Losing my mind on postnatal ward

[newmum0604]

Had my first baby Tuesday evening, over the moon, she is perfect but I'm scared for my mental health right now. I have slept a total of 1.5 hours since Sunday night.

They won't 'let' me leave til they see her feeding well, without someone helping me. I understand where they are coming from but I'm finding it pretty fucking impossible to establish breastfeeding in this environment. I want to be at home, in my own bed, quiet and relaxed.

The issue is she seems to latch on OK but won't keep going for more than a few seconds, stop start like this for maybe 10/15 minutes every 4ish hours. She is sleeping a lot, I could be sleeping too if it weren't for the background noise. But this means I can't think straight about the situation. Every time I started to feed in the first 24 hours someone would appear and take over, so even though she seems content they won't class it as me having actually done anything/being capable. Have expressed into syringes a couple of times, not going to let her starve ffs.

AIBU to switch to formula purely so I can leave in the morning before I completely go over the edge? I know that sounds incredibly dramatic but I genuinely feel on the edge

As far as I’m aware you’re within your rights to just leave. They can’t not ‘let’ you go home, you’re not a prisoner. The hospital is simply a service that’s you’ve chosen to use and your length of engagement with that service is your own choice. I remember seeing a meme type thing about this on Birthrights Facebook page and it was worded a lot better.

Poor you. I had exact same experience and seems like it is pretty universal!

My husband claims that they let me go eventually because he was so level headed (!) but might be true? I was seeing things by the end, I really thought I was not me and it was all a dream that I'd eventually wake up from. Once I got home I was fine. My baby had tongue tie and we eventually worked out that was why feeding was so hard, many weeks later. I am sure they are doing their best but the standard of care is really horrendous on that ward.

I had to stay on the post natal ward for three nights after I had my DD and it was awful.
You're not a prisoner, tell them you're going home where you'll be more relaxed.

I felt exactly like you but as soon as I got home I wished I was still on the ward as it was my first baby and it was nice having so many experts around in case anything went wrong.
I hope the feeding goes well (it’s harder if you’re stressed out) and that you get to go home soon.

If there is no serious health issue going on with you or your baby, please discharge yourself. Postnatal wards are nightmarish and EXACTLY the wrong environment for a mother and baby to bond and heal from birth. I discharged myself against the midwives' advice last birth as they were worried my baby was feeding too slowly.. well guess what - feeding went much better as soon as we were off the ward, as I 100% knew it would. Exhaustion and stress affect milk supply, so if you want to breastfeed better to be at home. If you had epidural etc. that will likely contribute to why your baby is so sleepy - bit drugged from the opioids!

@Constance11

My milk didn't come in for a couple of days after a c-section so we used formula. It didn't effect breastfeeding at all and we kept going for almost 2 years. If it helps with your recovery and gets you home quickly, then there is nothing wrong with a bit of formula. Congratulations!

!! This. My milk didn't come in for 4 days (vaginal birth) and for those 4 days.. I offered the breast and supplemented with formula. Stopped supplementing around day 5. Our breastfeeding journey ended 4 months ago. (She's 3 next week and I'm 35 weeks pregnant)

Formula doesn't have to mean the be all and end all, it's there to help!

This happened to me when I had my son 18 years ago. One ward midwife told me that if I went home my baby wouldn't be, not until I had mastered breast feeding. I swear I felt like a prisoner, totally unsupported. I had a ventouse delivery due to son having his cord wrapped around his neck twice, so ended up going from a normal delivery in a private room to being moved into the theatre just in case. I lost a lot of blood which they never replenished so its no wonder I felt exhausted, on top of that having no sleep. I was wiped out. Then being taken to the postnatal ward which was like hell on earth. I felt like a child being told what to do and if I had to back to that I would insist next time being placed on the bottle feeding ward. My hubby bless him, tried but didn't get anywhere. Luckily my lovely community midwife came in to see me and she became my voice and advocate to get me out. I had no fight or energy to deal with it so I was so thankful for her. I remember being a crying mess and she was shocked herself at how some of the nurses behaved. I got out same day she came after already being in from a Wed to Sat. I didn't even think I had the energy to make it out the door the way I was feeling but I was focussed on getting home and home I went. Needless to say mother and baby thrived.

