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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you say if partner made you this offer

497 replies

Thenanny23 · 07/04/2021 22:23

Put yourself in this scenario-

Childless married couple, your OH has invited a (single sex) group of friends to stay at your house to celebrate a friends birthday.

They suggest that you might want to not be in the house over the weekend as it may change the dynamic of the gathering and may be noisy/irritating for you.

They offer to book and pay for you to stay in an Air B&B in the nearest city centre for 2 nights.

Would you be offended by the suggestion?

OP posts:
Oneeyeopen · 08/04/2021 07:19

I've had female friends for a weekend at our house.
Dh went to stay with his dsis.
He was quite happy not to be with us and found it quite amusing.
We had a hot tub in the garden and our old male ndn seemed to need to converse with us over the fence when he saw us, until his dw told him to leave those girls alone!

SpeakingFranglais · 08/04/2021 07:21

My DH would use it as a perfect excuse to fuck off for the weekend and play golf. Does he have any hobbies?

Formulation123 · 08/04/2021 07:25

I would want to be out the way for a boys weekend. I can definitely see how myself hanging around wouldn’t be the same and it’s true for a girlie weekend with someone’s husband sticking around.

I would prefer the offer of a spa weekend with a close friend...

HoppingPavlova · 08/04/2021 07:29

I would be out of the house in a shot but would indicate they would be organising a top notch hotel with room service and pay movies rather than a airb&b.

Lolalovesmarmite · 08/04/2021 07:32

I would be absolutely delighted but I’d prefer a hotel with a swimming pool and spa

cockcrisps · 08/04/2021 07:35

I would find it considerate. He is doing it so he can enjoy himself without worrying how you are feeling. I don’t see anything wrong with it and I don’t find it suspicious

seriousandloyal · 08/04/2021 07:38

Sounds good to me, I would prefer a hotel to an Airbnb though.

GappyValley · 08/04/2021 07:41

It’s a nice offer but I would want to pick the hotel!

thethoughtfox · 08/04/2021 07:42

If you trust him, he cleans the whole house including changing any beds and the offer includes room service and spa treatments or something else nice to occupy your time, I would jump at it.

Crockof · 08/04/2021 07:42

Well played op. You would have had very different reactions if posters had realised its a group of women.
I am never failed to be shocked at the low opinion people have of their male partners, or that some mnetters don't seem to realise that men can have friendships that don't include having to have sex.

I have decamped to my sisters (with the kids) when my husband has his friends over to watch a sporting event with his mates and he has done the same for me, and shock horror, we both have decamped the house for our teenager!

SpeckledyHen · 08/04/2021 07:43

2 nights in a spa please . End of negotiations.

hellcatspangle · 08/04/2021 07:57

Sounds like they are planning to have sex workers round. Sorry but it's dodgy af!!!
LOL

GinWithOlivesIn · 08/04/2021 07:58

DH and I did this in both directions when we were childless and it worked well and a good time was had by all. Find all the outraged posts about kicking people out of their home weird. It does change the dynamic having a partner there and it can be annoying listening to your OHs friends for a whole weekend. Better to get out and enjoy a free weekend. Also, if you think you need to be there to police your OH and that’s the reason he doesn’t have sex workers round every weekend then why are you with him anyway? Bizaar.

I do feel I missed a trick now as I just went to stay with my mum.

LolaSmiles · 08/04/2021 08:03

Crockof
From some posters perhaps, but the OP did ask what we would say and not everyone likes the idea of a weekend in a hotel/spa/airB&B. For those of us who hate the idea of a spa weekend or staying in a hotel for a random weekend then it would be weird for our partners to suggest what the OP's proposing for her husband.

Bluntness100 · 08/04/2021 08:03

I can see why having your partner round could change the dynamic but to be honest I’d never ask him to leave and neither him me, we’d organise a different venue first.

However whenever we have done something like that, the other person has elected to go stay with mates and do the similar thing, and we’ve agreed it together.

There’s no way I’d ask my mates round and ask my husband to leave, either I’d do it when he was doing a boys thing, or I’d find another location and go to an air b n b myself.

belle002 · 08/04/2021 08:05

If I was in a happy relationship and there were no underlying suspicions or disgruntlement about being included in things, if it as genuinely my OH wanting to have a fun lads weekend and coming up with a good solution that meant they could let their hair down and I could have a treat weekend away - and the selected Airbnb was gorgeous - then I would be very happy! If I was in an unhappy relationship and constantly made to feel unwelcome with his friends then that would be a different reaction. Depends on the context of your relationship.

belle002 · 08/04/2021 08:08

Oh just read the update and it’s a group of women and the husband being asked to leave. I feel like my partner would roll his eyes at this but has made himself scarce for single evening gatherings before. The Airbnb would have to have an amazing TV & Netflix and sports set up for him to agree haha.

Sceptre86 · 08/04/2021 08:15

I would be annoyed. Why can't qny of rhe single friends host at their own place, surely that would be better than inconveniencing you? I would also be pissed off if my oh had offered without discussing it with me as it is my home as much as his. I would be concerned that if you did it once they might make a habit of it so I would probably be a killjoy and say that doesn't work for me.

Sceptre86 · 08/04/2021 08:16

Just saw the update and I still think the same.

LibbyL92 · 08/04/2021 08:19

Myself and my partner have done this..

So we live in a small flat, when he’s had the boys up to stay (they live too far to drink and then pay for taxis home) sometimes I’ve decided to stay at my mums to give them space and enjoy themselves.

I’ve also asked him to stay at his parents when I’ve had the girls up. We only have a small flat and sometimes it’s nice to have alone time with just friends.

I think it anything dodgy was going on, you’d expect them to be a bit smarter than this... I’m sure it’s innocent :)

justanotherneighinparadise · 08/04/2021 08:21

I would have no issue but I’d want the house spotless when I returned.

Queenoftheashes · 08/04/2021 08:22

If I have designs on a women only weekend it’s scheduled conveniently (e.g. I have one planned in May where the host’s husband is due to be away so there will be no kicking out of anyone). No chance I’d be booted out of my house and I doubt i would feel better disposed if my partner and his mates were women.

user1471538283 · 08/04/2021 08:24

I would love the treat! My ex used to do something similar to this when football was on. He would give me money to go shopping and treat a girlfriend to lunch to get me out of the house!

SchrodingersImmigrant · 08/04/2021 08:25

@CloudFormations

It’s amazing how many PPs 1) can’t trust their partners not to trash the house if left unsupervised and 2) think their partners would have sex workers round. These are not signs of a good relationship!
Is there any ok sounding relationship on MN🤷🏻 I used to be surprised at the lack of trust. Now I can understand the divorce rates
yellowdenim · 08/04/2021 08:28

I wouldn’t be offended. There’s no way I’d feel comfortable staying for a boys weekend and wouldn’t want my dh there if roles were reversed. My dh would have chatted to me first though and not just invited them. He would also be more likely to stay in an Airbnb with friends himself. But overall I’d accept his offer and also treat myself to some shopping and a nice lunch.