Losing my mind on postnatal ward

[newmum0604]

Had my first baby Tuesday evening, over the moon, she is perfect but I'm scared for my mental health right now. I have slept a total of 1.5 hours since Sunday night.

They won't 'let' me leave til they see her feeding well, without someone helping me. I understand where they are coming from but I'm finding it pretty fucking impossible to establish breastfeeding in this environment. I want to be at home, in my own bed, quiet and relaxed.

The issue is she seems to latch on OK but won't keep going for more than a few seconds, stop start like this for maybe 10/15 minutes every 4ish hours. She is sleeping a lot, I could be sleeping too if it weren't for the background noise. But this means I can't think straight about the situation. Every time I started to feed in the first 24 hours someone would appear and take over, so even though she seems content they won't class it as me having actually done anything/being capable. Have expressed into syringes a couple of times, not going to let her starve ffs.

AIBU to switch to formula purely so I can leave in the morning before I completely go over the edge? I know that sounds incredibly dramatic but I genuinely feel on the edge

This was me with my first. She refused to feed at all. We were let home after 3 days and DD mixed fed in the end. She took 3 weeks to properly breast feed and had some formula in the meantime.

they made it very clear when I was on a postnatal ward (for a week) that they weren't there to help look after the baby! I got told off for leaving mine, safely asleep in the trolley thing, by my bed whilst I went to have a shower.

I had same but for going to loo which I was told I must do at least once- and then later went without breakfast as couldn't take her in room it was served in but she screamed if not held and no-one would help - I'd had nothing to eat for 24 hours by then and had been vomiting early in pg.

God, reading through this thread is depressing. Why do they think this is acceptable for new mothers? There isn't a single other part of a hospital that operates like this. I got so desperate I actually thought about leaving my newborn in hospital to get home (she was the one who needed care, not me). I felt like an animal in a trap. Between the sleep deprivation, the pain, the light, the constant noise, it felt like I was being tortured. I'm still not over it.

This is a recurring situation for new mums, and a massive source of stress. Switch to formula, get the hell out of there, regroup once you're home. Good luck escaping!

This is bringing back so many memories. I remember one utter bitch of a nurse who would have to come and do observations on my baby regularly over the night. In a room of four women, she would slap on the overhead light every single time she came in - without a word of warning - then grab my baby. I just remember my baby - who might have just just just got to sleep - blinking in the bright light with this witch grabbing her roughly. Honestly, I could have punched her.

Hope you're ok OP. for selfish reasons wish I hadn't read this as I am being induced tomorrow, I had a stay in hospital this week and that was bad enough so shitting it 😭

I switched to formula feeding for this exact reason. It was pure hell. I would pull aside a nurse and explain you’re not coping well and can’t sleep because of the noise and say you really need to leave today.

Get out of there! Postnatal wards are hell! I had to force them to let me leave. You and your baby will be fine. Give baby a bottle for now, get a breast pump and get back into the flow. You'll be fine. But you need sleep more than anything for your milk to come in and for you both to relax. Urgh!

Being on the postnatal ward was one of the worst experiences of my life. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say it was literal torture. The staff were horrible to me when I said I was going to have to go home and made out that I would be visited by social services ("and maybe even the police") for putting my child at risk. The definition of gaslighting. It wasn't my first baby, we were both perfectly healthy and he was latching on fine - there was no reason to subject me to that.

@newmum0604 I did this! I completely sympathise with you. I hated It so much so i asked for a bottle and I went home. They tried to guilt trip me but I no longer cared. Their support was rubbish and I was crying 24/7 in there.

When I got home my partner bottle fed all night and I caught up on some sleep then the next day I went back to trying to breastfeed. Did the same thing with both of my children and successfully BF for 3 and 6 months.

I did actually leave my newborn twins in hospital (with my husband) and escaped home for a bath as every time I attempted a shower following birth it was occupied. I had twins feeding 3 hourly which took 2 hours to complete and then I was on 1.5hrly observations myself (no idea why, blood pressure maybe) and they kept waking me up in the hour I had where I wasn’t feeding. There was so many issues I had which was a terrible start to motherhood for me. Get out of there as fast as you can x

@Countrylane There isn't a single other part of a hospital that operates like this.

You are so right. We went back to hospital because my son wasn't feeding properly and THANK FUCK were admitted to the paediatric ward. It was absolutely paradise in comparison. I was breastfeeding so got food brought to the room. They didn't disturb me if I was sleeping and needed to do baby's obs. They insisted he sleep in the cot-bed but actually helped me to settle him there. They gave me a TOUR of the ward when I arrived and showed me where the linen room was and the parents kitchen. Several times they sat with me while I tried to feed him and cried. Several times I asked them to take care of him while I had a few hours sleep in a row. They encouraged me to shower every day and said they'd watch him while I did. Honestly, they were far more concerned about my physical and mental health than the postnatal ward had been and I felt like we were kept in as long as we were mainly so they could take care of me, not the baby.

