Losing my mind on postnatal ward

[newmum0604]

Had my first baby Tuesday evening, over the moon, she is perfect but I'm scared for my mental health right now. I have slept a total of 1.5 hours since Sunday night.

They won't 'let' me leave til they see her feeding well, without someone helping me. I understand where they are coming from but I'm finding it pretty fucking impossible to establish breastfeeding in this environment. I want to be at home, in my own bed, quiet and relaxed.

The issue is she seems to latch on OK but won't keep going for more than a few seconds, stop start like this for maybe 10/15 minutes every 4ish hours. She is sleeping a lot, I could be sleeping too if it weren't for the background noise. But this means I can't think straight about the situation. Every time I started to feed in the first 24 hours someone would appear and take over, so even though she seems content they won't class it as me having actually done anything/being capable. Have expressed into syringes a couple of times, not going to let her starve ffs.

AIBU to switch to formula purely so I can leave in the morning before I completely go over the edge? I know that sounds incredibly dramatic but I genuinely feel on the edge

@Coffeeciffee try not to worry. I had a bad experience and so did others on here but others at different hospitals had great care - there’s a lot of luck involved as to how busy the ward is, what your individual midwife is like, what the hospital is like etc so don’t assume you’ll have a bad time. If you do just remember that it is your decision when to leave and although it’s not much fun it’s a short time in the context of how long you’ll have to bond with your baby. Best of luck x

@Madcats

There are some dreadful stories here. Things don't seem much different to 14 years ago, except then visitors appeared to be allowed to come and go as they pleased (I swear the lady in the bed opposite had a dozen visitors) over the three days I was there. On the plus side we could normally rely on one of them to arrive via M&S or Tesco Local so we could have some sandwiches and fruit etc.

I had an emergency C at 35 weeks and DD was in NICU for a night. I was very very focussed on getting DD's birth weight up to the magic number (whatever that was) so I could escape. So, yes, we made a token effort to breastfeed but DD needed Cow and Gate to get us our freedom pass!

I hope OP is currently sat in a car or settling down at home.

Haha oh god that's how I felt. Either I could be trapped in sleepless hell trying to breastfeed in scbu or give him formula and escape. In the end I didn't get a choice- I had a mental health crisis, went home without my baby as he was still in scbu, and was determined to act like none of it had ever happened and there was no baby. Took a long time to fix the absolute car crash of my mind after all of that.

I had the same experience 14 yrs ago. I had a 55 hr labour and then they stuck me in a ward with women who were going to be induced and I was the only one with a baby. They were able to have their boyfriends in chatting at 11pm and making phone calls at midnight right next to me. Nightmare! The nurses were too busy to help me and I'd never changed a nappy in my life. There was a lovely bf Councillor though who did help but my baby was too knocked out from the diomorphine to feed. He's just a lazy boy (still is). I had a homebirth with no.2 for this reason.

I really think that Mumsnet need to spearhead a campaign on this. I’m so annoyed and upset to read this thread.

This is an utter, utter disgrace and I say that as an NHS nurse.

@OliverBabish

I really think that Mumsnet need to spearhead a campaign on this. I’m so annoyed and upset to read this thread.

This is an utter, utter disgrace and I say that as an NHS nurse.

It's been tried. Nothing changes.

I have to stay in for a week after I have my baby in September. I didn’t realise this is what I would be up against

"Which is odd as I feel like all the way throughout pregnancy and labour they are lovely people. Once the baby pops out for some reason you are treated like a piece of sht on their shoe.."*

This.

I had lovely, compassionate, empathetic midwives all the way through my pregnancy and delivery with my youngest - apart from the one who was adamant that Group 'B' Strep is an STI (it's really, really not). The midwives in the delivery suite itself could not have been kinder. They sat with me and chatted about baby names, and how excited my oldest was to have a baby brother - and afterwards, went hunting for Marmite to put on my toast because I was allergic to the only fruit jam they had (early hours of the morning). They minded the baby, too, whilst I had a bath (ex had gone home long before I actually gave birth) and were concerned about how useful the father was likely to be once we were home (didn't live together; ex remained with his own Mummy for another 4 years... at almost 30).

