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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only work 4 days a week

266 replies

RootBeerFloat43 · 08/04/2021 08:13

Just interested in people's opinions of this as my partner and I have disagreed. I have a job offer where I can work either 4 days or 5 days a week. Our son is in school so, the day off would just be giving me a break and a bit of time to myself. My partner doesn't really understand why I need the time off and I do see his point as he works full-time. After mat leave, I went back to work 4 days a week but this was so I could have my son at home with me instead of nursery. Now that he is in school, is it just expected that I work full-time?

Not yet decided what I will do but would be interesting to hear other people's thoughts on this. Just to be clear, we both have professional roles and make good money so we would not struggle financially with part-time working.

OP posts:
poshme · 08/04/2021 08:37

I work 4 days, and my job is flexible so I can change my days easily.

This means I can take days off when the kids are ill/need taking to an appointment etc without taking leave- which benefits the whole family.

I spend my day off cleaning/ batch cooking/ shopping & always an hour doing 1 thing I want to do (nice walk with friend/jigsaw/ lunch out/ watch tv etc)

It means weekends are free to spend with DH & the kids. My work also allow me to work on my days off in the run up to holidays if I want, and take TOIL. So I have to take less annual leave to cover half terms. Again- benefit for DH as he doesn't have to take leave to cover childcare.

DH is very happy with the situation. My job being so flexible means he doesn't have to be flexible.

likeafishneedsabike · 08/04/2021 08:37

The whole family can benefit from you having a day off in the week. If you’re using that day to ‘run the house’ then that means your partner’s workload at home is reduced. If you’re using that day as a bit of time for yourself, then that frees you up at the weekend to look after your child while your partner has time to himself (for example by taking your son to his activities while his dad goes to the gym/does a hobby/slobs on the sofa). It can definitely work.
HOWEVER, if you go for the 4 days are you absolutely sure that you will be doing less work than the 5 day contract? It’s so common to end up squeezing 5 days of work into 4 and then only getting paid 80% of the full time equivalent!

KoalaOok · 08/04/2021 08:37

If you are doing the bulk of the housework etc and he can have a day at the weekend do do whatever he wants then it seems fair.p

InDubiousBattle · 08/04/2021 08:38

What do you do about childcare now? If you use wrap around care everyday then you having a day off a week would mean you could do drop off and pick up which would be nice, it would also be a bit easier in the holidays.

Love51 · 08/04/2021 08:38

I work 4 days fte and have wangled the hours so my kids are only in after school care twice a week. It isn't about the money saved, it is about being able to have some chilled time at home during the week rather than just finishing work, rushing to pick them up, drive home, make tea, have half an hour together, supervise baths, and read bedtime stories. I can do jobs those 3 evenings, I don't have to stare intently at the children, equally I can supervise / support some tricky crafts, tune violin, etc.
I have in the past had Fridays off (it was my half day so I'd use my flexi time).. It is worth remembering that the time between getting home from the morning school run and leaving for the afternoon school run is NOT the same length as a working day. You can't fit in all the errands, clean the whole house, batch cook AND do a long workout. It is good though! If you can afford it, do it.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/04/2021 08:40

Without a shadow of a doubt, do 4 days.

It will give you a tiny, tiny few precious vital hours to yourself.

It's only 5 hours (assuming a bit of a walk to school drop off) a week. And only for 39 weeks of the year. The other 13 weeks you have your dc full time.

Your dh only has a tiny point IF he does at least 50% of every house hold task.

If you spend say 2 hours on household errands on your day off, it makes your dh life easier too as those chores then don't need to be done at a weekend.

RandomMess · 08/04/2021 08:42

Does your DH do 50% of the mental and practical load of the house and child related duties? Do you have equal leisure time? If not why not?

There are a lot of school holidays and inset days, working a 4 day way can really help with this.

Is your DH going to use is annual leave and unpaid parental leave to cover school holidays?

lilroo87 · 08/04/2021 08:43

I work 4 days a week but I actually do my usual 5 day hours split over the 4 days. It's nice to have the 1 day a week off to get some stuff done or just relax but I don't lose any money.
If you can survive on a salary for a 4 day week then do it! Have a day to yourself Smile

Ilikeviognier · 08/04/2021 08:43

I’ve just increased my hours to 4 days. I could have done 5 but frankly didn’t want to. Having that extra 6 hours a week while the kids are at school (because that’s all it is really!) is precious to get things done.

When I had preschoolers with me there was no choice- they were with me 24/7 (or i was at work) and it was impossible to do anything else.

I’d say do 4 days if you can afford it- every time.

MeanderingGently · 08/04/2021 08:43

Working 4 days a week is brilliant, of course you need time off to sort out things, re-group, take time for hobbies or meeting friends, or just 'me' time. Your job, your choice. If you can financially cope, no problem. I presume you are contributing financially to the home and (more than likely) doing the greater share of the domestic burden, why wouldn't you want to work 4 days?

ouchmyfeet · 08/04/2021 08:45

@RandomMess

Does your DH do 50% of the mental and practical load of the house and child related duties? Do you have equal leisure time? If not why not?

There are a lot of school holidays and inset days, working a 4 day way can really help with this.

Is your DH going to use is annual leave and unpaid parental leave to cover school holidays?

