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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends Kids Ruined couch and cushions

413 replies

CatherineJHealy · 08/04/2021 12:04

My friend came over the other day with their child (as they wanted to leave their place for a while due to estate agents coming over). It was all fine, but the child dropped food all over my white rug. (I said we should eat in the kitchen/dining area - but the child shouted at his father that he wanted to eat on the couch in my living room!) Dropping the food over the white rug wasn’t really a problem as it wasn’t ‘wet’ food. The parents then gave him an Easter egg that they pulled out from their bag. The child had it in his hands and was almost sucking on it etc… basically the chocolate had melted down/all over his hands. He then wiped his hands over my couch and on my suede cushions. I’ve not been able to remove the stains. At the time I used tissues - handed them to the parents and child - and in fairness; they told their child to use the tissues whilst he was eating food - but obviously it didn’t work. Am I being precious?! The suede cushion is ruined and the chocolate is now ‘embedded’ into the couch. I’ve tried to clean twice now and the fibres of the couch are coming loose. I don’t want to keep hacking away at it. Do I say anything to the parents or just leave it? Please don’t be cruel - just genuinely annoyed - but know it’s not the end of the world. Thing is; they are good friends so I don’t want to fall out with them.

OP posts:
cherrytreesa · 08/04/2021 15:12

What do you expect the parents to do? It's your home, you should have been firm

Why is the first reply on a thread usually always this kind of nonsense? The parents should have taken control of THEIR child, not left it to someone else to do their parenting for them. Seriously, "What do you expect the parents to do?" Hmm.

BackforGood · 08/04/2021 15:15

Do you have much experience with small children? If not, for future reference they are unreasonable, entitled dictators who wreak havoc and tantrum at the drop of a hat but that DOES NOT mean that the responsible adults around them have to give in to them to keep the peace. My DC at that age frequently wanted biscuits for dinner or to draw on the table, but that didn't mean it was allowed... it just meant I had to step over a screaming toddler tantruming on the floor when I put a stop to it. In your shoes, a firm "We don't eat in the living-room!" would have been fine and then it's for the parents to sort out their grumpy child and ensure they stick to your rules.

This ^

To those posters getting irate about people saying that the OP should have prevented it happening, rather than fretted afterwards about what to do now the damage is done. No-one is disagreeing that the child's parent(s) should have stopped their child eating in the living room, and definitely shouldn't have given them chocolate on that sofa. However the parents clearly aren't up to much in terms of responsibility, so at that point the OP had a choice of letting the child cause the inevitable damage or preventing it happening.
I'd liken it to a lovely utopian world where nobody took anything that didn't belong to them is what we'd all like, but most of us realise if we want to keep our car or bike, we lock it rather than leaving it open for anyone to take, and we lock our front doors rather than leaving them open when we go out. Yes, it would be the thief's actions that caused the deprivation, but most of us take simple steps to try to stop it happening rather than wondering after the event how we can make it better.

CroutonsAvatar · 08/04/2021 15:21

If I were the parent I would be absolutely mortified (not that I’d allow that to happen in the first place) and I’d be offering to pay for a professional clean at the very least.

Obviously it’s not your job to discipline other people’s children and you have every right to be upset. Surely they noticed and said something?

Naunet · 08/04/2021 15:24

What do you expect the parents to do?

Seriously?! Let’s see, parent their child maybe? Not give their small child chocolate whilst on someone else’s sofa? Say sorry and offer to pay to fix the mess?

No you’re right, nothing they could possibly do is there? 🤨

ShutUpaYourFace · 08/04/2021 15:25

When they produced the Easter egg did you not say anything? All you had to say was Sorry Nooooo, I draw the line at chocolate! Take it to the kitchen please. Would they have been offended or refused, the child might have been, but the parents highly unlikely.
I would be mortified if my child spoilt anything even by accident and I would be happy to pay the cleaning bill. Why didn't you say something at the time?
As for them, what shitty parents for a giving chocolate to a infant in someone else's front room and then walking away without saying anything. Not such good friends I'd say. I would call them and say, hey your child has actually ruined my sofa. Can you please contribute to me getting it professionally cleaned as I've tried everything else, the stain won't budge.
See what they say. The response should help you decide if the friendship is really worth it.

Ivy48 · 08/04/2021 15:26

It’s not your fault OP, it’s the parents in my opinion. I was never allowed to eat like that when I was a guest at someone’s home, regardless of if I was 2 or 22. Always ate in the kitchen or told to wait. They shouldn’t of got the egg out in the first place. If it gets brought up mention it but next time be firm and say sorry either they eat at the kitchen table or not at all due to the damage.

Pinkbrush · 08/04/2021 15:29

I’m sorry that people are making it seem like this was your fault OP. It wasn’t. Your “friends” should never have allowed the child to eat at the sofa. If you can, ask them to pay for it and if they say no, they’re not good friends and you should never have them round again.

fluffysocks89 · 08/04/2021 15:33

I wouldn’t want friends like that.

Callywalls · 08/04/2021 15:34

Before I had kids I sat and watched a neighbour, her daughter and her daughters young son, sit on my brand new cream leather settee and allow him to run a toy motorbike all over it leaving black marks. His mum and grandma never said a word, just carried on chatting, smiling down at their little darling who could do no wrong, while I slowly melted inside. I got rid of them as quickly as I could and spent the afternoon scrubbing away at the settee. Yes, I should have said "Stop that at once you are damaging my new settee, grandma and mummy won't be happy when I send them the repair bill will they?" but I was young and naive and 20 years later, after having kids of my own, I wouldn't even let him sit on the settee, he'd be playing on the floor or out in the garden and I certainly wouldn't hesitate to tell him off if they didn't.

