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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only work 4 days a week

266 replies

RootBeerFloat43 · 08/04/2021 08:13

Just interested in people's opinions of this as my partner and I have disagreed. I have a job offer where I can work either 4 days or 5 days a week. Our son is in school so, the day off would just be giving me a break and a bit of time to myself. My partner doesn't really understand why I need the time off and I do see his point as he works full-time. After mat leave, I went back to work 4 days a week but this was so I could have my son at home with me instead of nursery. Now that he is in school, is it just expected that I work full-time?

Not yet decided what I will do but would be interesting to hear other people's thoughts on this. Just to be clear, we both have professional roles and make good money so we would not struggle financially with part-time working.

OP posts:
shouldistop · 08/04/2021 08:24

It depends on whether it's actually time to yourself or if you're doing both school runs, house work, shopping, all of the mental load etc.

idontlikealdi · 08/04/2021 08:24

Can you both afford to drop to 4 days a week? If not then yes he does have a say, I'd be pretty pissed off if my husband suddenly declared he was only working 4 days a week for time to himself if I didn't have the option to do the same.

Mindymomo · 08/04/2021 08:25

If you can afford to do the 4 days instead of 5, I would. I’ve worked 4, 3 and 2 days a week since having children and it’s nice to be able to go shopping, cook and clean and meet up with friends or do a hobby without the children.

NotATomato · 08/04/2021 08:25

I work 3 days. On my days off I do the housework and food shop/delivery. It also means I can work it round star assembly , sports day, nativities, that sort of thing. The DC also love that I get to take them and pick them up from school twice a week, and it saves on wraparound care.

trilbydoll · 08/04/2021 08:26

I still have Friday off, the idea being I do as much errand type stuff as possible so the weekends are free. DH doesn't mind as he thinks it makes his life easier overall and I like it because even doing errands I'm still having a bit of peace and quiet on my own!

Jangle33 · 08/04/2021 08:27

Does this mean your child will only do 4 days’ wraparound care?!honestly I would stick with 4 days if you can. Sickness/holidays/being there at least one day for pick up/to have contact with school is a better balance.

No problem in your DH also making a flex work request/find a part time role as well Confused

TimeForTeaAndG · 08/04/2021 08:27

I work 3 days a week. I adjusted my pension contributions to be in line with a full time salary so I wasn't losing out at the other end.

What difference does it make to your DH if you work 4 days instead of 5? You say it won't impact financially so that's good. The goal in life should be to work less, provided its financially viable. Work-life balance is so important but we have been in this culture of working all the hours, overtime, inflexible office hours etc and some people accept this as the way things should be so anyone opting out of that is looked at as if they are lazy or not willing to work.

onlyconnect · 08/04/2021 08:28

I think two parents both working full-time creates a bit of a pressure cooker. There's just no give in your week at all. If at all possible, your lives will be easier if one or both of you works part-time. Think about what's in it for your husband to persuade him. What will you do on your day off that helps him or your child? Will you be happier?

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 08/04/2021 08:28

You can get quite a bit done during school hours and still have time to yourself. Win, win.

I am assuming that like a lot of women you take on the mental load of all the school stuff, house admin etc. I would definitely do the 4 days, far easier to increase to 5 than reduce to 4 in future.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 08/04/2021 08:29

Are you maybe already doing more wife work, in which case it is only fair?

Also depending on your income re tax bands, the loss of income will be less than 20%, maybe nearer 10%

I would definitely do 4 days if possible in my job (I have the kind of job that would end up being 5 days work for 4 days pay). Time is precious.

CaurnieBred · 08/04/2021 08:30

Could you both compromise and work 9 out of 10 each? That way you would both get a day to yourself every fortnight without such a hit to finances and no resentment.

dontdisturbmenow · 08/04/2021 08:30

*I can see both sides. If my partner informed me he was going part time as he wanted a day a week to himself I would definitely think ‘where’s my day to myself?!"
Exactly that. Ultimate, it's a reduction of 20% of your income and of your pension contribution.