And then the postnatal ward. My son and I were transferred at 0530-ish, with quiet orders to "get some rest". The ward was like a furnace. And the cleaners arrived at 0600. All the lights went on, babies started screaming, other mothers started crying, there was a shift change... and the midwives who seemed to be on the day shift were cruel and, I still feel, bullying towards all of us. There was a woman in the next bed to mine whose baby had died because she, too, was a Group 'B' Strep carrier - but hadn't known, because there is no routine screening for it (still!), so had delivered spontaneously and without the antibiotic drips to protect her baby. They told her the baby had died on the ward. Literally drew the curtains around her as though they blocked out the noise of her screaming and crying once she realised what they were telling her. I'm not entirely sure that she had anyone there with her (I truly hope that she did). But they told her... and then left her on the ward with 8 or 9 other beds filled by mothers and their newborns. Cruel beyond belief.

My oldest is coming to the age now where she's contemplating starting a family of her own. The thought of standards not having changed in the last 16 years, when her little brother was born, horrifies me. Yet doesn't entirely surprise me.

My best friend gave birth to her babies in Wales, and apparently, their practices are much better than ours.

@Thefaceofboe

I have to stay in for a week after I have my baby in September. I didn’t realise this is what I would be up against

Why do you have to stay? I'd be questioning this, tbh.

I would REALLY urge you to leave, I had my son in June last year and spent 5 days in a private room but there were soooo many people in and out whilst I was trying to breastfeed it was like sleep deprivation torture. I developed severe postnatal depression with psychosis and I swear it started in hospital as when I left I was running on absolutely empty. Go home with your baby and get some rest

Discharge yourself, i threatened to leave at 2am after 8 days there as baby had already had his newborn checks and had finished his iv antibiotics, we got both potentially got sepsis because of being left so long in labour so i had no reason to trust the staff there as on top of that i repeatedly got my drugs very late and was barely sleeping.

The locum consultant refused to do a prescription, so i told them if no movement by lunchtime that day, i'd be walking out without the medication and on their heads be it since they were so short staffed i was barely getting my medication or BP checks on time anyway, being at home meant i actually started to get better.

If i wasn't so nervous about being an inpatient ever again then I'd be asking my GP if there's any chances of getting my tubes tied as we've decided not to have another baby.

@Thefaceofboe

I have to stay in for a week after I have my baby in September. I didn’t realise this is what I would be up against

Honestly, it was the shock that was the worst. I was totally unprepared for it, and expected to be looked after by caring people who knew better than I did about postpartum and neonatal care because they did it all the time.

If you go in prepared to make a fuss, you'll probably do OK. E.g. to ask for food if it doesn't appear, to ask for painkillers, etc. Unfortunately one has to take a self-centred view to get basic care.

I don't know why you'll need to stay in for a week, but I think the biggest factor will probably be whether you can walk or not. If you can walk, you can probably manage by yourself as you'll be able to fetch your own water and food as necessary and take yourself to the loo. And stand at the midwives central desk holding your baby asking for attention! If not, try to recruit a reliable visitor (DH or someone else) to help you as much as possible.

I hadDS (3rd baby) just over 4 weeks ago.

Had 3 other women in the bay with me then had to go back for 2 days a week later due to dS jaundice and again 3 others in.

Practically all the Aries had the same problem. I was getting frustrated at some point as one woman wanted to be discharged even though she was struggling to breastfeed, wouldn't go to a specialist centre to help as it was a 30 minute drive and refused to give formula so the baby was really wailing felt so sorry for the poor thing.

Her DH/DP was being supportive and the nurses/MWs were trying their best to help.

Sometimes you have to plow on for the babies sake and if it's too difficult or affecting your own health you need to consider other options.

There's nothing wrong with either not being able to nor wanting to breastfeed.

Just as a note though first few days are a nightmare for getting them to latch well/stay awake.

Try tickling their feet and undressing them a bit- they don't like it so it wakes them up.

I would also say when they come to help firmly state you'd prefer they watched and gave you tips instead of doing it for you.

Much sympathies for you it's not an easy time the first few days - hang in there.

