To only work 4 days a week

[RootBeerFloat43]

Just interested in people's opinions of this as my partner and I have disagreed. I have a job offer where I can work either 4 days or 5 days a week. Our son is in school so, the day off would just be giving me a break and a bit of time to myself. My partner doesn't really understand why I need the time off and I do see his point as he works full-time. After mat leave, I went back to work 4 days a week but this was so I could have my son at home with me instead of nursery. Now that he is in school, is it just expected that I work full-time?

Not yet decided what I will do but would be interesting to hear other people's thoughts on this. Just to be clear, we both have professional roles and make good money so we would not struggle financially with part-time working.

I work 3.5 days even though my youngest is 10. I have no plans to increase. It's a stressful job with high burnout and I think being part time is one of the reasons I've lasted longer than most.

Very few posters talking about the impact on the actual child - school hours especially in early primary are very short and they will have a fair bit of time spent with their mum on that day off, plus when young getting to see your "own" parent at pick up can be a big deal. It's not all about what the other partner gets or how much money is lost, if you think there is also a gain. My own dc were far more likely to get the day off if a bit poorly if it fell on one of my at-home days rather than a working one!

I work a short week but spread over and always managed to get a job within striking distance of the school so I could drop off and pick up.

At one point I had 3hrs+ commuting a day, and spent a fortune on taxis when there was the train strikes on and there was no way I could walk to school or us to walk home after pick up.

@Barbie222 🤷🏼‍♀️ My part time wage has always been there or thereabouts my husbands full time wage so yes I could have earned more and put more in my pension. But life is for living! My kids were young, shift work kills you sooner anyway and I had plenty to live on.

@Lassy1945 I agree with you but I would do more on balance at the weekend than dh so he gets downtime then more than me. So all in all even with me only doing 3 days paid work we still end up having roughly the same amount of downtime over a week.

I work 3.5 days. The main reason is that it means that I can pick my DC up from school 2 days a week rather than them going to after school childcare every day.

The day off at home is a bonus! I do more house stuff and admin than DH to make it "fair".

I've done 3, 4 and 5 days and found 4 to be the sweet spot if you can. Still have career progression and flexibility for work, but also that extra time to spend sorting things out so you have a calmer weekend, or home with your DS during school holidays, or even having some.time to yourself so that your DH can then have more time to himself on the weekend because you'll feel less stretched.

If he really resents the idea, would he go 4 days? My then-Dh and I had a brief period where we were both 4 days (he was off Monday, me off Friday) and while it was a financial hit, it was so good for us both in many ways.

I do 4 days and sometimes do overtime at weekends if needed. My DD competes in sport which I need to take her to/from on my day off. She also does this at the weekend and I work my shifts round this. My partner has commented on how I "only work part time" but I do everything house related, shopping, school uniforms/lunches, so I couldn't feasibly go back to 5 day working unless I had more help, which I don't. Plus my daughter loves me dropping her off/collecting from school one day a week. It's also beneficial in school holidays to not have them in childcare for 5 full days if you don't need to - might that make up financially for your dropped day at work?

@Oblomov21

"I would be unhappy with a spouse who deliberately reduced their financial commitment to the marriage."

Depends if money is the only/main criteria for you. To me the question is SO much bigger, the work-life balance, re quality of life, lack of stress, mental health, enjoyment.

Totally agree with this.

I mean obviously if someone chooses to work less (or not at all) and then can’t make any contribution, that might need longer discussion, but if my partner wanted reduced hours to pursue something else or to have more of a rest I’d have no problem with that.

I imagined Is spend my Mondays reading, but cleaning seems to be more on the agenda 🙄

I work four days but spend my day off doing the week’s cleaning, shopping, washing, DIY, gardening etc. Weekends are much nicer as a result.
Even better if the day off is flexible then you’re also on hand for deliveries, appointments, school stuff as required.

@Oblomov21. **Oblomov21
"I would be unhappy with a spouse who deliberately reduced their financial commitment to the marriage."

Are you very money driven?
Imagine scenario where your loving, supportive spouse in a strong marriage with you said that he wanted to do this very much, and you could too... and it wasn’t going to have a financial impact on you, would you be “unhappy”?

I mean obviously if someone chooses to work less (or not at all) and then can’t make any contribution, that might need longer discussion, but if my partner wanted reduced hours to pursue something else or to have more of a rest I’d have no problem with that
In theory I agree, but I'd have a problem if they were expecting me to work even harder to maintain a certain lifestyle, or they were expecting me to decrease things I enjoy on the grounds that they don't mind not having things. (E.g. if DH wanted some him time, but the flip side was that we as a family had to lose our holidays then I wouldn't think that's ok, or if I wanted a day to do hobbies and maybe a few chores meant that DH had to shoulder extra bills and have less money for his things to essentially subsidise my leisure time then I don't think that's reasonable)

I don't think it's the act of having part time hours that's the problem, more that both people have to be on the same page otherwise resentment builds.

@pleeeeeen

I still work part-time though my son is at school. I always want to be around to pick him up. My mum worked full time (out of necessity) and right up into my teenage years it made me sad she wasn't there after school.

DH is fine with it, in fact prefers it.

I grew up in a country where it's normal for mothers to work full time. All my friend's mums worked full time except one who stayed at home which we just found weird and uninspiring. I always felt proud of my mum and never felt sad that she did not pick me up from school I preferred to have an extra time to play with my friends. It just shows that children’s experiences are heavily influenced by the social norms around them.

* I grew up in a country where it's normal for mothers to work full time. All my friend's mums worked full time except one who stayed at home which we just found weird and uninspiring. I always felt proud of my mum and never felt sad that she did not pick me up from school I preferred to have an extra time to play with my friends.*
It just shows that children’s experiences are heavily influenced by the social norms around them.

I grew up with a SAHM
My friends mothers mainly worked
I don’t think we ever discussed it!
But I bloody loved having my mum pick me up and always around!
And as for inspiring and not setting a good example... I went to uni, followed by three years for full on professional exams and graduate training scheme in finance followed by a very good finance role and now a working single parent!

“As for uninspiring**

I went down to 4 days last April to spend more time with dd who was then 3yo before she starts going to school. I don't intend going back to 5 days as I'd like to use the time to perhaps re-train/ do a course because my career is a young person's one and I cant see myself doing it forever. I'd also appreciate more time for fitness. We have a 10yo ds too.

It's the best thing I've ever done op, and feel more productive at work as a result too. There's definitely more balance I'm my life again. If you can afford to, yanbu.