Losing my mind on postnatal ward

[newmum0604]

Had my first baby Tuesday evening, over the moon, she is perfect but I'm scared for my mental health right now. I have slept a total of 1.5 hours since Sunday night.

They won't 'let' me leave til they see her feeding well, without someone helping me. I understand where they are coming from but I'm finding it pretty fucking impossible to establish breastfeeding in this environment. I want to be at home, in my own bed, quiet and relaxed.

The issue is she seems to latch on OK but won't keep going for more than a few seconds, stop start like this for maybe 10/15 minutes every 4ish hours. She is sleeping a lot, I could be sleeping too if it weren't for the background noise. But this means I can't think straight about the situation. Every time I started to feed in the first 24 hours someone would appear and take over, so even though she seems content they won't class it as me having actually done anything/being capable. Have expressed into syringes a couple of times, not going to let her starve ffs.

AIBU to switch to formula purely so I can leave in the morning before I completely go over the edge? I know that sounds incredibly dramatic but I genuinely feel on the edge

Having now read the full thread I am furious. I don’t understand how so many people are forced to have such an horrific start to motherhood and there isn’t more being said about it. No wonder rates of breastfeeding in this country are so low and PND is so prevalent. If you lock anyone up (literally, we had to wait 15 minutes for someone to unlock the ward so we could leave), deprive them of sleep, don’t respond quickly for requests for help, tell them they aren’t feeding right and/or tell them nothing, in a hot, noisy, crowded environment and (in COVID times) restrict visiting it’s hardly surprising that bonding is more difficult and women are more likely to stop trying with breastfeeding (completely sensibly). Because others I knew who’d had babies had better experiences I assumed my situation was unusual but apparently not.

There should be something we can do to bring attention to this issue. Any ideas?

My milk didn't come in for a couple of days after a c-section so we used formula. It didn't effect breastfeeding at all and we kept going for almost 2 years. If it helps with your recovery and gets you home quickly, then there is nothing wrong with a bit of formula. Congratulations!

This upsets me a lot - maternity units are supposed to work to support breastfeeding when a mother wants to breastfeed, not force a mother on to formula just to get out. This is not constructive. I would ask to speak to the matron of the ward and explain what’s happening and ask if you can be supported by your community midwife, coming back if there are any concerns about weight or growth since you can’t rest or properly establish feeding in this environment.

I’m a maternity voices representative and I would want to feed this back if this were happening in the trusts I cover (in fact I do feed stories like this back when I get them) so when you’re up to it I would definitely contact your local maternity voices partnership if you have one (most trusts do now). Many hospitals have BFI accreditation and this sort of thing does not align with that in the least. I’ve heard of so many mums trying to breastfeed and being told if they give formula that day they can go home, if they want to breastfeed they’ll be in for several more days. Even if that’s true, it’s said in such a coercive way that it really upsets me (as someone who failed to BF and pumped for months for my twins because of lack of feeding support even with babies in NICU).

There should be something we can do to bring attention to this issue. Any ideas?

If everyone who experiences this reports it to their local maternity voices partnership, it’s something we can raise and the more evidence we have, the harder we can push for change.

I agree Heartbreakeyes. It's disgusting what women are put through in this country. It's the only time in my life I thought I might end up on a mental health ward due to lack of sleep. (Had to stay in a few days due to health issues and was struggling with bf.) Group wards may have been OK in the days when the baby was taken to the nursery overnight but they don't work now and it's he'll for mum's. I was shocked at how awful it was.

Hell for mums. My phone autocorrect is going nuts

Exactly the same experience 16 years ago. Makes me angry nothing has changed. just leave is my advice and get feeding going at home once you've had some rest.

This brings back nightmares of my first baby who was in picu for 3 days. Trying to bf him, sleep, cope with him (when returned to me) and cope with a baby with colic, drove me to breakdown and become hysterical with exhaustion. Bottle feed just to get out and try with the bf at home.

With number 2 I was out in under 24 hours

Congratulations, op.
I combi-fed in the beginning (2 weeks) as I couldn't get my son to latch. We were in the hospital for a week due to some infection I ended up getting. It wasn't until I was home, sitting on my sofa watching latching videos with my top off that I finally established breastfeeding. I then slowly phased out the formula over a week and since he was 2 weeks old he's been Ebf (now 9 months). You need to get out the hospital, do what's right for you. There's no shame in formula and you'll have all the chance to still establish breastfeeding at home. Just try to pump every 4 hours to keep the supply up until you manage to get baby to latch!

@SinkGirl I will do that, thank you.

