about this. Not you specifically, but I'm sad that I'll one day feel like this.

Mine is only 3, and I can't imagine wanting him to leave, but I probably will!

In late 40s but not feeling peri- menopausal.
I think Cocomarine has a point- with regard to response to younger children. I have a 2 year old and the amount of hugs, kisses and positive loving statements from her make me melt like butter. No way would my teenagers treat me like that 😂

Explains a lot about my mother. She had two of us in her twenties, wasn't extremely maternal then, but did okay. She had my youngest sibling at 35 and was told she was pretty much through the menopause when she went to the GP at 45. She was a different parent to my youngest sibling and more than happy for me to act as a third parent with baby care, home reading and so on.

Thank you so much for this! This has made me feel so much better about feeling like a ‘grumpy old woman’ - aged 42. I used to be OBSESSED with children and babies as a teenager, and now I couldn’t be less interested. I now find them boring and irritating. I sort of thought I was just turning into a nasty person but this has made me realise its normal and beyond my control. And actually okay just to feel how I feel as I don’t express it outwardly obviously so no one is harmed anyway. Thank you. Less self flagellating from now on. Love it.

Mine are 15, 17 and 19 and I don’t actively want them to leave home. I just accept that with my 19 year old it will be the logical progression when he goes to university in October.

Oops posted too soon.

Not sure how I will feel when he actually moves out, I think there will be sadness there but then again I am sure he will be back home a lot of the year so it’ll be something different rather than to be feared... his “leaving home” I mean.

I do feel that it will in some way be the end of an era but we won’t be able to live in each others’ pockets forever so it’s okay.

I also think my two daughters might flourish a little while he is away as, nice as he can be, he also has a tendency to mercilessly mock them (and me at times) in the name of being funny, and it gets too much sometimes...

I’m a single parent and I feel that in some way he has taken on my ex’s mantle, which wasn’t particularly healthy, so his being away for part of the time will be helpful for all of us in terms of learning a new dynamic which he can also be a part of when he comes home...

we have granny play dates ( Covid permitting ) .....whereas I found play dates a big chore when my 3 were little .....lbut I don’t have my grandchildren day in and day out like you or have to parents them.....so maybe that’s the difference

I think somehow time passes faster as you age so, as a DGM, little ones are little for a fleeting time so you are happy to devote time to them
When you are a younger mum you miss the things you could do pre DCs. Also they don't go home at the end of the day.

You just have perimenpausal rage/irritation/anger! I have it for inanimate objects too!

I'm 53, perimenopausal as fuck and no, I'm not less patient or nurturing. I have very mild symptoms though, easy menopause runs in our family. for everyone struggling.

I never had much in the patient and nuturing stakes. My DC and I have a great bond, but I can honestly say I was never that maternal.

A lot of what I'm reading here is just women getting older not hormones. I had my DC at nearly 40, I'm 52 now and must be peri although I don't seem to be anything really and my mother had a late menopause.
I found my maternal instincts at 40 but I also found my don't give a shit instincts at 40 as well. They are much stronger in my 50's. Teenagers still have the capacity to bore the arse off you whatever age you are as they talk so much shit. Its natures way.