Losing my mind on postnatal ward

[newmum0604]

Had my first baby Tuesday evening, over the moon, she is perfect but I'm scared for my mental health right now. I have slept a total of 1.5 hours since Sunday night.

They won't 'let' me leave til they see her feeding well, without someone helping me. I understand where they are coming from but I'm finding it pretty fucking impossible to establish breastfeeding in this environment. I want to be at home, in my own bed, quiet and relaxed.

The issue is she seems to latch on OK but won't keep going for more than a few seconds, stop start like this for maybe 10/15 minutes every 4ish hours. She is sleeping a lot, I could be sleeping too if it weren't for the background noise. But this means I can't think straight about the situation. Every time I started to feed in the first 24 hours someone would appear and take over, so even though she seems content they won't class it as me having actually done anything/being capable. Have expressed into syringes a couple of times, not going to let her starve ffs.

AIBU to switch to formula purely so I can leave in the morning before I completely go over the edge? I know that sounds incredibly dramatic but I genuinely feel on the edge

I remember that case too. So tragic and preventable.

@dobbythehouseelk that is shocking. It needs to change. Having a baby is overwhelming and traumatic enough without the added lack of care, support and empathy that a new mum needs when she is at her most vulnerable. I will forever be enraged at the hospital I was in. Especially as with my complaint my postnatal notes were missing and deep down I know they would treat another woman the same. Nothing will change. It's no wonder perinatal mental health services are under so much pressure, picking up the pieces from the hospital.
I hope you are ok now.
And hope the OP is at home and ok .

@TristantheTyrannosaurus

It's barbaric excuse for 'care'. A woman had been transferred to Edinburgh from the Borders for a difficult delivery and CS of a second child due to pre-eclampsia a few years ago. She was left without proper care and monitoring in the postnatal unit, the child in NICU. She was trying to make her way there to see her child, alone and unaccompanied, and died in of brain haemorrage alone in a disused stairwell. It was 7 hours before they realised she was missing.

I hope the OP is home resting now.

That is horrible... no words for the horror of that...that poor woman and baby without their mum.

The more people I speak to, the more they say they had a bad time but never complained. Well I think it's time we did! There needs to be a report on all of our stories, it needs to go public..it's like the NHS secret that needs to be told...

@MM321

Congratulations 😊 Agree with the others *@newmum0604* - tell them you’re going home! I had my baby in Nov and managed to split my pelvis 3 days before my scheduled induction 😓 I couldn’t move pre-birth and had to be carried to the toilet etc. After delivery I could walk with crutches but was very unstable and it was excruciating. I couldn’t lift my legs from floor to bed etc. I was put into a room alone on postnatal with my baby at 5am, perched on the side of my bed and there I stayed 😓 asked for help multiple times and got none. Couldn’t get myself into bed so couldn’t sleep (after 3 days being lifted on and off my couch unable to lie down because of my pelvis and then a 39 hour induction - I had probably slept about 5h in 5 days), was having to try and carry water back from the sink to change my baby’s nappy while only able to stand using crutches, had no meals because I couldn’t walk to the end of the corridor to collect them, and no visitors due to covid. I asked for breastfeeding support as I was struggling to position because of my pelvic injury - a lady walked in, showed me a knitted boob and a doll and left again. A midwife walked in a wee while later and saw I was attempting feeding - “oh good, you’re feeding” and left again because they were so busy. Another midwife came in and I asked her what time I was being discharged - “ohhh, it’ll be tomorrow at the earliest. We need to see you feeding well” - but nobody was sticking around to watch baby feeding 😡 Eventually it got to 1pm, I was still sitting on the side of my bed (with stitches 😓) with people walking in, poking and prodding at my baby then leaving without offering any support so I buzzed them and told them my DH was on his way and I’d be leaving that afternoon. I was home, relaxed, fed and feeding baby properly by 5pm and it’s the best decision we could have made. Do whatever you feel is best for baby and yourself OP! You’re useless to your baby if you’re exhausted.

Jeepers! That sounds AWFUL! Truly negligent care. Hope you're doing ok now x

My experience 6 years ago was very similar. I was struggling with breast feeding and it was really hard to get out of the ward. Everyone was just rushing around and the staff kept putting off 'processing' whatever they needed to process. I ended up doing mixed feeding to make everything a bit easier.

Then my DH and I just packed everything up one morning, put baby in the carrier and said we are leaving. It still took a few hours to get out. We then got more support at home. Not sure what things are like at the moment but the health visitors were round every day for the first few days.

Thing is, as awful as it is most people (me included) would be too scared to discharge themselves because they are worried about their baby feeding. Add in the raging hormones...

Maternity care in this country is utterly shocking sometimes.

