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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you say if partner made you this offer

497 replies

Thenanny23 · 07/04/2021 22:23

Put yourself in this scenario-

Childless married couple, your OH has invited a (single sex) group of friends to stay at your house to celebrate a friends birthday.

They suggest that you might want to not be in the house over the weekend as it may change the dynamic of the gathering and may be noisy/irritating for you.

They offer to book and pay for you to stay in an Air B&B in the nearest city centre for 2 nights.

Would you be offended by the suggestion?

OP posts:
HetMeal · 08/04/2021 04:25

I'd love to be told to go to a hotel on my own for two nights. Sounds blissful.

It really depends on the person I guess.

avamiah · 08/04/2021 04:33

I had to read this post 3 times as I thought I had missed something .
I would say “wtf” , have you lost your mind ?
Tell them to go and rent a house and they can do what they want there .

Pyewackect · 08/04/2021 04:52

I’d be fine with that but not sure our three teenage kids would be so amenable. However the thought of my husband having a lads weekend is about as likely as finding a Saxon hoard under our outside kharzi.

Lullaby88 · 08/04/2021 04:53

Id agree to it and book away in a posh hotel with spa/gym all meals have a friend with me and relax th hell out. I wouldnt settle for a cheap hotel if i was being kicked out. He'd hav to pay for a really nice one.
I think if hes giving u a choice like he will hav this party regardless if ure ther or not theres nothing to feel suspicious about also if hes a decent guy and his mates are aswel.
Or u could just stay but stay out of their way? Id hate to stay in a house full of my husbands mates itd b a nightmare would feel awks and it does change th dynamic if ur there yep. Its what u feel comfortable with.

MountainPeakGeek · 08/04/2021 05:01

@MixedUpFiles

If my partner asked me in advance of inviting the friends to stay, I wouldn’t mind staying in a hotel for a few days at his expense. I quite enjoy solo hotel stays and find them very relaxing.
Definitely this! It would feel like a very different scenario if it was an idea that my husband came up with and ran by me before inviting anyone (would jump at the peace and quiet) compared to if he presented it to me after already making the party plans and I was feeling under pressure to vacate my own house.
SakuraEdenSwan1 · 08/04/2021 05:15

@avamiah

I had to read this post 3 times as I thought I had missed something . I would say “wtf” , have you lost your mind ? Tell them to go and rent a house and they can do what they want there .
The OP is the one partying it's her husband that has been asked to leave for the weekend!
CloudFormations · 08/04/2021 05:22

I would be delighted. I don’t particularly fancy tagging along on my husband’s boys’ weekends, would much rather a couple of days chilling and doing my own thing in an Airbnb.

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/04/2021 05:26

So someone has same sex friends round for a birthday

We know it’s op and gaggle of girls

Don’t see the problem with it

Hubby can stay in a PREM inn for the night

VettiyaIruken · 08/04/2021 05:28

I'd bite their hand off!

CloudFormations · 08/04/2021 05:30

It’s amazing how many PPs 1) can’t trust their partners not to trash the house if left unsupervised and 2) think their partners would have sex workers round. These are not signs of a good relationship!

FiveGs · 08/04/2021 06:23

I'd quite like this and DH wouldn't mind leaving us to it, in fact, he'd stock us up on the champagne before he left!

SuperCaliFragalistic · 08/04/2021 06:33

I would definitely do this. It's a sensible decision.

ButtonMoony · 08/04/2021 06:33

Struggling to see why anyone would have an issue with this or not trust the person they live with?

I think those whos first thought is that something dodgy is going on probably need to find new (better) relationships or live on their own.

Go. Have fun. And make sure he knows he and his mates have your blessing to have fun themselves.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 08/04/2021 06:35

@CloudFormations

It’s amazing how many PPs 1) can’t trust their partners not to trash the house if left unsupervised and 2) think their partners would have sex workers round. These are not signs of a good relationship!
This has also struck me as a bit odd. Why would you assume that you have to watch your husband 24/7 or he'll suddenly start using sex workers? Bizarre.
thecatsthecats · 08/04/2021 06:37

I'd bite your hand off at this offer. I've mentioned to my husband that I wouldn't mind at all if he went to stay at his mum's a few days when allowed.

In fact I kicked him out there when I had my hen do.

ButtonMoony · 08/04/2021 06:38

@safariboot

A man has far less reason to worry about his wife having her female friends round, than if the sexes are reversed, I think.
What a disturbing post!!!
Mylovelyhorsee · 08/04/2021 06:44

I’d be pissed off at the suggestion if I’m honest.

LolaSmiles · 08/04/2021 06:45

I think those whos first thought is that something dodgy is going on probably need to find new (better) relationships or live on their own
Depends on the level of dodgy suggested. Jumping to sex workers or cheating is over the top in my opinion, but that doesn't mean everyone jumps at the chance to be kicked out their own house.
I'd be suspicious if my DH was keen to push me to a hotel for a weekend because I'm a home bunny and the idea of pottering round a hotel or a spa weekend is something I wouldn't enjoy. It would be odd because it would be out of character behaviour for DH to suggest I spend my weekend doing something I don't enjoy so his mates can have our home.
If DH knew I was someone who would enjoy a weekend in a hotel, or spa then that would be different.

Ticktockclick · 08/04/2021 06:45

Yes, my husband would be happy to go elsewhere if I had a load of women round.

Ticktockclick · 08/04/2021 06:48

It never ceases to amaze me how so many people don't engage their brain before posting. Or at least read OP updates.

Temp023 · 08/04/2021 07:01

I’m chucking DH down to stay with Parents when I have a girly weekend with my sisters in September. Mind you it’s quite useful to have him about to do the cooking, so I am a bit torn!

Thebirdstbeseathebirds · 08/04/2021 07:05

I’d be off like a shot, with my BFF in tow!

nancywhitehead · 08/04/2021 07:06

I would probably offer to go somewhere else if I knew my partner wanted a weekend with friends at home and if it was for HIS birthday (not his friend's!)

I wouldn't be happy at being asked by them to get out of the way. I'd expect to be consulted before that point tbh!

Also wouldn't be happy if it was for a friend's birthday as I think they should arrange their own thing or stay somewhere else.

3Britnee · 08/04/2021 07:08

Why can't you do it in the birthday girl's house? Is it being organised as a surprise?

Thewinterofdiscontent · 08/04/2021 07:08

My OH wouldn’t mind and in fact I’d find it a bit disturbing if he wanted to stay.

Since OH is way tidier and less of a drinker than me I wouldn’t worry about leaving for the weekend either.