This is the point I was going to make. If you genuinely split things 50/50 then I'd understand his point. I've literally never met a couple who splits things evenly once children come along. If you're doing more than your fair share of childcare and domestic crap and carrying the mental load then one day per Etta without your kids or work is much fairer to you.
ReadyPlayerGo · 08/04/2021 08:45

It seems pretty indulgent to work part-time in order to have a break. I’d work the fifth day purely to save for your pension.

SGChome20 · 08/04/2021 08:45

I would jump at the chance, but would only feel I’d be able to with DH support. I would use the extra day to blitz the housework, washing, life admin etc as others have said and leave weekends clear for family time.

What’s the general division of those kind of tasks in your marriage? If it’s fairly split then it could be a good selling point for your partner

ouchmyfeet · 08/04/2021 08:45

*per week. I don't know Etta Hmm

AmyLou100 · 08/04/2021 08:47

That's incredibly spiteful of him. So what if you get a day off to yourself.
I would be very put off by his thinking. I did exactly this before going ft as a sahm. My day off was spent a few hours cleaning and prepping for the weekend so we could ALL enjoy quality time as a family without the admin. And the rest of the hours were spent on me, personal stuff that I wanted to do before getting ds from school.
I cant even imagine my dh begrudging me this. I used to even get all household stuff done on a thursday evening so that I had my Friday to myself. If you can afford this easily, then his jealousy and spite is making this an issue.

Beautiful3 · 08/04/2021 08:47

I drioped from 5 days to 4 days, after it first child. It allowed me to rest and gave extra time to get on top of the house. This meant the weekends weren't eaten up by laundry and cleaning, we went out more. Loved it. Wish I found another job that was 4 days only!

PuppyMonkey · 08/04/2021 08:48

I work 4 days - I use the day off to go food shopping while it’s quiet on Monday etc.

I will say though I have worked in jobs on a 4 day week basis where they gave me the same amount of work as 5 days to do. So avoid that is my advice. Hmm

coodawoodashooda · 08/04/2021 08:48

I'd do 5 and over pay the mortgage with that extra days money. It would save a fortune long term.

mynameiscalypso · 08/04/2021 08:49

It depends on your job. I work 4 days a week and have toddler DS with my me. I'd much prefer to work 5 days a week because I find it quite stressful and disruptive to have a day off in the week and I generally end up feeling like I'm not doing a very good job at either working or having a day off.

SoRuff63 · 08/04/2021 08:50

Maybe you should ask your husband if he would like to reduce his hours - perhaps he too would like some time for himself.
Or are your needs/wants more important?

AvaCallanach · 08/04/2021 08:51

4 days, no doubt.
Men don't pick up the "mental load" in families as a rule.
Does your dh genuinely take on family admin? Does he do the weekly shop, meal planning and all (you planning the food and giving him a list and he physically going to the shop is not the same). Does he remember whose birthday is coming up and get a card and present sent off or (post covid) remember little Johnny's party and ensure your child is there at the correct time with present? Does he know that on Thursday your child needs to dress up as their favourite book character and on Friday it's a special assembly and you need to be there? That it's the school play on Tuesday at 2pm and that your child has to go to the dentist at 1pm on Wednesday?

Does he ring up the plumber when the washing machine is dripping all over the floor, then ring up another when the first is a no show? Does he arrange 3 quotes for redecorating the hall, stairs and landing?

Does he cook, clean? Does he bath the child and read his bedtime story?

Many, many men do "their fair share" of that last section and think they are 50:50 in the relationship in terms of life admin. It's the other stuff that falls to the woman in 90 percent of cases. The life admin and house management stuff. Unless he genuinely does all that, you need that day per week for running your - all of your- lives smoothly.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/04/2021 08:51

When I was a sahm to school age dc (so 5 days 'off' per week not just one), yes of course my life was lovely with me time, but vitally (and I think many people forget this), so was my woh dhs. No chores, errands, nothing to do on an evening or weekend other than enjoy himself and his family.

For example, he liked to play football in the garden with dd on a Saturday morning. He wasn't involved in how the grass got cut, who bought the goal posts, dds football boots etc he just played the football. So, my point being, the wohp benefits enormously from there being a sahp.

MyOtherProfile · 08/04/2021 08:52

Our DC are teens and I've only worked 3 days a week since returning after my first mat leave. I do some work on my days off to make up for times I have to finish a work day early to taxi them or something, and I do some home jobs eg laundry, tidying etc. I also have some of the time for myself. If I worked full time I'm not sure who would ever do all the little household jobs.

Mistressinthetulips · 08/04/2021 08:53

I'm really surprised you are viewing this (and presenting it to your dh!) as a day off, some "me time" basically. Anyone I know who works part time with dc is just as busy on their days off as when they are in work, doing the myriad of things that sadly precious few men seem to fully take on board when they become parents. Having the shopping done and the beds changed and the appointments made all before the weekend comes makes for a more relaxing time for everyone. It is nice for the dc not to have every day be a childcare day, and for you to have one point of contact in the week with their school.

LittleBearPad · 08/04/2021 08:53

I do four days over five now as it works better with school but I loved working 4 days. If you can afford it, it works reality well, and lots of stuff gets done that would otherwise be done on a weekend. Lol at it’s indulgent!

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