Losing my mind on postnatal ward

[newmum0604]

Had my first baby Tuesday evening, over the moon, she is perfect but I'm scared for my mental health right now. I have slept a total of 1.5 hours since Sunday night.

They won't 'let' me leave til they see her feeding well, without someone helping me. I understand where they are coming from but I'm finding it pretty fucking impossible to establish breastfeeding in this environment. I want to be at home, in my own bed, quiet and relaxed.

The issue is she seems to latch on OK but won't keep going for more than a few seconds, stop start like this for maybe 10/15 minutes every 4ish hours. She is sleeping a lot, I could be sleeping too if it weren't for the background noise. But this means I can't think straight about the situation. Every time I started to feed in the first 24 hours someone would appear and take over, so even though she seems content they won't class it as me having actually done anything/being capable. Have expressed into syringes a couple of times, not going to let her starve ffs.

AIBU to switch to formula purely so I can leave in the morning before I completely go over the edge? I know that sounds incredibly dramatic but I genuinely feel on the edge

[apalledandshocked]

Apologies by the way if your milk has come in! But mine took well over 36 hours to come in properly, and I was told that was normal

[elliemara]

Could you ask for their breastfeeding advisor to come and see you. Formula has so many downsides to your baby compared with breastfeeding, I wouldn't give it up just because your hospital is being shit with you right now. Insist on more support! You will get there

[HetMeal]

Letting sleep deprivation go too far can be really dangerous. I don't think you would be at all unreasonable to offer formula and start the ball rolling on going home.

Your mental health is really important!

[PicaK]

Congratulations
12 years ago and tears spring to my eyes remembering post natal ward hell.
Is there a breastfeeding specialist you can call on in the hospital? Best thing I did.
But its not the be all and end all.

[camelfinger]

Sending sympathy, had the same problem 8 years ago. I shudder to remember how horrible it was on the PN ward overnight, so hot and noisy and short-staffed. Hope you get to go home soon.

[CloudFormations]

I could have written your post word for word 4 months ago. Postnatal wards are hell on Earth.

This doesn’t have to mean the end of breastfeeding if you still want to breastfeed. But equally, you don’t have to stay on the ward. You’re allowed to discharge yourself and work on establishing feeding at home.

It might be worth looking into whether you can hire a doula or lactation consultant to give you a bit of support with this once you’re home. That way you can explain to the midwives on the ward that you have help when you leave.

[Connelloni]

@MM321 I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. I wish I could say i was surprised and it’s down to covid but my experience with my first baby 6 years ago was not different. It’s genuinely inhumane putting exhausted vulnerable women in that hideous environment.

OP I hope you’ve had some good feeds overnight and get home ASAP.

[NoGoodPunsLeft]

I had the same latching issue, I ended up trying nipple shields & DD fed much better. Ended up weaning her off them after 3/4 months as well.

Are there local breastfeeding supper workers? I had visits from 2 lovely ones at home but I wouldn't have wanted to leave hospital as feeding was in the first few days, because I needed the help.

[Howzaboutye]

OP you are not a prisoner. You can get your stuff together and go home. It's called self discharge. You will get more home visits to support you with feeding. Tell them this morning that's what you are doing, your husband is coming to pick you up at 2pm and you will be leaving then.

[shouldistop]

Arrange for a tongue tie practioner who is also a lactation consultant to come out to your house and ask to go home.
I'd be encouraging feeding more than every 4 hours at this stage. Offer the breast every 2 hours. Stay skin to skin as much as possible and try laid back nursing

[LilaButterfly]

Cant you just get up and walk out?
I wanted to leave the same day as birth, and they didnt want me to leave until a proper doctor has seen baby in the morning. Inlet them talk me into staying the night and i regretted it so much. I was sharing a room and the other mothers baby cried all night.
In the morning i was told the dr wasnt gonna be in until the afternoon. I packed my stuff and left telling them i will make an appointmemt with the dr later. They didnt keep me prisoner.

