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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only work 4 days a week

266 replies

RootBeerFloat43 · 08/04/2021 08:13

Just interested in people's opinions of this as my partner and I have disagreed. I have a job offer where I can work either 4 days or 5 days a week. Our son is in school so, the day off would just be giving me a break and a bit of time to myself. My partner doesn't really understand why I need the time off and I do see his point as he works full-time. After mat leave, I went back to work 4 days a week but this was so I could have my son at home with me instead of nursery. Now that he is in school, is it just expected that I work full-time?

Not yet decided what I will do but would be interesting to hear other people's thoughts on this. Just to be clear, we both have professional roles and make good money so we would not struggle financially with part-time working.

OP posts:
OhSayWhat · 08/04/2021 09:38

I don’t think it’s fair that one works part time and the other full time unless everyone is ok with it.

I try to work only 4 days but usually I have to do 5. My husband doesn’t care what hours I work. If I can have a day off I do all the domestic jobs to free up the weekend. My husband takes a day off every now and then as it suits him too and I don’t care about that either.

NettleTea · 08/04/2021 09:38

do you carry the heaviest mental load for the house/do a larger share of the housework. If so, then Id do 4 days without question.

To be honest Id do 4 days anyway as believe that it is better for work/life balance and general well being and mental health.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 08/04/2021 09:43

As long as you would have no issue at all with him doing the same crack on.

MondeoFan · 08/04/2021 09:45

I work 3 days they are 10.5 hour shifts so 31.5 hours a week. I used to work 4 days and 42 hours is basically full time anyway.

It's much better doing 3 days and as I don't pay as much tax and n.I on my wage it's worked out better for me.

On one of the days I clean, washing, do personal admin and have a nice walk with the dog, on the other day I do more washing, food shopping and wash my car.
The time goes quick as my youngest is only at school for 6 hours.
Life is better doing 3 days. I'm still paying same amount into my pension.
Def do it.

Chickychickydodah · 08/04/2021 09:50

Tell him to sod off and that you might need that day to do chores etc, otherwise he can do them on a weekend with you .

HaveringWavering · 08/04/2021 09:52

not as many days to take out of annual leave for covering school holidays.

Just a practical point here-leave is pro-rated when you work part time so the proportion of overall leave entitlement needed to cover school holidays is exactly the same for full and part time workers.

Upamountain43 · 08/04/2021 09:54

My children are grown up and i have no other responsibilities but choose to only work 3 days a week. I find the notion someone can't understand why you would want the time off completely baffling. I am single so do not have to contend with this.

I would say he is free to do the same - either now or in the future and then you would both have a better quality of life.

I get what people are saying about the pension but if you reduce your income and get used to living on less then your post retirement income will not feel so different.

HaveringWavering · 08/04/2021 09:57

On the subject of annual leave, my husband is quite happy to work full time but he will take leave every now and again on my non-working day so we can have a nice day together.

Dddccc · 08/04/2021 09:58

I think you should do the 5 days or if you do 4 you need to pick up some of the housework there is also when is your dhs downtime does not sound like he gets any

Mistressinthetulips · 08/04/2021 10:00

@OhSayWhat

I don’t think it’s fair that one works part time and the other full time unless everyone is ok with it.

I try to work only 4 days but usually I have to do 5. My husband doesn’t care what hours I work. If I can have a day off I do all the domestic jobs to free up the weekend. My husband takes a day off every now and then as it suits him too and I don’t care about that either.

When your husband takes his day off does he do all the domestic jobs that week to free up the weekend?
nanbread · 08/04/2021 10:06

You can't buy time or well-being.

I plan never to work a 5 day week while the DC are younger, same for DH.

We aren't flush but we get by.

Iwantanap · 08/04/2021 10:13

My DH never wants me to work full time although mine aren't school age yet so it means they can be at home more.
When they go to school it means doing a pickup and drop off gives me some contact with school and the chance to speak to teachers and other parents if I need to, chance for an after school play date. I will also be able to get cleaning, shopping house work done as otherwise we would lose a significant amount of weekend time to that. Any appointments like Dr's dentist and haircuts for me or the kids can be done then and it means less cover is needed for the school holidays. It will mean less money but at this point I would be paying tax, student loan and then fuel and car maintenance costs to get to work as it's 35 miles away. Everyone has a different situation you need to really think it through and the impact on the wider family and finances rather than it means you get a day to yourself. I can see he would be annoyed if you have a whole day to yourself and then you both split the rest of the domestic work 50 /50 and are then worse of financially.

Roodicus21 · 08/04/2021 10:22

Do it.
I changed jobs recently and work 3 days per week term time only (1dc). I also have my own business on the side so can do private work on my other two days if I chose (usually do about 1 per week). Dh and I have separate finances but contribute equally to the bills etc so as long as I can afford to work less it really shouldn't matter. I earn more than him anyway by about 20%. Me working term time means dc don't need holiday cover.

