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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only work 4 days a week

266 replies

RootBeerFloat43 · 08/04/2021 08:13

Just interested in people's opinions of this as my partner and I have disagreed. I have a job offer where I can work either 4 days or 5 days a week. Our son is in school so, the day off would just be giving me a break and a bit of time to myself. My partner doesn't really understand why I need the time off and I do see his point as he works full-time. After mat leave, I went back to work 4 days a week but this was so I could have my son at home with me instead of nursery. Now that he is in school, is it just expected that I work full-time?

Not yet decided what I will do but would be interesting to hear other people's thoughts on this. Just to be clear, we both have professional roles and make good money so we would not struggle financially with part-time working.

OP posts:
LaganinaBubble · 08/04/2021 08:54

If you can afford to do 4, then absolutely do it! Same for your DH if he has that opportunity.
However, don't sell it as time for yourself - say it is time to catch up on housework, life admin, grocery shopping etc...

UCOinaUCG · 08/04/2021 08:55

I used to do this and it was brilliant. I could do home/life admin stuff but still have time for myself. No-one ever needs to take time off if you need something done in the house as you can arrange anything for your day off. It also means the weekend was always free for fun stuff as I had done any shopping or house work (I had a cleaner at the time so nothing major) that was needed. I still had time to sit with a coffee, read a book, meet a friend for a chat or whatever in that time.

Oblomov21 · 08/04/2021 08:55

"It seems pretty indulgent to work part-time in order to have a break."

ShockAngry

I used to work 3 days. Now I work 4. It's fab.

I'm very saddened to see the above comment. Our work-life balance is actually out of kilter and many countries, eg NZ and Oz, Google and Microsoft (who found productivity was higher than ever) Unilever , and other organisations are encouraging employees to work hours that are more suitable to them, flexitime or a 4 day week.

It is hoped this would become more and more mainstream in time.

Clearly not, with such opinions such as above! Angry

To only work 4 days a week
LaganinaBubble · 08/04/2021 08:56

Also Mistressinthetulips made a really good point above - having a day where you do the school drop off and collection, when you're free to attend school appointments, and get to know school mums etc.... is really good.

Yeval · 08/04/2021 08:58

I work 4 days a week. My partner has a really stressful job and regularly works 12 hour days. Mine is a piece of piss compared to his. So I also do most of the domestic stuff. It grates on me from time to time because I know we've fallen into very 'gendered' roles, but I also love having an extra weekend day. And I really like cooking. Balancing my feelings about it all is the trickiest bit.

Original poster
RootBeerFloat43 · 08/04/2021 08:58

Thank you for all the messages everyone, it's great to hear that so many people have done this. Also useful to get some dissenting viewpoints!

Just to be clear, I have said to my partner that he can also do 4 days but he doesn't want to. He has a very strong work ethic, he even does some side consultancy jobs to make a bit extra. I, on the other hand, really appreciate my down time and value it more than making money. ...or I'm just a lazy cow.

I think we share things fairly evenly right now, he does most of the cleaning as he likes things a certain way and I do all the cooking for example. It's about 60/40 for child related stuff.

He has said that it would be fine if I did 4 days but was surprised that I would want to, I think he just expected me to do 5 days as a matter of course

OP posts:
Iamthesandstorm · 08/04/2021 08:59

Who does the housework?

LemonTT · 08/04/2021 09:00

I would be unhappy with a spouse who deliberately reduced their financial commitment to the marriage. It would have implications for me down the line if we split as they would have greater financial need in a divorce and this would be down to their choice.

If not married I would be ok with it as long as they pulled their weight financially.

And I honestly don’t get this life admin stuff. There’s lots of ways to reduce this and fit it in to a full time job. I can’t say it’s a thing in my life.

DropBearThere · 08/04/2021 09:00

I never worked full time from the time I had my first kid. There’s always millions of after school things to do, organisation for next day, cooking, cleaning. If you can afford it 4 days is great, it’s up to you.

Megan2018 · 08/04/2021 09:01

I’m doing 4 days (30hrs) now whilst DD at nursery and plan to spread my hours over 5 shorter days when she goes to school. Then once out of primary I’ll probably go full time.
But if my DH wants to go 4 days instead then that’s ok too-I can imagine a partner might think it’s unfair.

IdblowJonSnow · 08/04/2021 09:01

As money isnt an issue, it's none of his business is it? The miserable git!
I used to do it 4 days, it was great.

Saff2015 · 08/04/2021 09:01

I work 4 days a week.
My husband does work full time but on his weekends he lies in and occasionally cuts the grass or makes dinner.

