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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you say if partner made you this offer

497 replies

Thenanny23 · 07/04/2021 22:23

Put yourself in this scenario-

Childless married couple, your OH has invited a (single sex) group of friends to stay at your house to celebrate a friends birthday.

They suggest that you might want to not be in the house over the weekend as it may change the dynamic of the gathering and may be noisy/irritating for you.

They offer to book and pay for you to stay in an Air B&B in the nearest city centre for 2 nights.

Would you be offended by the suggestion?

OP posts:
FrangipaniBlue · 08/04/2021 13:39

Entirely depends on the scenario.

If DH announced he'd invited a load of mates round to stay and suggested I go out I'd be pissed off with the lack of discussion about the whole thing, not just me being out.

But the way it probably go in our house is that there would be a discussion about the idea, how it would all work, suitable dates/times etc and as part of that we would probably discuss whether I could disappear.

If DH offered to pay I'd be off in a heartbeat but to a Spa hotel, not an air bnb

sweeneytoddsrazor · 08/04/2021 13:44

So many posters who all assume, blokes want to spend a day drinking and shagging, whilst women want to spend a day in a spa. Blinkered view of both sexes

SchrodingersImmigrant · 08/04/2021 13:45

I've never been to spaSad But I spent weekends boozing and shagging.

Omg I am a bloke! DH will be so confused 😂

FrangipaniBlue · 08/04/2021 13:46

@sweeneytoddsrazor

So many posters who all assume, blokes want to spend a day drinking and shagging, whilst women want to spend a day in a spa. Blinkered view of both sexes
My comment specifically said it's what I would want, not what I think other people should do Hmm
Penistoe · 08/04/2021 13:53

This

Graciebobcat · 08/04/2021 14:00

I'd happily go away for the weekend and see my own friends or just do something else on my own.

lap90 · 08/04/2021 14:02

Sounds good to me - getting some alone time after being sat at home together staring at the 4 walls for the past year or so. Bliss.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 08/04/2021 14:03

Unless the Air BnB came with heated pool or Jacuzzi, no chance.

I would be totally up for a night in a Spa, as long as when I came back, the place was clean and there wasn't a hungover mate still in the spare room.

AryaStarkWolf · 08/04/2021 14:06

I would love to spend 2 nights away on my own tbh Grin

sweeneytoddsrazor · 08/04/2021 14:12

@FrangipaniBlue

I haven't said any particular poster, but plenty have suggested that is what the OP should do, rather than what they would do.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Your poor confused DH, maybe he should go for a spa day or get the oujia board out and consult the dead for help? Grin

DadOnIce · 08/04/2021 14:12

If my DW was planning this, she would discuss it with me right from the planning stage indeed, from the 'I'm thinking about...' stage and I'd know all about it. The hotel would not be sprung on me as a fait accompli. If the hotel was paid for and was a nice one, I'd jump at the chance, to be honest.

Carryonlikeaporkchop · 08/04/2021 14:13

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Ah yes, I see it now. SIlly me Grin

SchrodingersImmigrant · 08/04/2021 14:42

@sweeneytoddsrazor maybe I should. It sounds fun. I've seen enough horror movies to know if you are not a teenager or don't have kids in the house, risk of releasing evil and/or possession is low.

@Carryonlikeaporkchop firsly. Loving the nick, saw the thread😂 secondly.
Look around you woman. It's all men. All men and their mind tricks! 😁

bowtieandheels · 08/04/2021 17:00

Sorry but I totally get this, if I was having all my girlfriends over for the weekend I wouldn't want my boyfriend there, it does change the dynamic completely! I would of course have asked him if that was alright before making the arrangements. If it was the other way round I would happily give them space. Unless you don't trust your partner...in which case you have bigger issues than this!

theuncles · 09/04/2021 00:09

@Veronika13

Come to this of it, my OH leaves for the evening and back for 10-11pm when we're wrapping up. It is slightly different for him leaving for the whole weekend so I can have fun. My situation is for when I have 'girl time' If it was my bday I'd want my OH to be a part of it. Why are there no women involved in someone's bday? I'd be hurt if my OH didn't want me to celebrate his bday with him. Actually - wtf 😆
Perhaps the birthday boy (or girl) doesn't have a partner?
Ragwort · 09/04/2021 08:10

Veronika I don't think there's anything unusual in wanting to celebrate a birthday with your 'own' friends .... I often have a meal out with (girl) friends to celebrate birthdays ... and do something else with my DH & DS. Equally DH might want to play golf or go to a match and have a few drinks with his friends to celebrate his birthday - I wouldn't want to tag along. Perfectly reasonable to celebrate separately and if that involves having friends round to your house for a few drinks, why not?

I loathe meeting up with friends who insist on dragging their DH along.

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/04/2021 08:48

@Thenanny23 Thu 08-Apr-21 00:54:53

Hi sorry, I was working, but you are indeed correct.

It’s inviting a group of women over for a weekend, and for those covid concerned it’s in June.
OH was ‘sort of’ consulted as knew friends would be visiting at some point this year for one night, but felt a bit cheeky pushing it to two. Can’t stay with ILs as they will be having building then work hence the offer.

Simply put the availability of larger rentals is scant due to demand, hotel rooms and studios less so.

'Sort of' consulted. And since you've put the phrase in quotes yourself, what you actually mean is 'no, not consulted'. I stand by my previous comments - it's a shitty stunt to pull.

Oscarsdaddy · 09/04/2021 17:26

F**k the Air B&B

Agree but you want a 5 Star Spa Hotel for two nights and he picks up the tab and you can take a friend

queenofthenorthwest · 09/04/2021 17:28

I'd be made up. I'd love it.

Get a nice hotel. Room service. Good book or two.

Bliss.

Babymama76 · 09/04/2021 17:29

Him and his friends would be sent to the air b&b

SleepingStandingUp · 09/04/2021 17:29

It would be fine by me.

Hertsgirl10 · 09/04/2021 17:29

I’d love it 😂

orangegina · 09/04/2021 17:30

No thanks

The group of friends can have the air BNB and the wife can relax in peace on own home

twinmum2007 · 09/04/2021 17:30

I've shipped out for the night when OH has had work mates, who I don't know very we'll, over for drinks out & then back to ours. It's no different to when I would go away for work so he made the most of it to go out with his mates. No problem at all.

Alis25 · 09/04/2021 17:30

Fine - if he cleans the house thoroughly beforehand and does all the preparation AND cleans it all up before I return. But I’d want to go to a spa. My expectations of his gratitude for compliance would be very high.