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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only work 4 days a week

266 replies

RootBeerFloat43 · 08/04/2021 08:13

Just interested in people's opinions of this as my partner and I have disagreed. I have a job offer where I can work either 4 days or 5 days a week. Our son is in school so, the day off would just be giving me a break and a bit of time to myself. My partner doesn't really understand why I need the time off and I do see his point as he works full-time. After mat leave, I went back to work 4 days a week but this was so I could have my son at home with me instead of nursery. Now that he is in school, is it just expected that I work full-time?

Not yet decided what I will do but would be interesting to hear other people's thoughts on this. Just to be clear, we both have professional roles and make good money so we would not struggle financially with part-time working.

OP posts:
Mistressinthetulips · 08/04/2021 09:15

Wow OP so he has two small children, you do all the school related drop offs etc and have separate finances, how did that work when you were on ML? Not sure what he has to complain about really.

champions55 · 08/04/2021 09:15

Do the 4 days! They'll be plenty of holidays to cover and wld be nice for you to pick ur child up one day a week. Get a bit of me time and some done around the house, no brainer!

shinynewapple21 · 08/04/2021 09:16

If you can afford it I would absolutely go part time .

A day to spend doing household chores and admin frees up the weekend for everyone .

Personally I disagree over the separate money thing . There are different ways to contribute to the home than financially and I honestly think it's rare that the male partner contributes equally in terms of household chores and child care duties , despite both partners working full time . Sure most people's partners do some tasks , but in most cases what the female partner does outweighs the male ( assuming not same sex partnership).

thebillyotea · 08/04/2021 09:16

@Oblomov21

MN'ers seem to be money obsessed. Perhaps because so many come from such poor backgrounds, that their underlying anxiety is so deep rooted that they can't bare the thought of being in that situation again.
no need to be goady. It's also possible to be a responsible adult and realise that the mortgage won't pay off by itself, that life has a cost and that in the current climate, it can be dangerous to be too casual about finances.

There are people in deep shit today because they didn't take finances seriously (while others have saved a fortune with the pandemic).

The tax bill of the lockdown will be HUGE, even you can realise that things will get pretty shit in the near future?

I don't disagree with the OP BTW, but your ridiculous post is embarrassing.

quiteathome · 08/04/2021 09:17

Assuming it is 4 days on the same pay?

Do it. It will help everyone. You can get bits done on your day off so more family time at the weekend.

My partner does a condensed week so longer days four days and one day off. It has been wonderful.

Itsalonghaul · 08/04/2021 09:17

Yes do it, you will never regret it.

Harrystylesismyjam · 08/04/2021 09:17

My eldest is nearly 18 and I only went back full time in June last year. Gotta be honest, not a fan so I’m about to start working compressed hours so I can have my free day back. I could have dropped back down to 4 normal days but I like the money now!! Start off at 4. There’s always the capacity for change but in my experience you don’t miss what you’ve never had.

peak2021 · 08/04/2021 09:18

I work four days a week. In part to give time in normal times to help my mum. As you can manage financially, I suggest going for it. Try to make sure you can feel you have done something worthwhile with the extra day.

autumnboys · 08/04/2021 09:18

I have worked part time since I went back after kids. My DH knows good and well that he gets a great deal out of my working less hours than him. I do most of the heavy lifting in terms of running kids around/running the house/homework/cooking/everything. If he was mithering me to go back to full time hours we’d need to start by splitting those responsibilities. (I realise that there are women out there who work full time and do all of that, single mothers are well, of course. I take my hat off to them)

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 08/04/2021 09:21

Thete are some pursed mouthed examples of all thats worst about the old fashioned "protestant work ethic" on here. Work hard and accumulate more money than you need. Why? To show you're part of god's elect?

The family doesn't need more money. The family would be comfortably off if both parents worked 4 days. Wtf is working 5 days then superior to working 4? No reason, other than some kind of buttoned up joyless persuit of money, surely!

Take the 4 days. You'd be mad not to if time is more important to you than having more money than you need, especially given the separate finances and paying 50% either way.

People who say housework takes "a few minutes" a week clearly don't actually do all the housework themselves or don't understand what "a few" means, live in filth, are never at home, or are outright liars btw.

Standrewsschool · 08/04/2021 09:21

I work four days a week. On my day off, I do housework, shopping, meet friends for coffee (when able), etc, it’s not a days holiday.

pepsicolagirl · 08/04/2021 09:22

I do 40 hours a week over 4 days and would never voluntarily go back to 5 days now

Frazzlefrazle · 08/04/2021 09:22

I have never worked full time since I had children. I have gradually worked up to 4 days split over 5 however this just was not working for us as a family especially when I was expected to cover holidays/sickness making it more of a full time job. I have now taken a job which is 3 days a week which means I'm happy to cover that extra day a week for holiday/sickness. My husband works long days so it can still be a little bit of a balancing act. I'm not sure if it's because we have 3 children or if it's just having children in general but there is just so much admin/life balancing that needs to be done. Also factor in time for home work as that always takes so much time! I personally couldn't work full time I would be exhausted and my house would be a mess. Also this year has taught me that I need to be around just for their emotional wellness , its been tough and I wish I could have been around more to make them feel like they were my priority rather than work.

notagainmummy · 08/04/2021 09:22

Perfectly reasonable

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 08/04/2021 09:23

I think it depends on how much he contributes to housework and childcare etc. My dh does loads in the garden over the summer but in general not much indoors so l tend to do the lion's share but l only work 2 days a week. Works for us. But if you are doing all the life admin and he still wants you to do 5 days then no yanbu .