YANBU I could have written this post with all 3 of my dc, postnatal ward was horrendous and having c sections meant I had to stay in over 48 hours each time(I was in for 5 days with ds3 and it was awful. I only started to recover from birth and enjoy my dc once we got home.
I hope you are home now with your lovely baby, able to

Most postnatal wards seem to be set up to create the absolute opposite of the optimal environment for breastfeeding successfully. How a woman can be expected to establish feeding when she hasn’t slept for days, has next to no privacy, and is recovering either from pushing a baby out of her vagina or having it surgically extracted from her abdomen, is beyond me.

Aw no, I'm sorry, this happened to me with my dd last year. Every time I'd try or try expressing some jobsworth would come open the curtains full without warning or even checking, or someone would be doing some sort of check.
Never had any privacy and it was so stressful, not helping my pre-eclampsia! We ended up giving into formula for top ups. plus it was only picked up that she had a tongue tie on my 4th day as I was leaving. Then lockdown came in and I was told I wasn't allowed help for it so I had to give into formula fully after about a week n half.
Try your best to not give into formula as very difficult to come back from it.

You've not updated but I hope you can leave soon and baby feeds soon.

My best friend gave birth to her babies in Wales, and apparently, their practices are much better than ours.

I am in Wales and trust me our hospitals are just as bad, depends on your luck I guess. I had one child and that whole experience put me off for life ever wanting anymore. Many Mum's I have spoken to gave similar stories and we were all in different hospitals here. Such a shame.

@newmum0604
Well congratulations what an unbelievable time it is for us newbies!
My amazing wife gave birth to our first child last night, we had a boy. She had to be induced cos of high blood pressure and were concerned on baby's sugar levels as they were seriously low so despite getting a good latch he had to be given formula. Thank fully that's sorted everything out.
She's on postnatal now and I'm sitting in with her but has to stay in for at least 3 days to keep obs on her, 🤞 she will be out soon.
Best of luck with everything and I'm sure it'll be all good!

@TristantheTyrannosaurus I have a heart problem which needs monitoring closely in the days after the birth. I presume we will stay on the post natal ward?

Ive not RTFT, but didn't want to read and run.
It sounds very similar to what happened with my DD, she just slept and wasn't really interested in feeding, the first couple of times I tried to BF she latched but not for long. It turned out she was born with too much mucus on her stomach which was telling her she was full, the only way to get rid of it is to get food in her, so I switched to a bottle.
At the end of the day a happy formula feeding mummy is better for a baby than a stressed unhappy BF one.

I am so glad I had my babies in the US. The standard of care sounds shocking, let alone the environment (too hot, noisy, lights on) and lack of basic human kindness

Sounds familiar to me Firstly, ignore the bullshit advice from midwives about BF babies feeding every 3 hours, it gives me the rage that they continue to spout this crap. BF is a totally different way of feeding than formula, BF babies feed little and often. At this stage your baby should be at the breast as much as possible to stimulate your supply.

What's the worst that could happen if you take your baby and leave? I wish I had done this or threatened it rather than staying in awful postnatal ward (Plymouth).

When you are at home try feeding lying down on your side co sleeping. Look at the Lullaby Trust guidance on safe co sleeping, it is actually very safe if done correctly when BF.

Did you or baby have antibiotics? If so, baby is at risk of oral thrush which can severely impact successful feeding. Keep a look out in her mouth for sore/ white patches.

Congratulations on the arrival of your little bundle of joy, put baby onto formula for now, get yourself discharged home where you can start to practice with BF in a quiet, calm place, and if you don't go back to BF, so what? I think so much stress is placed on new mums and their little babies, even more than when I gave birth for the first time 23 years ago. And I only ever formula fed, was never going to do anything else with either of my two.

I can recall a rather matronly midwife shoving her hand down my nightie just as I was trying to wake up, to start my son BF, I said "Absolutely not" in no uncertain terms and asked politely for the SMA, whatever works for you and baby is just fine.

And congratulations once again!!

@SeaToSki yeah I’m sure it’s great, and the 5mins of mat leave is really kind.

I had this exact experience in 2015.
It felt like being held hostage.
I lasted a week before I switched to formula and gave up just because I wanted to go home.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.
I wish I had encouragement or advice.

@mylovelyhorsee I think @seatoski was just trying to be grateful for something, no need to be like that!