Friends Kids Ruined couch and cushions

[CatherineJHealy]

My friend came over the other day with their child (as they wanted to leave their place for a while due to estate agents coming over). It was all fine, but the child dropped food all over my white rug. (I said we should eat in the kitchen/dining area - but the child shouted at his father that he wanted to eat on the couch in my living room!) Dropping the food over the white rug wasn’t really a problem as it wasn’t ‘wet’ food. The parents then gave him an Easter egg that they pulled out from their bag. The child had it in his hands and was almost sucking on it etc… basically the chocolate had melted down/all over his hands. He then wiped his hands over my couch and on my suede cushions. I’ve not been able to remove the stains. At the time I used tissues - handed them to the parents and child - and in fairness; they told their child to use the tissues whilst he was eating food - but obviously it didn’t work. Am I being precious?! The suede cushion is ruined and the chocolate is now ‘embedded’ into the couch. I’ve tried to clean twice now and the fibres of the couch are coming loose. I don’t want to keep hacking away at it. Do I say anything to the parents or just leave it? Please don’t be cruel - just genuinely annoyed - but know it’s not the end of the world. Thing is; they are good friends so I don’t want to fall out with them.

maybe could have said something (although that could have been a bit awkward!) but ultimately it’s the parents that should be making sure their children aren’t trashing your sofa/rug. And you said you’d ask to eat in the kitchen, which was ignored because the child was shouting at his dad

I agree. And I'd find it hard to ask guests to control their children, even if they were trashing the place. Definitely wouldn't have them round again, though.

AWamBamBoom

A toddler screaming is one thing, an 8-yr old another. A child needs to be taught from an early age. At age two, it can be corrected, at 8 it will be too late.

OP didn’t want to absolutely INSIST someone elses child ate in kitchen, and the food st the start was dry crumbly so not likely to stain. The parents then pull out the choc egg...

Absolutely down to the parents to have some sense!

This is something you learn as you get older.

People are twats, you learn strategies to not let their twat behaviour impact on your life/stuff.

In this case, absolutely no visiting children eating in the lounge/on sofa etc. Food at table or outside. Disgusting behaviour on the part of your “friends” but then, some people either live like pigs themselves or live nicely but don’t give a stuff about other people’s stuff.

I had this once. The parents actually commented on how clean our lounge was as there’s is full of stains. I commented that our children always eat in the kitchen, but nope.... the penny didn’t drop! You have to be quite forward with some people as they just don’t take hints sadly!

^ theirs, sorry!

I'd have said no we are eating at the table

Eeek tricky! The parents should offer to pay. I would if it was my child. I’d be mortified. It’s really hard to be firm with someone else’s child.

I approach visiting children with food with a jolly but firm "Oh X, we only eat food at our table. Come on, let's sit down there. Come on!" in a manner that brooks no argument. In front of the parents. I'm not asking, I'm telling.

@BrumBoo

What do you expect the parents to do? It's your home, you should have been firm - either eat at the table or wait until you leave. Too late now and sadly nothing to be done about it.

Get a grip on their child and tell him not to eat like that and certainly not wipe dirty hands on someone's sofa!

I'd be bloody mortified if my 21 month old wiped his hands on someone's couch. Even he wouldn't do it!

@KirstenBlest

AWamBamBoom

A toddler screaming is one thing, an 8-yr old another. A child needs to be taught from an early age. At age two, it can be corrected, at 8 it will be too late.

It’s never too late , it’s a question of parents who can’t be arsed Well behaved children are not down to luck , it’s down to hard work

What do you expect the parents to do?

To realise that eating chocolate is messy and not give it to their kids whilst they were sitting on someone else’s sofa? Or ask for a tea towel to put down? Sit them on the floor?

You make it seem like there is no alternative to kids being messy and damaging furniture. I mean, I’m not precious about my sofa but if there is any chance DD is going to spill something that would be impossible to clean, she sits somewhere else to eat it.

I can't understand why the parents gave a chocolate egg to a child sitting on someone else's white sofa. Its beyond stupid.

How upsetting for you OP, particularly when you were hosting them out of kindness.