Yes remember well the hell of postnatal ward with my first born. My DD was born early and I had preeclampsia so couldn't be discharged, think I was there for a good week. It's awful having a prem baby and being put on a ward with all full term babies crying, I asked to go home once my BP was under control and just travelled back and to, to see DD. With DS, they couldn't wait to get rid of me, within 24hrs even though I'd had a C-section, and he wasn't feeding brilliantly either. Guess they must have been really busy and probably thought as it's my second DC, I'd be fine. Took me a good 8 weeks of intermittent mastitis and cracked bleeding nipples to establish breastfeeding property (he fed til 3yrs old!) so not sure why they think breastfeeding is a quick thing to get the hang of, it's not. My DS had tongue tie snipped days after birth as well but still had a rubbish latch for ages, he managed to gain well despite my immense pain I'd recommend La Leche League for breastfeeding advice, they were great to me, best advice of them all. Some midwives have never breastfed (which is understandable) but it's hard to advise if you've never done it yourself.

I feel for you op - had a very similar experience to others on here.

I had DS on the hottest day of the year and they had the radiators on! Apparently they couldn't turn them off. Well they managed it when I rang the Trust press office and told them I had the mobile number of the Daily Mail journo that lives stories about public sector waste (I work for a civil service department). Suddenly they managed to sort it quite quickly to the relief of both the mums and the midwives!

And they can't hold you there. I'd had enough after 3 days and told them they could keep DS if he needed to stay but I was going home to sleep. So tell them you're going and just go.

The hospital managers absolutely do know how awful it is. They rely on the new mums being too exhausted to complain. So they never have to improve it.
It is a national scandal and disgrace.

OP I hope you walked out and are getting the support you need at home.

I didnt BF so wasn't kept in because baby wasnt feeding but because he had an infection and jaundice. By day 3 he was out of the jaundice bed but having antibiotics 3 times every 24 hours and they said we had to stay for 5 days to complete the course. We were then told different things each day and the mental back and forth of getting our hopes up to go home was horrible.

We were then finally told, 3pm discharge time and no change (this was now day 8) 3pm came, husband had packed up room so just the 3 of us and a car seat in an empty room, ready to go. I went to find the midwife who said, she was sorry but she had other priorities (inc having a break) so we would have to stay indefinitely until she could discharge us and she couldnt promise it would be that day.
I snapped at that point, acknowledged her lack of break but said discharge or not, we are taking the baby home now. Within 5 mins the ward manager was in our room, apologising and discharging us.
My midwives were mostly amazing but agree with previous posters...I was in a private room but woken constantly for obs/medicines/food/cleaning room you name it, someone would walk in and do it. One consultant came to see us at midnight, baby and I asleep. Switched overhead lights on, filled the room with doctors and midwives and rattled off an assessment which left me in tears and then took my baby to do a cannular. I was just a box to be ticked on her shift, no consideration at all.

I was very naive as a FTM when I had my baby in October. I was on the postnatal ward for 4 hellish days both my baby and me on IV antibiotics for sepsis markers. There wasn't anyone to help me with the initial breastfeed - I muddled through myself. They ignored me for 12 hours after while my DS did not do more than a few sucks (my notes say I "expressed concern" at this , meaning I continually buzzed for help with BF. Shift change came and suddenly there was a whirlwind of doctors pressuring me to FF and midwives pressuring me to BF. I was continually attached to an IV as had to have a new one every 4 hours and they never took them off for at least an hour after they finished. I couldn't pick up my baby and trying to get anyone's help was a nightmare. I've never ever cried so hard in my life, no sleep due to continuous checks, hot, babies crying, other mothers. A lady opposite me would come round every hour bellowing "How's your baby doing?! Mine is... etc.". Every time I cried and just said I wanted to go home they treated me like I was insane. I felt like I was constantly being told off for not knowing things or doing things "wrong". I was told several times that if I didn't BF or FF (depends on who I was speaking to) I didn't care about the health of my child. I really don't understand how women in such a vulnerable position can be so badly let down. It was such a shock to me.

Unless there are other issues or health concerns with you or baby you tell then you are being picked up at x time please have exit paperwork ready , I had c section at midnight left 4 o'clock next day, no body saw me feed or any interaction with baby ?

YANBU at all. Tell them you are going home, I can understand why you would be finding it a bit harder in a clinical sterile hospital environment rather in your little bubble and nest at home. You and baby will be much better off together at home. They don't always know best. They know their procedure. This is their job at the end of the day and they are mainly concerned with following the hospitals processes. But they don't have the right to force and make you stay, it is your baby. I wouldn't change the way you want to feed your baby just to get out. Hope you are okay

This makes me so, so angry. There's such a huge disparity in healthcare for women that we are in a situation where women are held prisoner in a hospital ward. The culture in the NHS has allowed women to think they're at the mercy of midwives and it HAS to stop. Neither you or your baby are I the custody of the maternity unit, you have a legal right to discharge yourself. I know it's so so hard to stand up for yourself when you're knackered and hormones are going crazy, but please put yourself and your baby first. Good luck OP

Oh are they still doing that 'we need to see you feeding successfully first' shtick? I had that in 2005.
By my third baby I decided I was just going to leave when I was ready and I ready to leave after a couple of hours. I'd been wheeled down in the early hours so I left as soon as it was morning time. I had actually been told that I could discharge myself straight from the delivery suite if I wanted as the birth had been straightforward.
The postnatal ward isn't a prison, it just feels like one.