Lassy1945 · 08/04/2021 10:28

@ReadyPlayerGo

It seems pretty indulgent to work part-time in order to have a break. I’d work the fifth day purely to save for your pension.
What a way to approach life That self indulgence is a bad thing to be avoided. Must be crap.

3 days here. Super self indulgent. Super lovely!

MsScoot · 08/04/2021 10:28

I work 4 days a week wit DS5 at school. During lockdown it was a lifesaver as I was able to split my 30 hours through the week (admittedly some weeks it was closer to 44 hours I worked). But it’s great for appointments, covering in service days etc. and getting the house cleaned (while the cleaners are not allowed in the house)

anothermansmother · 08/04/2021 10:36

Will you require childcare during the school holidays for that extra day if you do 5 days and not 4? That was a big factor for me ( when I didn't work term time), it was more beneficial to do the 4 days and have the time and it also meant I had more time to do other things of a weekend, not just admin.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 08/04/2021 10:38

@Avidreader12

Agree In some ways easier to work 4 days a week not as many days to take out of annual leave for covering school holidays. You can use the free day for appointments, car mot etc etc. Be aware though once a work pattern is established you may never have the chance to get back any hours.
You don't save any annual leave, though. Yes, you take less "days" but the amount of time you're off work is the same. You just get paid for four days/week when you're off as opposed to five days.

You're not in a better position re. saving annual leave just because you work four days.

worriedatthemoment · 08/04/2021 10:41

I used to do 4 days a week and was great always booked kids appt and mine for that day and car mot etc for mine and dh and did a good 1/2 hr house clean so weekends we were all up together and not much needed doing so my dh could also relax for 2 days
Currently unemployed and would be great if I could find 4 days again but so far only full time , which means we will be much busied at weekends and taking holiday days to do kids appt , car mot etc etc

Lassy1945 · 08/04/2021 10:43

@LemonTT

I would be unhappy with a spouse who deliberately reduced their financial commitment to the marriage. It would have implications for me down the line if we split as they would have greater financial need in a divorce and this would be down to their choice.

If not married I would be ok with it as long as they pulled their weight financially.

And I honestly don’t get this life admin stuff. There’s lots of ways to reduce this and fit it in to a full time job. I can’t say it’s a thing in my life.

You don’t have children You’re not a single parent You’re in a relationship with a supportive partner

(Yep I searched your user name!)

Come back re life admin when you’re a single parent

Scepticalch3rry · 08/04/2021 10:45

unless you're being paid a day less for the 4 day week I can't see why your dh is even commenting on it tbh

Dixiechickonhols · 08/04/2021 10:47

I’ve do 4 days professional job. It was advertised as that. I’ve done 3 or 4 days since she went to school. Time to get jobs done, hairdresser, dentist. Easier with tradesmen etc - no one needs a day off for boiler servicing. A guaranteed day every school holiday with them. Depending on employer you may be able to shift day off and cover inset day no hassle. Also if it’s done on hours with a flexible employer you can work your 29 hours over 5 days in school hols and access cheap 9-3 type childcare.

LittleBearPad · 08/04/2021 10:47

@Scepticalch3rry

unless you're being paid a day less for the 4 day week I can't see why your dh is even commenting on it tbh
Well that goes without saying doesn’t it. Very few companies pay a salary that isn’t linked in some way to a number of hours. They may not specify an hourly wage but they specify the length of the working week.
worriedatthemoment · 08/04/2021 10:48

@Lassy1945 I am not a single parent but life admin is still there , 2 ds who need dentists appt , one at orthodontist so lots of appts, cars need mot/ service etc , dh jobs start at 7:30 and finishes about 6 so no way to squeeze mot in other than sat ( kids do sports though ) or take time off , so when I was 4 days easy to do on my day off
Everything was so much easier when I worked 4 days , although it wasn't a day to myself it was a day used to catch up and make our weekends free

nicknamehelp · 08/04/2021 10:54

I work 4 days but day "off" is for shopping cleaning, house administration etc so means when dh off at weekend we can spend the time doing more fun stuff/running round after kids.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 08/04/2021 10:55

Does your husband get the option to reduce to 4 days too?

I think you have to both be in agreement that it works for you financially. I can see why he would feel it's unfair for you to get an extra day off and he doesnt.

Perhaps if you agreed you'd do a big slug of household chores & admin in that time, eg save the money you might have spent on a weekly cleaner.

Another option is can you ask to do 4 days worth of hours spread over 5 days and effectively just work school hours? That's very easy to justify as you save on wraparound care.

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