They are not good friends.
There is absolutely no way a good friend whips out chocolate for children in another person's house.
There is only one way chocolate and children is going to end.

It's a very harsh lesson.
A very expensive one too.

I have had dozens and dozens of mothers in my house over the years with children and that has never happened.

Such disregard for your home.
You either tell her how upset you are and ask her to pay for it to be cleaned or you suck it up.

Try and learn boundaries in your own home from this and have a good look at this friend.

A real friend wouldn't be so inconsiderate of you and your belongings, not to mind a good one.

I would have no hesitation in saying, no, you're not eating chocolate in here. Let the fall out be what it may.

Anyway that's too late, OP, I know.

OP should have insisted on no children eating anywhere near furnishings she prized so highly. Jolly but firm is the tone to go with.

The parents should not have given in to a child yelling at them and should certainly not have pulled out a chocolate egg that was always going to get messy.

Not impressed with any of them being dictated to by a shouting child. How hard is it to hold the line and teach them how to behave as a guest.

What's done is done though and if I was the OP I'd just be getting over it. It's just a couch. In my house if a child hadn't stained it first I'd have got there myself eventually. Being both klutzy and a slattern, I can't honestly empathise with people who get SO annoyed at minor stains that aren't harming anyone.

@Dreamponytail

I approach visiting children with food with a jolly but firm "Oh X, we only eat food at our table. Come on, let's sit down there. Come on!" in a manner that brooks no argument. In front of the parents. I'm not asking, I'm telling.

Same here.

You should call them and tell them professional cleaning of the couch and cushion will cost X amount, and that you will accept either cash or a personal cheque for half the cost since you were there at the time and didn't step in to stop the madness the minute the chocolate was produced.

I have always had white couches. They have stayed white despite five DCs and all their friends plus two cats. It's not a given that kids will wreck a house.

Think I’m just a bit jealous that suede sofas/white rugs/nice furnishings are like a parallel universe to me. My lounge is full of toys, dust, a grotty carpet, plastic storage boxes, pink radiators, crumbs and a 1970’s fireplace. The children are happy though - and your friends kids can come round here and add to the chocolate stains. I avoid having people round who look at my furnishings though.

Time for a laxative laden chocolate surprise for the kids next birthday. Then sit back and enjoy the thought of their awful parents scrubbing shit off the walls.

I dunno. I don’t quite understand what cream suede sofas and white rugs are ‘for’. Who are they for? What are they for? To impress others, to be fashionable? How do they make a nice home when you constantly have to worry about their cleanliness? To me - a lounge full of mess, toys - where children can learn is more functional?? So long as it’s clean. My DD loves drawing and has displayed all her pictures (with blue tac!!) above the sofa. But this is really meaningful for her - and to me, this is more important than a spotless lounge wall.

But I AM jealous. I’m just trying to justify my lounge which is the furthest extreme from a designer catalogue that you could imagine.

I'm pretty relaxed about stuff generally but I would be annoyed by this. Chocolate is renowned for staining and melting! Sounds like the parents are really permissive too.

As soon as your friend retrieved the chocolate from her bag, that was your cue to say ‘not on my white sofa please’ with directions to the dining room. Too late now but you kind of allowed this to happen.

@Cogfarm

I dunno. I don’t quite understand what cream suede sofas and white rugs are ‘for’. Who are they for? What are they for? To impress others, to be fashionable? How do they make a nice home when you constantly have to worry about their cleanliness? To me - a lounge full of mess, toys - where children can learn is more functional?? So long as it’s clean. My DD loves drawing and has displayed all her pictures (with blue tac!!) above the sofa. But this is really meaningful for her - and to me, this is more important than a spotless lounge wall.

Light coloured soft furnishings create a bright, airy and relaxing room. A messy toy filled one is practical and functional for people who need a space to play in where they don’t have to take as much care but not functional for someone who uses the space to wind down and enjoy a calming ambience in. That you want one and the OP wants the other doesn’t make either of you wrong, but being unable to “get” that not everyone is the same and not everyone has their house set up for your needs makes you narrow minded.