So sorry to hear your similar story, can't believe that kind of behaviour is still continuing today. Shocking. If you can as others have said insist and state that you will use the bottle if necessary to ensure baby is fed. Congratulations on your new baby.

@newmum0604 also op just want to say if you do want to give up breastfeeding that’s fine too. You have to do what’s best for you and your baby. If you don’t want to stop yet that’s also fine. No judgement. Good luck.

oh op, i feel for you- i've certainly been deranged and sleepless on a maternity ward!
absolutely it's fine to formula feed- please don't be bullied into breastfeeding if it's going to send you over the edge
i massively regret breastfeeding my first- it nearly killed me
my second, i stopped after 2 weeks as i could feel myself spiralling down quickly- my partner begged me to stop- best decision ever
sending loads of love your way- it will all get better- but look after yourself and do not let any midwives guilt you into breastfeeding if it's wrecking your mental health
as an aside i do believe that the low levels of oestrogen that women have while breastfeeding can affect sleep hugely- not for every woman- but i smply couldnt fall asleep while breastfeeding and have had similar with menopause and low oestrogen. now on hrt and able to drop off!!
i think some of us are more sensitive to the changes.
hopefully you'll have a good midwife but i have to say that a lot of them don't see the bigger picture- so go with your gut

Postnatal wards are sheer hell. I walked out 6 hrs after my daughter was born naturally and 22 hours after an emergency c section. Chuck some formula at baby, your milk will come in tomorrow probably and will be pouring out of you. Try then. And if it doesn’t work it really doesn’t matter. I gave up BF my son after 12 hours and it was the best decision , I could sleep and let his dad feed him , go for long walks and shopping trips , drink wine and focus on getting my body back in shape happiest new mum ever!! . I breastfed my daughter for 3 months and cried for 3 months . If it works fine, it’s really not that big of a deal though .

Adding my voice to the chorus!

Leave, and get a breastfeeding counsellor to come to you and help you get up and running with breastfeeding when you are relaxed and in your own bed.

I wish that I had just walked out with my first baby - they kept us in for three days and I didn't sleep a wink with the comings and goings. It was so awful. My Mum had just died, we'd just moved to a new country and I didn't know how to advocate for myself, and nor did DH. We were only in our 20's and didn't know.

...meant to say that the 2 weeks i did breastfeed my second were absolute hell and i should never have tried again!
we have perfectly good formula in the UK -we're lucky- i have zero compunction about using it
also it meant my partner could do lots of night-time feeds- it was life-changing!
and i could enjoy returning oestrogen levels

LEAVE. GO. DEPART. ASAP. Pack up your belongings and walk out. Just go. They CANNOT keep you there against your will. GET OUT. Get your shit together, have your husband waiting in the corridor, then find any member of staff and announce that you are discharging yourself and going home right now. Then walk out.

Get home, ring the community midwife team and tell them you have left and can they please send someone round to visit you ASAP (today or tomorrow) as you are very concerned about your baby's feeding. Buy a bottle of ready made formula for tonight and go home and put some earplugs in and SLEEP. Leave your husband in charge of the baby for one night while you recover.

Tomorrow, wake up and start life again.

PLEASE GET YOURSELF OUT OF THERE. I've been reading through this thread from 2017 about postnatal wards: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2920102-AIBU-to-think-that-all-mothers-should-have-food-and-water-on-postnatal-wards?pg=11

Get your partner to come in with a bottle of premade to show that you have a way of feeding.

With my first I stayed in 3 days to get help with breastfeeding and they didn't want me to go until they saw me feed on my own.

My son couldn't latch (many midwife tried and failed) - we tried so much and lack of feeding led onto jaundice which increased his sleepiness which made breastfeeding even harder.

We did switch to bottle - but that was the right choice for us.

So demonstrate you will feed the baby, get out and contact a lactation consultant now.

Looking back the midwifes/hca were not great at the first hospital. I paid for a consultant before my second and she was fab. People balk at the cost - but formula costs money too

It’s literally completely your choice. You can formula feed & leave, you can carry on breastfeeding and still leave. Just take baby to a HV to have her weighed & make sure she isn’t losing to much weight.