Some truly horrendous stories on here, really heartbreaking at what should be the most wonderful time of your life! It seems that things have got no better than they were 19 years ago, when I had my second c-section, the midwife dived down my nightie and was trying to whack my bangers out whilst I was trying to come round still, I had already told them that baby would be on SMA from birth and that as far as I know, I was still allowed to make that decision myself, and that shock horror, formula feeding hadn’t been made a criminal offence, I went through exactly the same scene with my DS four years earlier too!

I've had 3 babies in 3 different areas (all very close to each other) & the post natal care has been shit in all of them. My last DS was born traumatically 8 weeks ago. I had pre eclampsia & was high risk because of that & a previous post partum bleed. DS was born unresponsive & required time in NICU. I had another bleed & was still showing signs of pre eclampsia.

Labour ward & NICU were amazing, post natal where we stayed for 6 days was shocking.

Midwifes & Maternity care assistants you never saw, unless of course it was the minute you finally got to sleep they wanted to do your obs

Constant loud talking at night by the staff hence the no sleep part, bright lighting etc.

My DH forgot his covid swab negative report to be able to visit & I had the staff slagging him off, totally unnecessary.

I felt confident to BF as I had done also with my previous DC but had staff changing babies position & saying I wasnt do it right!

Theres absolutely no 'care' post natally its shocking & I work for the NHS & this pains me to say it.

My DS kept being called a girl (I'm not precious it wouldn't usually be an issue) but it just reinforces how little shit was given to mums & babies when they cant even the sex right!

Is it any wonder BF rates are so low when women are so poorly treated on postnatal wards? Surely you should be assured of high quality support at home?

When I had my DS, who was my second baby, I remember staff kept coming into the cubicle on the postnatal ward to do their checks. Fortunately I had no issues BF, but I remember one midwife coming in wanting to do some check or other rolling her eyes and saying "breastfeeding him again are we?". To me this showed that she had no understanding of how BF works, which seems pretty poor for someone who is meant to be supporting new mothers.

14 pages in and no midwives have appeared justifying or explaining these experiences. Which is usually what happens on any other thread that criticises a public service.

Wonder why that is?

@LittleLionMan23

14 pages in and no midwives have appeared justifying or explaining these experiences. Which is usually what happens on any other thread that criticises a public service.

Wonder why that is?

Yes that's true, usually there's at least one coming on and telling women they are wrong, or justifying it. The system is screwed.

Congratulations! and Hopefully you'll be out soon! My DW is in the same position. She has high BP and baby boy had low blood sugar, they gave him formula to resolve and now hes BFing really well. Cant wait to see them. I just want them home and start family life together!
So I sympathise with you that you are not being unreasonable at all!

@goldielockdown2

Oh are they still doing that 'we need to see you feeding successfully first' shtick? I had that in 2005. By my third baby I decided I was just going to leave when I was ready and I ready to leave after a couple of hours. I'd been wheeled down in the early hours so I left as soon as it was morning time. I had actually been told that I could discharge myself straight from the delivery suite if I wanted as the birth had been straightforward. The postnatal ward isn't a prison, it just feels like one.

I think saying it isn't a prison isn't really addressing the issue. I was told that I wasn't allowed to take my baby to sit in the grounds of the hospital (patch of grass, table and chairs, had been indoors for days by then and it was a beautiful June day.) Specifically, the baby wasn't allowed to leave the ward even to go to eg the hospital canteen, and obviously I wasn't going to leave her alone on the ward (think they'd have had strong views on that too.) So, actually, at that point, I think it is quite prison-like.

@LittleLionMan23

14 pages in and no midwives have appeared justifying or explaining these experiences. Which is usually what happens on any other thread that criticises a public service.

Wonder why that is?

Agree. I'm so passionate about changing this poor care but how! We need to share our stories and make it public, name and shame hospitals!

The fundamental problem with the post/antenatal wards is the design of them, which is presumably why they can't/won't do much to fix them. In the antenatal ward where I stayed after being induced, you were expected to labour in front of a revolving cast of other women and their partners. WTF. It's like they don't understand the basics of how birth works. Then you finally get to postnatal. Frankly no one who has ever ever ever spent time with a newborn baby could possibly think that ramming a group of women who've just given birth and their tiny newborns into a room together is in anyway rational. That's the design of someone who hasn't thought for even a second about how human beings actually behave and what they need during what is, for quite a lot of people, a traumatic and painful time. It's utterly dire.