Losing your ‘mummy’ nurturing hormones in perimenopause

[Kitchendisco21]

I am 48 and find I am much much less patient with my kids and I wondered if it was because perimenopause and into menopause strips you of your nurturing oestrogen & ‘mummy’ hormones. Aibu?

I have a primary aged young child still so was older having my kids and maybe this is one of the negatives of having kids older!! It certainly feels like it!!

Anyone else feel like this? My peri symptoms are bloody shit to be fair and I am exploring HRT at the moment!

I don't like babies as much as I used to that's for sure.
I care less about how other people make me feel (because I feel less?) And that is freeing.

I definitely don’t have the appropriate hormones to appreciate @FlamingoAtTheBing0 and their reading comprehension skills. AIBU?

Not the same, but possibly similar - I feel exactly like this on the days of the month I used to get pmt before pregnancy, so maybe it is hormonal.

Oh this is interesting. I’m early 50s, peri-menopausal but had DD at 19 so she’s not at home to feel the sharp end of it
I’ll tell her she should be grateful.

I think you may be onto something OP! I am perimeno and I can’t understand why I ever thought kids were cute.

I’m 52 with a primary aged child; still awaiting menopause, maybe I’m peri, who knows? But I still feel very nurturing towards my child and have lots of patience still.

I’m post menopause but if anything I’m less irritable because I haven’t got the premenstrual rage!

JenerationH: I did feel like I'd reached the end of an addiction😅.

My children are early twenties now and at 52 I’m just going through the menopause. I’ve definitely lost that nurturing stuff.

Our lovely dog died last year and I don’t know whether to get another one as I’m just not sure if I want to be caring for another being again. Sounds awful but actually it’s quite nice and liberating!!

Yes I really wanted a dog a few years ago but I'm back in practical mode now.

Never knew what a nurturing hormone was until I had children at 39. It hasn't worn off so far. I'm 63 now.

Its far too easy to blame hormones for everything.

I am 47 and I can really identify with the loss of patience. I work with children, so I really do have make an effort to be patient and interested in them. I feel like I am just over the general loudness and hectic nature of them. My own teens are easier, as at least they're a bit quieter. All that said, I am still fond of the little ones, but it's just harder work than it used to be. I am tired of talking about dinosaurs, superheros and minecraft.

What I can’t bear is the heightened sense of anxiety and doom. I normally self medicate through work or food or clutter sometimes, but a child in one of my teens’ classes is very seriously ill and I feel awful - heartbroken and angry and sick - not only about that (I have had to deliberately stop thinking about it in any way as it is extremely painful - I don’t know the family but I contributed to fundraising they did to get specialised treatment for him and it hasn’t worked, or rather it worked to a degree but he has other complications) but I am also suddenly very worried about all the things that could happen to my dc as well. Lockdowns and being single won’t have helped either - the busyness and distraction of life seems to be nowhere to be found. And I do also think that it is something to do with this stage of life which I am finding kind of shit.

I sometimes consider whether I should go for HRT but my mother died of breast cancer so I don’t know if I would be increasing my own risk.

47 with a primary aged child. I can't say I've noticed a loss of nurturing instinct. I still want to smother him in kisses even though he now fights them off.

My memory and brain function though, Jeez! I'm the intellectual equivalent of plankton some days...

It's wonderful no longer to be super emotional about many things.

My mum went into menopause when I was about 9 or 10. Our relationship nose dived very quickly. Her temper was vile and she just seemed to give up on parenting. It really damaged my self esteem And it damaged our relationship long term.

I am 52 now very menopausal with a 12 year old. I can’t have HRT as I had breast cancer 5 years ago. But as tired, anxious, and demotivated as I get, I still very much “mother” ds because I refuse to repeat history.

Jeneration I was thinking more the men side of things than the kids tbh!

I've never been particularly motherly but got less interested since peri. It's a struggle I see light at the tunnel end as my child is 14. So I can collapse in a few years.

Caitlyn Moran's article was interesting, she said:
...she can feel something changing as the softening effects of oestrogen recede. “It’s like coming down off an E. All that kind of loving forgiveness … once it’s gone, you suddenly feel as rageful and unwilling to help people as men have all their lives. There does tend to be a sobering bit when you think: ‘Hang on, have I played myself for a mug? All those things I did, there’s no medal for it. All the time I was making a lovely cosy house, my male colleagues were putting money into ISAs.’” Moran has, she says, now stopped running around after everyone quite as much; she takes her pleasure in friends, gardening, her dog and what she calls a happy state of “hagdom”. Even the Botox she admits to using was, she writes, less about looking younger than not wanting to look “so sad, all the time”.

I have come through it all now, improved my diet and exercise, no HRT needed (although I have nothing against it where it is needed). I probably am less compromising than I used to be but whether that is hormones or just age and experience

Oh god im so done with parenting too.

And just generally I just am not so keen to take on others' needs and be a caretaker. That would include in friendship groups too.

I don't think I ever had them in the first place tbh.

Also OP the situation with covid has put loads of pressure on families, all together so much, not much to do etc.

I do think that the changes of menopause, the difference in symptoms and severity, how long it can last etc is only recently being talked about much. Mainly thanks to sites like this where women can share their experiences.

I'm pretty sure I'm in perimenopause and I had not known before that you can get cold flushes!

With hormones and mood it's so tricky as the changes are gradual and so you don't necessarily link them.

I get really down the day before my period every month. But I don't track my periods or really think about them when I'm not having them so I never linked it. It was DH who pointed it out! So weird.

Anyway yeah I never really had that nurturing instinct in the first place- DH is way more 'maternal' than me, so can't really comment on that aspect.