Losing my mind on postnatal ward

[newmum0604]

Had my first baby Tuesday evening, over the moon, she is perfect but I'm scared for my mental health right now. I have slept a total of 1.5 hours since Sunday night.

They won't 'let' me leave til they see her feeding well, without someone helping me. I understand where they are coming from but I'm finding it pretty fucking impossible to establish breastfeeding in this environment. I want to be at home, in my own bed, quiet and relaxed.

The issue is she seems to latch on OK but won't keep going for more than a few seconds, stop start like this for maybe 10/15 minutes every 4ish hours. She is sleeping a lot, I could be sleeping too if it weren't for the background noise. But this means I can't think straight about the situation. Every time I started to feed in the first 24 hours someone would appear and take over, so even though she seems content they won't class it as me having actually done anything/being capable. Have expressed into syringes a couple of times, not going to let her starve ffs.

AIBU to switch to formula purely so I can leave in the morning before I completely go over the edge? I know that sounds incredibly dramatic but I genuinely feel on the edge

[DobbyTheHouseElk]

It’s very prison like. Locked doors, they didn’t allow me to leave. I wanted fresh air, that wasn’t allowed.

They refused to open the doors, so yes I’d say it’s like a prison. I’m guessing no other hospital wards have locked doors.

[Heyha]

Yes yes to those saying being trapped in the ward was a big negative. When it became clear we were going to be in for at least another full day and night we asked if we could go along to the Costa down the corridor or even better go for a walk into the adjacent park, it was the hot weather in June 2019 so stifling on the ward. You'd have thought I'd said I wanted to take DD to a rave the reaction we got!

Whereas on antenatal we were encouraged to go off and explore the grounds as much as we liked as long as we were back for obs and didn't go so far that I couldn't waddle back if need be.

Guess what, if we'd been sent home that day we could easily have walked to the coffee shop and back without anybody giving a monkeys in the same time frame. Made no sense to me whatsoever.

[jessstan2]

@DobbyTheHouseElk

It’s very prison like. Locked doors, they didn’t allow me to leave. I wanted fresh air, that wasn’t allowed.

They refused to open the doors, so yes I’d say it’s like a prison. I’m guessing no other hospital wards have locked doors.

They often do actually; it's more to keep unwanted people out than keeping patients in. However nobody has the right to keep a patient from leaving.

Countrylane: In the antenatal ward where I stayed after being induced, you were expected to labour in front of a revolving cast of other women and their partners.
........
That is appalling! I didn't have that, I went into the labour word and it was just me, husband and two midwives.

What an ordeal that must have been.

[MimiDaisy11]

@TristantheTyrannosaurus

It's barbaric excuse for 'care'. A woman had been transferred to Edinburgh from the Borders for a difficult delivery and CS of a second child due to pre-eclampsia a few years ago. She was left without proper care and monitoring in the postnatal unit, the child in NICU. She was trying to make her way there to see her child, alone and unaccompanied, and died in of brain haemorrage alone in a disused stairwell. It was 7 hours before they realised she was missing.

I hope the OP is home resting now.

Wow, that's brutal and so tragic. And it's Edinburgh that I'm going to be in .

I've seen threads like this before and there really should be some campaign if this is as widespread an issue as it appears. Being treated and patronised etc could likely bring on or further depression when women are in a vulnerable state. Not to mention putting women off breastfeeding.

One good thing is that I've got such a low expectation now that I will hopefully be better prepared when my first birth comes around in 2 months.

[Makingnumber2]

@Countrylane it's almost as though the hospital system and the concept of postnatal wards was designed by someone who wasn't a woman....
Just more examples of how women continued to be screwed by the patriarchy even in 2021. Absolutely boils my piss.

[goldielockdown2]

To PPs: I was just saying it isn't a prison, which is why I was legally entitled to walk right out of there with DS3, not that it doesn't feel like one because it undeniably does. Which is why I bloody hate the places. It's like punishment and a first time parent, a knackered parent, or any woman in any way equally vulnerable which I think most of us are after something so gruelling as childbirth, would have no idea they could question policies or not go along with them.

[Countrylane]

@goldielockdown2 Totally get your point, but I wasn't legally entitled to walk out of there with my baby. It was made clear to me that if I tried to leave the ward with her - even briefly and with every intention of returning in time for her next obs - it would be escalated very quickly (she was on antibiotics and she was the patient, not me). I do understand that they have a duty of care to the baby, but I think at that point, it does start to feel on the prison-y side of things. And absolutely - they are hateful places. I am still shocked by it - two years on. It was a boiling hot heatwave and you couldn't open any of the windows (by design not damage) and there was no air con at all. It felt hellish.

[newmum0604]

Still making my way through the responses but just wanted to update that we went home midday the day I posted. Managed to get her to latch nicely through the night (seems that's the only time she will so it's been formula during the day but that's OK!)

I am so grateful for the posts I read that morning because they gave me the confidence I needed to insist on going home.

And all the posts since, I am so sorry for what you have gone through, the system is truly fucked.

For those giving birth soon, just be firm in explaining that it will be more detrimental for you to stay than go, and like everyone here has said they really can't keep you against your will.

Thank you everyone x

[MM321]

@newmum0604 So glad to read that you’re home ❤️ Breast, bottle or combination - your baby is fed and that’s what matters!
I hope you’re finally able to relax and rest (as much as you can with a newborn 😅) and just enjoy being in that baby bubble ❤️

[NewYearNewTwatName]

newmum0604

[DarkMatterA2Z]

So pleased to hear you're out! You'll get there on the breastfeeding if that's what you want and, if not, the most important thing is that you're relaxed and being supported and that baby is fed .

[LittleMG]

Stick a bottle in that baby’s mouth and go home! You can try bf later on, but don’t stress over it it’s not as important as you think as long as your baby is healthy doesn’t matter where they get their food from x

[OverTheRainbow88]

@LittleMG

She’s home!!

[PerspicaciousGreen]

Hurrah! Congratulations! I found that there was so much more breastfeeding support in the community, even in covid times, although you might have to be very insistent to escalate to a specialist. And at least you're able to eat and sleep!

[LadyDanburysCane]

Terrific that you are home. Now enjoy your baby and take care of yourself. Ignore any “breast is best” stuff..... I did love it and found it easy once I was at home but it’s not for everyone. FED is best.

[Coffeeciffee]

Thank you to this post I had the confidence to ask to go home so thank you so much, I had my baby yesterday and we had to stay in for a night, they were taking forever to discharge us and kept putting it back so I asked my partner to get the midwife and after speaking to her she fast tracked it for us. After only a night I was losing my mind so any longer I would've gone crazy!!!

[LightGreenLeaves]

I was in the same situation, stuck in hospital, with my third child. I gave up and gave him a bottle of premade formula to escape .
Pleased you’re home OP.

Live your life as you need to, without pressure from others

[Estasala]

Honestly, just leave. They can't keep you there and your milk won't let down unless you feel calm and private. You can see a lactation consultant when you get hone. Topping up with formula is also fine until you get established.

[CroutonsAvatar]

They tried to keep me in. After I’d had all the tests i discharged myself the evening I had her. There was no way I was going to establish anything there! I was so emotional and felt on the verge of a breakdown. Plus they were desperate for beds. It just made sense.

She was fine. Started breast feeding successfully the following evening on my sofa with my feet up, TV on and being supplied regular snacks and refreshments.