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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird neighbour behaviour what do I do

247 replies

Hoorayforsunshine · 08/04/2021 05:57

Posting for a friend who has shared vids from her security camera.

While they are away from their home (permitted travel), NDN has:

— jumped over the garden fence
—gone to the house to stare inside
—poked around items on the patio
—- spend a couple mins overall in the garden before leaving.

To me it looks like he was looking for a spare key/ way to get in while they were away. Don’t think he realised that they have a security camera which recorded all the above. Apparently he has asked for a key before.

Yes - there is no innocent explanation here.

No - there is an innocent explanation.

What on earth should they do? My suggestion was to have a word on their return so they can gauge his response but my friend said that this guy has always seemed creepy.

OP posts:
Sparticle · 08/04/2021 08:12

Sorry I got confused with the voting (only saw your first post beforehand) and tapped YANU. Of course it’s odd behaviour, especially if he’s asked for a key before.

Sparticle · 08/04/2021 08:13

YABU

readyforroundtwo · 08/04/2021 08:14

I really don’t think the police would do much.
Not the same, but similar scenario to fence jumping, two guys climbed over my grandparents fence and were looking through the shed window and also the window into their conservatory.
One of them actually cut themselves whilst climbing over (my grandad has spikes at the top of the fence) and he left some blood on a garden chair. However, they didn’t do anything else and jumped into another neighbours garden.

I called the police and told them what happened, plus said they had left DNA at the scene and they told me it’s not a criminal matter. Apparently unless they have stolen something or forced entry e.g. broken window/door to try and gain access, they haven’t done anything illegal Confused

Like PP have said maybe just wait it out to see if he does anything else, sounds like an absolute weirdo though.

ErniesGhostlyGoldTops · 08/04/2021 08:15

I would write him a note and film myself delivering it. I would explain what the camera saw and ask him for an explanation. You would likely never get an answer but he would also be very likely to leave your property alone forever.

I would send a letter to the police with a copy of the letter to the neighbout also. It might help them solve the spate of opportunistic thefts in the area!

Egghead68 · 08/04/2021 08:20

Perhaps he’s just nosy.

Perhaps he heard noises.

I would mention that he was seen on CCTV and ask if there was an issue, as others have said.

When you say he’s asked for a key before, do you mean that he suggested the two houses each keep a spare key for each other? I have done this with my next door neighbour.

Covert19 · 08/04/2021 08:21

I reckon he could just be really nosey.

I once went over my fence into the neighbour's garden - knowing they had gone away for the weekend - to retrieve a toy my DS had thrown over there that morning. Whilst in the garden, I looked toward their property and realised that the Dad had stayed home and was sitting in the back room watching TV! I very quickly exited the garden, and I don't think he saw me, but if he had, it would have looked very suspicious.

I can well imagine someone being nosey enough to take advantage of a person being away, to just have a good poke around at their stuff (like looking in the medicine cabinet when you go to the loo in a friend's house).

But if on the footage it appeared that he was looking for a key (looking under pots as opposed to just wondering what was in them) then that is much more suspicious - unless he was hunting for woodlice.

silverbubbles · 08/04/2021 08:24

Could he just be nosey and having a look about?

Bit odd to climb the fence though.....

Eddielzzard · 08/04/2021 08:25

Nosey. My neighbour does this, and one day we came home to find him in the garden looking through our windows. He left sharpish.

ColourfulElmerElephant · 08/04/2021 08:27

I’d ask him what he was doing in the garden and stare him out until he realises you know.

Whilst I think he knew you were away and wanted to get in your house, is there anything like a security light etc that might point in his direction and annoy him that he could have hoped to nudge slightly so it doesn’t shine in the same direction?

DoubleTweenQueen · 08/04/2021 08:27

If your friend already has the impression that the ndn is a little unhinged, I don't think they should say anything to him at all. Just not engage - I would be worried about escalating any behaviour.
If they consider him to be a fairly balanced person, and your friend doesn't live alone? - I might wait to see if it happens again, when they next go away. Keep all interesting footage.
It may have been a one-off and explainable, but if it happens again - whether they are at home or away, that would signal something more worrying for me.
I don't think I would mention it to him at all, just make sure home is secure, and keep vigilant.
If it were me, I would ask advice from non- emergency police if I lived alone, but wait to assess if it happens again, if I didn't live alone.