How does this benefit him? Unless you agree to take on a whole load of chores on that day, but then what's the benefit to you?

AdventureIsWaiting · 08/04/2021 08:31

It really depends on your family circumstances. I work 3-4 days per week; it was a joint decision. We have no children and, whilst I did take a small paycut (it was a promotion at the same time), it had no impact on our household finances as we lead a fairly low-key existence.

I wouldn't have done it if it meant DH taking on financial burden / stress. Can your DH afford to do 4 dpw too? My DH does a nine day fortnight (working longer days).

Ultimately if you can afford to, do it - my life has been immeasurably changed for the better. I wish it was an option for more people; I think society would be the better for it (having the choice).

GOODCAT · 08/04/2021 08:31

I can understand why your partner might not be so keen if they have to pick up a greater share of the financial burden as a result of you working fewer hours either now or in the future.

If you have completely separate finances, entirely your choice though.

MeadowHay · 08/04/2021 08:31

I think YANBU but only if you would be happy for your DH to also work a 4 day week if he wanted.

grafittiartist · 08/04/2021 08:32

4 days here- that extra day is when bills get sorted, shopping gets done, just household stuff. So useful.

One2Four · 08/04/2021 08:33

I'd also recommend 4 days a week - I've worked four days most of the time since youngest DS started school - it allows time to go to the gym, sort out housework and domestic paperwork, which means less for both of us to do at the weekends; and if your employer allows some flexibility on moving the day it helps with dr/dentist/other appointments, school assemblies and events etc (which seem to add up over the year).

It's easy to forget school holidays, but we've also found me working 4 days also makes a huge difference to juggling childcare during the holidays, and having time together with the kids, as well as covering any sickness absence etc. Otherwise it would just eat into annual leave for both of us.

The flip side is not having 4 days - I'm currently working full time and have noticed how much it impacts on our weekends, levels of organisation, and piles of laundry to sort out!

starbrightstarlight8888 · 08/04/2021 08:33

Can't you do the 4 days but split them over 5 days? You'd be home earlier so presumably could do some of the school runs so would save on after school childcare.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 08/04/2021 08:35

If he doesn't do half the housework and childcare then he doesn't have a leg to stand on telling you to work 5 days. If he is doing 50% then point out he still gets 2 days off and you can take the kids out or such so he gets some me time.

I worked 4 days a week during the Pandemic but with my son in fulltime nursery, that day off was bliss!

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 08/04/2021 08:35

I've worked 4 days for years now, my youngest dc is 16 and I'm still at it!
Dh wouldn't want to work part time, he's a bit of a workaholic and me being at home suits us all. We can have a busy or very relaxing weekend and then I'm always here on Monday to tidy up, fill the cupboards etc I honestly don't mind, I love pottering around an empty house once a week!

My dc always loved the one day I was at home, even when they were older, they loved not coming back to an empty house and I'd often have got them a little treat and have the hot chocolates ready!

Cottagepieandpeas · 08/04/2021 08:35

I work 4 days (no children at home or other caring responsibilities). It’s great, actually I wish I could work 3 (or none).
I really enjoy having an additional non-work day.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 08/04/2021 08:35

plenty of people work 4 days a week,
although i have come in for criticism, i continue to cherish my one day in the week off,
in my case it is not a friday, but so many people dont work fridays it seems.

Pinchoftums · 08/04/2021 08:35

100% 4 days. Use that day to do house admin, washing, cleaning etc and walks with friends/lunches out. It's actually only 5 hours once they are in school and you can have friends over for playdates/park meet ups.
Keeps the weekend freer. Life is very short enjoy it where you can!

AbsolutelyPatsy · 08/04/2021 08:36

i can get my hair cut, get my car done, dentist, doctors, you name it

ElderMillennial · 08/04/2021 08:36

They may not be able to afford them both dropping to part-time in the long-run, though.

Yes, obviously, that's why I am asking OP if he could also do it if he wanted.

If they can only afford for one of them to do it then I think it's unfair.