On my days off I need to clean, wash, laundry, take my dd to her classes and clubs, organise for the school week and tonnes or other things like food shopping. It’s not that he is lazy on his days off, just that I have the day off to do these things specifically in the week. If I worked full time it would eat into his free time helping me do these things on a weekend. That day off allows me to do those things so that on a weekend we can both relax and be fully present for my dd without having to do housework.

jadedagain · 08/04/2021 09:02

I'd do 4 days too. As others have said it gives you time to do admin, get things sorted, do shopping etc giving you more time in the evenings and weekends and, as your child gets older, there will be a lot more activities to take him to. I think your partner will benefit from this too as you will be less stressed and will be able to be more around for him and your son at the weekend.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 08/04/2021 09:03

And I honestly don’t get this life admin stuff

Me neither. Household admin takes a few minutes a week. It’s only on MN does it seem to take hours and warrant working less or not at all. Likewise housework.

EffYouSeeKaye · 08/04/2021 09:05

Definitely do 4 if you can afford it - the time is far more precious than the extra money and the whole family will benefit from the improved work / life split.

AChickenCalledDaal · 08/04/2021 09:06

I work four days a week and my youngest child is 15. My mother did the same and even as a sulky teen I appreciated that she had a bit of flexibility to adjust working hours when something needed doing. I'm finding the same.

On the day I'm not working, I spend quite a lot of time doing paperwork, admin, shopping etc, including stuff for my elderly father who is in care but has a lot of life admin that needs handling. It's also really useful to be able to schedule appointments for that day, and to be able to say "any time on a Thursday is fine".

So it's not entirely a day "off" but it does mean that the weekend is more of a genuine break, which we all appreciate.

DH could easily work four days as well if he wanted to, and he occasionally contemplates it, but in reality he likes his job a lot more than he likes doing household stuff.

snowbiehamham · 08/04/2021 09:08

1 day a week is more than enough for me!

Original poster
RootBeerFloat43 · 08/04/2021 09:08

Also, we have separate finances and will be contributing an even amount to bills, so I will have less disposable income while he will have the same amount.

School drop-off and pick ups won't be an issue as my job is pretty flexible and I am able to cover this myself as the 30 hours includes some home working time.

OP posts:
Oblomov21 · 08/04/2021 09:10

"I would be unhappy with a spouse who deliberately reduced their financial commitment to the marriage."

Depends if money is the only/main criteria for you. To me the question is SO much bigger, the work-life balance, re quality of life, lack of stress, mental health, enjoyment.

someonelockthefridgealready · 08/04/2021 09:12

If he could go four days and doesn't want to, I would definitely go four days. I don't believe in working more than I have to (disclaimer: I work very hard when I am at work). It'll be good to have that day with the kids during school holidays too.

StormcloakNord · 08/04/2021 09:13

"I would be unhappy with a spouse who deliberately reduced their financial commitment to the marriage."

Ew. What a horrid sentiment. I would be unhappy with a spouse who was stressed, worked too much and didn't have time to themselves. Since when is financial contribution more important that your SO's happiness?

OP, work the 4 days a week. Personal time is precious & needed. If your DH doesn't see that then he's a twat.

Oblomov21 · 08/04/2021 09:13

MN'ers seem to be money obsessed. Perhaps because so many come from such poor backgrounds, that their underlying anxiety is so deep rooted that they can't bare the thought of being in that situation again.

To only work 4 days a week
thebillyotea · 08/04/2021 09:14

If you can, it's brilliant for life balance. You get your weekends back!

You use that one day during the week for all the admin, appointments (including child appointments...) and all the boring stuff.

It improves the life of everyone in the house.
Unless you plan on doing absolutely nothing but the gym and meeting friends and expect him to do 50% of the chores at the weekend instead, then obviously it's not on.

Italianmoma1983 · 08/04/2021 09:14

I work 40 hours a week over 4 days-love having a day to myself on Friday. I clean, I mealplan and shop then the rest of the day is mine.

yoshiblue · 08/04/2021 09:15

I work four days per week since my son was about 3, and he's now in Year 2. I would grab 4 days per week with two hands!

My DH and I both work 4 days per week, helps massively covering school holidays (as we have no local family nearby) and also the Friday early finishes at the end of term. He is also picked up from school 2 days per week which helps reduce our after school bill.

On Friday I tend to catch up with washing, jobs, admin in the morning and then have a couple of hours to myself. I have a chronic pain condition so I absolutely need this time to read, do some yoga or crochet, then it's 3.30 before you know it!

We too both have professional jobs but value 'working less not more' rather than earning a bit more money.

Also to mention, I work 4.5 days into 4 (32 hours rather than 28) so the difference in take home pay isn't much (especially due to 40% tax bracket).