I am also going to write to my MP and would encourage others to do the same. It is not acceptable that women are treated like this.

I had a very difficult long birth with poor care. Dd slept a lot for 48 hours after, which was obviously nature's way of letting me recuperate, but of course because of the bloody awful postnatal ward I had no chance of sleeping during that time. The bf help was useless too. Mums are set up to fail and then criticised for not bfing. Hope you are OK op

Like @BaaHumbugg this thread has scared me! also due in next couple of weeks.

Is there anything people would recommend, are you better saying you want discharging immediately? I've put on my preferences that I'd like breastfeeding support but not if this is the result. I'd rather get home and source my own. I'm taking expressed colostrum will this help if they say baby needs top ups?

@Parkandride

Like *@BaaHumbugg* this thread has scared me! also due in next couple of weeks.

Is there anything people would recommend, are you better saying you want discharging immediately? I've put on my preferences that I'd like breastfeeding support but not if this is the result. I'd rather get home and source my own. I'm taking expressed colostrum will this help if they say baby needs top ups?

Me too, induction in 2 weeks and now very worried!

Post natal wards are hell on earth. I was like you with my first, I started to feel so strange and on edge and desperately wanted to get home I did say I was going home and to discharge me and breast feeding then went swimmingly once home and I could rest and be around my own ‘stuff’. It is hard as they make you feel like you have to be there, but you can leave x

Post natal wards are hell. I don’t understand why women are treated so terribly in this country

Women are second class citizens when it comes to health care.

OP unless they have an actual trained breastfeeding counsellor/lactation consultant available to come and sit with you and take time with you discharge yourself and go home. Hospital midwives do not routinely have the specialist training or the time to pay more than lipservice to breastfeeding.

If you haven't already done so find a breastfeeding counsellor through the NCT or La Leche league or similar even just friends who have breastfed to support you at home. You are far more likely to build and maintain breastfeeding if that is your choice.

That’s brilliant advice in normal times c8 but it’s really hard at the moment. Hopefully everywhere will be opening up from Monday.

I know it’s difficult at the moment but my partner really helped me to advocate for myself with getting home

Hi @newmum0604 I feel you! I almost had a nervous breakdown when I was stuck alone with my twins on PN last year. We spent 5 days there for the same reason as you. I cracked and lost my shit on day 4, after no sleep, feeling totally useless and alone. Gave them both a bit of formula to escape and established bf in the comfort of my own home. DH was very supportive and ‘topless tv days’ as advised by local bf group helped no end. 1st birthday in a couple of weeks and we are still bf. I wish someone had told me it was ok to do this when I was in hosp. Good luck, hope you are home soon.

That’s brilliant advice in normal times c8 but it’s really hard at the moment. Hopefully everywhere will be opening up from Monday

It should be possible in the hospital for this to happen. If it isn't then the hospital offers no advantages over being at home. I was in the OP's position with my first and once I escaped home managed to build up feeding with phone support from a brilliant NCT counsellor. Phone support and her own environment may be all the OP needs and there is no advantage to staying somewhere actually causing problems.

That sounds really hard and it is what I’m worried about when I have my first in September i would discharge yourself and see how you get on.

I’m probably coming from this from my own failed experience but this happened to me in December. I thought once I was home snd relaxed and comfy ... once I could contact La Leche ... once I could see a tongue tie specialist. And it just never happened so I wish I’d stayed in hospital to be honest. Mind you it might not have happened anyway!

I don’t know why hospitals do this.

They wouldn’t let me have ibuprofen or paracetamol because they’d lost my chart down at the pharmacy whilst getting my DVT injections but.. immediately found it when I picked up and had my partner outside the ward door on my way out. They’d also forgotten to put a security tag on him so I waltzed straight out and a midwife appeared at my door the next day to check DCs blood oxygen levels.

Postnatal wards are awful even without the stress of struggling to breastfeed. It was one of the reasons I started giving formula and all other kids since just went straight on formula. I don't want to put you off breastfeeding if it's important to you but if you want to give formula, do it. There's nothing wrong with it and baby will be more satisfied. After my third and fourth sections I just used to close the curtains during the day, close my eyes and sleep even if it was just 20 mins here and there.

Oh op, you have my sympathies. Post natal wards are nothing short of hell. New mums getting sleep should be a priority and it just isn't. If you're alone, exhausted and in pain, I don't know how you're expected to properly take care of a newborn unsupported. I discharged myself under similar conditions. I found the community midwives much more helpful and once I had support, a proper sleep and a calm environment, everything else fell together.