AvaCallanach · 08/04/2021 09:24

@LemonTT

I would be unhappy with a spouse who deliberately reduced their financial commitment to the marriage. It would have implications for me down the line if we split as they would have greater financial need in a divorce and this would be down to their choice.

If not married I would be ok with it as long as they pulled their weight financially.

And I honestly don’t get this life admin stuff. There’s lots of ways to reduce this and fit it in to a full time job. I can’t say it’s a thing in my life.

How many kids do you have?

I have 4. One has SEN. My life admin and mental load is HUGE. It's the one thing I did not fully appreciate about having a larger family. There is literally no way I could work full time.

HaveringWavering · 08/04/2021 09:25

We do this. I went back to work 3 days a week after mat and recently went up to 4. He’ll start school in September and no way on earth am I going back to working full time ever ever ever. But it means that I will be available to pick our son up from school at 3 one day- the other 4 days he’ll have to go to after school club till 6, just as he goes to preschool till 6 at the moment.

My husband is absolutely fine with the concept, though I was actually earning more than him when we met and had more equity and savings and funded 75% of our house deposit, so my overall financial contribution to our marriage is still as much as his despite lower salary. My DH values my mental and physical health and the breathing space that my “day off” will give me. And I will use the time to do things like plan and cook weekend meals so to his benefit too.

Original poster
RootBeerFloat43 · 08/04/2021 09:25

@Mistressinthetulips

Wow OP so he has two small children, you do all the school related drop offs etc and have separate finances, how did that work when you were on ML? Not sure what he has to complain about really.
Sorry, we only have the one child who is now in school so I will be doing pick-up and drop off. When DC was in nursery I also did 4 days but had him at home on the 'free day' which we both wanted. There was a gap in employment of a few months after we moved for my husbands job and now I have a job offer for either 4 or 5 days a week. I used some savings but my husband paid the lions' share of bills when I was out of work.
OP posts:
Avidreader12 · 08/04/2021 09:27

Agree In some ways easier to work 4 days a week not as many days to take out of annual leave for covering school holidays. You can use the free day for appointments, car mot etc etc. Be aware though once a work pattern is established you may never have the chance to get back any hours.

UserTwice · 08/04/2021 09:31

If your job/travel time allows, I'd consider working 5 shorter days over school hours rather than 4. IMO this allows for a really good work/home balance as your work days are shorter so less tiring and you will get more time with your child on weekdays. Also makes it easier to find holiday care, as there is more availability if you are only looking for school hours care. And it's much cheaper! We found, after taking childcare into consideration that financially there was very little difference. And job wise, working 32.5 hours a day over 5 days (what I do) is enough to keep you in line for promotions etc. Plus you're in every day so you keep on top of things - I know colleagues working 4 days often ended up working a bit then anyway as no one covered their off day.

Dartsplayer · 08/04/2021 09:31

If you can afford it, take the 4 days. As PP said above, time is more precious than money. I went back to work for 4 days after my children were born. My youngest is starting secondary in September and my DH got made redundant last summer and has had to take a £15k drop in salary in his new job. I've had to go back to work 5 days a week and I feel like I spent my whole weekends doing housework (I probably don't but it definitely feels like it) just to go back to work again on Monday. I miss my day off desperately

fizbosshoes · 08/04/2021 09:31

I work fewer hours/days than my DH but I do about 90% of household chores and 99% of admin, so his weekends are pretty much free time.

Original poster
RootBeerFloat43 · 08/04/2021 09:33

@Oblomov21

MN'ers seem to be money obsessed. Perhaps because so many come from such poor backgrounds, that their underlying anxiety is so deep rooted that they can't bare the thought of being in that situation again.
Ok, I won't comment on the economic background of the average Mumsnetter haha

But, it did kind of touch on something. My husband comes from a pretty poor background. His mum often worked 7 days a week on minimum wage to support them all and as soon as he turned 14 he started working odd jobs to help out too. He worked 2 part-time jobs while at uni to pay his fees while my parents paid for mine....

I'm not sure who has the right idea now but on reflection I understand why he thinks it's crazy to just not work!

OP posts:
Elisannah · 08/04/2021 09:34

It totally depends on your circumstances but I do think both you and your dh need to be in agreement. If I worked 4 days and dh was full time then I'd expect to use that day for house and admin stuff so that we both had less to do at the weekend - seems fair to take on more if working less.

Also depends on how domestic/parenting is shared. If dh actually gets the weekend 'off' while you do bulk of parenting/housework then I would definitely push for the 4 days! Really depends on the dynamic of your relationship!

Mistressinthetulips · 08/04/2021 09:37

Sorry I randomly gave you a second child, OP.
I do think separate finances are unfair once dc are involved. Like many, we have separate money to spend on whatever we want, but pay into a joint account that all household expenses come from. Dh pays more than me as he works full time to my part time. We have equal spending money. I contribute in other ways on the days I'm not in work.
If you have separate finances and no sign of this changing I would keep my earning potential as high as possible as I don't think that's a good long term prospect, if you don't view finances as a family thing and share equally.