You are under no obligation what do ever you stay there & quite frankly you’re a saint for staying this long IMO.

After my second birth, I was discharged exactly six hours after birth from the delivery room. Never even glimpsed the postnatal ward. I was so much better for it because I could actually effing sleep in my own bed and not be woken up every five minutes by someone else's baby or some twerp taking the curtains back for some non-reason.

It turned out that MAGICALLY if you insist hard enough and the midwife sees The Fear Of The Postnatal Ward in your eyes, you can come back for baby checks the next day, midwives can be found to visit you at home the next day...

My heart rate was high but I said what I needed was to sleep without being disturbed by anyone other than the baby, and the biggest pizza Dominoes make. The midwife made me and DH solemnly swear that I would contact them or go to A&E instantly if I felt the slightest bit iffy, then she let me go.

Do they have any postnatal centres you can be referred to? Local to me there's a standalone birthing centre that also has beds for postnatal for those that give birth in hospital.
I transferred to ours from hospital for a further 3 nights - it was bliss! Really lovely staff and very quiet. It was like a little hotel.

I didn't actually mind the postnatal ward at the hospital although it was full to the brim as it was September and they'd had so many births they had to close. The support was great but the birthing unit was nicer.

I think you need to be aware of how much weight your baby has lost since they were born. I think its normal to lose 10% but more than that is a red flag. I had twins and was demand feeding them - the smaller baby was sleeping for ages and when they weighed her she had lost more than 10%. They said babies who are not getting enough nutrition can oversleep as they are tired and need to be woken and fed.

My babies were born a bit pre-term and used to latch on beautifully, then just give up after a minute or so.

Apparently the sucking reflex is the last to appear. They got really good at all of a sudden. The were in SCBU and I just had to pump for a while. I knew someone who was sent home with a single baby born at 36w and struggled with this and no one mentioned it could be a problem .

It was very stressful time with lots of conflicting instructions from the hospital.

I got PTSD from my hospital stay leave if you can x

ittakes2 - My little one slept almost continuously for 2 weeks and was tanked up by tube. I think they just need the sleep and the food. I hope they didn't make you feel guilty about it.

I also was severely sleep deprived and heard screaming babies in my head once I did get home I was very much on edge and startled by the slightest noise. I was begging my family to take my baby away saying I wasn’t capable to care for them. This was all from the hospital stay I feel for you x

Also +1 that you should think about calling PALS if they give you any hassle. Someone should be able to come up to your ward or they can talk over the phone. The number may be on leaflets or might be online.

I so hope you're on your way home, OP. With my first, I was told to stay longer so they could help me with breastfeeding but I was never actually given any help! If you're hesitant, ask yourself what you're being given in the hospital that you can't access at home/in the community.

[quote PerspicaciousGreen]LEAVE. GO. DEPART. ASAP. Pack up your belongings and walk out. Just go. They CANNOT keep you there against your will. GET OUT. Get your shit together, have your husband waiting in the corridor, then find any member of staff and announce that you are discharging yourself and going home right now. Then walk out.

Get home, ring the community midwife team and tell them you have left and can they please send someone round to visit you ASAP (today or tomorrow) as you are very concerned about your baby's feeding. Buy a bottle of ready made formula for tonight and go home and put some earplugs in and SLEEP. Leave your husband in charge of the baby for one night while you recover.

Tomorrow, wake up and start life again.

PLEASE GET YOURSELF OUT OF THERE. I've been reading through this thread from 2017 about postnatal wards: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2920102-AIBU-to-think-that-all-mothers-should-have-food-and-water-on-postnatal-wards?pg=11[/quote]
This, times a thousand!! This was me 12 years ago and I did just accept formula as I was off my tits from three days without sleep and felt crazy. I then mixed fed my son for a bit before switching to formula altogether as BF was driving me a bit mad. I sometimes wish I'd accepted the offer of a BF peer supporter to visit but I never, never regretted getting the hell out of that postnatal ward. It was hell on earth. Get yourself home and have a good sleep. Everything will seem better then.

Go home. BFing isn’t a group activity. Go home, lie in bed all day and feed whenever you want. Drink and eat loads and recover.