CSIblonde · 08/04/2021 08:30

How creepy. When he asked for a key prior to this what reason did he give? If away on holiday most people leave a spare key with a friend or relative not a neighbour of 1 year they barely know. I'd be putting trellis up on top of the fence with some Clematis (grows like mad) plus CCTV stickers front & back. He's going to lie & say he heard something if they say we saw you on camera though, so I wouldn't bother .

Mylovelyhorsee · 08/04/2021 08:32

Ask him what he was doing

justanotherneighinparadise · 08/04/2021 08:33

How about trying something that my scare him? A solicitors letter stating that there is video evidence of trespassing and action will be taken if any further violation occurs? Like they do in shops in regard to shoplifters. I wonder if that would shit him up enough to stop.

AngryBananaSund · 08/04/2021 08:34

Print a picture (not showing ndn’s face) and leave it in a protective wrapper on the patio with a note ‘saw this guy on your patio, do you know him?

MaMaD1990 · 08/04/2021 08:38

If they do decide to talk to him they could say (with quite a hard stare) "Just wanted to let you know that other neighbours have seen people lurking in gardens so thought you should know. We're going to be extra vigilant and all the neighbours are keeping a look out for odd characters". It'll at least make him feel like all eyes are on him and they don't need to outwardly accuse him of anything.

Mrgrinch · 08/04/2021 08:43

Why has he asked for a key in the past?

middleeasternpromise · 08/04/2021 08:48

Did homeowner say they were going to be away ? So was he snooping thinking he was unlikely to be caught?

I would not be subtle or hint - I would be very up front, this is about establishing a clear boundary. Tell neighbour there are cameras all over the property and he was seen climbing over the fence and spending time on their property - why was that?

Then raise the fence - plant prickly bushes your side and hold a strong line with this neigbour who has boundary issues.

howmanyhats · 08/04/2021 08:49

This guy might be known to the police. I'd let the police be the best judge of whether you involve the police or not. It can't hurt to report it.

MargaretThursday · 08/04/2021 08:51

There could be an innocent explanation. I have had a couple of times where I've let myself into the back garden of a neighbours and looked in the window. One time I knew they were away, but thought I'd heard something falling in their house.
Other time she'd told me she felt really ill and was going for a sleep before picking the children up. Children weren't back, I couldn't raise her on phone or doorbell, so I went round the back to check before I called for help. Turned out she was already at hospital with meningitis.

So it is possible.
Asking for keys again could be the old neighbours had swapped keys for emergencies, and he was asking if she wanted to as well.

Don't leave an old key out. A broken key in the lock is an expensive call out.

I'd do as someone said Ask him as you saw him on cctv.
He's then aware you have cctv which if he's up to something is most likely to put him off.

Sansaplans · 08/04/2021 08:52

It's more suspicious as he has asked for a key previously. Even if he was just being nosy it's still wrong, but it adds an extra creepy dimension.

Ivy48 · 08/04/2021 08:54

I’d keep recording. He’s obviously looking for something (a key/peeping Tom) or just being a nosy bastard. Can they invest in some privacy film on their windows? Just for an extra bit of security? I’d keep recording and if he does it again I’d be straight round there

LavenderEast · 08/04/2021 08:54

If it was me I would ask the police to view the footage and then see if they could go and have a word. Best thing to do is shit him up and make it known from the off that your friend will take no bollocks from him and his creepy ways. There is no innocent explanation and he has been well and truly caught

TrainWhistleChoir · 08/04/2021 08:55

Don't leave a key around, he'll just get it jammed in the lock. I would mention that he's been seen on CCTV so he knows not to try it again. The answer to "can I have key?" is "no thanks, we have our own back up arrangements in place with family" and repeat if necessary. I doubt he'd do it again if he knows he's on CCTV. whether he moves on to someone else's house is not your worry.

BeatBox6 · 08/04/2021 08:55

This isn't just being nosey!!! Trespassing is illegal. He's jumped into another person's property and is invading their privacy.

Report him to the police. What a low life!

MariLwyd · 08/04/2021 08:58

@BeachBall3

Did he know the friends would be away? Just thinking as it is unusual for people to be away at the moment he might have been checking everyone was ok if no movement from the house?
If that was the case surely he’d knock on their door rather than jumping the fence and sneaking around.