[Makingnumber2]

There's a special place in hell for whoever designed post natal wards in my opinion.
Discharge yourself, tell them you'll be happy to be visited by the community midwife team daily if needs be for BF support and your hospital is likely to run a daily drop in infant feeding clinic (mine did- and we were there nearly every day for the first 10 days, BUT at least I was at home and in bed for the most part in those early days). I too did a mix of syringe feeding and we also tried cup feeding too. BF is hard but once it clicks it's brilliant and so much less faff than bottles. In the end I combi-fed with one formula bottle a day from about 5 weeks as due to poor latch and undiagnosed tongue tie my poor nips were shredded.
If you feel after 2 weeks there's still latch/milk transfer issues e.g. baby not gaining weight well then ask to be referred to the specialist tongue tie clinic. Don't be fobbed off by midwife/infant feeding team/health visitor or even paeds doc looking in their mouth and saying: oh doesn't look like tongue tie to me. None of them get specialist tongue tie training as part of their standard training and posterior ties are v hard to diagnose just by sight. I wish we had pushed for a specialist referral sooner. You can go private too if finances allow.
Wishing you the best of luck with the BF and hope you break free from PN Ward asap!!

[CoolNoMore]

Go. I had the same situation, they didn't want me to leave but they were so short staffed that they didn't make any fuss when I decided to.

Now, my son actually ended up back in hospital a few days later because it turned out absolutely nothing was coming out of my boobs, but if you're able to express in any way, I'd say you're fine. And you can absolutely give a few formula feeds if you're worried, but you could wait until she's been weighed by the home visiting health visitor. Or just switch to formula entirely, it's totally your decision. Fed is best!

[Stopsnowing]

Just go home and arrange for a private lactation consultant. You need peace and quiet to breastfeed.

[Stopsnowing]

Also invest in a breast pump!

[MM321]

@Connelloni Thank you! I’m sad after reading this thread to find out that it’s not just because of covid 😓 The midwife and student midwife that delivered my baby were absolute ANGELS 😍 honestly, I couldn’t have wanted any more! But the postnatal ward was horrific! I’m sorry you went through something similar 😓 My DH really wanted me to make a formal complaint but i thought it was pointless as I assumed mine was an unusual situation due to covid and I felt so lucky just to be leaving with a healthy baby. I knew a girl locally who went in a couple of weeks before me to have her baby and horrendously, baby was stillborn at 41 weeks and she came very close to losing her own life 😓 The fact that I was leaving with my baby was enough for me.

[Bramblecrumble]

Been there done that. I remember crying at the nurses station about the 4 hourly feeding plan, does that mean from start or end of feed? I wish I had just left earlier.

[Bramblecrumble]

The the bloody bounty photographer pulling across the curtain when I'm trying to breastfeed. I guess they don't come now due to covid.

[OverTheRainbow88]

Post natal wards are hell on earth. In mine the alarm went off and it broke and took them
4 hours to turn it off. 7 crying babies; the person next to me FaceTimed her partner the whole time throughout the night. I quite liked the food being delivered to bed though, with my second I discharged myself after 3 hours in the postnatal ward.

If you can afford to a private lactation consultant at your home would be ideal. I would explain to them that you are leaving and will try to BF but if not you will FF or express and syringe feed so they know baby will be fed.

[Howzaboutye]

Bramble when did that happen?

[meeeeh]

I had the exact same experience 6 months ago but looking back staying in the 2nd night really was worth it and helped me in establishing feeding. I said I would top up with formula, midwifes we're happy for me to leave once they seen baby taking bottle too. I still breasted for months doing a combination so breastfeeding then topping up with formula. At least when you're in they are there to monitor baby too in case their blood sugar drops, etc

[Bramblecrumble]

2018

[dueindecember10]

I am going to PM you as I was in this situation but would rather not disclose the details publicly but want to help.

[shouldistop]

A 4 hourly feeding plan seems nuts. Both of my babies fed every 2 hours as newborns (from start of one feed to start of next) my 4mo still feeds every 2 hours during the day!

[Ritasueandbobtoo9]

I feel for you, 15 years ago, too tired to feed, I started visually hallucinating (which I kept to myself) through sleep deprivation. Threatened me with all sorts, baby dying, being readmittted etc..so manipulated me into staying. Eventually, I asked them for formula and attempted breastfeeding for 10 minutes then topped up. I went home kept preserving and after 4-6 weeks ditched bottles altogether until 3.5 years old.