C152 · 08/04/2021 15:36

I'd ask the parents to have the sofa professionally cleaned and to replace the cushions. You asked them to eat in the kitchen, they gave in to their child's demands and were foolish enough to give them messy food to eat on someone else's white sofa. I'd be mortified if my child did that and would have offered to have the items cleaned immediately.

BlackCatShadow · 08/04/2021 15:37

I'm kind of shocked that a sofa isn't chocolate proof.

I wouldn't ask them to pay anything. It's a bit much, but next time they come over put the rug away and put a throw on the couch Food to be eaten at the table only.

AWamBamBoom · 08/04/2021 15:39

[quote KirstenBlest]@AWamBamBoom,
If the child was a toddler, it might be a bit different to if it was an 8-yr old.[/quote]
No it wouldn't. Help to teach them rules, boundaries and respect whatever their age.
In short, parent your child

denverRegina · 08/04/2021 15:42

You need to be firm. They sound like they are completely away with the fairies though.

Callywalls · 08/04/2021 15:42

It's the parent's fault, no one else's. It's not always easy to step in and correct the bad behaviour of someone else's child, while they are just stood by allowing it to happen. I'd never ask these people round again and I'd let them know the settee had been stained, but again, not everyone finds it easy to confront people.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 08/04/2021 15:44

I can totally see the thread if op did try to "parent the child" by being firm about no food on a sofa?😂

^AIBU to bu fumming with friend?
Visited friend. She has white sofa. We were all having a chat etc and our child was about to eat some chocolate and friend said she cannot eat it there, but must go to the dining room. We said it's fine, but friend kept saying no and diverting DC to the dining room. Aibu to think it's fucking rude she is firm with my kid? Because of her precious sofa, we had to stop having fun and move to the dining room! Won't be visiting any time soon since she obviously cannot trust us around her posh furniture.^

Op yanbu and honestly, they should pay for cleaning

OddsNSodsBitsNBobs · 08/04/2021 15:49

@RedToothBrush

1) Why were they inside??? 2) Why the hell do you have a white rug at all? 3) Why on earth do you let any child near a white rug or a suede sofa?

Its like a perfect storm of stupidity.

This!!!

Naughty, naughty OP and friends.

On a serious note it was bad parenting.

VaVaGloom · 08/04/2021 15:51

How old was the child? @CatherineJHealy

I don't think you can raise it with the parents now but I can understand why you are upset. I'm surprised the parents weren't more worried about making a mess. Definitely ask guests to eat in the dining area next time.

Mittens030869 · 08/04/2021 15:53

Obviously, your friends were ridiculous to allow their kid to smear chocolate on your furniture. But surely you could have insisted on food being eaten at the dining table, as you had initially said?

Houseofvelour · 08/04/2021 15:54

I'd definitely say something. They disrespected you and your home.
I have two children and would never let them behave this way at someone else's house.

GreenlandTheMovie · 08/04/2021 15:54

@Dutch1e

I'm in the Netherlands and most people have personal insurance for exactly this kind of situation. It's not a big deal, just a short chat to say "your wee lad's chocolate isn't coming out of the couch... would you like to sort it between us or is there a process your insurer asks you to follow?"
I also grew up partly in The Netherlands and I can't believe the comments about how the parents wouldn't be responsible for sorting this out and blaming the householder.

Their child damaged a piece of furniture irrepairably and they are responsible for their child, not someone else. Of course they should offer to pay compensation and provide it if required.

2020nymph · 08/04/2021 15:54

They should definitely be offering to pay for cleaning.

It's difficult telling other people's children not to do something. We have to sets of friends who have not responded well to us saying not do do something is hitting, breaking toys, wiping food into furnishings. One parent used to say she was against saying no to her child and yet can't understand why after a while people never invited them to their homes.

RedToothBrush · 08/04/2021 15:56

Honestly even if its bad parenting, I question the sanity and intelligence of ANYONE who buys a white rug and/or a suede sofa.

Never mind the involvement of anyone else.

Children plus white rug/suede sofa is just asking for it!

(I wouldn't trust myself with a white rug/suede sofa. I wouldn't invite ANYONE including adults to go near it, if I was crackers enough to have them!)

Frogartist · 08/04/2021 15:57

@BrumBoo

What do you expect the parents to do? It's your home, you should have been firm - either eat at the table or wait until you leave. Too late now and sadly nothing to be done about it.
I would expect the parents to take their child into the kitchen to eat, or leave! It' not up to a host to control visiting children! Of course YANBU!
GreenlandTheMovie · 08/04/2021 15:57

@RedToothBrush

Honestly even if its bad parenting, I question the sanity and intelligence of ANYONE who buys a white rug and/or a suede sofa.

Never mind the involvement of anyone else.

Children plus white rug/suede sofa is just asking for it!

(I wouldn't trust myself with a white rug/suede sofa. I wouldn't invite ANYONE including adults to go near it, if I was crackers enough to have them!)

You're actually blaming someone for their choice of sofa?

Wow.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/04/2021 15:58

If these "friends" don't come to you and take responsibility then they really aren't your friends, are they?