I even got told off for not bringing in paracetamol because it would "cost the NHS more money" and I should have bought it myself. I was in agony, so much pain. She said "just this once". Like I was going to hang around in that place :/

Just to add to the above I used breast shields to help them both latch. DS had tongue tie and I never managed to BF without shields but DD I weaned off of them when she was around 4 months

Second time around was better. They left me alone and put me in a quieter room as they knew I had a second child and had to go home to look after pretty much straight away. Only in the room 6 hours, discharged. I think they lump all the first time mums into the group wards!!

I absolutely hated the post natal ward. We did one night and they recommended I stay another as I had a rough birth, blood transfusions etc but I choose to go home as it was just such a hot, stressful & noisey environment! I would just tell them you want to go home 😏

Switch to formula top ups and keep trying breastfeeding my lo was 4 months before she was exclusively breastfed , if you want to keep breastfeeding obviously no shame in formula feeding

It's sad the amount of replies has shows you something is seriously wrong with the system! I don't blame the midwifes as they are clearly under pressure but it's really such a shame so many women have the same experience.

I would just go home. You will have the midwife visiting everyday so can get support for breastfeeding at home.

[quote aliloandabanana]@DarkMatterA2Z they made it very clear when I was on a postnatal ward (for a week) that they weren't there to help look after the baby! I got told off for leaving mine, safely asleep in the trolley thing, by my bed whilst I went to have a shower. I assumed someone would go to him if necessary, in the few minutes I was away from my bed. Obviously I was expected to take him to the shower with me.

These wards are like prisons. They wouldn't let me leave as my baby was under SCBU care (but not actually in the unit). I asked if I could go for a walk round the hospital/outside - they wouldn't let me take the baby and told me I could only leave the ward by myself if the nurses agreed to look after him, which they obviously weren't going to do.[/quote]
Oh, yes, the automatically assume you have someone there 24/7 to look after the baby. I just left mine. I didn't care if they told me off. What was I supposed to do, not eat or use the loo? Fucking ridiculous. They seemed annoyed that some of us didn't have a 'partner' there 24/7. My h had to stay with the DDs when I had DS.

they made it very clear when I was on a postnatal ward (for a week) that they weren't there to help look after the baby

This is just unacceptable in so many ways...but it is what happens. I had my mum visiting to bring things to me and my DH there for most of the time when I was there and it was still awful - it would be so much worse in Covid times with no visitors allowed.

Actually, I'm not a fan of men on postnatal wards. My DH is quite big and he took up a lot of space in the ward, as did the other new dads. We live in a multicultural area and a lot of women were visibly uncomfortable with breastfeeding and kept their curtains pulled. Also, he didn't wake up for the baby in the same way I did and was pretty useless a lot of the time as he was scared of hurting the baby or doing something wrong. I ended up getting out of bed with a catheter to fetch the baby a lot even with him there. But I guess the reason women need partners (and those without them there are completely fucked!) is because the NHS can't be arsed to look after mothers who have just given birth and their newborn babies properly.

Congratulations OP, hope you are ok.
As you can see from the responses here, you are not alone in your experience! I also had similar with my first and discharged myself (not before DP completely lost it with the midwives 😬) after 3 days.
My advice would be to go home once baby has had all the necessary checks, have a bath or shower and get comfortable in bed with your baby next to the bed in something safe, have plenty to drink and some snacks and keep trying at home. Have someone else there too for support (physical and mental).
Get your baby checked for tongue tie and look up breastfeeding support in your area if you need it.
I managed to bf both of my DC for the best part of a year after a shaky start, but formula is fine too!
Good luck!

I apologise to any midwives on here that might be decent people but I've had terrible experiences on postnatal wards both times with my 2 (one of them during Covid so 10 x worse) and it's part of the reason I'd never have another child. The most depressing place on earth in my opinion with no support whatsoever. The most unfeeling people in the world. Which is odd as I feel like all the way throughout pregnancy and labour they are lovely people. Once the baby pops out for some reason you are treated like a piece of sh*t on their shoe...it really is so weird...

There are some dreadful stories here. Things don't seem much different to 14 years ago, except then visitors appeared to be allowed to come and go as they pleased (I swear the lady in the bed opposite had a dozen visitors) over the three days I was there. On the plus side we could normally rely on one of them to arrive via M&S or Tesco Local so we could have some sandwiches and fruit etc.

I had an emergency C at 35 weeks and DD was in NICU for a night. I was very very focussed on getting DD's birth weight up to the magic number (whatever that was) so I could escape. So, yes, we made a token effort to breastfeed but DD needed Cow and Gate to get us our freedom pass!

I hope OP is currently sat in a car or settling down at home.

My advice would be to go home once baby has had all the necessary checks

You can have these the next day as an outpatient. We did, and may God keep a special place in heaven for the midwife who let us.